Easter Eggs Are Yummy And Dotty Has Eaten A LOAD Even Though It Isn’t Easter Until Tomorrow

I've eaten about this much worth of Easter eggs so far and I'm going to eat MORE.

 

This is a very big Easter egg. I wonder if it’s hollow.  I’ve been eating Easter eggs all day. Easter eggs have NEVER made me sick, no matter how many I scran. They’re fucking lovely. THE BERSERKERS can’t keep up with me. Nobody can.

 

I’ve sent Scotty out to buy some more – yesterday he DID return from his meeting with MI5 or whoever he met  (I didn’t think he’d be able to come back) and he has to leave tonight on a mission to fuck knows where so that’s why we’re having Easter today and not tomorrow.

 

Lottie isn’t joining in because she’s on a diet but I can see by her face that she wants an Easter egg, she REALLY REALLY wants an Easter egg, it’s like a battle going on inside her – NO NO NO EASTER EGG, YES YES YES EASTER EGG – but she hasn’t given in yet. I’ll give her another hour before she cracks (HA HA HA HA – did you see what I did there?) We always had Easter egg eating competitions when we were kids and Lottie always won, even Scotty couldn’t beat her, even dear dead Daddy couldn’t beat her, and alongside the lure of the Easter eggs themselves is the call of the FIGHT – if her stomach doesn’t make her crack (HA HA) her competitive streak will.

 

Scotty isn’t very well, he caught Man-Flu the other day when he was up the ladder in the blizzard so it’s his own fault he has it, and THE BERSERKERS have little girl stomachs so I’m winning so far with a grand total of 12 (2 Cadbury’s Creme Eggs, 3 Cadbury’s Caramel, 3 of those Lindt Bunny Rabbits, and 4 Cadbury’s Flake). I don’t know what kind of Easter eggs Scotty’s going to bring back but they better not be those cheap ones that clag to the top of your mouth, I don’t like them.

 

I might be back later to tell you who won.

 

It’ll be ME.

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41 Comments

  1. free penny press

     /  April 7, 2012

    I’m in the race to see who can eat the most marshmallow peeps.. so far I am in the lead..
    Cadbury eggs are too damn good..
    (Post Script-I owe you a golden egg- you are my 100th blog follower :-)

    Reply
  2. Dear Dotty,

    You are lucky, I miss Easter… :(

    John

    Reply
    • Dear John,

      OH – that’s just terrible, atrocious – NO EASTER.

      POOR, POOR YOU.

      Why don’t you have Easter? Is it an old law we put in place when you were all criminals, that the Easter Bunny can’t visit you?

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,

        Self inflicted…. Always seemed to be rostered on a remote mine site during night shift.

        The price of keeping the kids fed and wifes Shie collection up to date.

        John

      • Dear John,
        You should have your own Easter like we’re doing today because of Scotty going off to work tonight. Sorry you’ll miss it. :-(
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dotty,

        I’ll have some eggs and choc rabbits with family when i get home… But its not the same, much like Christmas or birthdays that I’ve missed, last year was my first Christmas at home in 7 years. But it is always because of roster, now I get 8years of Xmas off!!!

        John

      • Dear John,
        I’m sure you and your family will make up for when you’re able to be at home. :-)
        And eight years of Christmas after all those years of not being able to be there – YAY!!
        I hope you all have a nice time. :-)
        Love Dotty xxx

  3. kzackuslheureux

     /  April 7, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    YOU SO FUCKING FUNNY. I LOVE YOU.
    Happy Easter,
    Alphabet

    Reply
  4. Dear Dotty,

    I’m rooting for you, Dotty dear — I know you can win! And, since they are so wonderful, I hope Scotty brings back some kind of Cadbury’s egg. I haven’t had one in a couple of years — maybe this year is the time. A girlfriend and I used to have a contest — whoever could find the first Cadbury’s egg got one from the loser as well. Yum! Enjoy your Easter weekend with your family! 8-)

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply
    • Dear Judith,

      Thank you, I know I can win too – if Lottie will just stick to her diet but I know she won’t. When she gets going on Easter eggs it’s like watching a starving pig eating a bucket of swill, gobble gobble gobble, oink oink oink.

