Questions, Questions, Questions – How To Successfully Torture A People Phobic She-Hermit


I don’t like questions, do you? Why do people ask them? Haven’t they anything better to do?

Most of the questions I’m asked are STUPID questions asked by STUPID people with STUPID motives. They make about as much sense as the ? post I did yesterday. And these STUPID people who ask their STUPID questions aren’t even interested in the answers I finally manage to give them, they’re only interested in answers that tell them WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR. They pick and choose certain key words and manipulate them into answers I DID NOT MEAN. And I’m too STUPID and too PEOPLE PHOBIC to correct them.








Having PEOPLE PHOBIA is SHITE at the best of times but when you’re sitting in front of a pair of STUPID LASER EYES THAT CAN SEE RIGHT INSIDE YOUR STUPID HEAD, and the STUPID LASER EYES are attached to a STUPID BRAIN THAT IS JUDGING YOU AND FINDING YOU TO BE THE WORST HUMAN BEING IN THE HISTORY OF HUMAN BEINGS, coherence and clarity are impossible. THINKING is impossible. A STUPID question is asked and when you try to answer the STUPID question what comes out of your mouth (if anything) is a rambling babble of words that either has no relation to what you really want to say or over-says what you really want to say – and the crucial point is LOST IN ALL THE SHITE YOU’RE SPOUTING. But the STUPID people asking the questions are too STUPID to consider the fact that PEOPLE PHOBIA makes you hide things and gloss over things and fail to mention relevant things that you WANT THEM TO KNOW but CAN’T TELL THEM because they are PEOPLE and the fact that you have SEVERE PEOPLE PHOBIA means you’re SO TERRIFIED OF PEOPLE you can’t talk to them in any way that makes sense.

And you’re such hard work they get annoyed even though they’d never ADMIT they’re annoyed. And who’s fault is it they get annoyed? IT’S YOUR FAULT. Naturally. And because it’s YOUR FAULT you babble even more in order to mollify them, you try to justify yourself to them, you try to tell them WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR. You try to STOP THEM BEING ANNOYED because you BELIEVE IT’S YOUR FAULT they’re annoyed in the first place. But there’s still a tiny part of you that KNOWS it isn’t your fault, a small part of you that wants to scream IT’S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO MADE ME LIKE THIS, YOU CONDESCENDING PATRONISING BASTARD. SHUT YOUR YAPPING FACE AND LISTEN TO WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU.

Add to this the fact that you have to keep asking and asking them to repeat themselves because you can’t hear what they’re saying BECAUSE THEY WON’T SWITCH THEIR COMPUTER OFF even when you’ve explained the difficulties of Hyperacusis – and they’re too STUPID or too IGNORANT to remember to raise their voice when they speak so you ask and ask and ask. And all through this FUCKING TORTURE you’re desperate to get home, or to die, or to vanish in a puff of smoke, anything to get away from the STUPID LASER EYES and the STUPID questions and the PRYING and the JUDGING and the SNEERING and the LAUGHING that are all going on behind the STUPID LASER EYES. You want to be at home with the doors shut and locked, the curtains closed, the phone off the hook, nobody there but you because the HERMITITIS has shackled your brain to the walls of the house you’ve had to leave, so although you’re physically present in the place you’ve had to go to, mentally you’re desperately trying to crawl home again. 

By the time you do finally get home your head is on the verge of imploding; you’re so tired all you want to do is sleep but the second you put your head on the pillow you’re MORTIFIED WITH SHAME at the STUPID things you said and the IMPORTANT things you didn’t say. The shame doesn’t lessen with each replay, it grows and grows and grows and THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE IT.


And all you’re able to think then is -



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  1. Dorothy

     /  August 2, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Did you see a psychiatrist yesterday? SOunds like I feel when I see my psychiatrist. Poor thing, I hope you feel better today or at least don’t feel like exploding now.
    HAve a hug anyway,
    Love Dorothy

  2. Dear Dotty,
    I dont like it. Im sorry about that nasty experience. I may look nice but i can be mean when people pick on my friends. Tell me who to beat up.

  3. Dear Dotty,
    Sending you a hug.

  4. Dear Dotty,

    I was sad reading this. Would a hug help? If so, have one from me.

    Love WeeGee

    PS – I had three cumberland sausages from breakfast today. True fact xx

  5. Why do you hate questions so much? … oh, wait… sorry…

  6. Fish Out of Water

     /  August 2, 2012

    I don’t like that you’re experiencing it, but I like that you’ve managed a spot-on description of what it feels like. Perfection.

