EGGS

 

To prevent me from writing every single one of my new posts about baby Buster I need to find other things to write about, but before I went on my 8 month long absence I wrote about EVERY subject and now I have very little to write about that I haven’t written about before. One subject I don’t think I wrote about back then was the exploitation of old-age workers in third world countries, so this post is about EGGS.

 

 

SOME DOTTY THOUGHTS ABOUT EGGS

Eggs are little miracles of life and nature. Oval, ovoid, ovum. Eggy-eggy-egg. I wonder if anyone has ever seen Jesus in an egg? I once saw Jesus in my ice cream scoop but he disappeared with the sun when it passed the corner of my house.

Eggs are good for you. Eat an egg for breakfast and you’ll be all proteined up for the morning because eggs are full of white and yellow protein and other white and yellow things your body needs. Eggs taste nice. Fried eggs taste nicest but only if they’re cooked in old bacon-flavoured beef fat with bits of bacon still floating through it. Yum. Poached eggs – I’ve never eaten them. They’re slimey. Boiled eggs have very complicated cooking instructions - I don’t make them. I DO like them if someone else makes them for me though. I like scrambled eggs too. But I don’t like ANY eggs if they’re cooked with little slivers of shell. Fresh eggs, straight from the arse of the hen? NO NO. I like my eggs clean, who wants to eat feathers and hen shite for breakfast? Eggs with tiny globs of blood or tissue in them – YUK! Double yolks – YUM!

I’ve never seen an oddly shaped egg. All eggs are EGG shaped. They come in different colours too, all sorts of colours, so many colours you could make an egg rainbow out of all the different colours and still have enough egg colours left over to make a generous quilt for those cold winter nights.

Did you know that eggs can be eaten MONTHS after their sell-by date if they’ve been kept in the fridge and if you test to see if they’ve gone rotten before you open them? The best way of testing them is to use the FLOATING METHOD – put the eggs in a bowl full of water – if the eggs float, they’re fine to eat, if they sink they’re off. Or is it the other way round? I forget.

Eggs are excellent missiles for all occasions. Raw eggs can be thrown at people or objects (WINDOWS! CARS!) when there’s no urgent need to hurt or damage the target but you have a desperate urge to make a mess and cause a little upset. Throwing a raw egg at someone or something makes a statement. It says, ‘I like you. You deserve an EGG!’

Hard boiled eggs, although they could never replace my favourite missiles (BRICKS!) in my affections, can be quite handy during a siege when you find yourself without other, more traditional weapons (BRICKS!) and you need something hard to throw. Hard boiled eggs are small enough to fit in the hand and they’re hard enough to do a fairly adequate amount of damage if aimed correctly (even if they don’t have corners), but the best thing about using hard boiled eggs as weapons is that Dibble can’t arrest you afterwards if you tell them you’re a people-phobic she-hermit who can’t leave the house so the only way you can contribute to society is by feeding the hungry and the only way you’re able to feed the hungry is by dropping food to them gently from your bedroom window – it isn’t YOUR fault they can’t catch, (saying this DOES work – Mother Teresa never got banged up for assault with a deadly weapon, did she?)

 

 

I hope you found this egg post informative and interesting. Treasure it. It might be the last post I ever write on anything but THE BABY.

 

 

 

 

 

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32 Comments

  1. Dear Dotty,
    I wish I had some eggs right now. I’m going to Costco tonight and I am going to buy two dozen, which should hold me for the weekend.
    Love, Maggie

    Reply
  2. You’re either making me hungry or throw projectiles. I’ not sure which. Such is the power of your words.

    Reply
  3. Dear Dotty,

    I only like eggs when they’re scrambled with lots of butter. I never thought about how all eggs are egg shaped. That really is true. You just blew my mind. Thanks a lot.

    xoxo Madame Weebles

    Reply
    • Dear Mme Weebles,

      I like cheese in my scrambled eggs but only Double Gloucester.

