I love swearing and I love swear words and I love swear sentences – used sparingly, (which is what I do, as you know by now), swearing can get the point across with a speed and oomph that reams and reams of other more wordy words can’t match so I’ve decided to begin a new collection which will be called ‘DOTTY’S COLLECTED PROFANITIES AND INSULTS’.
This collection will include swear words and swear sentences and swear insults and swear anything and everything except nasty or obscene swearing, I won’t put up with that sort of thing. I want to build the BIGGEST EVER COLLECTION OF PROFANITIES AND INSULTS THAT EVER WAS so I need you to get your thinking caps on and give me your funniest and most inventive swearing and insults to add to my collection, the funnier and more inventive the better. And foreign, I’d like some foreign swear words for my collection.
I’ll start off with a little list of a few obvious ones.
fuck
bastard
fuckbastard
shite
shitey
shitey fuckbastard
shit
arse
arsewipe
knob
knobrot
knobhead
dick
dickhead
dickface
I’ll come back and add to it later if I get some comments – I’m not giving you all MY swearing and insults just so you all (y’all) can steal them, plus I’m going to find a picture for the sidebar.
EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT – here’s some more
fuck arse
fuck face
bloody
twat
sheep-shagger
divvy bumfuck
fuck ugly (or fugly)
dickwad
shitface
tool
tube
arsehole
cheeky pillock
wassock
whore
prozzy
bint
bumsuck
prat
prat-faced
arselick
gormless git
trollop
manky cow
poxy cow
tithead
ponce
munter
minger
div
smeghead
get
bell end
stupid bleeder
silly bugger
jammy git
dosser
tramp
slag
slut
gob shite
knackersack
fucknut
piss head
rat arsed
shit faced
piss artist
sod
slapper
scrubber
dozy mare
Notes From A She-Hermit ©™® 
clownonfire
/ March 31, 2012Ostie d’chien sal de marde mon crisse de tabarnak de saint-cibole de fucking twit.
Hellosailor
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
You missed “Bollocks”.
I also like the German “Schlampe”.
Love HS
P.S Brilliant idea 🙂
Ink. [Anette]
/ March 31, 2012Wanker
Pusti malaka (I’ve been told this is Greek for wanker)
Ink. [Anette]
/ April 2, 2012Hamster and Elderberries, as in
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries…. “
chancedagger
/ March 31, 2012fuck stain
bitchpig
/ March 31, 2012I like twazerk. Although nothin’ beats plonker. Twazerk plonker’s pretty cool. Let’s try that out. Evil doll freaks me out, Dotty, can’t you replace her with an aardvark?
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear bitchpig,
Sorry, I can’t get rid of her – she won’t let me.
Love Dotty xxx
Maggie O'C
/ March 31, 2012Dotty!
You are a Brit and you forgot “fuckwit”?
c’mon!
Maggie O'C
/ March 31, 2012Or were you just leaving the obvious ones for the ‘mericans?
I love your collection!
Grumpy
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
You may be interested in a humourous linguistic analysis of the word ‘fuck’ at http://alanfrancis.wordpress.com/articles-2/profanities/
Another old Anglo-Saxon swear word, which is still regarded with opprobrium, is the infamous ‘C’ word.
Grumpy x
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear Alan,
Yes, there are some words that are too vile even for me.
Love Dotty xxx
owl
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
Context and delivery are everything when it comes to delightful and effective swearing.
http://www.theonion.com/video/sony-releases-new-stupid-piece-of-shit-that-doesnt,14309/
Love,
Owl
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear owl,
🙂 HA HA HA HA – I love it! 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
kzackuslheureux
/ March 31, 2012Dear Dotty,
I personally like to label everyone I meet on the road as “Pissworms.” It’s pretty mild, but said with a bit of wrath, I find people sulk from it.
Love, Alphabet
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 31, 2012Dear Alphabet,
Now I do like that one, it’s my favourite so far.
Pissworm, pissworm, pissworm.
Yeah.
