Little Bitty Pretty One & Big Hat-Wearing Ugly One (And The Boilerman)

 

LOOK WHAT LITTLE BITTY PRETTY ONE MADE FOR ME!

A VIDEO!!!!

 

BUT

My boiler is leaking and I had to ring A MAN who will be here sometime before 8pm tonight. WHY CAN’T THE FUCKER GIVE ME AN EXACT TIME? Now I have to wait and wait and wait and it’s a long, long wait, it’s been an hour already since I had to use the phone to ring him and in that time I’ve taken three beta-blockers, a big swig of laudanum, and a good sniff of the smelling salts little Emily gave me. I AM STILL PANICKY THOUGH and I feel very, very sick.

HE WILL WANT TO ASK ME ABOUT THE BOILER.

AND I WILL HAVE TO TELL HIM.

WHICH MEANS SPEAKING TO HIM

AND LOOKING AT HIM IN A WAY THAT DOESN’T SEEM TOO MENTAL, SO HE THINKS I’M LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE BUT REALLY I’M NOT LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE, I AM LOOKING THREE INCHES TO THE RIGHT OF HIS EYES.

oh

oh

oh

oh

oh

oh

oh

oh

i feel sick.

 

Leave a comment

25 Comments

  1. Dear Dots. Iz gonna be long day girl. Wub or bang head against biscut wall paper, scratz grout if any left, tjant 42. Do anyfing but PANIC. You can makes it. Will tjeck in on you later. Bye.

    Reply
  2. Dear Dotty,

    Might you not instead just burn some furniture, or something? 8-) Great video. Please don’t be sick — I think the fuckers, (cable guys, plumbers, boilermen, phone guys, etc.) all refuse to give exact times because they want to look beneficent by not waiting until the last second to show up. But what do I know, anyway? Where’s that wooden chair?

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply
    • Dear Judith,
      The heating works and the hot water works but the boiler is leaking all over the place. I’ve left it as long as I can (about 4 months) but it’s pissing out now so I have to get it fixed. BUT THE FUCKER IS A FUCKER WHO STILL HASN’T BEEN YET and you can bet he’ll turn up at five to eight and say it needs a PART or something and he hasn’t got the PART so he’ll have to come back tomorrow.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,

        That’s what comes of living in a world full of friends and fuckers! I hope he shows early!

        Love,

        Judith

      • Dear Judith,
        Ten past five and he’s still not here.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Judith,
        People say I’m pessimistic – I’m not, I’m REALISTIC – I knew something would go wrong and it has. He’s not coming till tomorrow morning (supposedly morning) because he’s sick. And I am angry.
        Love Dotty xxx

  3. Dear Dotty,
    Only now do I realise that everyone starts with “Dear Dotty”.
    I’ve never been the sharpest tool in the shed.
    Have you considered a burqa?
    Love,
    Sara

    Reply
  4. Dearest,

    I look at teeth. Sounds like it would be hard, but it gets easier with time. And it doesn’t look like you have a lazy eye,

    Uncle
    xoxo

    Reply
  5. You are so lucky! I wish someone would make a video saying urrrgggg to ME! I’m jealous.

    Reply
  6. You do have the best post titles…

    Reply

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