THE DOTTY HEADBANGER AWARD
FOR BEING MENTAL AND LOVING IT
I feel like a horrible cow for not accepting awards that people give me so I’ve decided I’m still not going to accept awards, instead I’m going to GIVE OUT MY OWN AWARD because I’m nice and kind like that and it is bettereth to giveth than to receiveth. Also, I needed to show off and brag about my new-found skill of being able to WRITE INSIDE A PICTURE which I spent all morning perfecting.
I’m not really sure how this award thing works, but from what I’ve seen there are specific QUESTIONS TO ANSWER, so here are the questions for THE DOTTY HEADBANGER AWARD FOR BEING MENTAL & LOVING IT.
QUESTIONS TO ANSWER
1. How many bricks do you own?
2. How many Cumberland sausages can you fit in your mouth without chewing?
3. What is your most inventive way of using biscuits (or cookies if you’re American)?
4. If it was made compulsory to have a mental illness which one would you choose and why? (If you have a mental illness already you have to choose another).
So now I have to give it out to people – BUT I CAN’T, I don’t want to leave someone out and watch them sitting alone in the corner crying because they haven’t been chosen (like when the BITCHES who chose the netball teams never picked ME). So what I’m going to do is present it to EVERYONE WHO READS MY LITTLE BLOG AND EVERYONE WHO PARTICIPATES IN ITS MENTALNESS to say THANK YOU VERY MUCH and you all (y’all) can do what you want with it, either give it out and MAKE ME VERY FAMOUS or ignore it (at your peril).
P.S. You now have a choice of TWO pictures, mine (the one I sweated blood and tears over) or the new posh one made by clownonfire (the link to his blog is on the right at the top of Dotty’s Pet Blogs). Choose which one you want.
Notes From A She-Hermit ©™® 
judithatwood
/ February 19, 2012This is a terrific idea. A great award that I will happily lay claim to, and questions that so suit those of us who follow your blog. At least one of my answers you are going to hate, but I’ll send you a link to all of them. Thanks for coming up with an idea I can embrace so easily and fully.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear Judith,
You’re very welcome. I hope you like it. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Ahhh! I DID A SMILEY FACE!!!!!
LonelyAngel
/ February 19, 20121) 2, my house is made from stone!
2) one, I couldn’t resist not chewing
3) use them as wallpaper
4) I’d like what the doc had in ‘back to the future’ cos he was awesome!
Lovely award by the way 🙂 xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear LonelyAngel,
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
I LOVE your answers – I’m going to do the biscuit wallpaper and the walls will taste nice when I lick them.
Love Dotty xxx
LonelyAngel
/ February 19, 2012Yay for biscuit wallpaper!
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear LonelyAngel,
But what sort of biscuits? I only have Hobnobs.
Love Dotty xxx
LonelyAngel
/ February 19, 2012Any biscuit will do, just remember to dob a bit of icing sugar on to make them stick and DO NOT get them wet cos they go all soggy – ewww
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear LonelyAngel,
I don’t use icing sugar, I use Cumberland sausage fat for EVERYTHING THAT NEEDS STICKING. It tastes nice.
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ February 19, 2012What a breakthrough — have some Cumberland sausages and Chippy-chips!
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear Judith,
I think I will. 🙂 Two accomplishments in one day – I need a lie down!
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ February 19, 2012Hi, one more time, Dotty! Here’s the link to my answer, and thanks for the honor of making this award available for me to give to myself.
http://diabeticredemption.com/2012/02/19/the-dotty-head…-and-loving-it/
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear Judith,
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
But I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT A CUMBERLAND SAUSAGE IS!!! I’ll have to find you a retailer in America and you will LOVE THEM FOREVER.
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ February 19, 2012Dear Dotty,
Actually, after I published, I Googled them, and I think they are similar to Kielbasa over here. Doesn’t matter, I love all sausages, so I will guess I could start with 25 at once, though that 25th one may get nibbled. Enjoy your nap! Love, Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear Judith,
Yes, I saw your picture. Yummmm! 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
robincoyle
/ February 19, 2012you did it again…made me laugh out loud!
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear Robin,
No coffee this time, I hope.
Love Dotty xxx
robincoyle
/ February 19, 2012Nope. This time it was orange juice.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear Robin,
Uuuurrrggghhhh! STICKY!
Love Dotty xxx
robincoyle
/ February 20, 2012and messy
Persephone Jones
/ February 19, 2012Dear Dotty,
! – none now…
@ – I don’t eat the darling pigs, they are creatures of nature as are you and I.
£ – I don’t know if I’m american, nigerian, french, mongolian, asian or spanish today. What are you?
$ – There is no such thing as mental illness – it is a Gift from The Gods though Hades has depression if you ask me.
% – I don’t understand this keyboard.
