Who Invented Maths? And Why Did They Do It? And Why Has No One Hunted Them Down?

 

I don’t like maths. Adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing and whatever other shite you do to numbers sends my brain all SKEWE-WHIFF. If I ever have to do a sum I use my fingers which automatically shows me up for what I am – A MATHS DUNCE. How anyone could LIKE maths is beyond me, it’s difficult, it’s boring and it’s NEVER ENDING. It goes on and on FOREVER, beyond the infinite, on and on and on. 

Two and two make four – yes, I get that bit, but WHY does it make four?

And why does two minus four make minus two? You can’t have minus two, when you get to zero THAT’S IT, there’s nothing beyond NOTHING.

 

FRACTIONS – huh?

PERCENTAGES – eh?

ALGEBRA – biggleboggle-flummityfuck

GEOMETRY – I think my stomach’s rumbling

TRIGONOMETRY – Sorry, was I snoring?

 

People spend their WHOLE LIVES trying to solve one maths problem and then they die before they can find the answer, smothered by the tons of paper they’ve scribbled their mind-boggling shite onto. BUY A CALCULATOR, NUMPTY - not one of those solar powered ones though, get a good battery calculator, it’ll save you years of work.

And why is everyone who likes maths called GRAHAM?

And why can’t any of the Grahams SPELL PROPERLY? It’s GOOGLE not GOOGOL, you PLANCKS.

 

 

I’m going to count my Cumberland sausages. If I have twelve and I eat fourteen does that mean I’ll still have two left?

 

 

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88 Comments

  1. This post doesn’t count.

    Reply
  2. I’m not a big fan of math either. One of my sons (the book smart one) says math is easy because the rules never change, unlike say English where you have letters that sound a certain way, yet can be silent as well depending on the word. There is no rhyme or reason for it.

    Very true.

    Reply
    • Dear Chris,

      The rules might not change, but the rules are too complicated to start with. And how do we know they’re not all made up by Graham?

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  3. themonsterunderyourbed

     /  May 20, 2012

    Reblogged this on this is personal. and commented:
    Me and maths- we were never meant to be.

    Reply
  4. Brother Jon

     /  May 20, 2012

    This is why you have collected an American Design Engineer. I will do the maths for you, especially when I design an aluminum cover for your brick. I don’t like to think of maths as being invented. It was kinda discovered, on accident, like the country you collect people from.

    Reply
    • Dear Brother Jon,

      I can see how it started, a little caveman counting his dinosaur kills and divvying up the meat when he asks ‘who wants a leg?’, but how did it get beyond that is what I’d like to know. I must be descended from one of those tribes in the Rainforest or somewhere who can’t grasp the concept of any number greater than ten because they’ve never needed to count further.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • What gets me is the tens! Who decided on the decimal system? Oh we’ll only go to ten here and then after that it’ll repeat only it’ll count for two of its kind and so on and so forth. Than again the Roman’s system of numbers was shitey-er

        Looky. I found an answer on Wiki.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systems_of_measurement

      • Dear PAZ,

        What gets me is how difficult maths makes LANGUAGE. I start reading and then it goes blah-blah-blah-blah-blah and I go ‘fuck this for a game of soldiers’ and stop.

        Love Dotty xxx

  5. I studied maths in undergrad. It warped my mind. My favorite maths were combinatorics and graph theory. :)

    Reply
    • Dear DeeDee,

      Poor you.

      Combinatrics?? – gobbledigook. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Combinatorics is awesomeness! It’s mostly about figuring out how many combinations and permutations of a set of things there could possibly be. It’s like solving a very interesting puzzle. At least for me. ;)

      • Dear DeeDee,

        Okay. I’ll take your word for it. ;-)

        Love Dotty xxx

    • lol. Combinatorics. Sounds awesome! Like I should make “Combanatorics” some sort of cyborg or something when I write my first sci-fi script.

      Reply
      • Dear DeeDee and PAZ,

        I didn’t even spell it right!!!

        Love Dotty xxx

      • “Combanatorics” sounds like a piece of underwear from the Future. Perhaps the Design Engineer can prepare a model for us in aluminium. Then the former undergrad who studied the stuff can make the underwear for the model to wear.

      • Dear Lady Dennis,

        Aluminium Chastity Combanatorics – a product of Dotty Headbanger & Co Limited. YES! We’ll all be rich! :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  6. Dear Dotty,

    I hate maths. It actually frightens me.

    On the other hand, I was one of the school geniuses when it came to English language and literature.

    Love, Missus Tribble xxx

    Reply
    • Dear Missus Tribble,

      Me too. I always got A+ in anything to do with words, but I was crap at maths, I used to doss the lesson off by sitting at the back and reading a book. The teacher let me. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,

        I wish I’d had your maths teacher!

        Love Missus Tribble xxx

      • Dear Missus Tribble,

        He knew it was hopeless trying to teach me. If I understood something he’d spent ages explaining, I’d forget it the next day and he’d have to spend half the lesson with me again.

