Dotty Was Dying Of Double Pneumonia But I’m All Right Now


I haven’t been able to come online much in the last few days because I’ve had Summer Double Pneumonia and I felt like SHITE. I lost my voice too so there wasn’t much point trying to write a post because you wouldn’t have been able to hear me, my voice was so FUCKED I thought I’d turned into THE CUMBERLAND SAUSAGE WHISPERER every time I tried to coax my Cumberland sausages to hop up onto the grill and cook themselves so I could have something to eat.

You don’t know what it took for me to do the Shitey Sunday Picture Post yesterday – the SHEER AND ABSOLUTE SUFFERING involved, the BRAVERY and the SELFLESS PUBLIC-SPIRITEDNESS (is that a word?? spiritness?? spiritidness?? – see how ill I am?). I crawled from my bed, crawled down the stairs, pulled myself up onto the chair and DID A POST, all while I was DYING. Now that’s what I call DEDICATION. Too fucking right it is.

Guess what? I’ve passed the 500 followers mark. 502 to be precise BUT NO FUCKING BADGE FROM WORDPRESS – AGAIN!! Also, since the week before last, they’re not putting my posts in the TOPICS or TAGS or CATEGORIES or whatever the fuck they call them. They don’t like me. They HATE me. They wish I had DIED OF DOUBLE PNEUMONIA so they could have their nicey-nicey Blog World back again without ME in it to spoil everything. It’s DISCRIMINATION AGAINST MENTALS. Actually, that’s true because I’ve just had a thought – HOW MANY MENTAL BLOGS HAVE BEEN FRESHLY PRESSED? None, that I know of (correct me if I’m wrong). I don’t mean ME, (that’ll never happen, I’m too much of a gobshite), I mean the GOOD mental blogs, the serious ones. Hmmm.

I’m going to lie down again. I’m still dizzy.




P.S. If you hear a croaky sound when you’re reading this don’t think it’s your computer that’s about to blow up, it’s only my voice starting to come back.

DISCLAIMER – If your computer DOES blow up after you ignored any odd sounds IT’S NOT MY FAULT so fuck off with your solicitors and your ‘I’ll sue Dotty,’ and your ‘I’ll be rich for the rest of my life,’ – IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, YOU FUCKING NUMPTY – the courts will end up giving ME all of YOUR money because you’re STUPID.


Leave a comment


  1. Good to see you back and on form Dotty!

  2. An artist suffers to produce greatness. Your Shitey Sunday Post was the best so far. Glad you’re recovering your voice.

    • Dear poet,

      Thank you. No one has ever suffered as much as I did yesterday. I fell asleep on the kitchen floor halfway through finding the pictures. Then I nearly choked when I had a coughing fit during the second BOING. Oh, how I suffered.

      Love Dotty xxx

  3. Glad to hear youbare on the mend

  4. sorry – that should be ‘you are’ – bloody fat fingers on the keyboard.

    • Dear wbd,

      HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA :-) – Sorry, but I love it when people get annoyed with themselves if they make a mistake. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      P.S. Thank you. :-)

  5. Dear Dotty,
    I was starting to get worried… I don’t like it when you cannot speak.
    the howler and me

    • Dear the howler and me,

      Thank you for starting to worry about me. It’s more than my own bloody sister feels, she wouldn’t even come round to make me a DRINK. Bitch.

      Love Dotty xxx

  6. Dear Dotty,

    I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling badly. Nothing sucks worse than summer colds — I’d better say ‘bye; I can feel the sniffles starting!

    Get better soon, okay?



    • Dear Judith,

      Thank you. Hope you didn’t catch it – I sprayed a bit of Dettol Anti-Bacterial Kitchen spray (kills 99.9% of all known germs) over the post before I pressed publish, so you should be okay. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

  7. I know why you didn’t get the badge. The 500 followers for the badge has to be WordPress followers, and you will have email followers and RSS followers. Unfortunately (and stupidly) these don’t count towards it. I had that for the 200 and I was so disappointed, then a few days later, I got the badge as it went over the 200 WP ones.

    I hope you are feeling better today Dotty

  8. Dear Dotty,
    Get well soon! Remember you’re British. Stiff upper lip and all that shite.
    Grumpy x

  9. Dearest Dotty,

    I’m so glad that you are on the mend.

    Hugs and comfort to you, my friend.

    Veggiewitch ♥

  10. Dear Ms. Headbanger,

    Should you find your illness to be the result of respudite demons or other dread assailants, I am ever at your service.


    • Dear Mr Silva,

      Thank you. I’ll bear that in mind and I might call on you soon because it’s quite possible the tramp in my attic is in fact a runaway demon who INFECTED me with this DISEASE in order to do something bad. There have been signs that this is true.

      Love Dotty xxx

  11. Dear Dotty,
    O NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
    Feel better, luv! :)
    Love, Lis

  12. OH!!!
    And CONGRATS on your followers!!
    I’ll try to find you a badge.
    This is getting ridiculous!!!!

  13. Dear Dotty,
    I’m sorry you almost died.
    Love, Maggie
    PS you are correct. I follow a lot of mental blogs and not one has been FPd WordPress is stoopid.

    • Dear Maggie,

      Thank you for being sorry.

      Love Dotty xxx

      P.S. More than stoopid – they’re LILY-LIVERED BIGOTS. Some of the best blogs (and the most truthful, and helpful to others) are mental blogs.

  14. It is a sad state of affairs when even the damn internet is censoring mental health issues.

    Sending you love, hugs and a virtual cumberland sausage (best I can do via the interwebz). Xxx

    • Dear fhc,

      They probably think mental blogs would cause upset to their recipes and turn the butter rancid or make the eggs go bad or something.

      Thank you for the love, hugs and virtual Cumberland sausage. They’re lovely and very gratefully received even though you’ve been a bit stingy with the Cumberland sausages.

      Love Dotty xxx

  15. Oh my goodness! I’m so glad that you’re feeling better, Dotty. How awful that must have been to be so sick. I wish you a fast and full recovery! Take care of yourself. Hugs!

  16. Feel better, my little crazy person.
    That is a lot of followers.
    I used to get on the humor wall almost every time, then I didn’t. then I did, now I ain’t. WordPress is even crazier than you.

  17. Well, I for one, appreciate your willingness to kill yourself for a shitey photo. Bravo!

  18. If I was you I’d have that tramp in your attic checked. Bet she caused it! Glad you are on the mend…

  19. When I was young, we were so poor we couldn’t afford to have pneumonia. We could only afford second-hand monia.

    • Dear Seb,

      When I was young we were so rich we bought the old Monia Lisa to use as a tea tray for those of us who were bedridden with quadruple brand spanking pneumonia. Ah, those were the days.

      Love Dotty xxx


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