      And yes, it IS true that all eggs are egg shaped. Any egg deformities take place INSIDE the egg where no one can see them until they CRACK the egg.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  4. I love eggs. Deviled eggs rock! Egg salad… mmmm… And you missed lots of cute baby pictures of my friend’s kid, Willie.

    Reply
    • Dear pmao,

      What are devilled eggs? I’ve heard of them but I don’t know what they are.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • You hard boil them, cut them in half lengthwise, pop out the yolk, then mix it with mayonaise and put it back in the hole from wence it came. You can sprinkle a little keyane… keyeene…kayene… of that red pepper spice on top. MMMMM…..

    • Dear pmao,

      Oh, and I HAVE been round to your place for a little browse and I DID see the pics of little Willie but I didn’t let you know I’d been because I haven’t read the posts properly yet. When I have some more time, I’ll be there to read through what you’ve been up to since I’ve been gone. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  5. Eggs with cumberland sausages?

    What about Cadbury’s Creme Eggs?

    Reply
    • Dear Alastair,

      Cadbury’s Crème Eggs don’t go well with Cumberland sausages. They’re okay together but the flavour of the inside of the Cadbury’s Crème Egg tends to make the Cumberland sausages taste like something Heston Blumenthal cooked up in his hairdryer.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Yeah I can see where that would be a problem. I went to Dover Castle once and was tempted to drop a Creme egg from one of the battlements. Still makes me giggle now at the thought of it

  6. Eggs are one of those miracle foods, along with raw milk and bananas. We are fortunate enough to have chickens — how many, I don’t know. I’ve lost count, and 11 more chicks hatched out and are wandering around the property.

    I am grateful that eggs have such a shelf life, because we are in the midst of EXTREME laying season, and they keep piling up. Friends and relatives run when they see me come at them with a carton in my hands. I feel as if I am foisting zucchini on them.

    But I treasure these wonderful things, and I love how you write that there is no such thing as an odd shaped egg — they’re all egg shaped. A lovely post that made me smile on a Friday. Thank you — and may you have a beautiful weekend, perhaps starting the morning out with a breakfast of . . . eggs.

    Reply
    • Dear tww,

      I do hope you give your eggs a good scrub before you eat them. And tell your friends and family to give THEIRS a good scrub too (in addition to the good scrub you’ve already given them) because even though they might LOOK clean, the lingering stink of chicken shit puts many people off their eggs.

      I hope you have a beautiful weekend too. Here, the sun is shining, the birds are tweeting, and there’s a lovely cool breeze blowing in through my back door. It’s nice.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  7. eggzactly

    Reply
  8. Dear Dotty,

    Eggcellent.

    Poached eggs are actually very good if done well. If they’re slimey then perhaps you should ask the chef to use fresh tap water with a splash of vinegar, and not the water from the pond.

    Faith xx

    Reply
    • Dear Faith,

      I don’t have a pond any more. My little golden fishes died this winter. They were six years old.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  9. unfetteredbs

     /  June 7, 2013

    Dear Dotty
    I love eggs. Nuf said

    Reply
  10. Dear Dotty,

    A wonderful fact-filled post from the She-Hermit. I think I’ll have eggs for supper!

    Love, Judith

    Reply
  11. Not a poached egg fan myself Dotty – and you re write 2 boiled aggs and a slcice or two or toast is the best breakfast a man can have.

    Reply
  12. You have me rethinking my position on eggs. Thanks Dotty!

    Reply
  13. You should be getting commission from the Egg Board… Anyway… you never will go hungry if you can cook an egg, so long as you have an egg to cook of course ;) But I’d be happy to see a few baby posts… ooh no… Baby Buster posts, from a Dotty POV of course.

    Reply
    • Dear Ella,

      I wrote to them to ask if they’d sponsor me for a couple of million pounds to write another egg post, but they haven’t replied yet.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply

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