Kumblant Zozeech – Very Sad Journal Of Very Sad Pygmy Were-Zompire – One Part

 

Hello. My names are Kumblant Zozeech. I am pygmy were-zompire in England in west part in Yorkshire. Here in journal I begin tell sad story of me. It very sad. It make you cry.

I come to England in west part in Yorkshire for work. I am good workman, strong like green Hulk. I am Road Clean Man, all day I clean road with broom, I sweep your dirt, your dust, your ends of cigarettes. I spike with spike-stick your packets from crisps, chocolate, lollipop, cigarette. It is good job for good workman like me.

I was previous in high profession of Vampire Killer in own country of birth, my country I miss in heart like I miss woman I love and family I love. In my country I had father, mother, sisters, brother, old Grandmother Zozeech who is wise magic witch in pygmy village. I was happy boy, play in forest from sun till set with brother and boys in pygmy village. We run, we fight, we make huts in trees. We fish for fishes, we trap rabbit and kill with stones. We ride hairy forest wild pig. We race – always I win even but I am runt boy of pygmy village.

My country is great, my village is shit. Two cows for milk, two goats for milk, three pigs for pig. Cabbage, beetroot, turnip, potato in field. My village animals lived precious by all, we keep animal we have food. But forest hides creatures dark and wicked, many creatures we know, many creatures we not see yet but we know they hide up tree, in bush, under pile of leaves. We sleep, they run out, steal girls in village, steal babies in village, steal food. This is good reason for guard our village with eyes like hawk. 

When I was boy I was night guard, nine to midnight, in high look-hut in village square. Raiders come, I ring bell – village run from huts, fight raiders with fork, shovel, knife, stick, try stop raiders steal what they come for. We win, they win. On very bad night when I am seven, a thing steal my baby sister, Beefibisto. Mama cries all day, all night. Papa shout ‘Shoosh, shoosh,’ at her always, he say many village men have loss inside huts but many village men have peace and quiet, no wails from woman.

Now, nobody there to wail. My pygmy village, all dead. My family, all dead. I tell you how they are all dead when I next time write. Goodbye.

 

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26 Comments

  1. Yea, there are lots of educated non-first language immigrants doing menial jobs in Britain. Sad.

    Reply
  2. Dear Dotty,
    Double like :D
    And I actually laughed out loud at Beefibisto :D
    Amaze-balls.
    Love HS xox

    Reply
  3. Oh! Dotty! I want him to write again right away! What a lovely character you’ve developed! I hope there’s more coming from Kumblant Zozeech!

    Reply
    • Dear babedarla,

      Thank you, yes there is more to come but I’m not sure when. He cleans my street every day so if he’s done more he’ll hide it in his roadsweeping cart and take it to work so he can drop it off for me to post here. I tried to get him to make his own blog but he’s too afraid of being exposed.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  4. There no words for Kumblant Zozeech. Sad story is sad. Now Victor cry on mourning of Monday.

    Reply
  5. Dorothy

     /  May 14, 2012

    Very interesting start to your tale Kumblant Zozeech. It has the faint overtones of tales my Daddy tells while at the table. I’m looking forward to your conclusion…..hopefully you have revenge for those of your pygmy village!

    Love Dorothy

    Reply
    • Dear Dorothy,

      Thank you, I’ll tell him. I don’t know what he did by way of revenge, he hasn’t told me yet.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  6. This is freekin brilliant.

    Reply
  7. Dear Dotty,

    I’m sorry I took so long to get to this. As always, you have the most interesting guests on your blog! I can’t wait to read the next — hey, I just got it! Kumblant Zozeech is Cumberland Sausage. You’ve found the last of the tribe which created Cumberland Sausages. Now I am more than ever excited to hear the rest!! Good on you, girl! Did anyone else get it? Of course they did!

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply
  8. I love this!!! Great job! It’s so creative and fun to read. I can’t wait to read more. :)

    Reply
  9. Hilarious! I mean the character and the style. The rest is a bit grim and sounds as if it is going to become grimmer. Can’t wait!

    Reply
    • Dear Lady Dennis,

      I’m sorry for not replying before now, I must have approved your comment with others that were meant for the Pet Blogs and Profanities and Insults pages (they don’t receive replies). My apologies .

      Thank you. I think he can be rather grim, if the three booming knocks on my back door when he comes for his cuppa are anything to go by. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  10. Dear Dotty,
    You are the Original Versatile Blogger. I had to search on wordpress for your site by name!!! Still not on my list (I follow like 50 but only 39 show up on list). Need to sleep soon but wanted to see what I’ve been missing. Poor man.

    I posted the Cat Naming Post tonight, but as you will see circumstances have changed a bit. I hope you like it.

    Love,
    Magic

    Reply
    • Dear Magic,

      I have that problem with some of the blogs I follow.

      I’ll have a look at your post soon. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  1. Very Important Business! « Don't Forget to Feed the Baby

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