It’s pissing it down outside. AGAIN. I don’t mind that it’s cool but WHERE’S THE FUCKING SUN? And what happened to GLOBAL WARMING? Where did that go?
Yesterday afternoon I was having a peep out of my window to see if the white van that keeps parking across the road, three houses down, had come back (it had, and it’s still there). I was watching it intently when I happened to spy, out of the corner of my third eye, a scratty, scrawny, soggy-skirted, basket-carrying little woman standing in the rain, all the way up the street on the other side of the road, staring at my house. It was HER. Little Emily. The pygmy dog-man wasn’t with her, not that I could see anyway – he might have been hiding behind the privet hedge of the nearest garden but I don’t think so, there were no signs of her talking to anyone.
I wanted a closer look but in the seconds it took me to reach across to the bookcase for my binoculars, take the caps off and move back the curtain again, she had gone.
What did she want? Why didn’t she come to the door? And what was in the basket?
Branwell is due this afternoon, I’m going to make him tell me what’s going on. If he won’t fess up I’ll kneecap him with dead ex-Simon’s cricket bat.
rachelmiller1511
/ July 11, 2012We had thunder yesterday. My dog was hiding under the desk. She thinks she’s badass but she’s just a little wuss really.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 11, 2012Dear Rachel,
I like thunder and lightning.
Love Dotty xxx
rich
/ July 11, 2012Part of global warming is irregular precipitation, too much it too little. It’s still happening, with or without pygmies.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 11, 2012Dear rich,
Right. Well we could do with some of it here.
Love Dotty xxx
rich
/ July 11, 2012very sorry that you’ve got those things to deal with.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 11, 2012Dear rich,
So am I.
Love Dotty xxx
Sword-chinned bitch
/ July 11, 2012To be continued… This makes me imagine dramatic soap opera music playing…
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 11, 2012Dear Swordy,
Coronation Street?
Love Dotty xxx
chancedagger
/ July 11, 2012Mind if I borrow “scratty?”
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 11, 2012Dear Dags,
Go ahead. When will you give it back?
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ July 11, 2012Irish cricket?
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 11, 2012Dear Misfit,
I don’t know. I don’t even know if that’s a joke – if it is I don’t get it. Cricket bores me stupid, I used to have to sit through hours and hours and hours of it on hot summer days when ex-Simon played. The other wives hated me because I refused to do the teas, I just sat next to the cakes they’d made and ate them.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ July 12, 2012Kneecapping is a very Irish form of violence. I think there’s even a Kneecap Alley in Belfast.
I’m not a fan either.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear Misfit,
Ah! I get it now.
Some of my great-great-greats are Irish, they came over in the faminine. It must be in my genes.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ July 13, 2012No wonder you’re always famished.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear Misfit,
Hey, that might be why I need Cumberland sausages all the time (lack of protein). And McCain’s Chippy Chips (harking back to the good old days).
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ July 13, 2012You can cook sausages in Guinness. They’re delicious with caramelized onions.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear Misfit,
I don’t like Guiness, it’s alcoholic and I’m teetotal.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ July 13, 2012You should drink, it might help.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear Misfit,
If I drank I’d be a raving alcoholic. If I took drugs I’d be a druggy. I know my limits.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ July 13, 2012You’re right, you don’t need any help.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear Misfit,
I need Euromillions help so I’ll win tonight’s big pot.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ July 13, 2012Pot can help.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear Misfit,
No, it can’t.
Love Dotty xxx
robincoyle
/ July 11, 2012Rain, schmain. We are havint 105 degree weather here today. Now THAT is something to complain about.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear Robin,
I can’t help complaining about the weather – I’m British, it’s what we do.
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ July 11, 2012Dear Dotty, honey,
Stick to that plan! I want to know what’s going on with her as well. I’m surprised she didn’t at least wave.
Obviously, we all love you most, but if little Emily wants to come back, I can spare a Little-Emily sized chunk of love for her.
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear Judith,
I’m in negotiations with her, via Branwell. I don’t know what’s happening yet.
Love Dotty xxx
unfetteredbs
/ July 12, 2012a spying lurking Dotty with binaculars…do post a picture of this…
unfetteredbs
/ July 12, 2012spelling is not my forte today…forgive me
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear bs,
No, sorry, I can’t. I’ve said it many times before, I don’t allow cameras near me – they’re the tools of Beelzebub.
Love Dotty xxx
unfetteredbs
/ July 13, 2012(understand and feel the same way..)
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear bs,
Love Dotty xxx
crazybeanrider
/ July 13, 2012Maybe little Emily has some goodies in her basket. And wants to share, the weather is too moody, it is running 100 degrees in my neighborhood, relief must come soon, or I am going to get mean.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 13, 2012Dear cbr,
She’s not really the sharing type.
It’s cold here – I’m wearing a cardigan.
Love Dotty xxx
crazybeanrider
/ July 14, 2012Oh I’d love to wear a sweater, I will be glad when this heat takes a turn and brings in the comfy coolness of fall. Keep your eye open for Little Emily, if she isn’t in the giving mood she may have other ideas up her sleeve.-Boo
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 15, 2012Dear Boo,
I’m trying to find out what she’s up to but Branwell isn’t telling.
Love Dotty xxx
crazybeanrider
/ July 15, 2012Perhaps peeping is her forte’
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 15, 2012Dear Boo,
She’s too prim to be a peeper. No, it’s something DIABOLICAL.
Love Dotty xxx
crazybeanrider
/ July 16, 2012She is starting to sound like Jack The Ripper type stalker!
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 17, 2012Dear Boo,
Yep, she can be a bit of a nutter.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 14, 2012Stop spying on my van while I am hiding in it and spying on you…
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 15, 2012Dear pmao,
Have you noticed little Emily on the corner?
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 15, 2012She tried to crawl in the van last night. I almost shot her…
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 15, 2012Dear pmao,
What stopped you?
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 15, 2012You would have heard the shot… I left my silencer back in America.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 15, 2012Dear pmao,
You should have knocked and I’d have let you borrow one of mine.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 15, 2012I am trying to be sneaky… under cover stalking and all that…
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 15, 2012Dear pmao,
That’s all right then. But remember, while you’re sitting there in the van watching me, I’ve got my range of SILENCERS here so I can use whatever gun I want. RUN, FORREST, RUN.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 15, 2012I know you wouldn’t shoot me unless I put on a Mr. Bean mask and a pair of nappies… ha!
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 16, 2012Dear pmao,
A pair of nappies? One for your derriere and one for your face?
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 16, 2012No, I mean like they call them a pair of pants, or trousers. I didn’t make up the English language… you did… HA!
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 17, 2012Dear pmao,
But you can’t have a pair of nappies on the same person unless you’re doubling up.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 17, 2012Okay. Glad we cleared that up. I will never wear a pair of underwear again…
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 17, 2012Dear pmao,
So American babies wear a pair of diapers, do they?
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 17, 2012Now that you mention it, I guess they don’t. But I can’t figure out why I put on a pair of pants, either.
Dotty Headbanger
/ July 18, 2012Dear pmao,
Never mind the why, just keep on doing it.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ July 18, 2012Well alrighty then…
WordsFallFromMyEyes
/ August 19, 2012I loved your description of the basket carrying woman – choice! Ah, Dotty. You rock!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 19, 2012Dear wffme,
Thank you!
Love Dotty xxx