Dear Bloggy People,
Please excuse Dotty from writing a post today. The dog ate her laptop.
Signed
Mrs Headbanger
Absence Note
Posted in Fake Non Fiction
Tagged beauty, blog, blogging, British, Comedy, Depression, Dotty Headbanger, fake non fiction, family, fiction, food, funny, humor, humour, I AM MENTAL, Insanity, Life, Mad Shit, mental, mental health, misc, News, pile of shite, psychiatry, psychology, Random, satire, social anxiety, stories, thoughts, words, writing
Posted by Dotty Headbanger on April 5, 2012
http://dottyheadbanger.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/absence-note/
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THE BIG BLOG COLLECTION
GO AND ADD YOUR BLOG TO THE LISTS. AND DON'T FORGET TO PRESS FOLLOW.
Search For Shite On Dotty’s Blog
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It’s All Shite – Scroll Right Down The Page For The Big List Of Shite
- Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby. And More Baby.
- EGGS
- How A Baby Whose Name Isn’t Jesus Came To Live With Dotty
- Hello, Hello, Hellooooooooo…
- Dotty Weekly News
- Dotty The Fickle Fucker
- Hello, It’s Me, Dotty.
- Where Did Lottie Find The Fucker? Under A Bleeding Heart?
- Lottie Is Going Dotty And Dotty Is Having A Bouncy Week
- Shitey Sunday Picture Post – Fluffy Puffy Clouds (and a CLOUDY CAPTION COMPETITION)
Dotty’s New Blog
This is my new blog, Common Sense Is Dead
ALL THE SHITEY SUNDAYS
Shitey Sunday Picture Posts - Click on the big doomy cross to get to the list
Sister Agony Auntie Dotty’s Problem Page
Go here if you need advice. Click on her big red cross.
I LIKE THIS PICTURE
It's an endearing picture of an amateur trepanner. It reminds me of me before I turned pro, though it's obviously a male and I'm obviously not a male. Do you like it too? If so, click on his X shaped eye.
SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR AT JEMIMA
If this evil doll, whose name is Jemima, came and woke me up in the night I would swear and swear like a fucking trooper. To learn how to swear like a fucking trooper, CLICK ON JEMIMA'S EVIL EYE.
FOR AMERICANS ONLY
Are you American? Do you need a new job? Do you want to move to Britain? PUSH THE SPARKLY BUTTON to begin this new and wonderful chapter of your life. NOW INCLUDES CANADIANS.
Cumberland Sausage Count
- 51,930 so far today - yum yum!
Dotty Headbanger’s Shitey Family – The Whole Sorry Story
The ongoing story of me and my family. Click here if you want to know who's who and what's what.
A Very Nice Picture Of Kumblant
This is Kumblant Zozeech, a very sad pygmy were-zompire who is fast becoming one of my best friends (little Emily, watch out). To read his journals CLICK ON HIM.
Dotty’s Doo Wop Collection
This is a picture of one of the cd cases in my doo wop cd collection. I didn't take the picture. Either click on it to read the bit of shite in there or look at the drop-down list for the songs.
DOTTY BOOK REVIEWS
I was going to show you a stack of books to click on for DOTTY BOOK REVIEWS but I like this shoe.
Mucky Ducky & Fucky Ducky – Poetry in motion
CLICK ON THE YELLOW ONE TO KNOCK HIM OFF THE PINK ONE. QUACK QUACK.
Press Enquiries
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I don't do television or face-to-face interviews. I might do pre-booked telephone interviews but only if you can pay me in the Queen's precious coin. No Euros, no Dollars, and definitely no plastic cards with spying-for-the-government computer chips in them.
All enquiries to:
dottyheadbanger AT gmail.comPaparazzi - Don't camp outside my house again or I'll set my 12 Rottweilers on you. Dotty's Rotty's will EAT YOUR FACE.
DOTTY’S PET BLOGS
Go and add your blog to DOTTY'S PET BLOGS and fly, my little ones, fly away to see each other, but come back to your Dotty or I'll curl up and sigh and cry and die and my pretty balloons will be thieved away by a passing guttersnipe.
