I’ve got pins and needles in my foot - I was sitting in a funny position and I didn’t feel it going numb, I didn’t know anything was wrong but then I stood up quickly and OUCHFUCKINGHELL—- TIMBER I fell down on the floor and walloped the top of my arm on the coffee table, just above my elbow, and then the PINS AND NEEDLES started and I hopped around the room going AH AH AH AH FUCK AH AH AH but my foot kept touching the floor because I can’t hop, I’m not a fucking RABBIT, so I sat down on the stairs and tried thumping my calf but that didn’t work, so I hopped into the kitchen to get my brick and I sat on the kitchen chair and bent down and slam-slam-slam-slammed my brick on my foot, but that didn’t work either because it’s not a PINS AND NEEDLES IN MY FOOT brick, it’s a HEAD-SHAPED brick for HEADBANGING so I don’t know why I thought it would work in the first place but PINS AND NEEDLES make you DESPERATE and you’ll do anything to get rid of them because do you know what it feels like to have PINS AND NEEDLES? I’ll tell you what it feels like - it feels like you’re being stabbed with JAZILLIONS of mini PINS and NEEDLES, that’s what it feels like, and it’s HORRIBLE so because I couldn’t think of anything else to do I thought ‘Dotty, distract yourself and they’ll go away,’ so I came to do a post about it to distract myself until they go away.
Wait a minute…
Yep, they’ve gone now.
The Depressed Moose
/ August 29, 2012thank you for putting a smile on my face! I needed that today.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear Garry,
You’re welcome.
Love Dotty xxx
Mondrak
/ August 29, 2012Glad they’ve gone
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear Mondrak,
Me too!
Love Dotty xxx
poetmcgonagall
/ August 29, 2012They do say the old remedies are the best.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear poet,
They are, it’s true. I swear by my pot of lung of toad for a bad cough. I’ve used it all up now, I’ll ahve to send Branwell to get more.
Love Dotty xxx
Maggie O'C
/ August 29, 2012Dear Dotty,
Please tell me you are looking for a publisher. There should be a Dotty book which people could also use as a brick, if need be.
Love,
Maggie
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear Maggie,
Thank you for saying so but no – I’m happy doing my little blog for now. When I can write properly I might think about it but I won’t be holding my breath – publishers are PEOPLE and they want to be SPOKEN TO and there’s more chance of me laying them out with my brick on the side of their head than talking to them. Plus, they’re posh. They wear bowties and drink Pimms and talk like this – FRAR, FRAR, FRAR, FRAR, FRAR.
Love Dotty xxx
faithhopechocolate
/ August 29, 2012Yup, jazillions of pins and needles being jammed into the affected limb is a most accurate description. But you left out “by a disgrutled acupunctureist”, as I reckon that’s who’s doing the jamming, most of the time.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear fhc,
You mean like a less severe form of smiting?
I’ll be GOOD!
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy
/ August 29, 2012Dot, next time don’t sit on the toilet so long.
.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear Brick,
I’m not Dot, I’m Dotty.
And I wasn’t on the pot or the potty.
It’s SO unfair of you
to infer I was on the loo
When I was definitely, definitely not-ty.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy
/ August 29, 2012I have to sneak that “DOT” in every few months to stir you up.
LOL…. And loved the response!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear Brick,
I’m calm tonight. I’ve had my laudanum. And my quinine. And a little glug of opium to wash it all down.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy
/ August 29, 2012Just don’t lick the tart in the attic
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 30, 2012Dear Brick,
I’ve spent my whole life deliberately NOT licking tarts. I’m not about to start now.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy
/ August 31, 2012LOLLLLL
Fortyteen Candles
/ August 29, 2012Hope you are ok! I hate pins and needles. when I was a kid I used to wake up sometimes and my arm was asleep. Panic time!!!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear fortyteen,
I hate it in my arms even more than I hate it in my feet – it reminds me of when i had a trapped nerve in my neck and I had to go to hospital every day to be put in traction for a couple of hours – TORTURE!
Love Dotty xxx
Madame Weebles
/ August 29, 2012Dear Dotty,
I just love you.
xoxo Mme Weebles
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear Mme Weebles,
Aaw, shucks, you’ve made me blush. Thank you.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. What do you want?
pouringmyartout
/ August 30, 2012I feel bad for liking this one.
Bricks are not medical instruments. They are for home repair and sometimes cooking, but not that. I think the ghosts are out to get you.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 30, 2012Dear pmao,
Bricks ARE medical instruments. How do you think surgeons put their patients to sleep before anaesthetic was invented?
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ August 30, 2012I forgot about that.
saradraws
/ August 30, 2012Dear DHB,
There is a direct link between Cumberland Sausages and Pins and Needles. Scientific fact. One pin or needle for every sausage. Unfair, but true. I feel for you.
Yours in solidarity,
Miss Draws.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 30, 2012Dear Sara,
Is the direct link between them -
1) the pins and needles are really tiny, tiny Cumberland sausages?
or
2) Every time I get pins and needles, somewhere in the world a Cumberland sausage dies?
Love Dotty xxx
saradraws
/ August 30, 2012Dear Dotty,
Do I look like a scientist? My best guess is Cumberland Sausages are actually made of pins and needles that settle in the extremities of the human body. Try leeches?
xo
Sara
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 30, 2012Dear Sara,
No, they taste like old cheese.
Love Dotty xxx
John the Aussie
/ August 30, 2012G’day Dotty,
I bloody hate pins and needles, especially those that wake me up. It’s bad enough with kidlets waking me.
John.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 30, 2012Dear John,
Do the kids bounce on the foot/arm that’s got pins and needles?
Love Dotty xxx
John the Aussie
/ August 31, 2012Gday Dotty,
No they laugh at their fathers foot stamping and arm flailing dance.
John.
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 1, 2012Dear John,
Poor you. Children can be so CRUEL.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ August 30, 2012Hate when that happens.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 30, 2012Dear misfit,
So do I. When it happens to me, I mean. When it happens to someone else I just laugh at them.
Love Dotty xxx
Chris.
/ August 30, 2012Dear Dotty,
Pins and needles are a distraction tactic used by spirits and followers on blogs/facebook. They get those voodoo like thingys and stick the pins in. That’s why I changed my avartary thingy and changed my name. (See there’s no flies on me.) I managed to escape them and I believe you can do it too. I hate the feeling in my feet/hands when I get them so I had to do something to prevent them getting me. There is a shop called Pinsandneedles R Us. I thought it was for sewing but it SEAMS they cater for people that are being attacked like you. One prick and you’ll be cured. I was.
By the way, I made that up. It’s not called that. It doesn’t exist. Sorry Dotty. You’ll have to get that brick out if it happens again.
Love from Christine
xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 30, 2012Dear Christine,
“One prick and you’ll be cured.”
That’s also true for girls who dream of the perfect man.
Love Dotty xxx
Chris.
/ August 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
Again you are so right.
Love Christine
xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 1, 2012Dear Christine,
Love Dotty xxx
Seb
/ August 30, 2012There must be someone you can sue over that…
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 1, 2012Dear Seb,
My foot?
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ August 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
You are going to think I’m the dumbest person you know, but I have been equating the Headbanger in your name to the music headbangers all these months. Now I get it — you bang your head with the brick. You have made this clear dozens of times, and I just never made the connection. Duh!! Oh, and if you can put this blogging to avoid pins and needles thing in a can, you could make a fortune!
Feel better –
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 1, 2012Dear Judith,
It’s all genetic and hereditary but I’m not sure how.
Love Dotty xxx