I don’t like maths. Adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing and whatever other shite you do to numbers sends my brain all SKEWE-WHIFF. If I ever have to do a sum I use my fingers which automatically shows me up for what I am – A MATHS DUNCE. How anyone could LIKE maths is beyond me, it’s difficult, it’s boring and it’s NEVER ENDING. It goes on and on FOREVER, beyond the infinite, on and on and on.
Two and two make four – yes, I get that bit, but WHY does it make four?
And why does two minus four make minus two? You can’t have minus two, when you get to zero THAT’S IT, there’s nothing beyond NOTHING.
FRACTIONS – huh?
PERCENTAGES – eh?
ALGEBRA – biggleboggle-flummityfuck
GEOMETRY – I think my stomach’s rumbling
TRIGONOMETRY – Sorry, was I snoring?
People spend their WHOLE LIVES trying to solve one maths problem and then they die before they can find the answer, smothered by the tons of paper they’ve scribbled their mind-boggling shite onto. BUY A CALCULATOR, NUMPTY - not one of those solar powered ones though, get a good battery calculator, it’ll save you years of work.
And why is everyone who likes maths called GRAHAM?
And why can’t any of the Grahams SPELL PROPERLY? It’s GOOGLE not GOOGOL, you PLANCKS.
I’m going to count my Cumberland sausages. If I have twelve and I eat fourteen does that mean I’ll still have two left?
misfits' miscellany
/ May 20, 2012This post doesn’t count.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Misfit,
Neither do I.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ May 20, 2012But, see, you just added!
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Misfit,
I just posted two comments that said ‘And I can’t subtract it!’ – two, because the first one didn’t seem to take – but then two showed up and I tried to delete one but deleting one deleted two so my original comment was proved wrong, I can subtract.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ May 20, 2012That’s a plus.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Misfit,
The addition of subtraction.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ May 20, 2012An abstraction!
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Misfit,
If you subtract an abstract do you end up with a distract?
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ May 20, 2012No, you just get a nasty tract infection.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Misfit,
Exactly!!
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ May 20, 2012Ah, the after-math.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Misfit,
After the after-math
of reading Plath,
I ate some pi
and had a bath.
Love Dotty xxx
chrisdevoss
/ May 20, 2012I’m not a big fan of math either. One of my sons (the book smart one) says math is easy because the rules never change, unlike say English where you have letters that sound a certain way, yet can be silent as well depending on the word. There is no rhyme or reason for it.
Very true.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Chris,
The rules might not change, but the rules are too complicated to start with. And how do we know they’re not all made up by Graham?
Love Dotty xxx
themonsterunderyourbed
/ May 20, 2012Reblogged this on this is personal. and commented:
Me and maths- we were never meant to be.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear tmuyb,
Thank you.
Love Dotty xxx
Brother Jon
/ May 20, 2012This is why you have collected an American Design Engineer. I will do the maths for you, especially when I design an aluminum cover for your brick. I don’t like to think of maths as being invented. It was kinda discovered, on accident, like the country you collect people from.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Brother Jon,
I can see how it started, a little caveman counting his dinosaur kills and divvying up the meat when he asks ‘who wants a leg?’, but how did it get beyond that is what I’d like to know. I must be descended from one of those tribes in the Rainforest or somewhere who can’t grasp the concept of any number greater than ten because they’ve never needed to count further.
Love Dotty xxx
P.A.Z.
/ May 20, 2012What gets me is the tens! Who decided on the decimal system? Oh we’ll only go to ten here and then after that it’ll repeat only it’ll count for two of its kind and so on and so forth. Than again the Roman’s system of numbers was shitey-er
Looky. I found an answer on Wiki.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systems_of_measurement
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear PAZ,
What gets me is how difficult maths makes LANGUAGE. I start reading and then it goes blah-blah-blah-blah-blah and I go ‘fuck this for a game of soldiers’ and stop.
Love Dotty xxx
DeeDee
/ May 20, 2012I studied maths in undergrad. It warped my mind. My favorite maths were combinatorics and graph theory.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear DeeDee,
Poor you.
Combinatrics?? – gobbledigook.
Love Dotty xxx
DeeDee
/ May 20, 2012Combinatorics is awesomeness! It’s mostly about figuring out how many combinations and permutations of a set of things there could possibly be. It’s like solving a very interesting puzzle. At least for me.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear DeeDee,
Okay. I’ll take your word for it.
Love Dotty xxx
P.A.Z.
/ May 20, 2012lol. Combinatorics. Sounds awesome! Like I should make “Combanatorics” some sort of cyborg or something when I write my first sci-fi script.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear DeeDee and PAZ,
I didn’t even spell it right!!!