DOTTY FILM REVIEWS
Click on the telly for Dotty Film Reviews. Be careful not to poke the eye with your cursor or A THING will jump out and EAT YOU.
Taggywags
art beauty blog blogging bloody rubbish British Comedy crapcrapcrap Cumberland sausages Depression doobydoobydoo Dotty Headbanger emily bronte fake non fiction family fiction food funny humor humour I am a nutty nutter I AM MENTAL Insanity Life Mad Shit mental mental health misc News personal pictures pile of shite poems Poetry psychiatry psychology Random religion satire social anxiety stories thoughts why bother? words writingTHE DOTTY HEADBANGER AWARD
This new Dotty Headbanger Award picture was designed by clownonfire for posh people who want a classier looking award picture than the one I created - never mind all the time and effort I expelled doing mine. Click on it to see how to get the award.
THE BRICK & SAUSAGE AWARD
If I was an award, this is the award I would be.
A Dotty Award
An award for We Who Are Mental and for Normals who want to be mental. Take it and keep it for yourself or give it out like other awards - the questions that go with it will appear if you click on our great and beautiful flag.
THE BEST EVER BLOGGING AWARD WITH BINS IN THE PICTURE
I'll never make another nice award. This is it, the only one. LIMITED OFFER - grab it while you can because it won't be here for long.
-
All The Shitey Posts I’ve Written In A Big Shitey List
- Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby. And More Baby.
- EGGS
- How A Baby Whose Name Isn’t Jesus Came To Live With Dotty
- Hello, Hello, Hellooooooooo…
- Dotty Weekly News
- Dotty The Fickle Fucker
- Hello, It’s Me, Dotty.
- Where Did Lottie Find The Fucker? Under A Bleeding Heart?
- Lottie Is Going Dotty And Dotty Is Having A Bouncy Week
- Shitey Sunday Picture Post – Fluffy Puffy Clouds (and a CLOUDY CAPTION COMPETITION)
- Bish Bash Bosh – I’ve Run Out Of Dosh
- Ariel Washing Machine Tablets, I Love You, You Are Beautiful
- Another New Dotty Blog
- RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT – And More RANT
- Another Dotty Senryu – A Mental Writer’s Mental Lament
- Shitey Sunday Picture Post – Hair!
- September, September – The Month Of Giving, And The Month Of Nine Months Of Blogging For Dotty, And It’s Nearly Christmas
- Branwell To The Rescue – Manglebrain Is Back In The Sideboard
- Dotty Is Being Beaten And Eaten By The Demon And I Don’t Know What To Do
- Shitey Sunday Picture Post – Barmy Baldies
- Manglebrain Rex, Criminatore Terribilium (The Demon In Dotty’s Attic)
- Trying To Trap The Demon In Dotty’s Attic (It Isn’t An Attic, It’s A LOFT But Attic Sounds Better)
- Why Is Life So Cruel To Me? Why? Why? What Have I Done That’s SO Wrong?
- Ghosty Spirity Spooky Spectrey FOLLOWERS
- Dotty Was Dying Of Double Pneumonia But I’m All Right Now
- Shitey Sunday Picture Post – Baby Jumping
- A Very Nice Video Post
- Hidey-Holes For Hermits
- Dotty The Sagey Wise Woman – Wise Words Of Wisdom – Part 1, A Few Idioms For Idiots
- If I Didn’t Have People Phobia I Could Have Run Outside And Kicked His Head In
- Useless Dotty Strikes Again
- Guess Who’s Coming To My House This Afternoon?
- Marvellous, Miraculous Sticky Notes
- Shitey Poem – Poemi Classicus
- Dotty The Cosmic Orderer Who Asked The Universe For £148m But Didn’t Get It
- £148m Euromillions Winners Say It Won’t Change Them
- Dotty Talking Therapy © – The Cure For Being Mental
- DOtty’s FavOurite Letter Of The Alphabet
- Shitey Sunday Picture Post – Inspirational Wordy Posters
- A Shitey Poem For Shitey Saturday – The Stolen Shoes
- Hello, My Little Chickadumplings
- Two Pints Of Laudanum And A Packet Of Crisps, Please!
