Being reared in a multi-cultural, multi-lingual, multi-accented home, I am EXCELLENT at doing accents – I had to be because when I started school at the age of 5 I got my head kicked in by a boy named Geoffrey for ‘talking funny’ so I speedily picked up the Yorkshire accent to use when speaking to Yorkshire people and that’s the main accent I still use except when I speak to my Scottish relatives, then I speak in the accent I THINK IN which is Scottish because German sounds like coughing up flem and this flummoxes Yorkshire people because they think I’m from Yorkshire. Which I’m not, I’m from Lancashire but I only lived there until I was one year old so I didn’t have chance to speak fluent Lancastrian.
So here’s me speaking in INTERNATIONAL ACCENTS that are so good I’d be able to pass myself off as a local if I could ever GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOUSE.
Fucking ‘ell- Northern England and Scotland (we’re the only ones who pronounce it correctly)
Fackinell- Southern England
Faarking Hell or Ferking Hell – posh Southern England
Feckin ‘ell – Ireland
Fooockeeen ‘el’ – France, Italy
FOCKUN HELL – Germany, Poland, most of the rest of Europe
Fuucking Hell – North America
Fuuuurkin Hell – the other bit of America
F*cking Hell - Canada
Fooorkeen Hell- Pakistan, India and other Asian countries that are not China or Japan
Fakeenell – China, Japan and the little countries around them
FORKUN HELLSKI - Russia and other ex-USSR countries
feeekin hell – Smurfland
The rest of the world doesn’t swear.
If I’ve missed you out, or if you come from somewhere on the list and I’m saying it wrong, let me know and I’ll teach you how to say it properly in your accent.
Cumberland sausage time. MMMmmmm.
bitchpig
/ March 31, 2012Hilarious x
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear bitchpig,
But true!
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
What a great laugh for first post in the morning — this is why I find you first. I think you got the accents perfectly — especially Canada!
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear Judith,
Have a good day.
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
Love, Judith
clownonfire
/ March 31, 2012Dotty,
It’s 7:30am in Montreal, Canadaland.
I’m sipping on my first cup of coffee, and I laughed so hard reading this that my next igloo neighbour knocked on the ice blocks.
F*cking Hell, eh?
Le Clown
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear clown,
I’m right, aren’t I?
Love Dotty xxx
clownonfire
/ March 31, 2012Dotty,
As always, yes!
And to add to your vast knowledge, here’s the French Québécois way:
Le Fucking.
Le Clown
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear clown,
Shouldn’t that be Le Fooockeeen?
Love Dotty xxx
clownonfire
/ March 31, 2012Dotty,
You could pass for one of us.
Le Clown
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear clown,
I know.
Love Dotty xxx
clownonfire
/ March 31, 2012Dotty,
A bit of fine tuning… :”Je sais”.
Le Clown
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear clown,
Je sais je suis la fooockeeen bollocks de la chienne.
Love Dotty xxx
clownonfire
/ March 31, 2012Dotty,
You are my favourite.
Le Clown
Hellosailor
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty.
Just LOL, this is brilliant. You definatly got the South England nailed.
Can’t wait for more examples of international accents.
Love from HS xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear HS,
Thank you.
You gave me an IDEA. I’ve made a new page.
Love Dotty xxx
Hellosailor
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
Hurrah!!!
Love HS xx
Ink. [Anette]
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
I immediately spotted the reason for many Frenchships gone wrong.
You may want to add Føørking Hæll. This is how the Danish Vikings pronounced it. In fact those Vikings invented this swearing. Originally Føørk was spelled Fork. A Fork is like the little utensil you eat your Cumberland Sausage with, but in Danish Fork is a much bigger tool, used by the devil and farmers. Hæll is short for Helvede, meaning the place where some people go on Monday mornings. The Vikings didn’t use “o” so they compensated by using double “ø”. The “æ” in Hæll, was a mispronunciation due to heavy intake of cheap alcohol.
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear Anette,
Thank you very much for the info. I’ve made a new page – would you mind adding your comment to it, I can’t do it because it will just say I’ve posted it, not you.
Love Dotty xxx
John the Aussie
/ March 31, 2012G’day Dotty,
To add to the list… Aussies pronounce it Farking Hell.
John
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear John,
Thank you.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. I’ve made a new page so if you have any Aussie swear words or insults can I have them, please? thank you.
kzackuslheureux
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty.
One addendum: U.S.er FucKING BITCH!
Love, Alphabet
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear Alphabet,
I’m trying to say it like that but my head keeps moving forward on the ‘KING’ and I feel like a hen –
bwoaaaaaarkk, bwoark, bwoark, bwoark, bwoaaaaaarkk.
Love Dotty xxx
kzackuslheureux
/ March 31, 2012Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear Alphabet,
Ah, I didn’t realise ‘fucking hell’ isn’t universal. Being British I just presume the world copies us in everything we do.
Love Dotty xxx
kzackuslheureux
/ March 31, 2012Dotty,
F’ck’ng ‘ell sounds pretty fly if you ask me, but we don’t use it in astonishment, like we ought to, if we’re pissed off at someone or something (like a work schedule) it would be Fucking BitCH, but if we’re astonished it would be Holy FAHK!
Did you know Americans were voted the coolest in the world? I don’t know why, if you compared our music with Britain’s? However Canadain ranked fourth from least cool. Right above Belgium… ha ha ha, so true.
Love, Alphabet BeeAtch!
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear Alphabet,
We in the North use Fucking Bitch as a general term for all women who irritate us, ie ‘That fucking bitch next door,’ – Hellosailor will know if it’s the same down south.
Who voted the Americans the coolest in the world? Americans?
Love Dotty xxx
Dugutigui
/ March 31, 2012Just great!
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dug,
Thank you, it is, isn’t it?
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ March 31, 2012Lleh gnikcuf… Dyslexics.
Tweet tweeeeet… those Bush People from central Africa who have the whistling language.
kkk kcckkcccktic… those other Bush People from closer to the edge of Africa who have that clicking language.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukin’ Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllll… Texas and parts of the South.
The world is much more complex than you would lead us to believe.
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear pmao,
tweet tweeeeet kkkk kccckkkccckktictictic
go and put some of your favourite swearing in my new collection
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ March 31, 2012I just did.I may be back to do more. Tell me what you think…
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear pmao,
Bingo!
Love Dotty xxx
Madame Weebles
/ April 1, 2012Dear Dotty,
Where the fuck’s your New York accent version??
Love,
Madame Weebles
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 1, 2012Dear M. Weebles,
I don’t know, I just did North America – do you mean a New York accent like in the mafia films? Or posh New York, or arty-farty New York, or poor New York or yellow cab New York? There’s so much of it to choose from.
Love Dotty xxx
Madame Weebles
/ April 1, 2012An excellent point, Dotty. Any variation would do, really. My own NY accent is sort of a combo of all of them. It’s real classy.
xx Mme Weebles
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 1, 2012Dear M. Weebles,
So how do you pronounce FUCK?
Love Dotty xxx
Madame Weebles
/ April 1, 2012Probably no difference in spelling, really. Probably sounds much like the Jersey version cited below, minus the “yo” at the end.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 1, 2012Dear Mme Weebles,
Do you have any little local swearing that you do/know to add to my collection?
Love Dotty xxx
cooper
/ April 1, 2012New Jersey – What da fuckin’ ‘ell Yo?
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 1, 2012Dear cooper,
I watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey when they showed it here. I can just picture Teresa saying it like that.
Love Dotty xxx