Love Dotty xxx
Lady Marilyn Kay Dennis
/ May 21, 2012“Combanatorics” sounds like a piece of underwear from the Future. Perhaps the Design Engineer can prepare a model for us in aluminium. Then the former undergrad who studied the stuff can make the underwear for the model to wear.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Lady Dennis,
Aluminium Chastity Combanatorics – a product of Dotty Headbanger & Co Limited. YES! We’ll all be rich!
Love Dotty xxx
Missus Tribble
/ May 20, 2012Dear Dotty,
I hate maths. It actually frightens me.
On the other hand, I was one of the school geniuses when it came to English language and literature.
Love, Missus Tribble xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Missus Tribble,
Me too. I always got A+ in anything to do with words, but I was crap at maths, I used to doss the lesson off by sitting at the back and reading a book. The teacher let me.
Love Dotty xxx
Missus Tribble
/ May 20, 2012Dear Dotty,
I wish I’d had your maths teacher!
Love Missus Tribble xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Missus Tribble,
He knew it was hopeless trying to teach me. If I understood something he’d spent ages explaining, I’d forget it the next day and he’d have to spend half the lesson with me again.
Love Dotty xxx
Missus Tribble
/ May 20, 2012Dear Dotty,
I think you are me, or that we were seperated at birth or something.
Love Missus Tribble xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Missus Tribble,
Yes! Or the British education system was completely shite.
Love Dotty xxx
Ink. [Anette]
/ May 20, 2012Dear Dotty,
12+14= 36… no 38. You should be sausage safe for today ♥
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 20, 2012Dear Anette,
No, I ate them all. I’ve got minus ten left for breakfast tomorrow.
Love Dotty xxx
Ink. [Anette]
/ May 20, 2012I guess minus ten sausages is better than none, right.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Anette,
I hope so. But just in case, I’ve eaten those too.
Love Dotty xxx
Ink. [Anette]
/ May 21, 2012I don’t know Dotty… dang math DANG!… you know, this is either double good or double bad. I think you’ll know tomorrow.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Anette,
We had loads!!
Love Dotty xxx
Ink. [Anette]
/ May 21, 2012HA! Love you math Dotty. The Cumberland’s multiplied over night
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Anette,
And they tasted LOVELY!
Love Dotty xxx
Ink. [Anette]
/ May 21, 2012Of course they did! You lucky Dotty
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 22, 2012Dear anette,
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ May 20, 2012I don’t have my multiplication tables memorized. But my kids are freekin math geniuses… geniusi?
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear pmao,
‘Genii’ (3 syllables) is the proper plural but plebbies uses ‘geniuses’ and will argue that the first is obsolete.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ May 21, 2012Well, la-dee-da, miss English upper-crust fancy education system have to be smarter than those smarmy colonials… (Ha, just kidding)
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear pmao,
Naturally we must show our superiority to keep you all in check.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ May 21, 2012That seems to be working well for you.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Pmao,
It is, isn’t it?
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ May 21, 2012America has had its comeuppance…
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear pmao,
No, not yet. When I recover from this Hermititis I’ll be over to sort you all out.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ May 21, 2012That would be awesome. We could wrap you in aluminum… (which you Britts pronounce wrong, by the way)… foil, poke tiny eye holes, and drive you around so no one would even see you.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear pmao,
The last time I was wrapped in tinfoil didn’t go too well, if I remember rightly.
And it’s aluminIum not aluminum – you missed the I out, yet another American atrocity committed against the English language.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ May 21, 2012You pronounced atrocity wrong, too.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear pmao,
No, you did.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ May 21, 2012We outnumber you, so we get to decide things like that.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear pmao,
Quality over quantity.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ May 21, 2012Ouch…
robincoyle
/ May 20, 2012If I had more fingers and more toes, I could do math.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Robin,
I couldn’t, not even if I used all the Americans in my American Collection.
Love Dotty xxx
the howler and me
/ May 21, 2012Dear Dotty,
Maths and me have NEVER gotten along… it makes my head spin. You aren’t alone.
Love,
-the howler and me
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear the howler and me,
Have you noticed it’s people who like words who don’t seem to like maths? It must be something to do with how the brain works.
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ May 21, 2012Dear Dotty,
I have TWO words for you.
I hate Math.
Love Lis
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Lisa,
I would never have guessed.
