Dotty’s List Of Collected Americans

 

Right, let’s get this clear from the start. I am NOT NOT NOT hoarding Americans, I’m collecting them for legitimate purposes (see Collecting NOT Hoarding).

 

***** NOW INCLUDES CANADIANS *****



Rules For The List Of Collected Americans

Not just any old American can be part of my collection, don’t think you can wangle your way in by telling me you’re an American Plastic Surgeon or an American Personal Trainer when really you’re Bobby the burger flipper from Bubbabillybobville. You MUST fit into one of the following categories – American Therapist, American Life Coach, American Hairdresser, American Personal Trainer, American Plastic Surgeon, American Publisher, American Actor Who I Fancy, American Army Dude.

If you wish to add yourself to any of my collections leave me a note at the bottom of the page telling me what your profession is and I’ll let you know if I want one. Other categories may be added to the list as and when I see fit, and I reserve the right to sell off any individual Americans or whole categories of the collection if I so choose.

The list will be regularly updated (by me).

 

THE LIST OF COLLECTED AMERICANS

American Therapists – 6

American Life Coaches – 3

American Hairdressers – 1

American Plastic Surgeons – 2

American Personal Trainers – 0

American Publishers – 0

American Actors Who I Fancy – o so far, but I have some lovely pictures (see A Bit Of Totty For Dotty)

American Army Dudes – 1

American Psychologists (REAL ONES) – 2

American Doctors (REAL ONES) – 2

American Guard Dog Girls – 1

American Interior Designers – 1

American Private Attachés – 1

American Modern Philosophers – 1

Latin American Pet Rats – 1

American Field Reporters – 1

American Professors (REAL ONES) – 1

American Spin Doctors – 1

American Hillbilly Skydiving Nurses – 1

American Village Idiots – 1

American Art Therapists – 1

American Art Psychiatrists – 1

American Head Of Security – 1

American Rock And Roll Drum Gods – 1

American Poet Laureates – 2 (job share)

American Diplomatic Envoy ExtraordinaireS (with unlimited powers against French Canadians) – 1

American Veterinarian (REAL ONE) – 1

American Washerwoman – 1

American Immigration Overlord (REAL ONE) –  1

American Massage Therapist (REAL ONE) – 1

American Mormon Design Engineers (REAL ONE) – 1

American Ice Cream Lady (REAL ONE) – 1

 

Canadians in the Collection

Canadian Bum Biters – 1

Canadian Paratroopers – 1

Canadian Dancing Doctors (REAL ONE) – 1

 

Leave a comment

151 Comments

  1. I’ll volunteer for the blogger category as well as the ‘American Army Dude’ category. Love your … eclectic (??) … site. Rock on.

    Reply
    • Dear BrainRants,
      I don’t want a blogger category but I’ll definitely have an American Army Dude category. You can all protect my mansion when the rest of the categories buy it for me. Thanks ever so much, handsome.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  2. I once performed semi-invasive reconstructive surgery on myself (removed a skin tag in my nether regions) and I’m American, is that close enough?

    Reply
    • Dear Iberkner,
      Yep, that’s good enough for me. You are now my first American Plastic Surgeon. Congratulations, and welcome to my collection.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  3. Dear Dotty,
    Congratulations on obtaining a fascinating specimen for your collection WITHOUT HAVING TO GO ONTO HIS BLOG AND FOLLOW HIM TO TRAP HIM INTO FOLLOWING YOU BACK. This one came here of his own free will and he fits into LOADS of categories, American Therapists, American Life Coaches, American Psychologists (Real Ones), American Doctors (Real Ones) and because he is a qualified American Doctor he can also fit into American Plastic Surgeons. Great catch!
    Love Dotty xxx

    Reply
  4. Dear Dotty,
    I would like to volunteer to be a part of your collection. I am American, as is the howler. My profession does not meet any of your requirements….BUT the howler’s does (unless of course you have a thing against 4-legged furry therapists)

    We do come as a package deal… a two-fer you might say…

    Reply
    • Dear the howler and me,
      Yes! A four-legged furry therapist is an EXCELLENT ADDITION to my collection. The problem is YOU and what role you’d have — let me think. Umm. Ummm. Ummmmmmmmm. I know, you could take the place of your four-legged furry friend while he is doing therapy for me, which would mean barking loudly if any strangers came close and if they came closer it would mean having to BITE them on the BUM. Would you be prepared to do this?
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Barking and growling – not a problem. Biting BUM? Not so sure I could do that…. tastes awful and what if they don’t wash?

