… and it WASN’T MY FAULT this time. The gas board have been replacing all the pipes on the street and they had to dig a hole in my garden path right next to the house - NOISY NOISY NOISY even with earplugs. A while after they’d finished I thought I could smell gas but I thought, ‘Nah, Dotty, you’re having yourself on, you’re imagining it because the gas board are outside.’
A bit later I started with a little headache so I went to the back door for some fresh air and a ciggie. When I went back into the hallway IT STANK OF GAS, really strong, so I rang Lottie who came round and asked a gasman what was happening and guess what the fucker said? He said ‘Oh yeah, there’s a big leak. The drill hit the pipe. Someone’s coming to cap it off.’
So now I’ve NO GAS.
And the FUCKING FUCKERS NEARLY KILLED ME and they didn’t even have the decency to knock and tell me I was going to die.
Customer care, my arse. More like Customer MURDER.
(I wouldn’t have answered if they HAD knocked, but that’s not the point).
Carr Party of Five
/ May 29, 2012Dotty:
So not cool.
Glad you survived.
What buttheads.
Lis xoxo
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 29, 2012Dear Lisa,
They’re idiots. You can guarantee that whenever some work’s being done by one of the utility companies there’ll be a big BALLS UP.
Love Dotty xxx
kzackuslheureux
/ May 29, 2012Dear Dotty,
So glad you’re okay, and more importantly that your sausages aren’t cooked!
Love, Alphabet
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 29, 2012Dear Alphabet,
Now that WOULD have been a tragedy – barbecued Cumberland sausages and me not there to eat them!
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ May 29, 2012bahahahhahahahaa!!!! Clever clever kzackuslhereux!!!
bpshielsy
/ May 29, 2012There isn’t a gas strong enough to take you out dearest Dotty
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 29, 2012Dear Shielsy,
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Probably not. 
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ May 29, 2012All the cool kids hang out on Dotty’s blog. Am I the only one to notice this?
The FORCE that is Dotty♥
xoxox
paralaxvu
/ May 29, 2012You might not have been ABLE to answer if the gas had been too strong. And you wouldn’t have been the only one! This is one for a letter to the gas board, m’dear…and perhaps even the newspapers? Go get ‘em, Dotty!
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 29, 2012Dear paralaxvu,
I might do that – write to the gas board. I wouldn’t speak to the newspapers, not after all the sneaky things the paparazzi keep doing to me.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ May 29, 2012How long have you had problems with your pipes, because this could explain a lot of things.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 29, 2012Dear pmao,
Well now you mention it…
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ May 29, 2012Dear Dotty,
No, that isn’t the point — they should be punished criminally for allowing a leak like that to go untended, and refusing to tell affected customers. Shame on them. I’m glad you went outside to smoke!!!
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 29, 2012Dear Judith,
Fair enough, accidents happen but they should have told me. They had the other gasmen come to cap it off but it took a good couple of hours. I don’t go outside to smoke – I just open the back door and stand there – if it had been in the middle of the night and I’d got up in the morning the house would have been full of gas and KABOOOOM!
Love Dotty xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 29, 2012Dear Judith,
I said to Lottie, I wonder if I’ve brought it on myself – I was thinking of your law of attraction posts – because I KNEW something would go wrong, it always does. I’ll have to think positively tomorrow so they’ll come and sort it all out and fill the big hole in and it’ll be like they weren’t even here (ha! I just automatically typed BUT NO WAY WILL IT HAPPEN SO SMOOTHLY — that’s where I’m going wrong!!)
Love Dotty xxx
the howler and me
/ May 29, 2012Dear Dotty,
This reminds me of a time, when the pilot light went out on the stove in this little cabin I was renting out in the middle of no and where…
I woke up in the middle of the night smelling gas…. I was so scared. I opened up the doors and the windows to air out the place. Oh I could have been crispified, and NO ONE would have known.
I am glad that got all sorted out without any causalities.
Love,
-the howler and me
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear the howler and me,
Thank you. I’m glad you weren’t crispified too!!
Love Dotty xxx
magicallymad
/ May 29, 2012Dear Dotty,
So glad you escaped with your life. Were the Cumberlands harmed?
Love,
Jill
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear Magic,
No they were fine, thank you. Such a relief!
Love Dotty xxx
Dorothy
/ May 30, 2012Dear Dotty,
This wouldn’t happen to be National Grid, would it? oh wait, that’s my Gas company that always tries to blow everyone up…and they’re quite successful at it too….Look up in the sky!!!
Well, I’m glad you didn’t smoke inside or flip light switches on and off or try to light the hibachi while having a seven candle seance during your afternoon tea. Even though using a telephone could create a spark that could ignite a gas explosion ( for your future reference).
