Dotty’s 200th Post (Don’t Get Excited, It’s Fucking Boring)

 

Here I am! I’m not dead, the gas board haven’t blown me up yet but two days of NOISE was too much. This is the third day and it hasn’t been as bad this afternoon but yesterday they were making a MASSIVE HOLE on the pavement right outside my front garden so they had a BIG DIGGER and a LITTLE DIGGER and a GREAT BIG DRILL and altogether it sounded like they were drilling through my skull (not in a good, trepanning way) to dig a hole in my brain. I had to hide in my tumble dryer. I took my earplugs but I could still hear it all and I took my laptop but I couldn’t concentrate enough to respond to your comments with the intelligent, insightful, deep and meaningful comment replies I always give and I didn’t want to skimp on my usually soaring standards of intellectual conversation with you all (y’all) or I’d have lowered the tone of the whole blog and you’d have had to go elsewhere for your daily dose of profundity and high thinking.

So anyway, this is my 200th post. For someone with wordy block that’s good going, isn’t it? Except it isn’t, really, because I can’t plan anything yet, it’s like wordy block has morphed into WORDY BOGGLE – if I think any further ahead than the post I’m sitting down to write everything in my head goes to SHITE and any attempt to form a cohesive, ordered plan for a story/poem/Great Novel That Will Change The World only serves to dam up ALL the words. The creative bit seems to be coming back IF I DON’T INTERFERE WITH IT but it’s acting like an unrestrained, separated flock of wild, shaggy sheep running free on the moors, galloping from here to there to everywhere with no discipline or purpose to where they go or what they do. A sheepdog is needed to round them up and pen them in but WHERE DO I FIND MY SHEEPDOG? WHERE IS MY SHEP?

Fuck it, that’s me done for now. I’m going to cook another big pile of Cumberland sausages because the gas has to be turned off again all day tomorrow so they can shove their big pipe up the street – no remarks, please, that’s what they’re going to do, I don’t know how else to word it because the twatting big drill’s started up again and I need to SCREEEEAAAMMM!!!

 

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59 Comments

  1. Yay for 200!! I’ve always found that writer’s block comes to me when I have a decision to make. Once I figure out what that decision is and make it, the words start falling out again.

    Reply
  2. Wish I had YOUR problems.

    U

    Reply
  3. clownonfire

     /  May 31, 2012

    Dotty,
    Hello, old friend. And by old friend, I mean, old as ancient Greece. Congrats on your 200th post. One would think you’d get more interesting after so many posts.
    Le Clown

    Reply
    • Dear clown,

      Hello, Numpty. Back again? I thought you’d finally accepted you’re not funny and given up.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • clownonfire

         /  May 31, 2012

        Dotty,
        Actually, I felt sorry for your readers and other bloggers and thought I should offer an alternative on the blogosphere to your mundane Cumberland banalities.
        Le Clown

      • Dear clown,

        You’ve been missing me, haven’t you?

        Love Dotty xxx

      • clownonfire

         /  May 31, 2012

        Dotty,
        You see right through me. Yes. But just a bit. And please don’t tell anyone.
        Le Clown

      • Dear clown,

        Okay, as long as you don’t tell anyone either. I wouldn’t want people to think you’re one of my readers.

        Love Dotty xxx

        P.S. Here’s a smiley face to welcome you back – I bet you’ve been missing them too. :-)

  4. When I grow up to be a legitimate blogger, I want to be you. Ok?

    Reply
  5. Dear Dotty,

    Congratulations on the 200 posts, and I’m sending you vibes of continued strength to get through the deflowering of the street tomorrow 8-) You are the best!

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply
  6. Dear Dotty,

    I love you.

    Love,
    Owl

    Reply
  7. Dearest Dotty,
    200 is a lot of writing, isn’t it? Keeps the fingers agile. Doesn’t bring in much moolah, though, does it? Perhaps singing in the subway makes more sense/cents.
    Nonetheless, if you weren’t doing all the scribbling, I wouldn’t have met you and I’d be poorer for that.
    Pointless,
    CFD

    Reply
    • Dear Dags,

      Thank you, me too. :-)

      No moolah, no spondoolies, I’m brassic. And I can’t sing and I can’t go out and if I could I’d only get mugged in the subways round here. Oh well.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  8. I like high thinking.

    Reply
  9. Dear Dotty – 200! Fanfuckingtastic m’dear. I’m eagerly awaiting the next 200. To coin a phrase from my youth, you are rad!

    Love,

    TWTG

    Reply
    • Dear twtg,

      Thank you. You are rad too (if rad is a good thing and I don’t know whether or not it is because I don’t know what it means). :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  10. Congrats on your 200th! It’s fabulous. Reading about that drilling dilemma me thinks you could have sent Cumblant Zozeech out there to kick one of those fuckers in the shin. Just picturing it I am cracking up laughing. That pic of Zozeecheil is wacked. I’m still cracking up and my cat just gave me a well defined look that confirms he thinks I’m an official nutter; still laughing.

    Reply
    • Dear tbp,

      It’s a nice picture, isn’t it?

      He hasn’t been round since the first morning the gas board were here – the gasmen pointed and laughed at him as he came down the garden path and I spent all morning mopping up his tears and he didn’t get to work so he lost a morning’s pay. He’s a sensitive little soul.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  11. Yikes! How horrible! Not the writing, the noise. I can’t stand loud noise. The Saffron Crested Cockatoos know it and take great pleasure in skimming over my head with loud screeches, which could be laughs – I don’t speak Saff. Crest. Cock. (there’s a full stop to show that it’s abbreviated, so no complaints from Dotty’s readers, please) very well yet. And if they keep screeching at me every time I go outside, I’ll certainly not be encouraged to learn it. As it is, I stay inside as much as I can. Motorized gardening tools are another pet hate. I can’t even BEGIN to imagine how disgustingly painful a pneumatic drill must be for you. Just the thought of it already makes me shudder and induces the beginnings of what could be a powerful headache, so you, in your present state, must be going right around the bend. I mean, more than usual. How utterly frightful (for those who think that I should sound posh). But Dotty, you can insert as many expletives as you like as you read this. It might help.

    Reply
    • Dear Lady Dennis,

      Thank you, you’re a kind and benevolent Lady who appreciates the benefits of swearing, not like some of those highfaluting nobs who’d sack you and evict you just for saying bum. The Queen must say bum, don’t you think – what else would she call it in public? Definitely not arse, she’ll save that for private conversations with her family.

      Love and curtseys, Dotty xxx

      Reply
  12. What a ca-wink-a-dink…. You and I both hit 200 posts today. Go us!!! :D

    Reply
  13. Dearest Dotty,
    WOOT!
    Veggiewitch ♥

    Reply
  14. i think you should have some sort of award for best title for this post.

    when i laughed tea came down my nose. true fact.

    Reply
    • Dear Elaine,

      I hate it when that happens, it makes the back of your throat raw. Sorry.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • my pleasure!

        i hurt my head trying to work out how to copy you with the click through image linky thing. done it, though, and have joined the zurker.

        haven’t worked out how it works, though. but i dare say i will get there EVENTUALLY.

      • Dear Elaine,

        Is this message meant for Missus Tribble and her peas? :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

      • we both copied you with picture clicky links!

      • Dear Elaine,

        Ah! :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  15. melankooli

     /  June 1, 2012

    I’m not a fan of boggle, but i love your blog. DIGGERS be gone!! Sausages HURRAH!! and Hurrah for your 200th post, inspiring and funny :)

    Reply
  16. Happy Birthday!! :)
    (couldn’t decide what to write and figured that was close enough)

    Reply
    • Dear eliza,

      Thank you. :-)

      Do you want a slice of cake?

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Haha no thank you :) Cake makes me anxious! I would like some banana, oats and peanut butter mushed in together. That is my version of cake :)
        I will eat some now to celebrate your birthday Miss Dotty!!

      • Dear Eliza,

        I have some bananas, I have some oats but I don’t have any peanut butter. Would a big squirt of maple syrup be a good substitute, then I can have some too. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  17. Dude, is that Rowan Atkinson’s face??? That is brilliant.
    I hope you like my series I am doing as a tribute to England. I may need you to check my facts. Good post, by the way, old bean…
    Oh, glad you aren’t dead.

    Reply
  18. Poor lil’ Zozeech, he’s like a modern day tiny Tim he is, bless his heart.

    Reply
    • Dear tbp,

      He is, isn’t he? And it’s possible Tiny Tim was a were-zompire too but charlie was too polite to mention it…

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  19. Dear Dotty,
    I don’t know where to begin, so I won’t. Just, thank you, smiled throughout that whole post. Oh, & there is no where else to go for your brand of magic.
    Love,
    Magic

    Reply

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