        I could however; bark, growl and chase them while wielding a hammer.

      • Dear the howler and me,
        Perfect – as long as your hammer is a BIG LUMP HAMMER and you can run fast. I think your official title will be American Guard Dog Girl and if you’re house-trained I’ll let you sleep on the floor in the Howler’s bedroom so you can protect him during the night (if he wants you to, that is).
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Sound WONDERFUL! The howler has agreed, he is in.

      • Dear the howler and me,
        Wonderful. Get to work then.
        Love Dotty xxx

  5. Wait just a minute, dear Dotty. I have a cousin who flips burgers in Bubbabillybobville, Tennessee. You be careful what you say about him — he’s been employee of the month at McDonalds for two months in a row! 8-) Love, Judith

    Reply
    • Dear Judith,
      I have absolutely nothing against your cousin or anyone else who lives in Bubbabillybobville and flips burgers. I just don’t want them in my collection, what’s the point of having burger flippers when I don’t eat burgers, I eat Cumberland sausages?
      Love Dotty xxx
      P.S. By the way, why aren’t you in my collection yet?

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty, You make perfect sense, again. Please excuse my fierce loyalty to my cousin from Tennessee — he’s the only one in his family who finished high school! Love, Judith 8-)

      • Dear Judith,
        You didn’t answer my question.
        Love Dotty xxx

  6. Why am I not in your collection? I don’t know, as I haven’t read that post. I will right now. I’m sorry! Love, Judith

    Reply
  7. Dear Dotty, I don’t think I fit into any of those categories. Perhaps if you have one that is a combo of Cashier in a Hardware Store/Modern Philosopher. 8-)

    Reply
    • Dear Judith,
      You can be my American Modern Philosopher then. Having one of those in my collection makes me feel like an intellectual highbrow boffin. :-)
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  8. Dammit! I pushed the button! I desperately need work–correction–I need work that pays Dotty, but what can I be when I’m a jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none? Maybe I can just be your Latin American pet rat?
    xo

    Reply
    • Dear PAZ,
      I suppose a pet rat would scare away elephants just as well as a mouse, wouldn’t it? Yes, go on then, you are now officially in my collection.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  9. Oh Lord help me. I knew better than to fall for The Button on Dotty’s page. I see you have another fancier from the lovely city of Bubbabillybobville, TN. Just as well. This relieves me of the responsibility of asking nomination for the category of Field Reporter, B’b’b’ville.

    Reply
    • Dear Gobby,
      You are now my official American Field Reporter, a good choice to make, Daisy. Your job is to report on what all the fields are getting up to. Welcome to my collection.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  10. adultsatires

     /  February 28, 2012

    I’ll volunteer for a philosopher (Professional bullshitter) job! :D Otherwise known as a starving artist. :) lol

    Reply
    • Dear adultsatires,
      Hmmm, I don’t think having two philosophers is a good idea, you’ll only sit on your arses arguing all day and that won’t be any benefit to ME. I don’t need a starving artist either because you’ll eat all my Cumberland sausages and McCain’s Chippy Chips, but what I DO need is an American Spin Doctor and you would be PERFECT for the job. Howsabout it?
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • adultsatires

         /  February 28, 2012

        Oh, a publisher to put a spin on things? Sure! I bet I can manage. :D

      • Dear adultsatires,
        No you’re not a publisher, you’ll be the one who deals with the press when they want statements and shite from me. You’ll also have to fight off the paparazzi – are you any good with a longbow?
        Love Dotty xxx