Love Dotty xxx
Mental Mama
/ March 31, 2012Ass hat
judithatwood
/ March 31, 2012Hello, dear Dotty,
You don’t have my favorite yet. “He’s a fucker. They are fuckers.” Also, as an American, I direct you to arse and remind you that we say ass, but it all means the same thing.
I love your collection!
Love,
Judith
ranton2011
/ April 1, 2012Wouldn’t ya like to be a “fucker” too? Be a fucker, a real fucker. (sorry I had to do it) The Dr. Pepper commercial song came to my head when I saw this and, well, I just couldn’t resist! Sorry!
Quieter Elephant
/ August 4, 2012Yeah – why is that, by the way? Why DO ‘Merkins say “ass” when they mean arse? Don’t they know an ass is a horsey thing? Whereas an arse is only an arse (unless it’s a person with arse-like tendencies).
Also why do they also say “fanny” when they mean arse?
Reminds me of an old joke about buying knickers at C&A…
Lived in Canada for 11 years now. Thanks for reminding me of “gormless”. An old staple from my youth in Yorkshire.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 4, 2012Dear QE,
Yorkshire! I’m in West Yorkshire. Which part are you from?
I miss C&A. I liked the cardies. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
Quieter Elephant
/ August 4, 2012Cobbydale (Silsden).
BTW – check out the comments at http://quieterelephant.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/milestones/#comments for a book reference I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 4, 2012Dear QE,
HA HA HA HA — Misfit recommended it. I’m not surprised. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ August 4, 2012Dear Dotty,
Ass is ass — either the donkey, or the gluteous maximus. I’m not sure why. And America is the land of the colloquial euphemism — fanny is presumed more acceptable than ass, just like Judas Priest is a euphemism for Jesus Christ. No one in the country says what they mean!
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 4, 2012Dear Judith,
I didn’t know know the Judas Priest thing! I like it. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. It was Quieter Elephant who asked.
judithatwood
/ August 4, 2012Dear Dotty,
Oops — I realized that after I sent it.
Around here, in New England, people say Jesum Crow instead of Jesus Christ, and I have also heard Oh my yah instead of oh my god. What a bunch of wimps!
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 5, 2012Dear Judith,
I like Jesum Crow too. I don’t know what it means but I like it. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ August 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
Well, there is no accounting for taste, is there? 😎 Actually, I caught myself say Jesum Crow the other day. I was so disgusted with myself that since then, my language has been peppered with enough profanity to embarrass a boatload of sailors!
Love,
Judith 😎
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 5, 2012Dear Judith,
What does it mean?
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ August 5, 2012Jesus Christ — sorry — I thought I wrote that. Another colloquial euphemism…
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 6, 2012Dear Judith,
Ah. You did, I forgot. 😎
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ August 6, 2012Dear Dotty,
That’s okay — I wish I could forget that whole vocabulary!
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 10, 2012Dear Judith,
🙂
Love Dotty xxx
chancedagger
/ March 31, 2012I remember a French guy whose ultimate insult was calling someone un con integral. Lacks the good old Anglo Saxon sense of oomf, but when discretion is called for, it’s handy.
pouringmyartout
/ March 31, 2012Dick cheese… always makes me laugh… (when used as an insult, I mean, not the actual substance)..
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on… has a good historical feel to it, but I have upgraded it to…
Fuck you and your face I rode in on…
If I wanted any lip from you I would scrape it off my zipper… is long, but come in handy.
If I wanted any shit out of you I would punch you in the stomach… is more direct and to the point.
I am baffled by the fact that American guys call other guys ‘pussies’ when they mean it as an insult. This makes no sense to me.
Mother fucker… is equally nonsensical.
If brains were dynamite you couldn’t blow your nose…
I like to go original, so when I am angry I say, “Listen you life-sized phlegm statue,” or “Calm down you throbbing pustule,” or something.
When I am very angry, and I try to never let this happen, but I tend to become very direct, and I just tell them that if they continue with their behavior that I am “going to climb them like a very angry gorilla on a very short tree.” (Do not try this unless you are 6 feet 4 inches tall and weigh 230 pounds, or you may actually have to end up doing it)…
saradraws
/ March 31, 2012Ass hat.
Dick munch.