- Shitey Sunday Picture Post – Weirdy Beardies And Mental Moustaches
- The Big Blog Collection – Dotty’s Choice
- It’s All In The Eyes – What NOT To Do With A Character’s Eyes If You Don’t Want Your Readers To Piss Themselves Laughing
- A Nice Letter To Dotty’s Future Dead Second Husband
- Questions, Questions, Questions – How To Successfully Torture A People Phobic She-Hermit
- ?
- Dotty’s New Novel – Part 2 – This Is Not A Love Story
- Fifty Shades Of SHITEY DROSS
DOTTY’S COLLECTED COUNTRIES
Why, oh, why doesn't Smurfland like me? SMURFS, you little blue lovelies - come and visit me, please. What have I done to make you snub me like this?
Creepy & Freaky But True
Who keeps taunting me? Who is it? When I catch you I will do this to your head and your arm. I don't know what I'll do with the rest of you but be warned - I have suitcases. Lots of them.
FED UP OF FACEBOOK?
Click the green thing to sign up for Zurker and I'll get some shares.
Dotty’s Notes
- * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
- ALL DOTTY’S COLLECTIONS IN ONE HANDY LIST
- DOTTY’S HINTS & TIPS FOR HERMITS
- Sister Agony Auntie Dotty’s Problem Page
- DOTTY REVIEWS
- Dotty’s Shitey Family – The Whole Sorry Story
- DOTTY’S PET BLOGS
- DOTTY THE AWARD SLUT – AWARD COLLECTION
- VERSIONS OF MY AWARD
- BORING SHITEY POEMS
- SHITEY SHORT STORIES
- Very Sad Journal Of Very Sad Pygmy Were-Zompire
- DOTTY’S DOO-WOP COLLECTION
- ALL THE SHITEY SUNDAYS
DOTTY PAVAROTTI, THE SINGING FISH
We shall have a fishy on a little dishy, we shall have a fishy when the boat comes in. Dance to your Daddy, sing to your Mammy, dance to your Daddy when the boat comes in.
Dotty's Good Sites
- A Telly Guide I Use When I Need To Know What's On
- CIA – Ha ha ha! They Need To Learn To Spell If They Want To Be The CENTRE Of Intelligence.
- Dibble – For When They Say They're Fed Up With My Questions
- Euromillions Results So I Can Quickly Check My Ticket
- FBI – If America Needs My Help Finding Their Serial Killers I'm Only One Click Away
- MI5 – So I Can Keep An Eye On The UK Threat Level
- NASA – So I Can Keep A Watch On What They're Up To In Space
- Pondlife – The Adventures Of A Large Herd Of Single-Celled Amoebas
- RAF – They Patrol The Dangerous Skies Above My House
- Stephen Hawking Tells Me Some Of The Things I Need To Know About The Universe
- This is Asda Where I Buy My Cumberland Sausages And Other Shopping
- White, Pink, Brown Noise
KILL ME NOW, I’M AN AWARD SLUT
This award was made by Elaine at elaine4queen. I asked her if I could have it. There's no hope for me, I'll be posting pictures of cute fluffy animals next. Click on it to see more awards made by my talented acolytes.
ANYONE WANT TO ARGUE?
I just appreciate the structural engineering - what's wrong with that?
Really Shitey Shite
It’s All Old Shite
- June 2013 (4)
- October 2012 (3)
- September 2012 (14)
- August 2012 (27)
- July 2012 (34)
- June 2012 (36)
- May 2012 (36)
- April 2012 (38)
- March 2012 (43)
- February 2012 (47)
- January 2012 (27)
- December 2011 (6)
Dotty’s Filing Cabinet
Cumberland Sausages I Love You
EAT ME, EAT ME!
judithatwood
/ April 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
I hope to see you soon, and I hope you’re okay.
Love you,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear Judith,
Ssshh, don’t tell anyone it’s me.
I’m fine, thank you, I just wanted to play truant for the day.
Lots of love,
Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ April 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
Your secret is safe with me. Have fun!
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear Judith.
Love Dotty xxx
Maggie O'C
/ April 5, 2012I’ve been waiting for you today! I will be here when you get the dog to poop out your laptop and then you clean it up so it can be used again.
Feel better
xoxox
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear Maggie,
Sshh, it’s not me. I’m not here.
