This post has nothing to do with two pints of laudanum and a packet of crisps, please – I just couldn’t think of another title because thinking of titles is hard and I don’t usually bother thinking of them (because it’s hard) – I just bang something stupid into the title box so the post doesn’t appear in your email as a number. I AM NOT A NUMBER. I AM A DALEK (no I’m not a dalek, don’t believe everything you read).
Here’s a little haiku I’ve just made up —
WALKIES – the cruellest
word ever to be heard by
a dog with no legs
Here’s a little song I’ve just made up —
Chorus
Verse
Chorus
Second Verse
Chorus
Repeat Chorus
It’s a silent song. For people who want to sing a song but they can’t stand the sound of their own voice. Have you ever listened to yourself recorded? HORRIBLE. UNBEARABLE. I sound like a high-pitched chain-smoking faerie with throat polyps.
I might not be around much for the next day or so – things to do, people to see, you know how it is when you’re a busy-busy social DYNAMO — which I’m not, I’m lying, I don’t have ANY PEOPLE TO SEE and I’m not a SOCIAL DYNAMO but I do have something I have to do so I’ll be back posting and reading when I’ve done it - unless I need a little rant in the meantime (in an hour or so, knowing me).
Sword-chinned bitch
/ August 6, 2012I await your return Dotty. Happy trails!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 6, 2012Dear Swordy,
Thank you. I don’t know about ‘happy’ but if I return with some semblance of coherence, that’ll do for me, (I was going to say ‘some semblance of sanity’ but that would have just been wishful thinking).
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ August 6, 2012Dear Dotty Dynamo,
I was just telling Chris that you are working on a book for pre-teen girls just for me and other confused moms. So, I’m sure that’s what you are up to.
Good luck and God Speed.
Mine’s not speaking to me at the moment. Apparently I am ….”OMG!!!! Emarassing!”
I anxioulsy await the book.
Love,
Lisa the OMG World’s MOST embarassing Mother EVER
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Lisa,
All mothers are embarrassing, even those who AREN’T embarrassing are embarrassing in some way.
Love Dotty xxx
Mondrak
/ August 6, 2012LOL that first one did make me giggle. The song, I must say, is very easy to learn.
Look forward to you coming back, Dotty
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Mondrak,
Thank you.
I’m back now.
Love Dotty xxx
Dorothy
/ August 6, 2012Dear Dotty,
I love your posts, always guaranteed to bring a smile to my face or a good laugh! Try to not be gone too long.
Love Dorothy
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Dorothy,
Thank you.
I’m back now.
Love Dotty xxx
shrewdbanana
/ August 6, 2012Dear Dotty,
My favourite was the haiku – it made me laugh, and I used to work for the RSPCA.
What have you done to me?!?
Take care and come back soon,
Love banana x
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear banana,
I like corrupting people.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy
/ August 6, 2012Well I for one think you should write out days ahead of time, pre schedule them so we don’t go through withdrawl
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Brick,
I can’t! I have enough trouble doing a daily post.
Love Dotty xxx
faithhopechocolate
/ August 6, 2012I reckon that TV series would have been much more interesting if they’d served them laudanum by the pint instead of boring old lager…
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear fhc,
Lager is for cissies. Will Mellor is a cissy.
Love Dotty xxx
Darren
/ August 6, 2012Dear Dotty,
As Louis Walsh would say, “You made that song your own.” I think you should enter it in Eurovision. The only recommendation I can make is for a bridge between the second verse and chorus!
Darren
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Darren,
I should – it’d do better than all our previous entries.
Love Dotty xxx
Seb
/ August 6, 2012I thought it was a song being sung in notes so high only a dog could hear them.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Seb,
Maybe it is – I’ve been called a bitch often enough.
Love Dotty xxx
prewitt1970
/ August 6, 2012Good luck with your things to-do list, and I like your song
. Sad about the walkies though poor dog, I guest he(it) could be taken for a drag… Gently… Or a roll that might be fun for all… Be well.
