Dotty Needs A Bit Of Help Please

 

There’s something strange afoot in Dottyworld. Mischief is being made somewhere, somehow and I need to get it sorted before something unfixable happens. As you should know by now I don’t have any mirrors in my house, nor do I have any shiny surfaces. It’s hard to catch a glimpse of myself ANYWHERE and that’s how I like it, if I wanted mirrors I wouldn’t have smashed them all. But this afternoon, when the sun shone bright through the window and hit the lid of my frying pan, I DID catch a glimpse of myself (more than a glimpse – about 7 seconds worth of glimpse before I jumped back, which doesn’t sound long but you try looking at something for 7 seconds and it’s longer than you think it should be).

I say I caught a glimpse of myself – well that’s not quite true because although I SHOULD have caught a glimpse of myself I didn’t, I caught a long 7 second glimpse of LITTLE EMILY. Except little Emily went home early this morning to make sure Charlotte isn’t taking the piss out of Anne again by getting her to do all the cleaning. And she hasn’t been back since, and she isn’t due back till tomorrow.

So how did I see her in the frying pan lid?

Little Emily is dead – I’ve seen her grave many times over the years, I know she’s in there but obviously SHE isn’t in there, and anyway it’s not a secret that I SEE DEAD PEOPLE, lots of people see dead people, they even make telly programmes about people who see dead people so it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But seeing dead people when it should be ME I’m seeing is a bit eerie.

At first I thought maybe it’s because we’ve become such good friends and I see her face much more than I see my own and the facial recognition part of my brain has forgotten what MY face looks like so it slapped little Emily’s face onto the frying pan lid instead.

Then I thought I wonder if it’s me, I wonder if I’ve finally lost it, but then I thought ‘No, Dotty, don’t be daft, you’re mental but you’re not fucking MENTAL‘.

Then I thought it must be something to do with little Emily’s ectoplasm, maybe it’s fucked up because she’s doing something she shouldn’t be doing like eating too many of my Cumberland sausages, or trying to follow Rah Rah Rasputin on Just Dance 2 (or 3? I can’t remember, she puts it on herself, I don’t like it), or killing wabbits for her wabbit pies, or looking after Branwell when he’s in a fugue, or arguing with Charlotte, or too much writing writing writing, or any number of things she does that I don’t even know about, who knows what she gets up to on that fucking moor every morning, there are more dead people roaming around up there than soft Mick, she could be doing anyTHING with anyONE of them.

All or none of these things could be the cause of what happened earlier and that’s what I need help with - knowledge of ghosts. If any of you know anything at all about ghosts will you tell me please so I can try and work out what’s wrong with little Emily and why she appeared on my face? I don’t want to lose her, she’s the best friend I’ve ever had.

Thank you.

 

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76 Comments

  1. Dear Dotty,

    This one is going to take some thought! 8-) I just wanted you to know I’ve read it, though, and have you on my mind.

    Love,

    Judith 8-)

    Reply
  2. Dotty, this sounds truly awful! Is this the same Little Emily who didn’t like your migraine poem? Or is it another Emily?

    Reply
  3. I saw a guy that wasn’t there once, but he wasn’t dead either. There was a confusing incident once involving an empty grave in the cemetery near my house, but it turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. I know all about these things, but each story is long, and I have millions of them, so you will have to wait till my blog gets to that part of my life. Until then, scrape the shiny surface of your lid with sand paper or a rough edge of a brick.

    Reply
    • Dear pmao,
      Brilliant idea, I’ve just done it with my brick. But I still need to know what’s wrong with little Emily.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • It is not her we have to worry about.

      • Dear pmao,
        Yes it is, she’s my friend.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • When I rule the universes, you will both be safe.

