Okay, you’ve had long enough with this Independence shite to realise it’s time to come home to Mummy. We’ll have you back under our rule on one condition – you never, ever, ever allow
SIMON FUCK-FACE COWELL
or GORDON PLASTIC-FACE RAMSAY
to come back to Britain. You can do what you want with them.
In return, we’ll allow you to give us all your money, land, property and apple pie recipes.
Deal??
(you know you want to).
Smaktakula
/ July 5, 2012We’ll come home when you agree to stop taxing our Earl Grey.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Smak,
Of course we’ll stop taxing OUR Earl Grey. We get it free on the NHS and so will you.
Love Dotty xxx
Smaktakula
/ July 5, 2012It’s bad enough you insist on calling the American Language “English,” but must you try to steal our centuries-old tradition of tea-loving?
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Smak,
1) How many centuries did you say that was?
2) In those HOWEVER MANY CENTURIES you still haven’t learned that COLD TEA IS NASTY. It’s supposed to be HOT.
Love Dotty xxx
Smaktakula
/ July 5, 2012I couldn’t tell you exactly, Dotty. You see, as an American, we don’t waste time with all that history stuff. It’s good enough for me to know that John Wayne, Ulysses Grant and Winston Churchill were among the greatest of our nation’s Founding Fathers.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Smak,
You forgot to add Champion The Wonder Horse!! Sheesh!!
Love Dotty xxx
Smaktakula
/ July 5, 2012Mea Culpa (the phrase being just another of the many American contributions to the language).
Good night, Dotty–you always make me laugh. Only in a good way, I assure you!
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Smak,
Goodnight, sleep tight (in the knowledge that you’ll soon be back in the safe and loving arms of Mummy Britannia).
Love Dotty xxx
the howler and me
/ July 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
Oh this made me giggle.
Love,
-the howler and me
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear the howler and me,
Britian is FULL of giggles. You’re going to LOVE IT.
Love Dotty xxx
clownonfire
/ July 5, 2012Dear Dotty Who Hasn’t Been Around My Part of Town Lately,
What’s with the black font? Have you forsaken your typical burgundy?
Le Clown
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear clown whose posts must be somewhere in my MASSIVE backlog of email notifications that now has its OWN backlog of email notifications that I haven’t got round to reading yet because last week I had a MENTAL WEEK and this week is still MENTAL WEEK and also it’s WIMBLEDON WEEK and Andy Murray won his Quarter-Final match yesterday and got through to the Semi-Finals tomorrow and will hopefully get through to the Finals on Sunday,
I stuck to the black in case trying to do a colour messed up the nice pictures.
It isn’t burgundy, it’s burnt orange.
Love Dotty xxx
Brother Jon
/ July 5, 2012What about Jamie Oliver? Hmm, you probably like the naked chef.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Jon,
No, I don’t like him. You can keep him too, but I’d ship him somewhere else if you can – he sprays spittle all over his food.
Love Dotty xxx
Brother Jon
/ July 5, 2012Yeah, and he took away all of our Chocolate Milk.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Jon,
I know – we got to watch it when he took all the proper school dinners away from your children. Terrible!!
Love Dotty xxx
Christopher De Voss
/ July 5, 2012I think Cowell and Ramsey should be on a TV show together. A sitcom of some sorts, but it would be a very loud, pretentious show I think,
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Chris,
Good idea, but not a sitcom – a combined survivor programme in which Cowell and Ramsay have to survive for an hour each week on THE SINGING ZOMBIE IN THE KITCHEN
Love Dotty xxx
Sword-chinned bitch
/ July 5, 2012Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Swordy,
Love Dotty xxx
rachelmiller1511
/ July 5, 2012Oh good are we getting rid of Simon Cowell? They can have the X Factor too!
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Rachel,
I hope so.
I didn’t even watch the XFactor this year when I found out David Big-Face Walliams was on it. He makes me CRINGE.
