Dotty Film Review – The Woman In Black

 

And today Harry the Plank Potter is wearing facial expression Number One

 

I have only two things to say about this film.

FIRST THING —  THEY’VE COMPLETELY SLAUGHTERED SUSAN HILL’S BOOK

and

SECOND THING —  HARRY POTTER CAN’T ACT – why would he even try to act, why would he want to put himself through the shame and humiliation when he doesn’t need to? HE’S A MAGICIAN, isn’t that good enough for him? He’s like these soap opera people who decide that because their CHARACTER is popular on a soap they’ll leave that soap because they’re too good for it, they want bigger things, better things and what happens after they leave is THEY ARE NEVER SEEN ON MY TELLY AGAIN. They disappear into the whirly voids of obscurity and spend the rest of their lives in deep despond about the GRAVE MISTAKE they made, and they watch their old soap and they see the people they used to work with IN STEADY EMPLOYMENT, ENJOYING THEIR STEADY MODICUM OF FAME and they cry and cry and cry. Sometimes they DO re-appear, like Ricky & Bianca & Mandy & David Wicks & Dennis Tanner and all the other old faces the telly companies hire back because THEY CAN PAY THEM LESS THAN OTHER ACTORS BECAUSE THEY ARE SO DESPERATE TO HAVE THEIR WORN AND TATTERED FACES ON MY TELLY AGAIN. Harry, you don’t need to be like them. A magician’s life is a good one. You can travel, you can have a laugh, you can do MAGIC and best of all YOU CAN BECOME FAMOUS like PAUL DANIELS. If VOLDEMORT could see you now he’d piss his pants laughing at your acting, in particular at your TWO FACIAL EXPRESSIONS (facial expression 1 – wooden / facial expression 2 – is it fear?). But why didn’t you use your magic on yourself? Or your invisible cloak, which actually is a brilliant idea – get them to remake the film with you wearing your invisible cloak over your head FOR THE WHOLE FILM. That would be a right laugh, they could still call it The Woman In Black or they could call it Headless Harry Potter in The Woman In Black Film.

CONFESSION — I haven’t actually seen the whole of The Woman In Black, I saw three clips of it but that was quite enough for me, thank you. From what I gather though, the whole film is nothing but Harry Potter and his TWO FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, some CREEPY LOCAL PEOPLE, a few TENSE MOMENTS, and a lot of bad weather.

 

Score – 4 out of 10 (I’ve marked this up by two points because I’m soft, I still like Harry, he’s young, bless him, and he did TRY).

 

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13 Comments

  1. Dear Dotty,

    Daniel is definitely typecast now — how can anyone take him seriously as a man, a lover, a villain, when they all know that he is, in fact, and as you said, a magician. I would think he would have already made gobs and gobs of money — why make another movie at all. Poor Daniel :( Thanks for the warning about the movie! Love, Judith

    Reply
    • Dear Judith,
      Who’s Daniel?
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,

        Daniel Radcliffe, you silly woman! 8-)

        Love, Judith 8-)

      • Dear Judith,
        Is he the director?
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        You are crazy — HP is supposed to be the English movie hero! Did you see where he was in a play in London where he stripped — I bet that shocked some HP fans!

        Love,

        Judith 8-)

      • Dear Judith,
        It’s not good for a magician to wave his wand around where all and sundry can see it. I don’t know what made him do it. That’s why J.K. sacked him from her books – she told me she wrote 34 Harry Potter books in total but she burned the last 27 after Harry made a show of himself in that play. She was REALLY pissed off with him.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • well, good for J.K., and shame on Harry Potter for showing off that magic wand! Maybe it’s time for a new hero, do you think? I’m working on the picture of Ian, still. I may be able to use my mom’s notepad while I’m in Florida, but if not, I will read your posts and answer any comments you have left for the ones I’ll be publishing while I’m gone. Have a great weekend, and a terrific week!

        Love, Judith 8-)

      • Dear Judith,
        You too.
        Love Dotty xxx

  2. Haha! There are some people who gave the film good ratings though, but its only a countable number of people.

    Reply
    • Dear Jeyna,
      Hello. I can count to ten and I can count to another ten when I take my socks off but I don’t think I’d have to do that to count the people who like the film, one little finger counts Harry the Plank’s vote, the other little finger counts the director’s vote and that’s it, no more counting.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  3. Can a wizard do a spell on himself to make himself a good actor?

    Reply

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