The Egg Is Nowhere To Be Found But I’ve Never Reblogged My Own Stuff (Or Anyone Else’s)…

 

… and I’m not going to start now even though I have nothing to say. Wordy block is back, big time, but it’s not MY fault, it’s little Emily’s fault and Kumblant’s fault and whatever they are plotting’s fault and the gasmen’s fault and Lottie’s fault and Photoshop’s fault and my Cumberland sausages’ fault and the egg that rolled out of the egg carton under the cabinet’s fault (I CAN’T FIND THE FUCKING EGG, WHERE IS IT? AN EGG CAN’T JUST DISAPPEAR, CAN IT?) and the grey day’s fault and something else’s fault that I can’t remember right now but whatever it is it’s to blame.

And why is there only ONE programme on telly for the whole of the week? Fucking FOOTBALL. Not just British football, but foreign EUROPEAN football. AND THEY’VE TAKEN THE SOAPS OFF TO SHOW IT. Even if you don’t like the soaps you have to agree with the fact that soaps are the bread and butter of the telly companies, they attract regular loyal viewers, but when it comes to showing SHITEY SPORT they treat their regular loyal viewers with disdain and contempt. And there’s no excuse for it now everything is on digital tellY, they could each get their own FREEVIEW SPORTS CHANNEL to show all the shitey sport they want to show. If you want to see how much fucking football is on telly this week go and look at my guide. FUCKING WANKING TELLY BASTARDS.

Will the egg hatch under my kitchen cabinet? I’m scared of chickens, they give me the creeps if I see them in any form other than just roasted.

And why is it so cold?

OY, WEATHER, WE’RE IN JUNE, YOU STUPID TWAT. GET WARM.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HERE, CHICKY-CHICKY-CHICKY, COME TO DOTTY!

 

 

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46 Comments

  1. Maybe the egg’s on the TV.

    Reply
  2. In about 7 days (sooner, in hot weather) you should be able to find the egg easily.

    Reply
  3. Just leave the egg alone, turn up the heat and viola–roasted chicken! Sports come first because, contrary to that “behind every great man” rule, men rule the world. Face it, in ANY contest the dickheads win. (Not you, R, honey…)

    Reply
    • Dear paralaxvu,

      Arsewipes, the lot of them.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Speaking of the “behind every great man” rule, I’ve seen a variation: “Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.” (Hubert Humphrey, speech, 1964) It’s not relevant to anything but I just felt like throwing it in.

      • Dear Lady Dennis,

        Very informative. Throw in whatever you like. :-)

        love Dotty xxx

  4. Dear Dotty,

    I just found an egg here. I wonder if it’s the one you lost. Can you throw a brick at the football instead? Actually never mind, that’s a waste of a good brick.

    xoxo Mme Weebles

    Reply
    • Dear Mme Weebles,

      I don’t think so, unless the under-parts of my kitchen cabinet are the door to Weeble World which they could well be, I suppose.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  5. Dearest Dotty,
    Violet and I were reading your post..and I have to say..it’s much funnier when read aloud. The…”Here chicky chicky…” had us rolling.
    I agree about the football. It sucks.
    Hang in there my friend!!
    ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
    Lis
    xoxoxo

    Reply
    • Dear Lisa,

      I might come to yours and watch Bruce Springsteen all night. Do you have any Cumberland sausages in? And Diet Coke? ;-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,
        I love it muchly. I would roll out the red carpet for you!!! And I’m so glad that I’m not the only one obsessed with Springsteen. Lawwwwd have mercy that man is hot. Or was.

        Either way..I have gallons of diet coke..but you may have to bring the Cumberlands…as I am pretty sure they don’t make those in South Dakota.

        We make cows. Lots and lots of cows. And corn. :)
        Lis
        xoxox

      • Dear Lisa,

        I could eat a cow (not all at once, obviously). And I like sweetcorn. I’ve been known to survive on other foods for various periods of time in the past so I think I could manage for a day or so without my Cumberland sausages as long as the Diet Coke was flowing. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,
        I must warn you:
        American Diet Coke is much better than European. Once you’ve had it…you may never be able to go back to your homeland.
        Just sayin’…fair warning and all that. ;)
        Now get over here! South Dakota needs Dotty.
        For real.
        Lis
        xoxox

      • Dear Lisa,

        I want to go to your house, I do. I want to do a year-long freebie tour of America, staying at everyone’s houses and letting them feed me and show me the sights and buy me nice things. And I want to try your American Diet Coke to see if you’re right. BUT I CAN’T GO OUT. :-(

        Love Dotty xxx

  6. Dear Dotty,
    I’ve lost egg many times. The tricky thing with egg is, that egg roll in unpredictable patterns. Watch your step ;-)

    Reply
  7. We aliens hatch from eggs, you know. Watch out for any slime under your fridge. And do not try to make friends with the facehugger. We usually don’t want to make friends when we first hatch. Kinda cranky.

    Reply
  8. Sorry about the shite TV… but honestly… surely anything is better than EastEnders???

    Reply
  9. I know EGGsactly how you feel. I bet you are EGGasperated, that you can’t find it. You can EGGspect the Yolk to be on you. EGGceptional post!……..(I can hear the groans now)…LOL

    Reply
  10. Dorothy

     /  June 12, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    I like the football…..actually I like watching the men run around in their shorts.
    Sorry about your egg though. I keep a yardstick handy for things that roll under cabinets and the refrigerator so I can bat them out again. Have you got a long stick like that handy?
    Love Dorothy

    Reply
    • Dear Dorothy,

      I prefer rugby for shorts-watching.

      Yes, I’ve got a long metal stick thing but when I used it the egg wasn’t there.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  11. I know this has nothing to do with eggs, but have you thought of luring the traitors close to the new gas line after poking a hole in it, and then tossing a flaming ball of rags at them from a safe distance?

    Reply
  12. Ah, yes! I know those days well!

    Reply

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