Dotty Does International Accents So Well She Sounds Like She Comes From There

 

Being reared in a multi-cultural, multi-lingual, multi-accented home, I am EXCELLENT at doing accents – I had to be because when I started school at the age of 5 I got my head kicked in by a boy named Geoffrey for ‘talking funny’ so I speedily picked up the Yorkshire accent to use when speaking to Yorkshire people and that’s the main accent I still use except when I speak to my Scottish relatives, then I speak in the accent I THINK IN which is Scottish because German sounds like coughing up flem and this flummoxes Yorkshire people because they think I’m from Yorkshire. Which I’m not, I’m from Lancashire but I only lived there until I was one year old so I didn’t have chance to speak fluent Lancastrian.

So here’s me speaking in INTERNATIONAL ACCENTS that are so good I’d be able to pass myself off as a local if I could ever GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOUSE.

 

Fucking ‘ell- Northern England and Scotland (we’re the only ones who pronounce it correctly)

Fackinell- Southern England

Faarking Hell or Ferking Hell – posh Southern England

Feckin ‘ell – Ireland

Fooockeeen ‘el’ – France, Italy

FOCKUN HELL – Germany, Poland, most of the rest of Europe

Fuucking Hell – North America

Fuuuurkin Hell – the other bit of America

F*cking Hell – Canada

Fooorkeen Hell- Pakistan, India and other Asian countries that are not China or Japan

Fakeenell – China, Japan and the little countries around them

FORKUN HELLSKI - Russia and other ex-USSR countries

feeekin hell – Smurfland

The rest of the world doesn’t swear.

 

If I’ve missed you out, or if you come from somewhere on the list and I’m saying it wrong, let me know and I’ll teach you how to say it properly in your accent.

Cumberland sausage time. MMMmmmm.

 

Leave a comment

41 Comments

  1. Hilarious x

    Reply
  2. Dear Dotty,

    What a great laugh for first post in the morning — this is why I find you first. I think you got the accents perfectly — especially Canada!

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply
  3. clownonfire

     /  March 31, 2012

    Dotty,
    It’s 7:30am in Montreal, Canadaland.
    I’m sipping on my first cup of coffee, and I laughed so hard reading this that my next igloo neighbour knocked on the ice blocks.
    F*cking Hell, eh?
    Le Clown

    Reply
  4. Dear Dotty.
    Just LOL, this is brilliant. You definatly got the South England nailed.
    Can’t wait for more examples of international accents.
    Love from HS xx

    Reply
  5. Dear Dotty,
    I immediately spotted the reason for many Frenchships gone wrong.
    You may want to add Føørking Hæll. This is how the Danish Vikings pronounced it. In fact those Vikings invented this swearing. Originally Føørk was spelled Fork. A Fork is like the little utensil you eat your Cumberland Sausage with, but in Danish Fork is a much bigger tool, used by the devil and farmers. Hæll is short for Helvede, meaning the place where some people go on Monday mornings. The Vikings didn’t use “o” so they compensated by using double “ø”. The “æ” in Hæll, was a mispronunciation due to heavy intake of cheap alcohol.

    Reply
    • Dear Anette,
      Thank you very much for the info. I’ve made a new page – would you mind adding your comment to it, I can’t do it because it will just say I’ve posted it, not you. :-)
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  6. G’day Dotty,

    To add to the list… Aussies pronounce it Farking Hell.

    John

    Reply
    • Dear John,
      Thank you. :-)
      Love Dotty xxx
      P.S. I’ve made a new page so if you have any Aussie swear words or insults can I have them, please? thank you.

      Reply
  7. kzackuslheureux

     /  March 31, 2012

    Dear Dotty.
    One addendum: U.S.er FucKING BITCH!
    Love, Alphabet

    Reply
    • Dear Alphabet,
      I’m trying to say it like that but my head keeps moving forward on the ‘KING’ and I feel like a hen –
      bwoaaaaaarkk, bwoark, bwoark, bwoark, bwoaaaaaarkk.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • kzackuslheureux

         /  March 31, 2012

        :) It’s just the “fucking hell” is a dead giveaway that, it must be a Brit. Whereas Fucking Bitch really is the US version. And don’t get me started on the Latino influence…

      • Dear Alphabet,
        Ah, I didn’t realise ‘fucking hell’ isn’t universal. Being British I just presume the world copies us in everything we do. ;-)
        Love Dotty xxx

      • kzackuslheureux

         /  March 31, 2012

        Dotty,
        F’ck’ng ‘ell sounds pretty fly if you ask me, but we don’t use it in astonishment, like we ought to, if we’re pissed off at someone or something (like a work schedule) it would be Fucking BitCH, but if we’re astonished it would be Holy FAHK!
        Did you know Americans were voted the coolest in the world? I don’t know why, if you compared our music with Britain’s? However Canadain ranked fourth from least cool. Right above Belgium… ha ha ha, so true.
        Love, Alphabet BeeAtch!

      • Dear Alphabet,

        We in the North use Fucking Bitch as a general term for all women who irritate us, ie ‘That fucking bitch next door,’ – Hellosailor will know if it’s the same down south.

        Who voted the Americans the coolest in the world? Americans?

        Love Dotty xxx

  8. Just great!

    Reply
  9. Lleh gnikcuf… Dyslexics.
    Tweet tweeeeet… those Bush People from central Africa who have the whistling language.
    kkk kcckkcccktic… those other Bush People from closer to the edge of Africa who have that clicking language.
    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukin’ Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllll… Texas and parts of the South.
    The world is much more complex than you would lead us to believe.

    Reply
  10. Dear Dotty,

    Where the fuck’s your New York accent version??

    Love,
    Madame Weebles

    Reply
    • Dear M. Weebles,

      I don’t know, I just did North America – do you mean a New York accent like in the mafia films? Or posh New York, or arty-farty New York, or poor New York or yellow cab New York? There’s so much of it to choose from.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • An excellent point, Dotty. Any variation would do, really. My own NY accent is sort of a combo of all of them. It’s real classy.

        xx Mme Weebles

      • Dear M. Weebles,
        So how do you pronounce FUCK?
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Probably no difference in spelling, really. Probably sounds much like the Jersey version cited below, minus the “yo” at the end.

      • Dear Mme Weebles,

        Do you have any little local swearing that you do/know to add to my collection?

        Love Dotty xxx

  11. New Jersey – What da fuckin’ ‘ell Yo?

    Reply
    • Dear cooper,
      I watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey when they showed it here. I can just picture Teresa saying it like that. :-)
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply

Write a little note to Dotty.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 564 other followers

%d bloggers like this: