Why Is Life So Cruel To Me? Why? Why? What Have I Done That’s SO Wrong?

 

I’ve got pins and needles in my foot – I was sitting in a funny position and I didn’t feel it going numb, I didn’t know anything was wrong but then I stood up quickly and OUCHFUCKINGHELL—- TIMBER I fell down on the floor and walloped the top of my arm on the coffee table, just above my elbow, and then the PINS AND NEEDLES started and I hopped around the room going AH AH AH AH FUCK AH AH AH but my foot kept touching the floor because I can’t hop, I’m not a fucking RABBIT, so I sat down on the stairs and tried thumping my calf but that didn’t work, so I hopped into the kitchen to get my brick and I sat on the kitchen chair and bent down and slam-slam-slam-slammed my brick on my foot, but that didn’t work either because it’s not a PINS AND NEEDLES IN MY FOOT brick, it’s a HEAD-SHAPED brick for HEADBANGING so I don’t know why I thought it would work in the first place but PINS AND NEEDLES make you DESPERATE and you’ll do anything to get rid of them because do you know what it feels like to have PINS AND NEEDLES? I’ll tell you what it feels like – it feels like you’re being stabbed with JAZILLIONS of mini PINS and NEEDLES, that’s what it feels like, and it’s HORRIBLE so because I couldn’t think of anything else to do I thought ‘Dotty, distract yourself and they’ll go away,’ so I came to do a post about it to distract myself until they go away.

Wait a minute…

 

 

 

Yep, they’ve gone now.

 

 

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42 Comments

  1. thank you for putting a smile on my face! I needed that today.

    Reply
  2. Glad they’ve gone :-)

    Reply
  3. They do say the old remedies are the best.

    Reply
    • Dear poet,

      They are, it’s true. I swear by my pot of lung of toad for a bad cough. I’ve used it all up now, I’ll ahve to send Branwell to get more.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  4. Dear Dotty,
    Please tell me you are looking for a publisher. There should be a Dotty book which people could also use as a brick, if need be.
    Love,
    Maggie

    Reply
    • Dear Maggie,

      Thank you for saying so but no – I’m happy doing my little blog for now. When I can write properly I might think about it but I won’t be holding my breath – publishers are PEOPLE and they want to be SPOKEN TO and there’s more chance of me laying them out with my brick on the side of their head than talking to them. Plus, they’re posh. They wear bowties and drink Pimms and talk like this – FRAR, FRAR, FRAR, FRAR, FRAR.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  5. Yup, jazillions of pins and needles being jammed into the affected limb is a most accurate description. But you left out “by a disgrutled acupunctureist”, as I reckon that’s who’s doing the jamming, most of the time.

    Reply
  6. Dot, next time don’t sit on the toilet so long. ;-).

    Reply
    • Dear Brick,

      I’m not Dot, I’m Dotty.
      And I wasn’t on the pot or the potty.
      It’s SO unfair of you
      to infer I was on the loo
      When I was definitely, definitely not-ty.
      :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  7. Hope you are ok! I hate pins and needles. when I was a kid I used to wake up sometimes and my arm was asleep. Panic time!!!

    Reply
    • Dear fortyteen,

      I hate it in my arms even more than I hate it in my feet – it reminds me of when i had a trapped nerve in my neck and I had to go to hospital every day to be put in traction for a couple of hours – TORTURE!

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  8. Madame Weebles

     /  August 29, 2012

    Dear Dotty,

    I just love you.

    xoxo Mme Weebles

    Reply
  9. I feel bad for liking this one.
    Bricks are not medical instruments. They are for home repair and sometimes cooking, but not that. I think the ghosts are out to get you.

    Reply
  10. Dear DHB,
    There is a direct link between Cumberland Sausages and Pins and Needles. Scientific fact. One pin or needle for every sausage. Unfair, but true. I feel for you.
    Yours in solidarity,
    Miss Draws.

    Reply
    • Dear Sara,

      Is the direct link between them –

      1) the pins and needles are really tiny, tiny Cumberland sausages?

      or

      2) Every time I get pins and needles, somewhere in the world a Cumberland sausage dies?

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,
        Do I look like a scientist? My best guess is Cumberland Sausages are actually made of pins and needles that settle in the extremities of the human body. Try leeches?
        xo
        Sara

      • Dear Sara,

        No, they taste like old cheese.

        Love Dotty xxx

  11. G’day Dotty,

    I bloody hate pins and needles, especially those that wake me up. It’s bad enough with kidlets waking me.

    John.

    Reply
  12. Hate when that happens.

    Reply
  13. Dear Dotty,
    Pins and needles are a distraction tactic used by spirits and followers on blogs/facebook. They get those voodoo like thingys and stick the pins in. That’s why I changed my avartary thingy and changed my name. (See there’s no flies on me.) I managed to escape them and I believe you can do it too. I hate the feeling in my feet/hands when I get them so I had to do something to prevent them getting me. There is a shop called Pinsandneedles R Us. I thought it was for sewing but it SEAMS they cater for people that are being attacked like you. One prick and you’ll be cured. I was.

    By the way, I made that up. It’s not called that. It doesn’t exist. Sorry Dotty. You’ll have to get that brick out if it happens again.

    Love from Christine
    xx

    Reply
  14. There must be someone you can sue over that…

    Reply
  15. Dear Dotty,

    You are going to think I’m the dumbest person you know, but I have been equating the Headbanger in your name to the music headbangers all these months. Now I get it — you bang your head with the brick. You have made this clear dozens of times, and I just never made the connection. Duh!! Oh, and if you can put this blogging to avoid pins and needles thing in a can, you could make a fortune!

    Feel better —

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply

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