Also, a (bit mental, I’m afraid) friend of mine – I have soooo many! – asks:
“Why do my neighbours want me to change my clothes by making noises constantly? why do my neighbours do that? You might say it’s all in my head, that the noises are meaningless. You might be right. Why do the faeries talk to my cat and why then does my cat talk to me? Why do my neighbours make all these weird noises?”
can you help?
with best wishes
Ms P x
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear Persephone,
I’m going to make an AUNTIE DOTTY’S PROBLEM PAGE tonight or tomorrow and if you want you can put the questions you’ve asked that have nothing to do with this post there. As regards the questions that ARE relevant –
! why don’t you have any?
@ I AM NOT A CUMBERLAND SAUSAGE PIG.
£ I am from PLANET DOTTY
$ But what do YOU have?
I can’t find the percent sign – Neither do I.
Love Dotty xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear Persephone,
SISTER AGONY AUNTIE DOTTY’S PROBLEM PAGE is now open for business. It’s at the top of the page with all the other shite.
Love Dotty xxx
Pete Denton
/ February 19, 2012Brilliant idea. Alternative awards are the best ones.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 19, 2012Dear Pete,
I’ve done a rap to say thank you.
I’m alternative, I’m edgy,
If you don’t use my award
I’ll give you a wedgie.
Love Dotty xxx
Barefoot Baroness
/ February 20, 2012Reblogged this on Lady Barefoot Baroness and commented:
This woman has so much talent it runs out her fingers. I find this concept of her award really inventive and creative. I know she will not mind if I don’t play along, but sharing her blog was what was important to me.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 20, 2012Dear Your Majesty Barefoot Baroness,
Royalty on my little blog! I don’t mind if you don’t play along but at least try a Cumberland sausage – it’ll taste better than caviar and quail’s eggs.
Love Dotty xxx
butimbeautiful
/ February 20, 2012I’m only commenting so I get your award, but…
I like your idea. I thought of something like that myself but then thought, maybe people wouldn’t like it as much as the BIG awards (kinda like people sniff at the BAFTAs if they can go to the Oscars instead). Please give me the award so I can think of a mental illness I’d like to have!
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 20, 2012Dear butimbeautiful,
The award is YOURS. I gave it to ALL my readers and people who write me little notes. Take it, and one day EVERYONE HERE will be attending the glitzy, glamorous AWARDS CEREMONY for MY AWARD and quaffing champagne and stuffing expensive tidbits down their necks (except me, I won’t be there, because as you know I CAN’T GO OUT).
Love Dotty xxx
Mollie Player
/ February 20, 2012Good for you for spreading the positivity!
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 20, 2012Dear Mollie,
Thank you. I practically OOZE positivity.
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 22, 2012I’ve only ever won a giant stuffed animal, at a raffle at the dentist’s office once, when I was 12. Imagine how delighted I am, to add this to my “awards” shelf!
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 22, 2012Dear cobyjean,
Hello. I never won anything either, it’s shite isn’t it when all the lucky fuckers walk away with the good stuff.
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 22, 2012That’s my point though. Who’s the lucky fucker NOW?
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 22, 2012Dear cobyjean,
Oh, yes, I get it now – YOU’RE THE LUCKY FUCKER because you’ve got my beautiful award.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. Except you’re not because you didn’t WIN IT.
cobyjean
/ February 22, 2012Dammit. I KNEW this was another trick. Like when I was told to show up for my free tv, and all it was was a police sting.
No Dotty Headbanger award….why live….
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 22, 2012Dear cobyjean,
YES DOTTY HEADBANGER AWARD — because I GAVE YOU IT. So you’re still a lucky fucker, just not a WINNING lucky fucker.
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 23, 2012NOW you tell me. As I watch the blood blossom in the tub water, after retiring with my razor. Which is just as well, as we all know the only other word for Non-Winner is Loser….
Bury me with my DH award, at least…..and print out a nice copy, none of that B&W shit.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Dear cobyjean,
Don’t be a drama queen, you’re not bleeding that badly if you can get up and type. Put a plaster on it and go and spread my award around and make me FAMOUS.
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 23, 2012Plasters, biscuits….you’re from that Other side of the pond, aren’t you? That explains it. You can be cavalier about my well-being because you know you won’t run into me at the corner store. With my plastered wrists. That’s fine, that’s fine…little do you know, though, I still have connections from my days at an RAF elementary school. I even know what rubbers are. No one’s coming near my DH award with one, I can tell you that.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Dear cobyjean,
No, it’s YOU who’s from the other side, not me, I live on the side that has all the HISTORY and also where many of the American people’s ANCESTORS lived –I’m not specifying YOUR personal ancestors here because you might not have British ancestors but you probably do – and if you don’t, well, I know you WANT THEM because ALL Americans LOVE US and WANT TO BE US, even those who know what rubbers are.
