Two Pints Of Laudanum And A Packet Of Crisps, Please!

 

This post has nothing to do with two pints of laudanum and a packet of crisps, please – I just couldn’t think of another title because thinking of titles is hard and I don’t usually bother thinking of them (because it’s hard) – I just bang something stupid into the title box so the post doesn’t appear in your email as a number. I AM NOT A NUMBER. I AM A DALEK (no I’m not a dalek, don’t believe everything you read).

Here’s a little haiku I’ve just made up —

 

WALKIES – the cruellest

word ever to be heard by

a dog with no legs

 

 

Here’s a little song I’ve just made up —

 

 

Chorus

 

 

 

 

Verse

 

 

 

 

Chorus

 

 

 

 

 

Second Verse

 

 

 

 

Chorus

 

 

 

 

 

Repeat Chorus

 

 

 

 

It’s a silent song. For people who want to sing a song but they can’t stand the sound of their own voice. Have you ever listened to yourself recorded? HORRIBLE. UNBEARABLE. I sound like a high-pitched chain-smoking faerie with throat polyps.

 

I might not be around much for the next day or so – things to do, people to see, you know how it is when you’re a busy-busy social DYNAMO — which I’m not, I’m lying, I don’t have ANY PEOPLE TO SEE and I’m not a SOCIAL DYNAMO but I do have something I have to do so I’ll be back posting and reading when I’ve done it – unless I need a little rant in the meantime (in an hour or so, knowing me).

 

 

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47 Comments

  1. I await your return Dotty. Happy trails!

    Reply
    • Dear Swordy,

      Thank you. I don’t know about ‘happy’ but if I return with some semblance of coherence, that’ll do for me, (I was going to say ‘some semblance of sanity’ but that would have just been wishful thinking). :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  2. Dear Dotty Dynamo,
    I was just telling Chris that you are working on a book for pre-teen girls just for me and other confused moms. So, I’m sure that’s what you are up to.
    Good luck and God Speed.
    Mine’s not speaking to me at the moment. Apparently I am ….”OMG!!!! Emarassing!”
    I anxioulsy await the book. :)
    Love,
    Lisa the OMG World’s MOST embarassing Mother EVER

    Reply
  3. LOL that first one did make me giggle. The song, I must say, is very easy to learn.

    Look forward to you coming back, Dotty

    Reply
  4. Dorothy

     /  August 6, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    I love your posts, always guaranteed to bring a smile to my face or a good laugh! Try to not be gone too long.
    Love Dorothy

    Reply
  5. Dear Dotty,

    My favourite was the haiku – it made me laugh, and I used to work for the RSPCA.
    What have you done to me?!? :)

    Take care and come back soon,

    Love banana x

    Reply
  6. Well I for one think you should write out days ahead of time, pre schedule them so we don’t go through withdrawl :D

    Reply
  7. I reckon that TV series would have been much more interesting if they’d served them laudanum by the pint instead of boring old lager…

    Reply
  8. Dear Dotty,
    As Louis Walsh would say, “You made that song your own.” I think you should enter it in Eurovision. The only recommendation I can make is for a bridge between the second verse and chorus!
    Darren

    Reply
  9. I thought it was a song being sung in notes so high only a dog could hear them.

    Reply
  10. prewitt1970

     /  August 6, 2012

    Good luck with your things to-do list, and I like your song :-) . Sad about the walkies though poor dog, I guest he(it) could be taken for a drag… Gently… Or a roll that might be fun for all… Be well.
    Benjamin..

    Reply
    • Dear Benjamin,

      Thank you. I tried him on the skateboard I use for my brick but he didn’t like it, he got motion sickness. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  11. Dear Dotty,

    That’s one of the nicest songs I’ve heard in a while.

    xoxo Mme Weebles

    Reply
  12. I’m bad at titles as well. Maybe we can find a service to do this for us. I’ll go halfsies with you.

    Reply
  13. unfetteredbs

     /  August 7, 2012

    titles are a pain in the arse.. I quite agree. And thank you for my silent sound.. I do hate my own voice

    Reply
    • Dear bs,

      You’re welcome. I hate my own voice too. Why don’t they do voice transplants, they transplant everything else?

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  14. Dear Dotty,

    Not a dalek? Was that you on that rerun I saw last night?

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply
  15. Dear Dotty,

    Looking forward to your return. And there is nothing wrong with being a Dalek, because you get to EXTERMINATE stupid people and don’t need to come up with an excuse.

    Love, Missus Tribble xxx

    Reply
    • Dear Missus Tribble,

      Maybe I’ll come out as a Dalek one day in the future when there’s more tolerance and less bigotry. ;-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,

        I’m already out as Spock’s Granddaughter. we can be weirdos together and go around killing people with logic and weapons :)

        Love, Missus Tribble xxx

      • Dear Missus Tribble,

        Sounds good to me. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

        P.S. How are you?

      • Dear Dotty,

        I am very well thanks. My muse has returned from wherever it is she went and I have just written about my sadly-not-dead ex husband Trevor.

        I have a lot of email notifications to catch up on so am behind on your blog. How are you?

        Love, Missus Tribble xxx

      • Dear Missus Tribble,

        I’ve just read your new post. I’m glad you found happiness. :-)

        I’m fine, thanks. Glad the Olympics are over and done with.

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        I’m glad the Olympics are over too. I missed all of my favourite cooking shows! Today Gino D’Acampo has danced on custard and is now making sweet and sour pork balls. Yum.

        My grandmother always said that there was a reason that I went through everything that has been thrown at me. I’m sure that I appreciate Mister Tribble all the more because of my various ordeals – and my grandmother adored him :)

        Love, Missus Tribble xxx

      • Dear Missus Tribble,

        It’s strange how life works out, isn’t it? :-)

        That would make a great telly programme – I love Dancing On Ice, but Dancing On Custard would be even better. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  16. Damn! I’m gonna be humming that song all day.

    Reply
  17. This may be your funniest post ever… and I don’t know why…

    Reply
  18. Ah… thanks for the reminder of Splodgeness Abounds. One of those great one hit wonders, like Jilted John’s “Gordon is a moron”…
    Shit. I am old, aren’t i?

    Reply
  19. I like the song. I’ll sing it all day and think of you :) Not the first time I’ve been asked to sing silently…

    Reply

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