      Our shops are full of Cadbury’s eggs, it’s just whether Scotty will bother looking at what he buys or if he’ll just go to the Easter egg aisle and chuck any old eggs in the trolley. He isn’t back yet.

      I hope you have a lovely Easter too. :-)

      Lots of love, Dotty xxx

      Reply
  5. Chocolate and sausages are not a healthy diet for a growing girl.
    You will make yourself sploggy… (That is an English word that I just made up… or did I?… and it means sweaty, torpid and rotund, with just a hint of gastric upset, as well as splotchy)
    It is pronounced sploggy, not sploggy… (A soft ‘G’ like in ‘squeegee’, not like in ‘blogging’, no matter how I chose to spell it, because it is my word)… Ha, I am sounding just like you now. If you could hear my fake English accent while I type, you would be impressed.
    (Splogginess will not work on you if you are already a 14 year old, overweight boy from Lumoxly Bywater on the Dell)
    Speaking of which, what kind of accent do you have? Is it an upper-crust, lofty, nasally toff-like, well bred, well heeled aristocratic type, or a lower east-ender, cockney, down by the wharf in the bad part of town, leaving out the ‘H’s’ sort?

    Reply
    • Dear pmao,

      The spelling of ‘sploggy’ makes me pronounce it as ‘sploggy’ like groggy or doggy or foggy, but if it’s spelt ‘splodgy’ then I’ll pronounce it as you want it to be prounounced and I’ll also tell you it’s not YOUR made up word, it’s an English word that British people use, but if you keep your spelling – sploggy – and pronounce it like groggy or doggy or foggy then as far as I know it IS a new word and one I’m happy to have describe me if it means I can keep eating Cumberland sausages and Easter eggs.

      I have a Yorkshire accent for Yorkshire people, a Scottish accent for my family and a posh, plummy accent for when I have to speak on the phone to imbeciles.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  6. Dorothy

     /  April 7, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Of course you will win because you’re determined. It all sounds so good. I miss eating sweets but chocolate doesn’t like me anymore. Have you tried the Cadbury Doughnut Egg yet? That is where they make a doughnut with a Cadbury Creme Egg inside.
    Have a very Happy Easter and stay away from the flu and tummy sickness.
    Going out to clean up my garden while I have some free time.
    Dorothy

    Reply
    • Dear Dorothy,
      I’ve never heard of the Cadbury’s Doughnut Egg. Is it like deep-fried Mars Bars?
      There’s no real flu in the house, just Man-Flu.
      Have a nice day in the garden – and a nice Easter. :-)
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dorothy

         /  April 7, 2012

        Yes, the Doughnut egg is just like a deep-fried Mars Bar but with the eggs. ….decadent heart burn.
        Dorothy

      • Dear Dorothy,

        wOw.

        I’ll have to try one. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  7. Oh Dotty! I thought that you referred to eating chicken eggs! I’m relieved to see that these are candy eggs! You are very funny!

    Reply
  8. Dear Dotty – I will UNFOLLOW you if you don’t win – you better fucking win (you can count my contribution if need be – 3 Lindt bunnies and a massive bag of Cadbury mini-eggs…ok and one Kinder surprise)…Lill

    Reply
    • Dear Lill and Jill,
      And what’s Jill’s contribution going to be?
      Love Dotty xxx
      P.S. Scotty leaves in an hour so you haven’t got long.

      Reply
      • Jillian’s a waif – she can’t even finish a piece of chocolate cake (I really have no idea how we’re friends for this reason…)…L

      • Dear Lill,
        She can’t even finish a piece of chocolate cake? What’s WRONG with her?
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dotty – I think it’s hereditary…or maybe because I inevitably steal it from her before she can finish…hmm…yes, it may actually be the latter…L

      • Dear Lill,
        Do you have scars on the backs of your hands from when she’s tried to stop you stealing her cake? If not, there IS something wrong with her.
        Love Dotty xxx

  9. Cadbury Eggs. The one candy I thought was so vile that for my two years in Ireland, I only cut one open and immediately threw it out . More for you.

    Reply
    • Dear dags,
      I’m not keen on the little ones, they used to be lovely but they’re a bit too thick and sickly now, I can only eat fifteen at one sitting, seventeen at a push.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply

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