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 23, 2012I am of such special English heritage that I am the very last of my kind, a bit like a Hobbit. Or do you still have many Hobbits, There. If so, please ask them all if their surname is Budridge. Not Burridge, Buddrige, or any of the other toying that was done Here at Ellis Island, where the census takers could only spell Smith. All I know is my father was terribly disappointed that I wasn’t born with a penis to carry on the proper spelling of said surname, and it now rests with me to know that when I die (which you are pushing me to) I take it to the grave with me. The pressure of which may explain my severe alcoholism at one point.
If you find one, a Budridge, Hobbit or no, I will come to visit, and I will be polite and remember that “fanny” seems to mean something much different There than it does Here. Which is a lesson I learned the hard way. Almost as hard as the “rubber” matter. But I do not like those funny biscuits you all mistake for cookies, and I wish you would realize also that chips are, by definition, THIN slices of potato, not the wedges that you all insist on.
Now please go find my Hobbit so we can end this matter of definition as well. And make it quick, as I’m still reeling from the DH award misunderstanding. Tip: start in Liverpool, apparently. And will someone please tell me what the hell a Liverpool is, while we’re pondering definitions? Don’t try to tell me you all make a habit of swimming in receptacles full of organ meats. Just use The Pond, for Godssake.
You make me laugh. Which often leads to a form of snorting that embarrasses my mother. No, neither of my parents was proud of me — snorting, penis-less progeny is never something to be proud of. Now stop encouraging me to prove it.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Dear cobyjean,
Okay, it’s all clear now. American/Liverpudlian – a lethal combination that results in a MOUTH AS BIG AS THE MERSEY TUNNEL – waaahh, waaahh, waaaahh, nag, nag, nag, yak, yak, yak waffle, waffle, waffle. HAVE I TOLD YOU I HAVE TINNITUS? MY FUCKING EARS ARE RINGING AND YOU ARE MAKING IT WORSE with your whiney American/Liverpudlian accent. Elocution lessons – get some. Lose the accent, it’s horrible it sounds like I just grated my face.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. I’ll have a look for Hobbits and Budridges, but it might be the other names because there were loads of semi-illiterate Census-takers who altered the surnames of the illiterate who couldn’t spell them in the first place ( I did the McHeadbanger family tree).
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Not Hobbits. Budridges. I need a lie down and a Cumberland sausage. You’ve made me dizzy.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012AND YOU CAN NEVER COME TO VISIT ME – DON’T YOU KNOW I HAVE HERMITITIS AND PEOPLE PHOBIA. GET AWAY. GO ON. DON’T COME TO ENGLAND.
PANIC ATTACK, PANIC ATTAKC, PANIC ATTA
cobyjean
/ February 23, 2012Cor. Now I see, why Great GrandMummy made the exodus from Kidneypool. Nothing there but rampant Hermititis and People Phobia — Hobbits slamming their round doors in visitors’ faces, without even caring a whit for the trouble it took them to swim The Pond. Look, I even brought you your sausages and…what??? I know what that word means, in any language. Let me at least have my shirtsleeve back, it’s tucked in the hinge of your door. Don’t make me knock; I have little if any sympathy, for your tinny ears. They aren’t tins, by the way, they’re CANS. Things come in CANS, not TINS….hello? I hear you in there, whispering to yourself…
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Dear cobyjean,
Just shut up for a minute, will you (is that POSSIBLE?). I’m busy, I’m finding Budridges for you. There are some records on Ancestry.co.uk. and there’s one record of a 33 yr old George Budridge from Hereford who arrived on your side in 1903 on Ellisisland.org (but I can’t see any details because they want me to join and pay) – are you sure they were from Liverpool because none are listed but the boat would have sailed from there – and that’s as far as I’ve got because SOME IDIOT IS BANGING ON MY FRONT DOOR THAT ISN’T EVEN A DOOR BECAUSE IT’S BEEN BRICKED UP. Come round to the back door and leave the Cumberland sausages on the windowsill and stop bastardising our language with your stupid Americanisms. We GAVE YOU THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE – TREAT IT PROPERLY.
Love Dotty xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Dear Gobbyjean,
Found George again on the Mormons site (the Mormons are my friends) with a bit more info, sailed from Liverpool 8th Oct 1903 on the Aurania, arrived in New York. Is George yours or have I stolen an ancestor for you like I do my own?
