I’ve resolved the pen problem to the mutual satisfaction of both parties and I get to keep the beautiful, pure white swan feather pen.
What happened is I had a bright idea so I sent Papa Brontë a BALLPOINT pen, to be precise it was a Papermate Flexigrip ultra pen (black) but three hours later Branwell came back and I had to give him ANOTHER Papermate Flexigrip ultra pen because his father’s first instinct when he realised the Papermate Flexigrip ultra pen didn’t have to be dipped in his inkwell was to throw it on the fire and scream
‘WHAT IS THIS DEVILRY ? WHY DO YOU BRING TO MY GOD-FEARING HOUSE THIS VILE, UNHOLY STICK FILLED WITH THE PUTRID, BLACK SALIVA OF SATAN? BEGONE, CHANGELING, YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE – EVILDOER, DEFILER, OFFENDER OF CHRIST. BEGONE, I SAY!’
Little Emily managed to calm him down while Branwell went outside for a smoke and a sip of laudanum. She showed him her own Bic pens (I gave her two packs of three) and convinced him that if he allowed Branwell to get another Papermate Flexigrip ultra pen from me it could be made holy with a full exorcism before use. Now he likes it so much he’s sent me a note requesting more, in different colours.
So that’s all sorted, but what isn’t sorted is the fact that MY TELLY IS FUCKED. It won’t switch on. It’s a FUCKED BOX OF SHITE and I don’t know why. Last night it was working fine, no problems, then when I switched it on this morning (I don’t watch it, I just like having the little telly people in the room with me), NOTHING not a flicker, not a bleep, not a fizzle. I’ve wiggled the wires, I’ve smacked the fucker hard, I’ve given it a shake, NOTHING.
IT’S FUCKED.
I’ve got another telly, a little one, in the spare room where Scotty sleeps when he stays BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WIRE IT UP TO MY TELLY-BOX and if I try to do it by myself I’ll fuck that up as well.
I need Lottie. I’m going to ring her now.
KC
/ April 17, 2012Aww…poor Dotty. Maybe when the telly-people left, they let all the magic smoke out? That’s what happened to one of my laptops…someone let the smoke out of one of the little barrels, and it came up the back, and I had to turn it off, quick, before it caught on fire. Luckily my mom…who bought me the thing…had insisted on putting the three yr. warranty on it, so I called Dell. The lady asked if it “got hot enough to melt a crayon”…I was a little confused by that. I mean, how often does that happen? “Hmm…my computer is hot, and I have all these crayons…I wonder if it will melt them?” I just told her it got hot enough to blister my wrist…and she said they’d send me a new/used one, and to send them the broken one. Poor thing. I miss it. This one was configured for a businessman, and has no games…no solitaire! *sniffles*
Maybe if you open the back again, and leave something…maybe a cup-type-cake or a bit of Cumberland sausage…the telly people will come back and it’ll work again?
KC & Co.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear KC,
I don’t have a warranty. I did have one but it ran out about 15 years ago and I DON’T WANT TO BUY A SLIMLINE TELLY but that’s all there is in the laminated book of dreams, no proper tellys just SLIMLINE and SUPER-SLIMLINE. My little telly people haven’t left me, I can hear them inside my telly. They’re crying.
I’ve posted some Cumberland sausages through the slots in the back but I daren’t take the back off till Lottie comes to wire up the other telly or they WILL run away.
Love Dotty xxx
KC
/ April 17, 2012poor missus dotty! kc says comerland sausiges are sweet and salty. is that true? i’m glad you likd my poem! i can write you some more, if you want. i like writing poems. rhiming is fun!
mia
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Mia,
Yes, I would like some more poems, please, to cheer me up.
Love Dotty xxx
KC
/ April 17, 2012yay! i’ll make you 5 poems cause 5 is my favorite number and its lucky cause people are made out of 5s. 5 fingers, 5 toes, 5 holes in your head, and stuff inside that i dont rember. janey knows she likes numberology and stuff like that.
your friend for always, mia!!
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Mia,
I once thought I had 5 heads but that was right before Dibble x 5 came at 5am and locked me up in cell 5 for 5 hours until my 5th headshrinker arrived and took me to room 5 on Ward 5. I stayed there for 8 weeks.
