Dotty Was Nearly GASSED And BLOWN TO BITS…

 

… and it WASN’T MY FAULT this time. The gas board have been replacing all the pipes on the street and they had to dig a hole in my garden path right next to the house - NOISY NOISY NOISY even with earplugs. A while after they’d finished I thought I could smell gas but I thought, ‘Nah, Dotty, you’re having yourself on, you’re imagining it because the gas board are outside.’

A bit later I started with a little headache so I went to the back door for some fresh air and a ciggie. When I went back into the hallway IT STANK OF GAS, really strong, so I rang Lottie who came round and asked a gasman what was happening and guess what the fucker said? He said ‘Oh yeah, there’s a big leak. The drill hit the pipe. Someone’s coming to cap it off.’

So now I’ve NO GAS.

And the FUCKING FUCKERS NEARLY KILLED ME and they didn’t even have the decency to knock and tell me I was going to die.

Customer care, my arse. More like Customer MURDER.

 

 

(I wouldn’t have answered if they HAD knocked, but that’s not the point).

 

Leave a comment

41 Comments

  1. Dotty:
    So not cool.
    Glad you survived.
    What buttheads.
    Lis xoxo

    Reply
    • Dear Lisa,

      They’re idiots. You can guarantee that whenever some work’s being done by one of the utility companies there’ll be a big BALLS UP.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  2. kzackuslheureux

     /  May 29, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    So glad you’re okay, and more importantly that your sausages aren’t cooked!
    Love, Alphabet

    Reply
  3. bpshielsy

     /  May 29, 2012

    There isn’t a gas strong enough to take you out dearest Dotty :)

    Reply
  4. You might not have been ABLE to answer if the gas had been too strong. And you wouldn’t have been the only one! This is one for a letter to the gas board, m’dear…and perhaps even the newspapers? Go get ‘em, Dotty!

    Reply
    • Dear paralaxvu,

      I might do that – write to the gas board. I wouldn’t speak to the newspapers, not after all the sneaky things the paparazzi keep doing to me.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  5. How long have you had problems with your pipes, because this could explain a lot of things.

    Reply
  6. Dear Dotty,

    No, that isn’t the point — they should be punished criminally for allowing a leak like that to go untended, and refusing to tell affected customers. Shame on them. I’m glad you went outside to smoke!!!

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply
    • Dear Judith,

      Fair enough, accidents happen but they should have told me. They had the other gasmen come to cap it off but it took a good couple of hours. I don’t go outside to smoke – I just open the back door and stand there – if it had been in the middle of the night and I’d got up in the morning the house would have been full of gas and KABOOOOM!

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
    • Dear Judith,

      I said to Lottie, I wonder if I’ve brought it on myself – I was thinking of your law of attraction posts – because I KNEW something would go wrong, it always does. I’ll have to think positively tomorrow so they’ll come and sort it all out and fill the big hole in and it’ll be like they weren’t even here (ha! I just automatically typed BUT NO WAY WILL IT HAPPEN SO SMOOTHLY — that’s where I’m going wrong!!)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  7. Dear Dotty,
    This reminds me of a time, when the pilot light went out on the stove in this little cabin I was renting out in the middle of no and where…

    I woke up in the middle of the night smelling gas…. I was so scared. I opened up the doors and the windows to air out the place. Oh I could have been crispified, and NO ONE would have known.

    I am glad that got all sorted out without any causalities.

    Love,
    -the howler and me

    Reply
  8. Dear Dotty,
    So glad you escaped with your life. Were the Cumberlands harmed?
    Love,
    Jill

    Reply
  9. Dorothy

     /  May 30, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    This wouldn’t happen to be National Grid, would it? oh wait, that’s my Gas company that always tries to blow everyone up…and they’re quite successful at it too….Look up in the sky!!!
    Well, I’m glad you didn’t smoke inside or flip light switches on and off or try to light the hibachi while having a seven candle seance during your afternoon tea. Even though using a telephone could create a spark that could ignite a gas explosion ( for your future reference).
    Also a fact you should know. Women have a keener sense of smell than men, so if a woman says she smells natural gas then she should be listened to. This was told to me by my brother-in-law, who happens to work for the gas company. Glad you are alright and make sure you deduct the time off your bill that you were inconvenienced by the idiots.
    Love Dorothy

    Reply
    • Dear Dorothy,

      I DID smoke inside, but at the open back door. I used to go out into the garden to smoke but since I stopped being able to go into the garden I just stand at the door.