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        I think you are me, or that we were seperated at birth or something.

        Love Missus Tribble xxx

      • Dear Missus Tribble,

        Yes! Or the British education system was completely shite. ;-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  7. Dear Dotty,
    12+14= 36… no 38. You should be sausage safe for today ♥

    Reply
  8. I don’t have my multiplication tables memorized. But my kids are freekin math geniuses… geniusi?

    Reply
  9. If I had more fingers and more toes, I could do math.

    Reply
  10. Dear Dotty,
    Maths and me have NEVER gotten along… it makes my head spin. You aren’t alone.
    Love,
    -the howler and me

    Reply
    • Dear the howler and me,

      Have you noticed it’s people who like words who don’t seem to like maths? It must be something to do with how the brain works.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  11. Dear Dotty,
    I have TWO words for you.
    I hate Math.
    :)
    Love Lis

    Reply
  12. Dorothy

     /  May 21, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Well, don’t look at me….I quit school in the tenth grade….LOL. Though I did get the piece of paper that matters. I only know the math that counts…like how to bake a cake and make cookies even though I can’t eat them anymore I can still bake them. And wasn’t it the Chinese who invented negative numbers or was it the Persians one of them did back in the days when lead was still floating around in the clay and everyone was stoned on something and numbers meant more than they do now. Remember they had no street lights so the stars were better looking too. I imagine it must be the same….LOL
    Enjoy your cumberland sausages Dotty!
    Love Dorothy

    Reply
    • Dear Dorothy,

      How old is the tenth grade? I left school when I was 15 and went to work as a chambermaid in a hotel (my first job of many).

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dorothy

         /  May 21, 2012

        Dear Dotty,
        I was 16 in the tenth grade. That is the legal age required to be able to leave school in Massachusetts with a parent’s signature. I worked as a switchboard operator in a children’s hospital. But then went to a mental hospital…LOL. (I don’t know why I find that funny, but I do)
        Love Dorothy

      • Dear Dorothy,

        It was the way my birthday fell, I was one of the youngest in the school year. And I hardly showed my face at school during the last year anyway so it hardly mattered.

        Finding the funny is good. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  13. Betcha like Pi tho…….LOL

    Reply
  14. Dear Dotty,
    I’ve missed you. Still, I feel obligated to point out, on behalf of my countrymen who usually can do no right, that we brilliant American’s have brilliantly reduced the automatic stress and anxiety associated with this subject by not allowing it to be plural. It’s just Math. . To us. When you add the s all I can think of is “Noooo! Not MORE Math!??! Math alone is already too hard!” Otherwise, I’m with you 110%. Working with numbers bites butt.
    Quiches, and Hogs,
    A

    Reply
    • Dear Anastasia,

      I like cheese and broccoli quiche. And Cumberland sausage quiche. And cheese and onion quiche. I don’t like goat’s cheese quiche, it’s smelly.

      Love Dotty xxx

      P.S. I’m not commenting on your MISSPELLING of our word.

      Reply
      • It’s not a misspelling. Math is math. Brits just pluralize it because ya’ll think there’s more than one. Math is math, sausage woman! ;)

      • Dear Anastasia,

        America is the only country to call it math (shudder) because the singular implies you’ve only ever had ONE Maths problem to solve – HOW BIG IS IT? (sky, state, city, burger, house, bank account, apple pie, succotash, coffee chain, EGO). :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

      • would you call broccoli, broccolis? It’s multiple niblits, on multiple clusters on multiple heads atop a big handle in a field of multiple bundles. it’s still just a field of broccoli. But much tastier than math! :)

      • Dear Anastasia,

        I’ve never eaten MATHS. Is that what being American does to you?

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dotty, :-) oddly, on reflection, have no problem with ‘mathematics’ being plural. Quantum mathematics makes more sense to me than mathematic. We don’t call it readings, either. Ultimately, we both hate it. And agreement keeps the earth spinning merrily!
        A

      • Dear Anastasia,
        :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  15. dear Dotty,
    if you have 12 sausages, and you ate 14 that means, that only 4 got digested! or probably 6, dont know which 0_0
    love,
    Habiba

    Reply
  16. Hi Dotty,

    Try statistics….It’s the math all politicians love to use. Where you can just make up an answer and no one will bother to check your math. 94.76% of statistics are just pulled out of someone’s ass.

    -The Dead Guy

    Reply
  17. Hate maths! Anyway, 2 and 2 don’t always make four – not if four is three. Or five. Think outside the box, maths people!

    Reply
  18. Dearest Dotty

    Sometimes literature and maths do go together. Examples are Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo, Blyton’s The Famous Five, Dicken’s Hard Times, Shakespeare’s Much Ado about Nothing and Buchan’s Thirty Nine Steps.

    Cogito ergo sum as Rene Descartes once mused.

    I think therefore I am your humble servant

    D xx

    Reply

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