Dotty Film Reviews – The Day The Earth Stood Still

 

 

The other day I watched a film I’d recorded onto my telly-box library. It was called THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL which was a stupid, inaccurate title because the earth didn’t stand still - HOW COULD IT, YOU THICK SHITS? In fact there wasn’t much standing still at all and when Jennifer Connelly DID stand still a soldier on a winch dropped out of the sky and oiked her up into a helicopter. A better title is THE DAY THE EARTH CONTINUED TO SPIN – still not absolutely indicative of what the film is about, but a hundred times more accurate than the one they came up with. A PERFECT title is THE DAY KEANU REEVES DECIDED NOT TO DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE.

Don’t you think Jennifer Connelly looks like a young Demi Moore? I do.

Keanu Reeves is an alien. I never realised this but I should have because it explains his extraordinary abilities in THE MATRIX SERIES, which is a three part documentary about people who wear nothing but black clothes. I don’t think Sandra Bullock realised he was an alien either or she might have thought twice about falling in love with him when she lived in THE LAKE HOUSE.

Something else I find totally unbelievable in this film is how DOLORES CLAIBORNE got to be PRESIDENT MR BARACK OBAMA’S right-hand woman after what she did in her past when she was so sadistic to that poor author. AMERICAN PEOPLE, LISTEN TO ME – SHE MANGLED HIS LEGS UP, YOU KNOW SHE DID, YET YOU STILL HAVE HER IN A POSITION OF POWER. Why? What if she does it again and this time she does it to YOUR PRESIDENT, MR BARACK OBAMA? Don’t you care about him? Don’t you care what happens TO HIS LEGS?

And while you’re thinking about YOUR PRESIDENT, MR BARACK OBAMA’S legs, you might also want to think about Prince Will Smith of Bel-Air’s parenting skills because here in this country he’d be had up for CHILD NEGLECT for allowing a little kid like that to run round with AN ALIEN WHO WANTS TO DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE. Somebody needs to have a word with Prince Will Smith of Bel-Air and tell him you can’t just foist your kid off onto anyone who happens to pass by just because you’re royalty and you can’t be bothered with the little brat.

There ARE some good bits in this film though. The GREAT BIG BALL WITH A SWIRLY CLOUD INSIDE IT is a good bit. So is the GREAT BIG TRANSFORMER ROBOT except when he changes himself into A GREAT BIG SWARM OF INSECTS because I don’t like insects, they frighten me and I don’t know why Keanu didn’t just smite all the insects and creepy crawlies here on earth before he left to go back to his own planet. He could have at least done that for the human race – in the end he did fuck all for us, I don’t know why he bothered coming.

 

 

Score – 2 out of 10

 

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29 Comments

  1. Oh, Dotty, dear, you had the extreme misfortune of seeing the remake first. The original is more suspense, less shoot’em up action and explosions. It is as corny-looking as most science fiction films of the 1950s, but the psychology used in the film is very interesting. I too saw the remake, and while I loved Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, here he seemed to be playing just himself — no emotion, dour face, one-tone voice. Before you make a final judgment of this story, please see the original. I think you’ll like it more.

    Love, Judith

    Reply
  2. Grumpy

     /  February 22, 2012

    Dear Dotty, thanks for
    a most original and enlightening film critique.
    Grumpy x

    Reply
  3. Ian is lovely all the time! Mmmmmmm!

    Reply
    • Dear Judith,
      Yes, I know. And if you scroll slowly down this page from the top you’ll see that Sister Agony Auntie Dotty has her eye on him too. Such a look of adoration on her face!! She’s going to get in trouble though, she’s not allowed to have idols.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Oh shite – I just realised we’re not on my lovely Ian’s post, we’re on the film review. Don’t bother scrolling down this one, go to my lovely Ian’s post and do it there.

      • And this time it’s NOT MY FAULT we’re on the WRONG POST. It’s JUDITH’S FAULT. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. I’m glad I’m not the only dopey bint around here. :-)

      • But even someone as innocent and naive as Sister Agony Auntie Dotty has to look somewhere! 8-)

      • Dear Judith,
        I keep playing with the page, scrolling it up and down to see what she’s looking up at.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • She’s looking up at God, Gods, Goddesses, who ever can help her not want to jump Ian’s bones! 8-)
        Love, Judith

      • Dear Judith,
        HA HA HA You nearly got me then – my gobful of water ALMOST spurted out. I’m glad I corrupted you. :-)
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty, So am I! 8-)

  4. That was one crappy film. That is, if it was the one where everyone died and the one remaining woman spent most of her time trying on designer dresses. That is either 1) an insult to chicks everywhere or 2) SO true to life…

    Reply
  5. Leave prince Will Smith alone. He is our only royalty since that other guy became ‘the artist formally known as Prince’. Does that mean he is the Queen now?

    Reply

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