      There’s no bill – the gas board are doing the whole street, they’re back again now, a few houses down.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  10. Dear Dotty,

    I think you should call a lawyer. For serious.

    Love,
    Kathy

    PS: I’m glad that you’re not dead.

    Reply
    • Dear Kathy,

      Thank you.

      We (most of us) tend not to think about solicitors and stuff – we just have a good old moan and get on with it. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  11. Luckily you don’t light up in the house but then they say North Sea gas doesn’t blow I’ve not tested the theory but am v very much assured if I called customer service I’d loose the will to live faster waiting for them to answer.

    Reply
    • Dear trh,

      I WAS in the house! Customer service is a joke – I still don’t get how people in a foreign country can be expected to understand all our accents in order to give us the correct information. But they do try harder to help than British customer service who couldn’t give two shites.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  12. free penny press

     /  May 30, 2012

    Oh Dotty.. I have to admit I laughed at this post.. Not at you almost being blown up but the funny as hell way you wrote it..
    PS-should have stood next to Mr Gas man and lit that ciggie, bet he would have told you real quick like about the leak then.

    Reply
    • Dear fpp,

      Lottie said that on the barricades they’ve put round the hole there’s a big ‘NO SMOKING’ sign. When they come back I might just hang out of the window with a ciggie and say ‘GOT A LIGHT, FUCKERS?’ :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  13. Claire Cappetta

     /  May 30, 2012

    Oh bringing back memories of British Gas, they always manage to hit pipes. I think its in the training :)

    Reply
  14. Dear Dotty – Too bad if you threw a brick at them you probably wouldn’t get it back. Trying to gas my Dotty, horrid bastards!

    TWTG

    Reply
  15. Dear Dotty,
    Nice to know that you are all safe and sound.
    Love,
    Habiba.

    Reply
  16. Dearest Dotty,
    OMFG!
    I’m so glad you’re ok!
    Lucky lighting the ciggie
    didn’t ignite the works, too.
    Scary!
    *squishy hugs Dotty*
    Veggiewitch ♥

    Reply
  17. I think these company only employ eejits. Not sure if they’re able to employ anyone with common sense. Perhaps it’s a discrimination thing if they were to try…?

    Reply
    • Dear fhac,

      Probably. The job interview probably goes -

      Boss: Are you an eejit?
      Job hunter: Yes.
      Boss: When can you start?
      Job hunter: Three weeks ago.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  18. First of all, thank goodness you didn’t light up in the house. So… now how are you going to cook the Cumberland Sausages? This is a disaster in the making!

    Reply
    • Dear Phil,

      I can cook them today because the gas is on – not tomorrow though, it’s going off again. Good job it’s summer and I eat them cold.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  19. This reminds me of the time that my cousin was visiting me in France and had a sudden urge to make a cake. She didn’t speak French and was a bit bored because I had a guest with me and she couldn’t follow the conversation, so she wandered off to the kitchen, whipped up a cake, then tried to light the gas oven. I’d forgotten to tell her that you had to count to five after turning on the gas, before you presented the match (there is no pilot light on French gas ovens).

    Suddenly, my friend and I heard a sort of sonic boom and commented to each other about the Air Force pilots frequently and annoyingly breaking the sound barrier above our town. Then, my cousin’s voice rose from the kitchen “Thank you for your concern!” To which I replied, “That was YOU?” and rushed out to see the mess.

    She had held the lighted match inside the oven while she put her head into it to see why it wasn’t lighting. She wore glasses, but her eyebrows were singed and her eyelashes had disappeared because the flame had gone under her glasses. Nothing else was damaged but she was a bit shaken up. So was I.

    Thank Heaven you didn’t go up with a bang when you lit your cigarette!

    Reply
    • Dear Lady Dennis,

      Ooh, nasty. She was lucky it was just her hairy bits. And it’s a wonder your house didn’t go up with her!

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply

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