Love Dotty xxx
Maggie O'C
/ April 5, 2012I Googled it and yes, I agree with your assessment. Happily I don’t think we have that here.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear Maggie,
You probably have things much more disgusting.
Mrs Headbanger
Ink. [Anette]
/ April 5, 2012Dear Mrs. Headbanger,
Will you tell Dotty I was here please. I was hoping she could help me with a good recipe, preferably something with Cumberland, since I’m having guest for dinner tonight, which happens not so often (last time was 2003) and I don’t want to fuck it up (sorry Mrs. Headbanger – Dotty will understand). Kind regards, Anette
Ink. [Anette]
/ April 5, 2012P.S. Make sure somebody shoots that dog okay.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear Anette,
Okay.
Mrs Dotty xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear Anette,
Yes, I’ll tell her.
I’ll give you one of my recipes for tonight – fry 18 Cumberland sausages in lard, butter 36 slices of bread and make Cumberland sausage sandwiches. Your guest will thank you.
Signed
Mrs Headbanger
Ink. [Anette]
/ April 5, 2012Excellent Mrs. Headbanger.
Will Piccalilly sufficiently do as vegetables with this dish? People like veggies nowadays, I find them slightly overrated myself, but just in case my guest is a vegetarian, I think I better have some sort of vegetarian element on the table.
Thank you.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear Anette,
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
NO FUCKING VEGETABLES. If your guest is a vegetarian, tough titties – they wouldn’t serve meat to you, why should you RUIN a perfectly good Cumberland sausage sandwich with PICCALILLY? YUUUUUUUUKKKK!
Mrs Headbanger
robincoyle
/ April 5, 2012A likely story.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear Mrs Coyle,
A TRUE STORY.
Signed
Mrs Headbanger
Maggie O'C
/ April 5, 2012What the hell is Piccalilly?
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear Maggie,
It’s NASTY, that’s what it is.
Signed
Mrs Headbanger
Veggiewitch
/ April 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
You’re such a considerate “ditcher” to post a note. ♥
I don’t envy you the task of following that dog around to retrieve your laptop. The “Tooth Fairy” sure did not when my eldest swallowed a baby tooth.
Enjoy your well-deserved, creatively-taken day off. *squishy hugs*
Best,
Veggiewitch ♥
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear veggiewitch,
I’m not here, sshhhhhhh!!!!
I’m just going to write notes in future – it’s had as many views as my posts get.
Love Dotty xxx
Veggiewitch
/ April 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
I’m silent as the grave.
Veggiewitch ♥
xoxo
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear veggiewitch,
Love Dotty xxx
Sword-chinned bitch
/ April 5, 2012It’s cool Ms. Headbanger…
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 5, 2012Dear swordy,
Mrs Headbanger
Madame Weebles
/ April 5, 2012Dear Dotty, Disappointed! But everyone needs a day off. xoxo Mme Weebles
kzackuslheureux
/ April 5, 2012Dear Dotty, Yeah fine, Why don’t you take the whole weekend off why you’re at it!
Love, Alphabet
kzackuslheureux
/ April 5, 2012Crap! I meant to say “While you’re at it” not why* stupid, stupid alphabet!
the howler and me
/ April 6, 2012Dear Dotty,
I hope you enjoyed your day off
Love,
the howler and me
clownonfire
/ April 6, 2012Dear Dotty,
This is my second visit today.
Just wanted to see if you were back… YAY!
Le Clown
saradraws
/ April 6, 2012Dear Dotty,
20 likes and 25 comments for this post? Do you shit gold? What is your secret!? I am envious of your celebrity, espeially considering you spend so muh time in a dryer.
In awe,
Sara
Dorothy
/ April 6, 2012ixnay on the otty-Day……
Capiche?
pouringmyartout
/ April 6, 2012Truant…
You will be ruint….
tadams4u
/ April 6, 2012Hope the dog doesn’t get a virus. You may need to defrag him
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 6, 2012Dear Everybody Who I Didn’t Reply To Properly,
I’m sorry I haven’t replied individually, I just wrote the new post and I’m bursting for a wee, but thank you.
Love Dotty xxx