Benjamin..
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Benjamin,
Thank you. I tried him on the skateboard I use for my brick but he didn’t like it, he got motion sickness.
Love Dotty xxx
Madame Weebles
/ August 6, 2012Dear Dotty,
That’s one of the nicest songs I’ve heard in a while.
xoxo Mme Weebles
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Mme Weebles,
It’s peaceful and calming. Soothing.
Love Dotty xxx
Christopher De Voss
/ August 6, 2012I’m bad at titles as well. Maybe we can find a service to do this for us. I’ll go halfsies with you.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Chris,
You could pay it all and let me test them out for you.
Love Dotty xxx
unfetteredbs
/ August 7, 2012titles are a pain in the arse.. I quite agree. And thank you for my silent sound.. I do hate my own voice
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear bs,
You’re welcome. I hate my own voice too. Why don’t they do voice transplants, they transplant everything else?
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ August 7, 2012Dear Dotty,
Not a dalek? Was that you on that rerun I saw last night?
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Judith,
It might have been.
Love Dotty xxx
Missus Tribble
/ August 7, 2012Dear Dotty,
Looking forward to your return. And there is nothing wrong with being a Dalek, because you get to EXTERMINATE stupid people and don’t need to come up with an excuse.
Love, Missus Tribble xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Missus Tribble,
Maybe I’ll come out as a Dalek one day in the future when there’s more tolerance and less bigotry.
Love Dotty xxx
Missus Tribble
/ August 13, 2012Dear Dotty,
I’m already out as Spock’s Granddaughter. we can be weirdos together and go around killing people with logic and weapons
Love, Missus Tribble xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 13, 2012Dear Missus Tribble,
Sounds good to me.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. How are you?
Missus Tribble
/ August 13, 2012Dear Dotty,
I am very well thanks. My muse has returned from wherever it is she went and I have just written about my sadly-not-dead ex husband Trevor.
I have a lot of email notifications to catch up on so am behind on your blog. How are you?
Love, Missus Tribble xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 13, 2012Dear Missus Tribble,
I’ve just read your new post. I’m glad you found happiness.
I’m fine, thanks. Glad the Olympics are over and done with.
Love Dotty xxx
Missus Tribble
/ August 13, 2012Dear Dotty,
I’m glad the Olympics are over too. I missed all of my favourite cooking shows! Today Gino D’Acampo has danced on custard and is now making sweet and sour pork balls. Yum.
My grandmother always said that there was a reason that I went through everything that has been thrown at me. I’m sure that I appreciate Mister Tribble all the more because of my various ordeals – and my grandmother adored him
Love, Missus Tribble xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 13, 2012Dear Missus Tribble,
It’s strange how life works out, isn’t it?
That would make a great telly programme – I love Dancing On Ice, but Dancing On Custard would be even better.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ August 7, 2012Damn! I’m gonna be humming that song all day.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Misfit,
Good, innit?
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ August 7, 2012This may be your funniest post ever… and I don’t know why…
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear pmao,
Thank you.
Why?
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ August 10, 2012Precisely.
Quieter Elephant
/ August 9, 2012Ah… thanks for the reminder of Splodgeness Abounds. One of those great one hit wonders, like Jilted John’s “Gordon is a moron”…
Shit. I am old, aren’t i?
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear QE,
I liked them both.
Love Dotty xxx
Quieter Elephant
/ August 11, 2012Shh! Your age is showing…
Pleeeease tell me you never had a plaid scarf looped through your belt though!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 11, 2012Dear QE,
I’m ageless.
I had many things. A tartan scarf might possibly have been one of them. But then again it might not.
Love Dotty xxx
EllaDee
/ August 11, 2012I like the song. I’ll sing it all day and think of you
Not the first time I’ve been asked to sing silently…
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 11, 2012Dear Ella,
Me too. It’s a song for unsingers.
Love Dotty xxx