Love Dotty xx
cobyjean
/ February 23, 2012If George was 33 in 1903, I suspect he won’t be answering the door for me either. You couldn’t be less helpful, now could you? No, now seriously, he was a proper Budridge? That’s really quite the special news. For me, anyway. There’s a $100 bet at stake…unfortunately, offered by my father, who is now also deceased (I’m assuming George isn’t still wandering the streets of Hereford — is that not the name of a cow, anyway?). You do not clean your toes with Cheez Whiz, although between your toes is an optional place to store it. I can see this conversation is going to require some actual serious consideration, however, if I want to acquire my large inheritance of $100. What a bother. Especially for you and your tinny ears. Ancestry dot who? My belief is that I’m related to the Queen of England — in which case we will both go bunk down with Wills and that tart he made an honest woman of. Shall I keep you posted, or will this simply drive you further into hermititis. Like I care….xoxo
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Dear Gobbyjean,
I’ve also found a Coby Budridge …. I’ll tell you what, I’ll write you a letter and send it by airmail and you might get your information in about 6 weeks time. Is that soon enough for you? If not, tough shit. You’re deluding yourself if you think you’re related to OUR Queen — oops, YOU HAVEN’T GOT A QUEEN OF YOUR OWN, HAVE YOU? YOU’VE ONLY GOT CELEBRITIES — but I think you must have an affinity with COWS because you seemed to recognise the Herefordshire cow quickly enough, didn’t you? I might as well not bother writing you a letter – I’ve found your ancestor, she was a milk cow called DAISY.
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 23, 2012Holy Mother of God, you aren’t Googling me, are you? I can explain all that, I really can.
I have no idea, actually, to whom you are referring. Certainly not me. I was never arrested once for prancing down Main Street nude, with my hair afire. That was my evil twin.
You’re not going to write me any letter — we’ve already established that you’re illiterate. But I’ll sit by the mailbox for 6 weeks anyway, just in case you find someone to help you make your mark. (That actually would tickle me no end, but I don’t know how you feel about tickling people’s ends. I have my suspicions, though.)
In the United States of Lunacy, we have many celebrities — including British folk in tiaras. We suck that shit up. I have no idea why; you know full well your Queen and her progeny do nothing but sign autographs and wear silly hats. While dodging horse and corgi poo. I do prefer cow poo; once dry, it makes a wonderful frisbee. We even have contests, here, over flinging them. But I still take umbrage at your disrespect of my bovine heritage. I am to be called “Miss Heifer” by the likes of you. Not simply Daisy.
Do you need my address next, or are you a more efficient stalker than that? This is another trick, isn’t it. I’m going to find a grumpy, psychotic Hermithobbit at my own bricked-up door, aren’t I. Waving some form of pseudo-award, as if it’s her ticket in. Fine. Just so long as you leave your damned sausages behind. And don’t waste my Cheez Whiz on your toes.
This is more fun than even smashing kittens on the sidewalk.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Dear Gobbyjean,
Why would I want to waste Google’s time searching for you when I only have to look in the field to see you chomping away at the cud, you silly old moo? And cow shit throwing contests? REALLY? Tell me YOU don’t enter the cow shit comps, please — I wouldn’t want to be speaking to some sort of NASTY DEVIANT WHO MAKES FRISBEES OUT OF HER OWN POO AND CHUCKS THEM AROUND AS A SERIOUS SPORT. yeeeeeeeuuuuuuurrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!! Please tell me this BEHAVIOUR isn’t an Olympic event because I’d hunt you down before I let you step foot on our CLEAN AND PURE SOIL. Gold medals – AMERICA 1 FRISBEE SHIT GOLD, BRITAIN – ALL THE REST OF THE GOLD, SILVER AND BRONZE MEDALS. OY, REST OF THE WORLD, DON’T BOTHER COMING TO THE OLYMPICS, YOU WON’T WIN ANYTHING, YOU’RE ALL SHITE AT SPORT AND WE’VE GOT BOOBY-TRAPS.
I’m a brilliant stalker, I did an online degree in it. Go to your window now. Look out of it. I’m staring right at you but you’ll never see me because I’m NOT THERE YOU NUTTER, how could I be, I’m in ENGLAND. IN MY HOUSE. Bloody stupid cow.
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 24, 2012Is that your FACE, mashed against my window? I thought for sure it was the neighborhood “unfortunate”, who has a habit of getting loose and pressing his naked arse against people’s windows. Says he likes the cool feeling of the glass against his bum, is that your excuse as well?
If it WERE him, and his arse, I’d check for signs of recent competition in the cow-pie flinging compies, as he is my biggest competitor. But since it’s possibly your face, who’s to know what’s what, in that regard. (I know you’re not really in England. They won’t have you there, because of the problematic nature of your sausage fetish). And besides, I’m much too busy fielding emails from homicidal maniacs (even above and beyond your milieu) ever since I outed my email on your blog. Which was only a matter of course, as you’d already told the whole world my great-great-grandfather’s maiden name. Detective. Ffft. Public nuisance, I believe the formal charge is. I hope there’s a large fine involved, as well.