Love Dotty xxx
KC
/ April 17, 2012*giggles* your funny! (janey says yeah, funny in the head but we dont listen to her)
KC
/ April 17, 2012five poems for making missus dotty happy, by mia
cupcakes are good
they are like fairy food
you can eat just one tiny one
but eating all of them is more fun!
the people in missus dotty’s telly
like to eat cumerland sausge and jelly
they dance around in clumpy clogs
and stand around and pet their dogs
its raining, its pooring
theres mud on the flooring
mama says to wipe it up
quick before your dad wakes up!
a unicorn is a horny horse
ks said that, of course
he’s silly like that
but at least he’s not fat!
i like sissors paint and glue
i like pencils, but i like pens too
constrution paper is so pretty
but its hard to make things in a comitee. >;<
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Mia,
Thank you, you’ve done a fine job in cheering me up (plus Lottie has wired up my other telly in a careful way so the little telly people could transfer across from one to the other). 
Love Dotty xxx
KC
/ April 17, 2012yay! i’m glad for it! and i did it all by myself, not no body else. *yawns, curls up* sleepy time. you go look, kc took our pictcher, and some more ones. i like the rowan ones. we played and played, before. *sighs* night-night! *hugs hard, scampers*
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear KC,
I’m coming, I’m coming, but not yet, I have to do THINGS. I’ll be there later.
Love Dotty xxx
KC
/ April 17, 2012Heh. I know. Thanks for letting Mia play for a bit. She gets bored and whiny if I don’t, and a bored 6 yr. old can be…yeah. *rolls eyes*
I know you can’t spend all your time hanging out with us. *hugs* You go do your stuff, and I’ll see you later!
Love you!
KC
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear KC,
Love Dotty xxx
the howler and me
/ April 17, 2012Dear Dotty,
I am sorry to hear about our telly. I hope that Lottie can help – one has got to have their little telly people about…
Love,
-the howler and me
ps – the howler wants to know if there are any little telly dogs…
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear the howler and me,
I hope she can sort it out too- I think she can, she’s always been the one to do all that man-stuff because Fat-Fuck was useless.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. Yes, tell the Howler there are LOADS of little telly dogs and I still cry when I think about poor Wellard dying. And Little Willy. And Batley (but Edna has Tootsie now). And when poor Chesney had to have Schmeichel put to sleep — oh, I’m going to cry again.
the howler and me
/ April 17, 2012Dear Dotty,
Oh it is too early for crying. The howler sends doggie kisses your way.
-the howler and me
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear the howler and me,
Give the howler a big sloppy kiss back from me.
Love Dotty xxx
Mental Mama
/ April 17, 2012Dear Dottie – Sorry to hear about your telly. If you ever figure out how you made it stop working, please do tell me. My husband watches ours almost constantly and I’m running out of places to hide the remote control. Thanks!
Mental Mama
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Mental Mama,
My dead husband, ex-Simon used to be the same until one night I got so fed up of it I hid the remote down his throat.
Love Dotty xxx
saradraws
/ April 17, 2012Dear Dotty…
Is it plugged in?
xo
Sara
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Sara,
How odd, that’s the first thing Lottie asked me too.
No it’s not plugged in now because when Lottie came to wire up my other one I decided to fulfil a long held yearning to drop a large electrical item from my bedroom window to hear the smash so that’s what I did except I had to wear my earplugs because I have hyperacusis but I still heard it and it was good.
Love Dotty xxx
saradraws
/ April 17, 2012Dear Dotty,
SO JEALOUS!!!
xo
sara
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Sara,
Love Dotty xxx
Victor Tookes
/ April 17, 2012I’m sorry about your telly! Maybe the news that you’ve won a William Shatner Award for Blogging Awesomeness will cheer you up? http://oneofthe4.wordpress.com !!
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Victor,
Thank you, I like William Shatner.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ April 17, 2012Hit your TV with a pen, because they are mightier than the sword… or a screwdriver…
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear pmao,
I hit it with my brick.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ April 17, 2012I am sure that helped…
tadams4u
/ April 17, 2012That explains why my head hurts……
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Brick,
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ April 17, 2012Dear Dotty,
What an ordeal! And now this? Hopefully Lottie was well-behaved and helped you out. Thinking of you a lot today.
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Judith,
She did, she sorted it all out for me. I can’t do man-things, they boggle my brain, but give Lottie a screwdriver and she’s away, she loves it.
♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥
♥
I nicked Veggiewitch’s lovehearts to make you a big one.
Love Dotty xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012but it didn’t turn out right. Bugger.
judithatwood
/ April 17, 2012Dear Dotty,
Thank you, my friend. I’m glad you and Lottie are doing well enough to have her help you. And I love the hearts!
Love,
Judith ❤❤
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Judith,
❤❤❤❤ 
.
Love Dotty xxx
Madame Weebles
/ April 17, 2012This is terrible news and the Weebles are all sad. Nobody should be without television.
Stay strong, Dotty. Stay strong.
xoxo Mme Weebles
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 17, 2012Dear Mme Weebles,
I’m okay now, thank you. I’m with telly again.
Love Dotty xxx