Love Dotty xxx
rachelmiller1511
/ July 5, 2012Yes, its all a big load of poo
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Rachel,
Love Dotty xxx
unfetteredbs
/ July 5, 2012I’ll only come across the pond if I can come stay with you Dear Dotty because I think it would be smashing good fun. I make a kick ass apple pie and I am an all american girl(not)
PS I don’t like to leave my house either.. this vacation is killing me :0) Going to the Canadian Border today… think Le Clown will let me in?
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear bs,
If you all (y’all) make me QUEEN OF THE NEW WORLD and give me a nice house to live in (that old Biltmore place will do), I’ll come OVER THERE – I could be like Mr T – drug me, take me out of my house, stick me on a plane, put me in my new house and I WILL BE WITH YOU.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. Try to enjoy your holiday – I haven’t been on holiday in YEARS. If you see clown-face, give him a slap for me.
Victor Tookes
/ July 5, 2012Tea is supposed to be iced. Cookies have sugar and (ideally) chocolate chips, and biscuits are savory, bread like rounds with lots of butter. Chips are wafer thin deep-fried potato, and football is played with a oval ball with your hands.
When you’ve accepted those terms, I’m willing to negotiate the terms of your surrender.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Victor,
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Love Dotty xxx
kzackuslheureux
/ July 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
It’s funny in both of your pictures (nice posting, by the way) I can totally see two olfy kids. I’m sure they were brats from the images that hit my mind. -> I thought Ramsey was Australian…. I learn something everytime I read your blog
Love, Alphabet
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Alphabet,
What does ‘olfy’ mean? Is it –
old fart, yes?
old fucking yuppie?
o, look, fat Yanks? (they’re not Yanks, they’re British)
Love Dotty xxx
joehoover
/ July 5, 2012I was just talking to a friend blogger and insisted we’ll take their country back too, though they need to tidy up a bit first
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Joe,
I know. Tramps. Look what they’ve done to the Hamptons.
Love Dotty xxx
faithhopechocolate
/ July 5, 2012Sing it, sister!
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear fhc,
RULE BRITANNIA,
BRITANNIA RULES THE WAVES…
Love Dotty xxx
robincoyle
/ July 5, 2012Last I heard, Britain is out of money, so what else do you have to offer us?
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Robin,
Half an hour ago I would have said elocution lessons.
Love Dotty xxx
robincoyle
/ July 5, 2012Oh darlin’ . . . you crack me up.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Robin,
It’s true!
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ July 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
I’d love it!! We could get rid of our asshole government, and come over to your asshole-but -much-more-proper-and-formal government, who wear nicer clothes and then we’d have a queen, and I could be in the running for the next Queen election…..WHAT? It doesn’t work that way? This is going to take some thought
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 5, 2012Dear Judith,
You don’t have to do any thinking – we’ll do it all for you!
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 6, 2012Where do we sign up?
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 6, 2012Dear pmao,
On the back of a $1m dollar banknote.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 6, 2012You need to pay us more than that. We are going to double the size of your country… and I don’t mean all of us, that would just be California… ha…
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 6, 2012Dear pmao,
But when all the Americans come here, we’re going THERE! I’m having New England!
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 6, 2012We aren’t going to fit. We are fat.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 7, 2012Dear pmao,
You will fit if you squeeze in. If Britain sinks you can blame it on global warming and rising tides.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 7, 2012Just make sure to spread us out so we don’t tip it over.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 7, 2012Dear pmao,
It’ll be like playing Twister.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 7, 2012Fat, sweaty Americans… millions of them… playing twister… ughhhhhhh…..
Tammy @ LaughingAtEverydayLife
/ July 8, 2012We are bigger. We win.
Your little country is the size of our baby states. LOL
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 9, 2012Dear Brick,
Quality over quantity, m’dear.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy @ LaughingAtEverydayLife
/ July 9, 2012Lolllll