I have been at foot-level with your Queen you speak of — I’d dropped my souvenir tiara — and it’s my assumption that she may be my next biggest competitor in the heifershit fling. That, or her corgis aren’t palace-broken at all. Or, MOST likely, she has simply adopted your filthy habit of storing Cheez Whiz between her toes. In which case I suppose we’ll just have to fling her in her entirety, next poop-pie round. In the meantime, get busy providing us our usual ammo; make them nicely round and a bit flat on top, please.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 25, 2012Dear Gobbyjean,
Oh, it’s you again. YOU DIDN’T OUT YOUR EMAIL (speak ENGLISH, woman) because I went into your other post and deleted your email address because I’m nice and kind like that and I didn’t want you to have any other nutters bothering you because THAT’S MY JOB NOW. So I require your thanks and a nice present and your eternal gratitude and NO MORE OF YOUR GOBBY GOBNESS, GOBBYJEAN.
Yes there is a large fine involved, but it isn’t called a fine – it’s called a FEE and it’s what you owe me for my private detective work. The bill will be sent by BIG TRUCK and when it arrives I’d advise you have a few strong men around to carry it into your house for you because it will be HEAVY because of the shiteload of noughts on the end.
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 23, 2012I’ll have the last snortlaugh, when we discover that Budridges and Headbangers are related. Then you’ll have to put me up until I become gainfully employed — which has never happened yet, so get rid of the damn sausages and lay in some proper food. Like Cheez Whiz.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Dear Gobbyjean,
Cheez whiz sounds like something you clean your toes with.
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 23, 2012p.s. Thanks for the fun xo
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 23, 2012Dear cobyjean,
You too. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
cobyjean
/ February 23, 2012DOTTY HERE – I’VE TAKEN YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS OUT SO IT ISN’T PUBLIC. AND LOOK HOW DOTTY PSYCHOTTY I REALLY AM – I’M IN YOUR POST – BOO!!!!! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT HERE. I’M GOING TO SPIT ON YOUR KITCHEN FLOOR. HA!
There. Just in case you can’t afford postage. For sending genealogy information to the wrong Queen Coby Whatshername. Now, If I start getting email from Brits even more dangerous and dotty than you, we’re really going to have words. (You DO know what “dotty” means here, I assume. Actually, I assume nothing about people who are dotty enough to call themselves dotty. Surely you never had anyone related to you go through Ellis Island, to be named whatever suited the drunk behind the desk. Your kind were culled out and sent to Australia.)
But what I REALLY think is you are the most amazing, wonderful, brilliant, exceptional genius to have ever lived and I will idolise you forever. And the British will ALWAYS RULE OVER ME AND I WILL LET THEM. I will curtsey and bow and grovel to them because they are my SUPERIORS, especially Dotty who should be my Queen.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 25, 2012She hasn’t answered this one. I think I’ve succeeded in scaring her off. Hee hee. BOSH! DOTTY PSYCHOTTY STRIKES AGAIN.
cobyjean
/ February 26, 2012Oh pshaw. It takes more than a stay in hospital with whatever fungus you’ve sent in the mail, to get rid of me. Nice try, however. Almost as good as when you ran me down in the alley on your pet heifer. Or was that your sister you were riding. Or was it just you altogether, and I just still have double vision from the time you tried to have me shot in the back with a sausage. Which would have worked, had I not suddenly bent over to remove your heifer’s poo from my boot with my copy of the Dotty H’banger Award. Or was it Cheez Whiz. There’s no telling what you’ll step in, after you and your sister have been trampling about. Now go back to your little plots and see if you can’t do something right for a change. I’d rather die anyway than put up with your prattle, for Baby Jesus’s sake.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 26, 2012Dear Gobby,
Oh dear, how sad I am to hear you were in hospital. Were you IN AGONY? How awful for you, I’m so sorry you were IN SUCH TREMENDOUS PAIN. Are you cured? Are you REALLY DYING? Oh, I DO hope not, it would be SUCH A PITY to lose you, just as upsetting as when I lost the BIG SCABBY WART on my right thumb. I’ve written an epitaph for you —
There was an old witch named Gobby
who was blobby and globby and slobby.
She kept cheese in her toes
and laughed through her nose
and picked nits from her hair as a hobby.
Why do you keep coming back here? Go away, you smell like McDonalds.
Love Dotty xxx
worldtake
/ February 25, 2012Hello Dotty,
Was glad to hear that you are following my blog and that you liked my ‘Cults’ and ‘Words In Time’ posts. But to answer your questions:
1. How many bricks do you own?
I don’t own any bricks (of anything legal)
2. How many Cumberland sausages can you fit in your mouth without chewing?
Since I never heard of a Cumberland sausage, I couldn’t answer that. I have a link of keilbasa (Polish Sausage) in my ‘fridge that is about a foot long and two inches thick and that fits very nicely in one side of my mouth, however it does make my cheek stick out, rather like that of a chipmunk who is preparing for winter.