      • Dear pmao,
        Good. Thank you.
        Hang on, do you mean safe as in FREE TO LIVE OUR LIVES safe (or death in little Emily’s case)
        or do you mean safe as in LOCKED IN A FUCKING LOONY BIN ‘safe’?
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Locking you up would seem to be a waste of time and effort since you live in self-imposed exile now. And ghosts are notoriously hard to lock up. So you are good. Also, you are going to be one of my cabinet members of the supreme council of the Overlord…(that’s me)… but you can tele-commute with your magic computer box.

      • Dear pmao,
        It’s not self-imposed, it’s BRAIN IMPOSED.
        And I’m not just going to be ONE of your cabinet members – I want to be Chancellor of the Exchequer.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Nobody needs to write my cheques for me. I can write.

      • Dear pmao,
        Cheques are old school. Let me control the money and I’ll make you the richest Overlord in the UNIVERSES
        Love Dotty xxx

      • All the money will already be mine. You really have no idea how this overlord thing works, do you?
        Also, on the subject of going outside, have you ever considered that the world IS you freekin’ house? So you wouldn’t really be outside, would you?

      • Dear pamo,
        I’ll be fine when you clear this island for me, I’ll be able to go out then.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • The world is your island… outside is just a term, not a reality. The sky is your roof, the earth is your floor. All the people are merely bed bugs and cockroaches.

      • Dear pamo,
        Exactly my point. They’re all HUGE fucking bed bugs and cockroaches, especially my neighbours with the three scabby cats.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • If you turn on your mental light, they will all scurry away under the refrigerator. (This is not literally true, it is a metaphor)… Feel free to spray them with raid until they learn who is in charge.

      • Dear pamo,
        I’m presuming raid is an American creepy crawly killer that I don’t have. I don’t have any creepy crawly killer except fly spray. I do have some arsenic in a spray bottle, will that do?
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Just put water in a spray bottle, but write POISON on the bottle in big black letters.

      • Dear pamo,
        And you think I’m mental? Even I know creepy crawlies can read.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Wait, they can or they can’t. ???

      • Dear pamo,
        Yes.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • And your exile is self-imposed. Because you let your brain tell you what to do. I never listen to my brain, that is my secret. Your brain is giving you bad advice. When we do that, you tell us to fuck off.

      • Dear pmao,
        I never tell anyone to fuck off only my family and little Emily and sometimes Branwell if he gets a bit too rowdy and won’t leave me alone. And some other people.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • I was just making a point with tough love.

      • Dear pmao,
        I tried tough love on my dead husband Simon. I shot his head off, he behaved himself after that.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • I am hoping I will not have to resort to that with you.

      • Dear pamo,

        TRY IT, BOZO.

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Man, you are wound as tight as a 2 dollar watch.

      • Dear pamo,
        Am I? Is that good?
        Love Dotty xxx

      • You just think you are mental now. When you really do snap, you are going to end up on the international news… and not in a good way.

      • Dear pamo,
        No I won’t, I don’t like cameras – they’re the tools of Beelzebub.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Cameras do not care if you hate them. They are like politicians that way.

  4. Well, I’m sorry Dotty. I didn’t realize little Emily was dead you know. No wonder she brought you the wrong cheesecake and didn’t like you poem. It all makes more sense now. So when did little Emily die?

    Reply
    • Dear Anette,
      Yes, she is a bit of a ditz. She died in 1848 – you might have read the book she’s writing – Wuthering Heights – it’s okay but she treats Heathcliff like a baby sometimes when he’s really just a big moody sod who never cleans his boots when he comes into my house. That’s why I believe what she tells me about my shitey poems, she’s a good writer when she doesn’t let Charlotte edit the shite out of her work.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  5. Dotty, this is from Wiki

    hope it helps

    “A ghost might appear because:

    It died unfairly such as murder and their murder was never caught.
    It has some unfinished business…love/ it was tried or accused unfairly/family/ it has to send a message.
    It is confused… and I personally think that ghost of children are mainly confused and worried. Ghosts appear either to warn you or show you they are there.
    They usually never want to scare you so if you see one. calm down and try talking to it”

    Reply
    • Dear David,

      THANK YOU! Thank you very much indeed. This is precisely the sort of information I wanted. I’ll speak to her tomorrow when she comes and see if she knows anything.
      :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  6. Wuthering Heights sucks Dotty.