      • adultsatires

         /  February 29, 2012

        I got a compound bow, brass knuckles, tazer and a black jack! lol :D

      • Dear adultsatires,
        Perfect. You can start immediately.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear adultsatires,
        P.S. What’s a black jack?
        Love Dotty xxx

      • adultsatires

         /  February 29, 2012

        Well, we’re going to have to design you a 007 type of car. You, know, with all the gadgets and self protection features just like James Bond had in his vehicles! :D And I say, just for kicks, hand out paint ball guns to all you employ. :D

      • Dear adultsatires,
        Ooh, I like your idea of a car. Will it have those big shiny spikes that pop out of the wheels and gouge the fuck out of any cars that come close? But the paint ball guns are a no-no – I’m collecting 12 bore shotguns for you all.
        Love Dotty xxx
        P.S. I’m not EMPLOYING you. You’re part of my collection, YOU give me money for your keep.

      • adultsatires

         /  February 29, 2012

        Sorry Dotty…. Been doing that sort of thing my whole life, I don’t come cheap. Bwa! Ha ha ha! :D

      • Dear adultsatires,
        Being in my collection costs £50.00 a night and you’ll get fresh clean towels every day – when I find an American Washerwoman. Until then you’ll have to wash your own towels.
        Love Dotty xxx

  11. Dear Dotty;

    American blackjack = British cosh

    Would you have an opening for a grumpy, tundra-dwelling, Canadian bear? I am willing to bite any bums that Howler and Me don’t want. I’ve paid extra for the privilege before, and would be willing to do so again. Please decide soon, I wish to go watch Midsomer Murders on the telly.

    Reply
    • Dear Archon,
      I hadn’t considered including Canadians in my collection before – I thought Canadians hated Americans and vice versa. But I DO need a bum-biter and it’s all the same to me which bit of the continent you come from so if you’re willing to stick to the rules I’ll accept you.

      RULE 1 — No national name calling between Canadians and Americans.
      RULE 2 — No fisticuffs.
      RULE 3 — No rivalries
      RULE 4 — No overt displays of ignorance about each other – your pre-conceived opinions might be utter tosh and twaddle and very insulting to the other party. DO NOT BE OFFENSIVE TO EACH OTHER.

      Love Dotty xxx

      P.S. Do Canadians really have big flappy mouths like they do on Southpark?

      Reply
  12. I don’t fall into any category, but now I have a goal in life. Thank you, Dotty.
    Sara-the-Canadian
    ps. yes to big flappy mouths. best way to guzzle maple syrup.

    Reply
    • Dear Sara-the-Canadian,
      WOW! How do you keep your food in to chew?
      Love Dotty xxx
      P.S. I like maple syrup with pecan nuts. Can you make brownies or buns or something that combines them? If so, you could be my Canadian Cook.

      Reply
      • Dear Sara-the-Canadian,
        Wrong nuts. I meant cashews.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Er….does opening cans count as cooking? Oh, I do toast, too.
        Sorry. I’ll let you know when I achieve anything of note. I did jump out of a plane once.

      • Dear Sara,
        YOU JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE? And you say you haven’t achieved anything of note? If you’ll accept it I’d like to offer you the position of Canadian Paratrooper.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • Paratrooper, eh? (that’s a little Canuck humour for ya)
        I’ll take it! I will use you as a reference when I get a job “outside of the house”. They’re all the rage, I hear.

      • Dear Sara,
        Wonderful! Welcome to the collection. Now we just have to find you an aeroplane ….
        Love Dotty xxx

  13. Would the fact that the 16 year old niece of my American Truck Driver s/o want me to take custody of her and her younger sibs after the state removed them from their parents home, because we spent a weekend together where I listened and talked to her and helped her start exploring self-expression on WordPress qualify me as an American Therapist/Life Coach?

    Reply
  14. Nurse–American, have jumped out of airplane-TWICE. (different planes) wish I used a parachute.! Honored to be part of the collection, even if it includes Canadians. (kidding, love my neighbors to the north.) Never been part of a collection before. At least that I am aware of. Some creepy lunatic could have me in some collection that I am unaware of. If so I hope I stay unaware!