Clown.
ranton2011
/ April 1, 2012Dear Dotty,
I find the Brits don’t seem to use the word DOUCHEBAG like we Yanks do. Perhaps you could spread that one “across the pond”. Just a thought.
tadams4u
/ April 1, 2012I’m old school and simple, people are just Dip Shits LOL
John the Aussie
/ April 1, 2012G’day Dotty,
I’d have to write an essay to list the insults that hit home or are profane.
Fucktard or fuck-knuckle are my current thing however. An auto response to crap assed questions is “fucks me know why (where, how ,when, what, who)
John
ranton2011
/ April 1, 2012Fuck-knuckle. I like that one. May I borrow it? Seems that we are far enough away that it won’t be to confusing if we were to both use it.
John the Aussie
/ April 2, 2012Go for it mate
ranton2011
/ April 2, 2012I have, Mate. I wish we Yanks, said something cool like mate when we spoke to others. We just lack the cool I think to do so.
John the Aussie
/ April 2, 2012Your coolness in vocabulary affection surely does meet the stick of failure often… as does ours, mate is just an internationally recognised term we mob use down under, we can’t get away with much more unless we hit slang…
ranton2011
/ April 2, 2012All we are known for in the linguistics department is the way we have managed to butcher a language so obviously used in every corner of the world. I did though have a friend who hailed from Mexico and we took a day trip to a piece of Florida known to be a haven for Cuban immigrants (I was trying out for Jeopardy) and SHE was appalled at how the Cubans butchered HER language. So I guess we are not the only ones who have taken linguistic liberties. Have a Good day, Mate!
bitchpig
/ April 1, 2012Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiitchpig! Take it, it’s yours! As in Emily, you bitchpig, you ate the last sausage!
emma
/ April 1, 2012You’re obviously a Brit … try a little American……..ass clown. That’s my current favorite.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 1, 2012Dear emma,
No thank you, I don’t want to try a little American.
Love Dotty xxx
ranton2011
/ April 2, 2012Hey We Yanks aren’t so bad, we are sorta a chip off your block. Don’t knock us till you have TRIED us. Thats not me hitting on you. I don’t play on the same field I am on. I am sure your “loverly” I have a hard enough time handling MEN!
John the Aussie
/ April 2, 2012I think you misunderstand the ‘Little’ – and the Brit humor to twist words…
emma
/ April 2, 2012Aww, come on, some little Americans are kinda cute.
PAZ
/ April 3, 2012Dear Dotty,
Whew. Thank God you don’t want to try a little American. I’d be hiding under my bed. I already have enough to worry about with the mosquitos bitting me.
Love PAZ
emma
/ April 1, 2012My husband would like to add his favorite (as I’ve been reading aloud some of those already posted): Don’t make me knuckle fuck your cock sucker.
emma
/ April 1, 2012Oh, and one more. My best friend (a girl) used to say this when we were in grade school: Shit Fuck Piss and Corruption! (I think that about covered everything.)
Sword-chinned bitch
/ April 5, 2012Fuckwad! Or did somebody already say that one? Anyhow, good luck in compiling your list of expletives!
ljstetina
/ April 8, 2012Dotty, tell us what you really think!!!!!!! this blog is fucking wild love it.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 8, 2012Dear lj,
Hello. Can I call you lj?
Love Dotty xxx
ljstetina
/ April 9, 2012please call me lj
paralaxvu
/ April 9, 2012George Carlin is looking down at you from comic heaven (in where no effing God resides) and smiling.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 9, 2012Dear para,
I had to ask Google who George Carlin was. I think meine Mami must have shagged away from home and he might be my secret daddy. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
paralaxvu
/ April 9, 2012Dotty, Dotty, Dotty, you didn’t know who George Carlin was? That makes me feel even older than I already thought I was. But it’s okay…you make me feel young when I laugh at your writing;)
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 10, 2012Dear para,
No, don’t feel old – he’s American, I’m not. I don’t think we had him on the telly here, at least I can’t remember ever seeing him.
Love Dotty xxx
paralaxvu
/ April 10, 2012OK, I’ll try not to feel old, but it’s difficult sometimes. BTW, being not American is probably a very good thing.
