I could eat my legs. Raw.
Sorry I haven’t done the comments tonight, my fingers are wasting away and if I type too much they’ll snap off.
I’m going to bed. Hungry. Like the wolf (not Kumblant, the disloyal little fucker).
I hope I don’t eat my bedroom.
Posted by Dotty Headbanger on June 14, 2012
http://dottyheadbanger.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/im-fucking-starving/
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I just appreciate the structural engineering - what's wrong with that?
EAT ME, EAT ME!
Madame Weebles
/ June 14, 2012Dear Dotty,
Please have a HobNob. Also, you’re making ME hungry with this post.
xoxo Mme Weebles
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Mme Weebles,
I did have one (packet) because Hobnobs don’t count, do they, if they’re healthy food? They’re like cucumbers but they’re biscuits.
Love Dotty xxx
catpenfold
/ June 14, 2012Hang in there! The first 3 weeks without food are the worst. And then you’re dead.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Cat,
I felt like I was dying last night when I posted this.
Love Dotty xxx
paralaxvu
/ June 14, 2012I hear giant pitas are good for getting inside of to hunker down in for warmth and eat through as you get too hungry…
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear paralaxvu,
Please don’t try to tempt me away from my diets with mention of pitta bread or I might
KEBAB KEBAB KEBAB KEBAB JUICY LAMB KEBAB
break my diets.
Love Dotty xx
catpenfold
/ June 14, 2012If want some actual advice from someone is 242 pounds (but sexy enough for someone to try* to rub one out on this morning on a packed subway car) think “many mini meals.” Have a few bites. Go hit something with a brick (great exercise). Eat a little more. Work on your cross stitch of the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells and Prince Harry dressed as cumberland sausages. If your apetite isn’t completely gone, have a bit more to eat. The trick is to never get starving hungry. But you’ll never be full either.
*fucking perverts. And he left before he gave me his number. sigh….
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Cat,
Mini-meals!! That’s another diet I’m going to add to my diets. Thank you!
You should have kneed the pervert in his nasty bollocks.
Love Dotty xxx
C. C. Charron
/ June 14, 2012I feel like eating lots of cupcakes in your memory! Good luck on your diet!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear CC,
Why do you all keep tormenting me with mention of lovely, lovely food? whyohwhyohwhyohwhy?
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ June 14, 2012Dear Dottygirl,
I’m the trying ,too.
Here’s what I’ve figured out:
When I eat craploads of veggies..it helps the starving. When I drink lotsa water…it helps. When I look at my sexy-butt jeans I’m working for…I’m motivated.
When I’m grumpy and stressed …it all goes to shite
Carr Party of Five
/ June 14, 2012*;)
Love Lis
P.s. u got this*
Xoxo
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Lisa,
ANOTHER DIET I CAN GO ON!!
The Raw Food Diet!
That makes ten.
Love Dotty xxx
Veggiewitch
/ June 14, 2012*squishy hugs*
Veggiewitch ♥
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Veggiewitch,
Thank you. Will you make me nice, fried veggie burger, please?
Love Dotty xxx
Veggiewitch
/ June 15, 2012Dearest Dotty,
Of course, my friend. ♥
VW ♥
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 16, 2012Dear veggiewitch,
THANK YOU.
Love Dotty xxx
travelladywithbaby
/ June 14, 2012Poor Dotty, stick with it, think of your arse and its shrinking size!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear tlwb,
I did, I managed to stick to it last night.
Love Dotty xxx
the howler and me
/ June 14, 2012Dear Dotty,
Yes, please don’t eat your bedroom, it might give you indigestion…
Love,
-the howler and me
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear the howler and me,
The curtains were SO tempting, I had to have a lick of them. And the wardrobe. And the dressing table. And the chaise longue (I’m lying, I don’t have a chaise longue but I’ve always wanted one).
Love Dotty xxx
the howler and me
/ June 16, 2012Dear Dotty,
Me TOO. I keep looking at the furniture stores online and saying… oh if only they weren’t so damned expensive!!!
I am glad you survived the night without getting a tummy ache
Love,
-the howler and me
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 16, 2012Dear the howler and me,
Last night was worse.
Love Dotty xxx
Anonymous
/ June 14, 2012Lying In bed hungry too, and I had a big portion of sausage and chips. What’s that about, I’m ravenous.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Anonymous Person Lying In Bed After Scoffing A Big Portion Of Sausage And Chips,
Who are you?
Love Dotty xxx
Sword-chinned bitch
/ June 15, 2012Just hold on Dotty, just hold on…
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Swordy,
I DID, I DID! And I lived to see today!
Love Dotty xxx
Dorothy
/ June 15, 2012dream of pizza…….mmmmmmm
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Dorothy,
I don’t know what I dreamt of, I think I overdid it with the absinthe.
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ June 15, 2012Dear Dotty,
I am sending visions of Cumberland sausages to you — I hope your night goes well!
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Judith,
It did, thank you.
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ June 15, 2012Dear Dotty,
Yes, you can, to quote Mr. Obama — if nothing else, he is capable of a good speech. More visions of Cumberland sausages on their way — the South Beach Diet is the one where you can eat all the meat you want — not the first, but the most used. Have a lovely day!
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Judith,
Thank you for the support.
And the South Beach Diet – that makes eleven diets I’m on now.
Lots of love Dotty xxx
robincoyle
/ June 15, 2012I’ve heard your bedroom is delicious, but that is too much information. Ew.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear robin,
Not really – the top left hand corner of the wardrobe left a bit of an aftertaste compared to the rest of it (don’t worry, I didn’t EAT it, I just had a lick).
Love Dotty xxx
Christopher De Voss
/ June 15, 2012Eat celery or pretzels for a snack…just not the whole bag.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Chris,
I don’t like pretzels.