3. What is your most inventive way of using biscuits (or cookies if you’re American)?
I personally like to attach them to the humorous cumber buns I knit — In fact your not the only one who has won an award — I am the proud recipient of the Tricinilla Wiffenpikle, award for the most humorous cumber bun of 2004. Beat that. And I don’t use no stinkin’ cookies on them. Only biscuits.
4. If it was made compulsory to have a mental illness which one would you choose and why? (If you have a mental illness already you have to choose another).
Not exactly sure, but one that I am sure I would not choose is JudChristLam
Ross
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 26, 2012Dear Ross,
Hello. I like your blog, it’s got words and thoughts that are a bit too clever for me but I’m learning good things from it in order to save Sister Agony Auntie Dotty from God, her husband.
I’m glad you accepted my award but I have to take issue with one thing – Cumberland sausages are NOT Polish keilbasa sausages. My good friend Judith made the same comparison and I let it go then, but not a second time, no no no. Although I do pity all the non-British people in the world because odds are they’ll never experience the absolute bliss of eating a pure, genuine Cumberland sausage, I can’t allow the NOTION that a Cumberland sausage is the same as a keilbasa sausage to persist just because they resemble each other. So stop it, please. Thank you.
Love Dotty xxx
adultsatires
/ February 26, 2012Well! huh! I too refuse awards! I have already (Smirks)… I hate cumminity bull shit pandering and hollow awards.
But this award?
I will GLADLY accept! Bwa! Haha ha!
Cuz I am mental… 🙂
Peace my sister. (Hugs)
P.S. I’ll put it on my blog. (Warm Smiles)
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 26, 2012Dear adultsatires,
Thank you. I don’t like to brag but I know my award is the best of the lot and I’m pleased you like it. Hang it somewhere prominent where they all can see it and weep.
Love Dotty xxx
adultsatires
/ February 26, 2012Mwaa! lol! I know you’re not the type to brag! I just say…. PARTY ON! 😀
clownonfire
/ March 1, 2012I love it.
I claim it.
And I’ll prepare an acceptance speech which will make the Woody Allen Sleepers-era blush.
I’m adding more content simply to fill space.
And more.
COF
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 1, 2012Dear clown,
Thank you. I love it too. But I would, wouldn’t I? Still, it is beautiful.
Love Dotty xxx
clownonfire
/ March 2, 2012Dear Dotty,
I have made it public. I also took some liberties with it.
I hope you don’t mind: http://clownonfire.wordpress.com/the-awards-circus/.
Your friend,
COF
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 2, 2012Dear clown,
That’s fine but will you make one for me too, please – but it has to be the same size as the one I made or it’ll be too long for my little blog. With a little Union Jack where your love heart is. Please. Thank you. In red, but a nice red that isn’t garish. Blood red. Please.
Love Dotty xxx
clownonfire
/ March 2, 2012On it.
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 2, 2012Dear clown,
Thanks.
Love Dotty xx
saradraws
/ March 12, 2012I jumped on this train. Answered all your questions too. But I`m not telling you wheeEEErrrre.
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 12, 2012Dear saradraws,
Thank you.
So I have to be a detective? Chief Superintendent Detective Inspector Headbanger is on the case (tomorrow, I have to try and get some sleep).
Love Dotty xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 12, 2012Dear Sara,
Well that was easy. It’s in here. I’d have found it last night if I wasn’t so tired from all that singing with your hubby. Hope the noise didn’t wake you up. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
saradraws
/ March 12, 2012Meh, I don’t sleep anyway. Your singing was much better than the furnace noises.
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 12, 2012Dear Sara,
Thank you, I’m glad you like my singing. Most people don’t.
Love Dotty xxx
Littlebeut333
/ March 17, 2012Dotty, this is genius! You award inventing legend you! I’ve slapped the bugger on my page (thankyou muchly) and I have marketed yours and COFs little ass off in the process, as is only right 😉 Dawny…Looking forward to answering ze 4 questions muchly 🙂 Danke again
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 17, 2012Dear Littlebeut333,
Thank you. I’m looking forward to seeing your answers. I’ll come and have a proper nosey round your blog when I get the chocolate buttercream out of my hair. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
Littlebeut333
/ March 17, 2012Make sure it’s gluten free Boss 😉 Thanks for the browse and likeys! I look forward to a browse around your hills! Love Dawny xxx
Hellosailor
/ March 26, 2012Dear Dotty,
I am putting your award on my wall thing. Here are the answers to your questions –
1. Seven, but I have one fake brick which is one made out of wood and it is my favourite because you can pull it out and hide things behind it.
2. Zero because they are made of pig and I don’t eat food with faces. I could probably get 3 vegetarian sausages in my mouth though.