Also a fact you should know. Women have a keener sense of smell than men, so if a woman says she smells natural gas then she should be listened to. This was told to me by my brother-in-law, who happens to work for the gas company. Glad you are alright and make sure you deduct the time off your bill that you were inconvenienced by the idiots.
Love Dorothy
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear Dorothy,
I DID smoke inside, but at the open back door. I used to go out into the garden to smoke but since I stopped being able to go into the garden I just stand at the door.
There’s no bill – the gas board are doing the whole street, they’re back again now, a few houses down.
Love Dotty xxx
Kathy V.
/ May 30, 2012Dear Dotty,
I think you should call a lawyer. For serious.
Love,
Kathy
PS: I’m glad that you’re not dead.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear Kathy,
Thank you.
We (most of us) tend not to think about solicitors and stuff – we just have a good old moan and get on with it.
Love Dotty xxx
therabbitholez
/ May 30, 2012Luckily you don’t light up in the house but then they say North Sea gas doesn’t blow I’ve not tested the theory but am v very much assured if I called customer service I’d loose the will to live faster waiting for them to answer.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear trh,
I WAS in the house! Customer service is a joke – I still don’t get how people in a foreign country can be expected to understand all our accents in order to give us the correct information. But they do try harder to help than British customer service who couldn’t give two shites.
Love Dotty xxx
free penny press
/ May 30, 2012Oh Dotty.. I have to admit I laughed at this post.. Not at you almost being blown up but the funny as hell way you wrote it..
PS-should have stood next to Mr Gas man and lit that ciggie, bet he would have told you real quick like about the leak then.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear fpp,
Lottie said that on the barricades they’ve put round the hole there’s a big ‘NO SMOKING’ sign. When they come back I might just hang out of the window with a ciggie and say ‘GOT A LIGHT, FUCKERS?’
Love Dotty xxx
Claire Cappetta
/ May 30, 2012Oh bringing back memories of British Gas, they always manage to hit pipes. I think its in the training
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear Claire,
I think they want the overtime.
Love Dotty xxx
thewhitetrashgourmet
/ May 30, 2012Dear Dotty – Too bad if you threw a brick at them you probably wouldn’t get it back. Trying to gas my Dotty, horrid bastards!
TWTG
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear twtg,
I might throw SOMETHING at them. Hmmmm. Marbles! I’ve got a bag of marbles! Thank you!
Love Dotty xxx
habibadanyal
/ May 30, 2012Dear Dotty,
Nice to know that you are all safe and sound.
Love,
Habiba.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear Habiba,
Thank you.
Love Dotty xxx
Veggiewitch
/ May 30, 2012Dearest Dotty,
OMFG!
I’m so glad you’re ok!
Lucky lighting the ciggie
didn’t ignite the works, too.
Scary!
*squishy hugs Dotty*
Veggiewitch ♥
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 30, 2012Dear Veggiewitch,
Thank you. Me too.
Love Dotty xxx
faithhopechocolate
/ May 30, 2012I think these company only employ eejits. Not sure if they’re able to employ anyone with common sense. Perhaps it’s a discrimination thing if they were to try…?
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 31, 2012Dear fhac,
Probably. The job interview probably goes -
Boss: Are you an eejit?
Job hunter: Yes.
Boss: When can you start?
Job hunter: Three weeks ago.
Love Dotty xxx
Phil
/ May 30, 2012First of all, thank goodness you didn’t light up in the house. So… now how are you going to cook the Cumberland Sausages? This is a disaster in the making!
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 31, 2012Dear Phil,
I can cook them today because the gas is on – not tomorrow though, it’s going off again. Good job it’s summer and I eat them cold.
Love Dotty xxx
Lady Marilyn Kay Dennis
/ May 31, 2012This reminds me of the time that my cousin was visiting me in France and had a sudden urge to make a cake. She didn’t speak French and was a bit bored because I had a guest with me and she couldn’t follow the conversation, so she wandered off to the kitchen, whipped up a cake, then tried to light the gas oven. I’d forgotten to tell her that you had to count to five after turning on the gas, before you presented the match (there is no pilot light on French gas ovens).
Suddenly, my friend and I heard a sort of sonic boom and commented to each other about the Air Force pilots frequently and annoyingly breaking the sound barrier above our town. Then, my cousin’s voice rose from the kitchen “Thank you for your concern!” To which I replied, “That was YOU?” and rushed out to see the mess.
She had held the lighted match inside the oven while she put her head into it to see why it wasn’t lighting. She wore glasses, but her eyebrows were singed and her eyelashes had disappeared because the flame had gone under her glasses. Nothing else was damaged but she was a bit shaken up. So was I.
Thank Heaven you didn’t go up with a bang when you lit your cigarette!
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 31, 2012Dear Lady Dennis,
Ooh, nasty. She was lucky it was just her hairy bits. And it’s a wonder your house didn’t go up with her!
Love Dotty xxx