    Reply
    • Dear Anette,
      I think it’s good, but then again it’s all about where I live. And it sells well. :-)
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Just because something sells, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good Dotty. Remember the Avatart Film?
        Anyhow, I think it’s time you introduce a mirror into you house again. Maybe you really look like Emily? Maybe it’s not Emily but a mean thing trying to imitate Emily. If so, mirrors are very good at chasing away imitators and mean things.

      • Dear Anette,
        MEAN THINGS IN MY HOUSE?
        MEAN THINGS?
        IN MY HOUSE?
        OH.
        OH.
        OH FUCK.

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Yeah, I heard about them you know. They eat ones Cumberland and stuff. I think that’s pretty mean, don’t you? But it’s suppose to be really easy getting rid of them. Try hang a mirror over a full plate of Cumberland sausages. They are afraid of seeing themselves. And they WILL look up when they indulge in Cumberland, and then they will see and then they will run so you cannot see their arses for soles.

      • I DON’T HAVE A MIRROR.
        WHAT CAN I DO?
        MY HOUSE IS THE ONLY SAFE PLACE AND NOW IT’S NOT A SAFE PLACE IT’S FULL OF MEAN THINGS THAT WILL GET ME IN THE NIGHT I CAN’T GO TO SLEEP I CAN’T DO ANYTHING AND LITTLE EMILY ISN’T COMING BACK TILL TOMORROW I’LL BE ON MY OWN ALL NIGHT WITH MEAN THINGS CRAWLING THROUGH MY HOUSE AND ON MY FACE AND I AM SCARED NOW I AM SCARED OF MY HOUSE WHAT CAN I DO WHAT CAN I DO

      • DOTTY calm down. Do you have tinfoil in your house?

      • Good. Very good. Now foil yourself up properly and go to bed. Oh yeah maybe foil a couple of Cumberland too. Nothing worse than being out of Cumberland in the morning. I see you still keep forks in your house, if you have other shiny cutlery things, place them around your bed. Anything shiny will work. Trust me Dotty. They WILL work. So, what time will dead Emily be there tomorrow?

      • Okay. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.
        But lemme tell ya: you’ll sleep like a baby tonight! You’ve NEVER been safer. Sleep tight Dotty. I’ll check in on you first thing tomorrow okay.

      • Dear Dotty,
        How are you today? I hope you sleept well and all is fine with you ♥

      • Dear Anette,
        I’m going to have a little sleep now.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dotty, have a good sleep and take care :)

      • Dear Anette,
        Oh, I’m all right – NOW.
        Love Dotty xxx

  7. Mmm…Heathcliff…Sorry ’bout the ghosty – perhaps you could make her a pie?…L

    Reply
    • Dear Lill and Jill,
      No, I think part of it might be EATING. I’ve never heard of other ghosts who eat – except maybe Hannibal Lecter, he still eats – so I’m going to put her on a diet, I think.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  8. Dear Dotty,

    Maybe Emily is just playing around with dimensions. She might not have even realised she’s doing it. She might be asleep and wandering around in her dream. So right there you have any number of layers of stuff going on.

    I had one friend (who talks to crows, so he would know) tell me that if you see something and then look again and it’s not anymore, well, it still WAS when you first saw it, so whatever your reaction was to having seen it in the first place is more important than whether you saw it at all and why. So maybe go back to the moment (or seven moments or what have you) of the seeing, and consider what you experienced then, and you might make some more sense of it.

    Now I need to write my bloody paper or I will have an apocalyptic breakdown and set Puritania on fire and then Fishy and I will have to rescue all the cats and the disenfranchised urban deer, and he can’t really carry that much baggage, if you know what I mean, and plus I will die of frustration and hilarity and then miss your posts about what happened with Emily, and I will have to join little Emily in haunting you or whatever she’s doing.