3. Baking cookies or biscuits in cake. Probably not that inventive, but tasty.
4. Errrrrrrrrrr. I don’t want another. Ummmm. I think pyromania. Fire is pretty.
Love HS xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 26, 2012Dear HS,
YIPPPEEEEEE! Thank you!
But I have to tell you I don’t like eating things with faces either but Cumberland sausages don’t have faces except when I make them into finger puppets.
Love Dotty xxx
Hellosailor
/ March 26, 2012Dear Dotty,
Not sure what is worse eating pigs or making pigs into sausages and then making finger puppets out of them :S
HS xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 26, 2012Dear HS,
I don’t WASTE them, I eat them when I’ve finished playing. 😉
Love Dotty xxx
Hellosailor
/ March 26, 2012Dear Dotty,
LOL. Well thats something 😀
HS xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 26, 2012Dear HS
😀
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ March 27, 2012I have more bricks than the freekin Roman coliseum…
Cumberland sausages cannot fit in my mouth, for fear they will displace the Nathan’s hot dogs.
I use cookies as a building material and edible Frisbees…
I would have multiple personalities, so then I would have one personality.
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 27, 2012Dear pmao,
Oh no, not multiple personalities. I can just about cope with one of you, never mind more. 😉
Love Dotty xxx
Madame Weebles
/ March 30, 20121) Does fruitcake count?
2) Alas, I have never had the pleasure of tasting a Cumberland sausage so I cannot say.
3) I eat my cookies and biscuits (dear God, I miss Hobnobs) too fast to have thought of any other use for them.
4) I’m going to go with narcissism. Because then the problem isn’t me–it’s everyone else.
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear Madame Weeble,
1 No.
2 You poor, deprived thing.
3 Are you British?
4 Is that narcissism? I thought it was normal to think like that.
Love Dotty xxx
Madame Weebles
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
1) Then I have none.
2) Tell me about it.
3) I’m American but lived in the UK for about a year, during which I became well acquainted with British baked goods and I miss them terribly.
4) Then maybe it IS me after all.
Love, Mme Weebles
Ink. [Anette]
/ April 3, 2012Dotty, I’d really like to have one of your awards you know (the one you made not the other one the Clown made), but… do I have to answer those difficult questions? I know the answer to some, but not all you see 🙂
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 3, 2012Dear Anette,
No, you don’t have to answer them if you really don’t want to – that’s the whole point of the award, take it or leave it or spit on it, do whatever you want with it. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
Ink. [Anette]
/ April 3, 2012Yeeehaw!! Thanks Dotty Darling 🙂
KC
/ April 15, 2012Hey-lo, me again, just randomly swimming through your ocean of niftiness and cream…at least I -hope- that’s cream. >;<
Since I've been around over a MONTH and have a whole -50- something followers but STILL not a single award (nor a double or triple one neither) I'll happily and greedily swipe yours…whether you give it to me or not! So there! :p
Questions are fun…but i think I'll let KS answer them, she's better at it.
X) I have bricks in my head and bats in my belfry and butterflies in my stomach and stars in my eyes and the universe in my smile and bells on my toes and spring in my air and sunshine in my hair and…ummm…what was the question again?
X) Cumba-whut-now? What's that when it's at home, then? Is it like those little pasty things that come in a pop-tab can and taste like wet cardboard and cat pizzle, which they're also shaped like?
x) That's a silly question…what else does one do with cookies? I store'em under my bed in their nice little green/purple/blue/red/yellow boxies with the pretty pictures all over them, so they can't get out and go around doing silly things like selling girlscouts in front of supermarkets!
x) Hrrmmm…does necrophilia count? Oh, no, wait, we've sworn off that one. Ummm. Oh, I know! Triskedekaphobia!
So there you have it. Not sure what, but you have it. What you're going to -do- with it remains to be seen…or hidden, depending on the time of month.
*wavies and crawls back under the rock*
KC& Co.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 15, 2012Dear KC,
I like your name, I only have to type two letters. But how many of you are there and if I accidentally refer to one of you as another of you will you punch me?
Love Dotty xxx
KC
/ April 15, 2012Shmeh. (generic sound of dismissal of such an idea) We are legion…but we don’t punch. Well, Bob does sometimes…but only doctors, and then only the stupid ones. KS and Mia bite, Dutch just swears a lot and smokes, and I just write at people, I’ve found it’s usually punishment enough.
But thank you so much for asking, and if you just say KC I absoposilutely promise to answer to it. On the other hand, should you care to give one or the other props…or disses…or flowers or sausage or cookies…feel free, and I promise to appreciate them appropriately. 😉
Much love,
KC & Co.
PS: legion = 6, right?
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 15, 2012Dear KC,
Just as long as I know. I think Dutch is my favourite so far – s/he could be my twin. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
thewhitetrashgourmet
/ April 15, 2012Oh Ms. Dotty I’m hooked by one post and annoying precious boyfriend with chortles and pants peeing. I think, dare I name it, might it be love? (winkie face)
TWTG
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 15, 2012Dear TWTG,
Hello.