    Reply
    • Dear ranton,
      You can be my first American Hillbilly Skydiving Nurse.
      Some people say I’m a creepy lunatic – I take exception to the creepy part.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Thanks, I didn’t start out life as a hillbilly, it was thrust upon me. Its ok though its pretty up in the mountains! Except for Jack the Ripper, I don’t think its possible for a Brit to be creepy, is it?

      • Dear ranton,
        Yes it is, there are loads of creeps in Britain, loads and loads and loads of them.
        Love Dotty xxx

      • They are probably transplanted Americans.

  15. If you have need of a loveable asshole, sarcastic dry wit, surrealist, stream-of-consciousness blatherer, confusologist, romantic, word gardener, poetic license holder, gutwrenching tearjerking clown, or long list maker, then you need look no further. Because that kind of person just doesn’t exist. I mean, really – what do you expect? I’m a doctor, not a miracle worker – and I’m actually not a doctor, also. I’m neither a doctor nor a miracle worker, Jim. Can I call you Jim? What did you bang your head on? That sounds painful. Ouchie.

    Reply
  16. I have no idea what category I would fall in to. You already have a village idiot…sigh…

    Reply
    • Dear pmao,
      You are a multi-tasking man which is a bit of a miracle (oxymoron) in itself but that’s why you’re in my collection. You can be my American Art Therapy Psychiatrist / Head of Security. Will that do?
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  17. American – Baker, Author, Curmudgeon, Rock and Roll Drum God….any or all of those would be spot on…

    Reply
  18. Let’s see, I am a teacher and writer, have two kids under five; hmmm–I am the self-titled head ass-wiper in charge around here…What do you think? American Multi-Tasker Extraordinaire? Renaissance Woman of Many Fucking Talents? or I’m cool with American Head Ass Wiper in Charge…I just want to be in the collection….please, please, please??????

    Reply
    • Dear Jennifer,
      First you have to click the FOLLOW button or I won’t let you become part of my collection. :-)
      When you’ve done that you can come back and tell me if you’d like to be my American Gopher which combines all your skills together into one job title.
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  19. Do you have an American writer of poet-ish type sentiments and stream of consciousness hooey? (If so, would you tell me where you got it, cause I’ve been looking all over for one to take over for me on weekends and saturdays…) If not, may I interest you in a Coyote Kit, a Fox Poet, a Pretty Little Girl or an almost unused not-quite mint-out-of-the-box Bob? Let me know by post…fence or mark, either way is fine. I’d even accept fencepostmarks, but you’d better be a -really- good carver!

    KC & Co.

    Reply
    • Dear KC,
      I do have an American Poet Laureate , it’s ChanceDagger who wrote me a lovely poem, I just forgot to add him but I’ve done it now – thank you for reminding me.
      I don’t have an American Fencing Expert though. Would that suit you?
      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Hrmm. Kk, but one question. If I write you a totally awesome poem worthy of your magnificence can I be poet laureate pint-size?

        KC & Co.

      • Dear KC,
        Possibly. If you have a look at the comments in the post called ‘Dotty Day Out’you’ll see the poem Dags wrote. That’s what you have to match. :-)
        Love Dotty xxx

  20. Dotty- I will be your American cook, if you’d like. I get along with the Canooks very well because I’m pretty sure America’s head would get mighty cold without her hat ;)

    Reply
    • Dear TWTG,
      NO! I will NOT have my Cumberland sausages manhandled and destroyed by an American. No, no, no, it will NEVER happen.
      Love Dotty xxx
      P.S. You could be my American Diplomatic Envoy and deal with the Canadians when I can’t be bothered with them. Yes? No?