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 10, 2012Dear para,
I know.
🙂
Love Dotty xxx
KC
/ April 15, 2012Hey there! So far I like what you’ve got…just got a few of my faves. If anyone is offended by any of them…that’s what you get! Muahahaha…etc.
Fewmets, guano, scat, or cow patties. Just one, unless you’re really mad, then by all means use all three! (And if anyone’s got anymore, let me know, i’m collecting. The names, not the items…although if you find fewmets, I want!)
Kiss the north end of a south bound jackass
Take a long walk off a short pier
Walk south till your hat/wig floats
jeebus crispy
And my favorite, from the movie “Hook” …
“Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig!
You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude!”.
KC & Co.
PS: Mia wants me to add butthead, stinky-face, booger-brain and smurf… 😉
thewhitetrashgourmet
/ April 15, 2012Twatcicle, douchclown and dillmunch – those are a few gems that have escaped my lips. I’m sure I’ll think of more later as I am a notorious potty mouth.
ranton2011
/ April 15, 2012White trash-
Those are great words. As a hillbilly gal with the mouth of what must have been the coupling of a sailor and a truck driver I appreciate those words and I now must state that I may have to borrow them in future situations where I may deem their usage appropriate, I hope you don’t mind. When and if I use them I will credit you.
thewhitetrashgourmet
/ April 15, 2012use and abuse – have fun
ranton2011
/ April 15, 2012Will do!
Thanks!
Jemmy Farmer
/ April 18, 2012My fave is ‘spunksplatteredbollockwagon’ as used by a character in a book I read instead of ‘motherfuckingcocksucker’ as he didn’t want to swear. Sadly that was the best bit of the book so it’s title is lost to medocrity
willowdot21
/ April 19, 2012Hi Dotty, FFS= For fucks sake, shitbag,buggershit, Prick, knobhead! Fucking hell.
Enough of that I really came here to say thank you so much for dropping by and now following my blog you are most welcome! 😉 🙂 😀 xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ April 19, 2012Dear willowdot,
Hello. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
willowdot21
/ April 19, 2012Hehe!! Hello back at ya! 😀
Missus Tribble
/ April 23, 2012Willow, I am thoroughly shocked!
Not 😉
willowdot21
/ April 23, 2012No as shocked as I am to find you here!!……………………………. Not! 😉
Daniel
/ April 20, 2012Hellfireshitbloodybuggerdamn. A portmanteau …possibly of Yorkshire origin as my first wife used it a lot.
Missus Tribble
/ April 23, 2012Wankstain
Douchecanoe
Goit
Puke face
Twunt
Fucktard
Twonk
Anastasia
/ May 9, 2012douchecanoe.. ha! i just spit yogurt on my keyboard
Missus Tribble
/ May 10, 2012Then my work here is done! *takes a bow* 🙂
Missus Tribble
/ April 23, 2012Also (and my favourite)
Buggerbumtitsbollocks
kristaskrede
/ April 23, 2012fuck knuckle is a favorite of mine that an Aussie friend shared with me.
flamidwyfe
/ April 24, 2012That doll is a Sick Fuck! 😀
Missus Tribble
/ April 25, 2012I completely forgot the very best of my collection:
ARSE BISCUITS!!!
thebaldwinpoet.wordpress.com
/ April 27, 2012Well, let’s see……..Mother Fucker, Needle Dick the Bug-Fucker, Motherless Fuck, Piss Ass, Wuss Ass, Mama’s Boy, Ingrate, Panzy Ass – to name a few.
ellyche
/ May 3, 2012fuck is such a wonderful word!
‘fuckwit’ and ‘fucknuckle’ are fun adjectives to describe people
Anastasia
/ May 9, 2012What does it mean when a Brit screams “Muppet!” during a fit of road rage? This is my favorite, but only with the accent. It’s stupid when I say it.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 9, 2012Dear Anastasia,
‘MUPPET!’ means you’re a muppet and it’s normally preceded by the words ‘YOU FUCKING…’
Love Dotty xxx
Missus Tribble
/ May 10, 2012But I use Muppet as an endearment! 🙂
magicallymad
/ May 10, 2012Dear Dotty,
Lovely list. I think the word ‘blackguard’ was used wonderfully in the magical irish film board movie “Intermission” – really a must see if you haven’t.