Does the precious outweigh the annoying? If so then yes, it might be love. If not, get rid of him NOW because you’re wasting your time on him, time which could be spent looking for THE TRUE PRECIOUS ONE who will marry you and have your babies. A British man would be right for you, he’d teach you how to eat proper food – as I’ve stated elsewhere in my blog, I own White Trash Cooking vols I & II and I know what rubbish you Americans eat.
Love Dotty xxx
thewhitetrashgourmet
/ April 15, 2012We do often forget to boil our meat until grey, I’ll admit that much, but thanks to mostly pirate free shipping lanes we can get our hands on HP and clotted cream 🙂
The BF gets to stay – I was the one annoying him, he sits by idly while I prattle on and on about my new favourite blogger. (you, in case you are being modest.)
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 15, 2012Dear TWTG,
Thank you!
Look, I’m blushing now :blush:
But yes I am modest – today.
Love Dotty xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 15, 2012Dear TWTG,
Oh, I’m not blushing, the bloody smiley’s gone on the blink. Just imagine how red my cheeks are. Like the red of blood.
Love Dotty xxx
elaine4queen
/ April 22, 2012i will happily swipe this award for myself.
after all, i am more than half way through a half price easter egg.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 22, 2012Dear Elaine,
You’ve made me want a bit of chocolate now and I haven’t got any. I like Easter eggs, I won the Easter egg eating competiton and I wasn’t sick once. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
elaine4queen
/ April 22, 2012i feel so sick, but i have coca cola, so that’s alright.
thank you for the lovely award. ::blushes::
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 22, 2012Dear Elaine,
I’ve just poured a glass of DIET COKE!! What a coincidence. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. You’re welcome. 🙂
elaine4queen
/ April 22, 2012UNcanny!
Missus Tribble
/ April 22, 2012I claim my award with pride – thank you! 😀
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 22, 2012Dear Missus Tribble,
You’re very welcome. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
thelastsongiheard
/ May 9, 2012That’s fucking awesome LOL I like this LOL Being an ex-pat, I now feel a little closer to home 😀
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 9, 2012Dear tlsih,
Hello. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
David C. Cassidy
/ May 12, 20121. How many bricks do you own? One. The bank still owns the other 52,178.
2. How many Cumberland sausages can you fit in your mouth without chewing? Twenty-two. But they have to be really small.
3. What is your most inventive way of using biscuits (or cookies if you’re American)? I’m Canadian, we don’t have biscuits or cookies. We put sugar on hockey pucks and call them cookies and biscuits for unsuspecting Americans and Brits.
4. If it was made compulsory to have a mental illness which one would you choose and why? (If you have a mental illness already you have to choose another). Alzheimer’s. Although I can’t remember why.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 12, 2012Dear David,
LOVE your answers. 🙂
But re. number 2 – how small is REALLY small? Chipolata small? I’ve never seen chipolata size Cumberland sausages.
Love Dotty xxx
David C. Cassidy
/ May 13, 2012How small? Oh, we’re talking really small. “Wee-nies,” if you will. They’re so tiny they have emotional and self-esteem issues.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 13, 2012Dear David,
Justified emotional and self-esteem issues, it seems, if you pack so many in at once. You don’t value each teeny Cumberland sausage individually.
Love Dotty xxx
LankyBrit
/ June 24, 20121 None . you see I got upset at loosing a ” i`m definitely not mental” competition, when I get upset I must Eat, and also cuz I forgot to take my Cumberland sausage sarnies I had no choice but to eat them
2 Loads I swallow them whole
3 I don’t have an inventive way of using biscuits so I just throw them from my bedroom window at all the non mental folk who pass by .Ginger nuts work the best Ive found hard as bloody bricks they are… Id like to add im not harboring grudges or anything honest
4 ahhh I guess this is the one where yet again I loose .. I already bloody suffer from all of them there aint none i don’t have .. i`m a grade a fruitlooper
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 25, 2012Dear Lanky,
Thank you for taking my award. 🙂
I’m going to buy a packet of ginger nuts when my Shopping Person goes shopping for me this week and try throwing them at the THREE CATS NEXT DOOR WHO ALWAYS SHIT IN MY GARDEN.
Love Dotty xxx
poetmcgonagall
/ August 26, 2012Brilliant idea, Dottie, and thank you so much for the honour. Nobody’s ever given me award before. Beautiful Railway Bridge will wear it proudly. A bit like an unbirthday present, when you give presents on your birthday. That way, you get them all year round.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear poet,
You’re very welcome. And thank you for taking it. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
poetmcgonagall
/ August 26, 2012PS I may steal the idea.