Love Dotty xxx
SummerSolsticeGirl
/ June 15, 2012Hope you have a good night sleep. I can never sleep with an empty stomach….
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear SSG,
EMPTY STOMACH — yes, that was ME!! Me with an empty stomach! You’ve inspired me to carry on…
Love Dotty xxx
thelastsongiheard
/ June 15, 2012Oh! Oh! Now I know who you remind me of… (apart from half the characters from a Viz comic) – an after-the-watershed-realistic-let’s-not-fuck-around-here Adrian Mole.
You don’t hate me now, do you?
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear tlsih,
I don’t know if I hate you or not yet because I can’t remember what Adrian Mole is like – it’s years and years since I read it. When I find the book (it’s somewhere) and read it I’ll let you know if I hate you or not.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ June 15, 2012This is a recipe for hamburgers and not just beef patties. If something is advertised as 100% pure beef burger, then it is not really a hamburger–unless they’re trying to be clever and hope to be able to claim that, while the patties are made with things in the mix, the beef that went into them is indeed 100% pure. This is, of course, not clever since all beef is pure, anything else is a mixture. A true hamburger requires additional goodies which, in my greedy opinion, make for a more nourishing treat.
What you’ll need for 2 big hamburgers or 4 small ones:
500 grams Plain or Lean Beef Mince. The better the mince, the better the hamburger.
2 handfuls Bread Crumbs from day old or older bread. Use the grater. Quality bread, which isn’t like polystyrene, will give the hamburger better density and bite.
2 Large Eggs
1 Small Onion
2 Cloves Garlic
Half Teaspoon Paprika
Salt and Pepper
Oil for frying
(You can fuck around with the spicing, although too much spice can ruin the flavour of the beef. Some recipes also put in a chopped gherkin. You might want to make a lamb hamburger, in which case you can make it with rosemary or mint. You can always go gourmet with lamb and a fruit marmalade. The permutations are dictated by your taste-buds.)
Cooking:
Grate the bread for the crumbs into a mixing bowl. Add in the very finely chopped garlic, the paprika, pepper and, to bring out the flavour of the beef, a decent amount of salt, maybe a level teaspoon but be cautious of adding too much. The onion is the tricker part. It has to be very finely chopped. I’ve been doing this (thanks to a real chef’s advice) by cutting off the flatter end, the root section, and then peeling away the outer layers but leaving the stem at the top for something to hold on to. Then I take a small sharp knife and cut a fine-ish chequerboard into the exposed onion surface and slice finely so that the tiny cubes of onion fall into the mixing bowl. Whisk the two eggs quickly with a fork and then pour them into the mixing bowl. Mix the crumb and eggs mixture quickly before adding the mince. Now get your hands dirty. Mix the mince into the crumb and egg mixture until you can hardly tell the difference between the beef and the egg and onion. It can help to work and shape the mixture if you wet your hands with a little cold water.
Heat about a tablespoon of sunflower or vegetable oil in a large frying pan, at a medium to high heat; should be about three-quarters of the maximum temp–depending on the hob. While the oil heats, shape your burgers, leaving them thick. Plonk them straight into the pan. Don’t press down while they’re cooking, that will force out the succulent juice. Cook for about 5 minutes on each side or a bit longer if you want them well done. Serve with a good relish, perhaps a gherkin or two, or a nice dollop of hot English or whole grain mustard.
For a bit of quick chip accompaniment, what I do is chop two potatoes, skins on, into thumb-sized chunks and par boil them. When the hamburgers are finished cooking, you can drain the potatoes and, with a bit of extra oil, throw them into the same pan. They shouldn’t take too long too cook if you turn the hob to its maximum temperature and the small bit of moisture from the boiling should make them nice and crispy. Just keep an eye and try to toss them around so they get even-time on each side on the base of the hot pan. Don’t boil them too much, or they’ll break up when you fry them. Enjoy!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Misfit,
YOU’RE FUCKING KILLING ME!
My stomach’s growling like a monster now, it started halfway through reading, not ladylike, not ladylike AT ALL. It’s a good job I don’t have any mince OR I’D BE AT THE FRYING PAN AND FOREVER PUT OFF MY DIETS THAT I’M DOING SO WELL ON.
I’m going to cry. See what you’ve done?
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ June 15, 2012I’m twirling my mustache, ha, ha, ha!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Misfit,
I bet you are.
And your choice of poem for today just happened to include food, didn’t it?
MEANIE!
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ June 15, 2012At least it ain’t ANT-ipathy!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 15, 2012Dear Misfit,
Stop antagonising me.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ June 15, 2012Don’t worry, have an antipasto.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 16, 2012Dear Misfit,
I’m going to have a plate of Aunt Bessie’s chips.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ June 17, 2012With mayo?
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 17, 2012Dear Misfit,
Yes. But extra light mayo.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy @ LaughingAtEverydayLife
/ June 15, 2012Hey Boss,
If you keep collecting diets, you will be able to do a different diet a day.
If you keep reading your comments people are making about food, you will either A) explode from hunger or B) explode and kill everyone.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 16, 2012Dear Brick,
I don’t want to collect diets any more.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy @ LaughingAtEverydayLife
/ June 16, 2012How about just the ice cream diet? OO>>> Here is today’s cone for you!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 17, 2012Dear Brick,
I’m done with diets now but the daily ice cream will be LOVELY, thank you very much.
Love Dotty xxx
WordsFallFromMyEyes
/ August 19, 2012Just don’t eat your computer – it keeps me connected to your sense of humour
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 19, 2012Dear wffme,
I’ll admit, I did have a nibble at the corner – it tasted like chicken.
Love Dotty xxx