Love Dotty xxx
Dorothy
/ May 21, 2012Dear Dotty,
Well, don’t look at me….I quit school in the tenth grade….LOL. Though I did get the piece of paper that matters. I only know the math that counts…like how to bake a cake and make cookies even though I can’t eat them anymore I can still bake them. And wasn’t it the Chinese who invented negative numbers or was it the Persians one of them did back in the days when lead was still floating around in the clay and everyone was stoned on something and numbers meant more than they do now. Remember they had no street lights so the stars were better looking too. I imagine it must be the same….LOL
Enjoy your cumberland sausages Dotty!
Love Dorothy
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Dorothy,
How old is the tenth grade? I left school when I was 15 and went to work as a chambermaid in a hotel (my first job of many).
Love Dotty xxx
Dorothy
/ May 21, 2012Dear Dotty,
I was 16 in the tenth grade. That is the legal age required to be able to leave school in Massachusetts with a parent’s signature. I worked as a switchboard operator in a children’s hospital. But then went to a mental hospital…LOL. (I don’t know why I find that funny, but I do)
Love Dorothy
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Dorothy,
It was the way my birthday fell, I was one of the youngest in the school year. And I hardly showed my face at school during the last year anyway so it hardly mattered.
Finding the funny is good.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy @ LaughingAtEverydayLife
/ May 21, 2012Betcha like Pi tho…….LOL
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Brick,
Cumberland sausage pi. Yum.
Love Dotty xxx
Anastasia
/ May 21, 2012Dear Dotty,
I’ve missed you. Still, I feel obligated to point out, on behalf of my countrymen who usually can do no right, that we brilliant American’s have brilliantly reduced the automatic stress and anxiety associated with this subject by not allowing it to be plural. It’s just Math. . To us. When you add the s all I can think of is “Noooo! Not MORE Math!??! Math alone is already too hard!” Otherwise, I’m with you 110%. Working with numbers bites butt.
Quiches, and Hogs,
A
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Anastasia,
I like cheese and broccoli quiche. And Cumberland sausage quiche. And cheese and onion quiche. I don’t like goat’s cheese quiche, it’s smelly.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. I’m not commenting on your MISSPELLING of our word.
Anastasia
/ May 21, 2012It’s not a misspelling. Math is math. Brits just pluralize it because ya’ll think there’s more than one. Math is math, sausage woman!
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Anastasia,
America is the only country to call it math (shudder) because the singular implies you’ve only ever had ONE Maths problem to solve – HOW BIG IS IT? (sky, state, city, burger, house, bank account, apple pie, succotash, coffee chain, EGO).
Love Dotty xxx
Anastasia
/ May 21, 2012would you call broccoli, broccolis? It’s multiple niblits, on multiple clusters on multiple heads atop a big handle in a field of multiple bundles. it’s still just a field of broccoli. But much tastier than math!
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Anastasia,
I’ve never eaten MATHS. Is that what being American does to you?
Love Dotty xxx
Anastasia
/ May 22, 2012Dotty,
oddly, on reflection, have no problem with ‘mathematics’ being plural. Quantum mathematics makes more sense to me than mathematic. We don’t call it readings, either. Ultimately, we both hate it. And agreement keeps the earth spinning merrily!
A
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 22, 2012Dear Anastasia,
Love Dotty xxx
habibadanyal
/ May 21, 2012dear Dotty,
if you have 12 sausages, and you ate 14 that means, that only 4 got digested! or probably 6, dont know which 0_0
love,
Habiba
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 21, 2012Dear Habiba,
So I’ve got more left than I thought? Goody!
Love Dotty xxx
thedeadguy666
/ May 21, 2012Hi Dotty,
Try statistics….It’s the math all politicians love to use. Where you can just make up an answer and no one will bother to check your math. 94.76% of statistics are just pulled out of someone’s ass.
-The Dead Guy
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 22, 2012Dear Dead Guy,
No thank you. But somebody should …
Love Dotty xxx
butimbeautiful
/ May 26, 2012Hate maths! Anyway, 2 and 2 don’t always make four – not if four is three. Or five. Think outside the box, maths people!
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 26, 2012Dear butimbeautiful,
They don’t know how to think outside the box – they just measure it.
Love Dotty xxx
lowerarchy
/ September 11, 2012Dearest Dotty
Sometimes literature and maths do go together. Examples are Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo, Blyton’s The Famous Five, Dicken’s Hard Times, Shakespeare’s Much Ado about Nothing and Buchan’s Thirty Nine Steps.
Cogito ergo sum as Rene Descartes once mused.
I think therefore I am your humble servant
D xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 11, 2012Dear Dave,
Thank you!! My second smile of the day.
Love Dotty xxx
lowerarchy
/ September 11, 2012Dearest Dotty
That figures – or not
D = xx