    • Dear Fishy,

      I don’t like that you KNOW it’s a spot-on description of what it feels like because that means you experience it too. :-(

      Love Dotty xx

  7. *sends love, virtual hugs (that don’t involve people), tea, sympathy*

    Why do they have to do these things face-to-face? Why can’t they give you the questions in an email so you can reply with sensible answers that are true and factual and accurate because you’ve been able to answer them in the safety of your own home (with your cumberland sausage butties and your bricks around you)? Bloody beaurocracy (or however it’s spelt) and governments…

    • Dear fhc,

      Thank you. :-)

      Nothing any of them do is sensible or fair – government, the NHS – each and every one of them are concerned about one thing only – money.

      Love Dotty xxx

  8. One has to ask – is intelligence an evolutionary advantage. I mean, we as a species are generally intelligent yet we have invented Nuclear Bombs, Al Queda and Lady Gaga – all generally regarded as poor long-term choices. Cockroaches, on the other hand, are not generally that intelligent and will survive all three of these things. Also, breaking our species down, we have intelligent individuals and stupid individuals. Stupid individuals seem to be breeding at a much higher rate than intelligent ones which is also a sign of superior evolutionary adaption. So maybe, ten thousand years from now, we will welcome our new stupid overlords as the untermensche become the undermensche. And in ten thousand and 5 years later, they will, in turn, be welcoming their new cockroach overlords.

    • Dear Seb,

      I don’t think it’ll take as long as ten thousand years to welcome them. They’re here now, overlording it over the rest of us, putting in place their stupid dumbing down techniques in order to hasten the progression of stupidity. Give it about one thousand years and the cockroaches will get the vote every time.

      Love Dotty xxx

  9. Dear Dotty,

    Well said. When people ask me stupid questions, the only answer I can think of is, “Fuck you.”

    xoxo Mme Weebles

    • Dear Mme Weebles,

      Even their sensible questions are made stupid by the way they phrase them.
      I might try your Fuck You thing – in answer to EVERYONE WHO ASKS ME A QUESTION. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

  10. If there were only a 007-like gun that you could hold in your hand unseeing and every time someone asked a stupid question you could point the gun at them and press the trigger and POOF! they’d just up and disappear. No garbage, no trash, no detritus left behind. Just clean air. I wish I had one to send you. Actually, I wish I had two, one to send you and one to keep for myself. Until then, I send you love and hugs.xxxxx

    • Dear paralaxvu,

      I’d love a gun like that. If we both had one how many people would remain in Britain and the US after a year had passed? Very few. Very few indeed. ;-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      • Well, let’s see, starting with the governments…whoa, that’s more than half, and most of the troublemakers! Yep, I gotta see about designing something like this. Sean Connery, any suggestions?

      • Dear paralaxvu,

        We could keep Sean Connery. And Ian Somerhalder. And a few other nice blokes.

        Love Dotty xxx

  11. Dear Dotty,
    Been there :( People do suck much of the time.

  12. My Dad has a favourite saying, to be accurate, he has a few, but the relevant saying for this situation is “ask no questions get told no lies”. Maybe you can get a t-shirt printed, and then just point. Forget shame, you are just you being you… I’m assuming the question asker was just doing their job, but not very well. You can’t take the blame shame for that.

    • Dear Ella,

      I might get the t-shirt, get the vanishing gun from paralaxvu and if they STILL ask questions I’ll do a Mme Weebles and shout ‘FUCK YOU’ as I fire and make them disappear. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

  13. unfetteredbs

     /  August 3, 2012

    Dear Dotty-
    If “FUCK YOU” does not work.. try flipping the the double bird. It is silent, deadly and with the right facial expression, down right fun.
    Hang in there

  14. Dear Dotty,
    -the howler and me

  15. do you like questions now?

    what about now?

  16. I’m trying to think of something I can ask which isn’t a question.

  17. Dear sweet Dotty, my friend,

    First, I think the “Condescending, patronising….” line is fantastic — I wish you could say it out loud. I know you have a tough time venturing outside your door. Maybe if you make a big sign with that line on it, and tape it to the door you have to use to get outside, you can say it before you leave your house, and then just think it when appropriate.

    I hope you feel better in your house — I really like knowing this kind of stuff, because it helps me understand you better.



    • Dear Judith,

      I could use it as a mantra when my brain goes to mush during the questioning. And write it on my hand so I’ll remember. I’m going to try that (seriously).

      Love Dotty xxx

  18. kzackuslheureux

     /  August 4, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    It sounds like you are in love.
    Love Alphabet

  19. Hey, Got a Question for you…….

    What is your favorite question?
    How many question marks does it take to ask a question?
    If a question is asked an no one answers does it make it a statement?

    And finally….

    Let me know when to duck when you go to hit me for all my questions.
    :D …. Love ya!

  20. G’day Dotty,

    Try “Twat? Cunt hear you!”



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