Also, calling someone a colostomy bag really confuses them.
Love,
Magic
sacha1nch1
/ June 17, 2012colostomy bag…brilliant….when i was at school someone called a guy a sphincter; it was only when in a fit of giggles did somebody point out it was part of the anal passage that fists started flying
magicallymad
/ June 17, 2012HAHAHAHAHAHA, that’s grand!
Threec
/ May 13, 2012These are my favorites and why…tame I know but I’m not much of a swearer.
I also like the Steve Coogan bit, “Everyone’s a Bit of a Cun* Sometimes.” Wasn’t sure if I should spell it out or not.
skinnywench
/ May 16, 2012One from Australia – eat my hairy onions!
thebigfarm
/ May 17, 2012Dear Dotty,
Been thinking. Would you consider collecting expressions- my favorite is “You are inches away from a bad experience (Nora Batty) and/or acronyms – my favorite is FUBAR? Doc.
Dotty Headbanger
/ May 17, 2012Dear Doc,
Yes, that’s a great idea! I’ll get on to making a page when I’m more focused. Thank you!! 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
BluemoonBookworm
/ June 11, 2012Gob Shite! Very Irish but doesn’t come across as I’d like in London I prefer Wank Stain… I say it slowly – You total, utter Wank stain!
Angel Fractured
/ June 24, 2012What, no mention of “dickweed”?
Other words for slut: hussy, slattern, wench
schiesse–German for “shit”
merde–French for “shit”
Clare Flourish
/ June 27, 2012Pee Po Belly Bum DRAWERS.
This is such fun! Fuck you, fuck you very much! And a flying fuck to your mother, a nice warm brown fuck to your father, and warm fucks to all those you love. XXXOOOXXX (hugs and kisses) >>>>> (FUCKS!!)
Anonymous
/ July 7, 2012Shit bugger bum bitch piss cock fart…
Somebody stole my horse and cart…
But i couldn’t give a bugger
I can always find another
Shit bugger bum bitch piss cock fart…
Chris Biscuits
/ August 2, 2012Dear Dotty,
I like to combine swears, for example:
Anarse (pr. ay-narss) the hideous combination of an anus and an arse.
Penarse (pr. pee-narss) a penis with an arse on the end.
Conker – the combination of ‘cock’ and ‘wander’.
Custard – the combination of ‘bastard’ and the worst word in the world.
facelikeafryingpan
/ August 11, 2012I love these swears. Most of them are foreign to us North Americans, so they give the illusions of a compliment. I could give people a right tongue-lashing and they won’t even know. Knackersack gormless git. I don’t even know what I just said, but only I know it’s bad.
SaneSamantha
/ August 27, 2012I have nominated you for the Reader’s Appreciation Award. 🙂
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear Samantha,
Hello. 🙂
Thank you very much indeed. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
Wandering Voiceless
/ August 28, 2012I’ve come to you by way of SaneSamantha… and even reading your list of posts is entertaining! I look forward to joining the fun! :>
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear WV,
Hello. Welcome. And thank you. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
ponderingspawned
/ April 11, 2013Smartass, grotty wanker, boob, cum-guzzling gutter slut (one of my personal favorites), and dildo baggins.
Lush
/ October 22, 2013Needed some kinda outrageous profanities for a story I’m penning and ended up with Dotty… Thanks. Bollocks still my all time fave followed by fucktard but I sure learnt some new ones today! Many thanks for the help, AND for the hysterical laughter…!!! 😀
C
/ January 29, 2014Puta
C
/ January 29, 2014Pendejo
C
/ January 29, 2014Cabrón
C
/ January 29, 2014Shithead
Anonymous
/ April 27, 2014dont forget crap and bitch
Summer
/ June 19, 2014It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is
time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I want to suggest you some interesting things or suggestions.
Perhaps you can write next articles referring to
this article. I want to read more things about it!