    Hmm.

    Love,
    Owl

    Reply
    • Dear owl,
      THANK YOU!
      You and David have given me much to think about tonight before I speak to little Emily tomorrow.
      Dreams! Yes! Her being on my face might have been her DREAMING she is looking into my frying pan lid because she really WAS looking into my frying pan lid on the night before April Fool’s Day. Her dream might have been about Cumberland sausages.
      Thank you. :-)
      Love Dotty xxx
      P.S. Whilst I really don’t want you to die of frustration, you’d be very welcome to come and share a Cumberland sausage or two with little Emily and I. We could play Hungry Hippos – it’s no fun with just the two of us. :-)

      Reply
  9. kzackuslheureux

     /  April 2, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    I barely know anything about the living little lone non-living.
    I can’t wait to read your posts on this one though!
    Love,
    Alphabet

    Reply
  10. Dear Dotty,
    Perhaps Little Emily was just worried about you, and used the pan lid to check in on you…Forgetting that she would probably freak you out a bit?

    I hope you get this all sorted out soon.
    Love,
    the howler and me

    Reply
    • Dear the howler and me,
      Hmm, it’s a possibility but she’s never done anything like that before, she always comes in person. It’s HER I’m worried about, not me. I don’t want her to vanish.
      I’ve been up all night fighting off MEAN THINGS that I didn’t know were in my house until Anette scared me stupid last night by telling me about them. I don’t have ANYWHERE to go now, I’m living in my tumble dryer – I just hope little Emily can find me when she arrives later.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,

        I am sure Little Emily will be able to find you, she is quite clever. I hope you don’t have to stay in your tumble dryer too much longer. Hang in there.

        Love,
        the howler and me

      • Dear the howler and me,
        I’m out now. :-)
        Love Dotty xxx

  11. clownonfire

     /  April 3, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Do you think it’s because you made fun of White Baby Jesus on my blog?
    Le Clown

    Reply
  12. Dorothy

     /  April 3, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Ghosts are never anything to be afraid of…be afraid of the living, yes, that makes sense, but ghosts never! I’ve had a few experiences with ghosts and only once was I frightened, well, maybe twice but that was because I was alone and all of the animals heard it whistling and turned their heads and there was nothing there but we all heard it. Even a camera filmed this happening because I was working at the time. But the poor ghost was only whistling and it wasn’t even a scary tune, it just was scary because I was supposed to be alone.
    Anyway, Little Emily appeared to you in the bright light I believe which just happened to reflect off of the lid. It was a visitation, that’s all and it startled you. Reverse the scenario, think of all the fun you’ll have when it’s your turn on the other side!! mhwaaaaaahhahahaha
    Dorothy

    Reply
    • Dear Dorothy,
      Thank you. I’m not afraid OF little Emily, I’m afraid FOR her. Her visits never startle me, unless she brings wabbit pie – I just want things to stay the way they are but something’s changing, I know it.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  13. Dear Dotty,
    I’m not sure I can help you. But I do know that my parents lived in a haunted house when my brother was wee baby. They, these dead people, pushed his stroller around at night and I’m not sure if they did anything with him (though by the looks of the way he is now, I think they did).
    Love xoxo

    Reply
    • Dear PAZ,
      I don’t think the dead people would have done anything to him, those that I’ve met are really nice. It’s like Scotty and Lottie – we were all brought up the same way, in the same house, but those two are complete sadistic whack-jobs and I’m just a normal everyday Mental. You can never tell how anyone’s going to turn out.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,
        I was kidding about my brother. I don’t think so either but I tell him they must have because I like to give him a hard time. He’s a pretty nice guy but quite mental in a different way. Have you seen Little Emily since?
        Love xoxox

      • Dear PAZ,
        He sounds like my brother, Scotty. Yes, little Emily popped round. :-)
        Love Dotty xxx

  14. Dear Dotty,
    I’m not going to contribute to this thread because it is already too long.
    Cheers,
    S

    Reply

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