      Reply
      • Yes, please – I’m a great diplomat and would love to keep the Canadians happy – except maybe the French ones, they talk funny

      • Dear TWTG,

        For the last eight words of your comment you are now my American Diplomatic Envoy Extraordinaire. And your powers regarding the French Canadians are limitless. Do as you wish with them. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  21. Hello Dotty,
    I would like to offer my services as your new American veterinarian with extraordinary skills specializing in keeping howlers happy, fiercely porch-protective, and (should the occasion arise) treating the stray bum bite. Doc.

    Reply
    • Dear Doc,

      Hello and welcome. :-)

      I would LOVE to have an American Veterinarian, I have one howler in my collection and I’m sure he and his owner (American Guard Dog Girl) will be happy to meet you.

      We haven’t had any bum bites yet, but I’m keeping my eye on the Canadians because you never know what they’ll do next.

      Thank you for becoming part of my collection. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  22. Dear Dotty,

    Are you still looking for an American Washerwoman? I spend most of my time doing the wash and also cleaning all of the other things that there are, so I might as well declare it my profession. Also, I am excellent at changing diapers, in case you become incontinent. Not that you ever would, of course. But it’s good to have a contingency plan.

    Love,
    Kathy

    Reply
    • Dear Kathy,

      Yes! I need an American Washerwoman, thank you. :-)

      I’m nowhere near being incontinent but you could change the Canadians’ nappies for them.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  23. Dear Dotty,

    Do I qualify for modern philosopher? Great collection!

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply
  24. Dear Dotty,
    Well, a visit to your site is a great way to stop miserable in it’s tracks. I am an American Immigration Overlord. There are too many applications of skills to list here, suffice it to say that an Overlord is indeed powerful, an Immigration Overlord has the added bonus of keeping you & any member of your entourage who might wish to visit us here in – whereveryouwishtovisit (let’s just agree on Boston, yeah?) – I can assure your security from the likes of Minutemen or any of Arizona’s many spirited border vigilante enterprises (the Cochise County Border Militia. Wait, who wants to go to Arizona anyway?).
    Please alert me if I can be of service.
    With love,
    American Immigration Overlord

    Reply
    • Dear magicallymad,

      So you can sneak me in if I ever get over my Hermititis and People Phobia and want to move to New York? In that case, yes, you can be my new American Immigration Overlord. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,
        Hooray! I’ve been collected!
        Yes, Overlords can do much, even on weekends.
        With Love,
        MM (aka IO)

      • Dear magic,

        I expect you to keep the Canadians separate.

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        (Pissing myself with giggles) No problem, will have a fax out to every port-of-entry across our northern border, stat!

        With love,
        Magic (that’s much more fun than MM, thank you!)
        XOXO

      • Dear Magic,

        Yes, it is – MM sounds boring and you’re not boring, you’re Magic. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  25. I’m an American Massage Therapist. Does that count in the therapist catagory? I can give you a massage in your mansion everyday for free as long as you let me live there :)

    Love, Peace and Chicken Grease,
    Melanie

    Reply
    • Dear Melanie,

      Ooooh, yes, you’d be perfect – I’ve had a trapped nerve in my neck for years and since the NHS stopped putting me in traction for it I’ve been in agony when it flares up. A good neck massage will help free up all the other muscles that have gone into spasm around the trapped nerve. You can DEFINITELY be my American Massage Therapist. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Neck massage just so happens to be my specialty! I feel very honored to be part of your collection.

      • Dear Melanie,

        And I’m very pleased to have you here. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  26. The LDS Convert

     /  May 17, 2012

    How about an American Mormon? I’m also an American Design Engineer…..a real life one at that.

    Reply
    • Dear The LDS Convert,

      You might not want to be in my collection – I did a tongue-in-cheek post about a couple I used to be friends with, a Mormon priest and his wife (not a horrible post). If you still want to, then yes, I’d love to have an American Mormon Design Engineer in my collection. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • The LDS Convert

         /  May 17, 2012

        I don’t mind humor. I like to think of it like this. “Don’t judge me because my sins are different than yours”. To each there own. I would love to be a part of your collection.

      • Dear Convert,

        Wonderful!! What are you going to design for me?

        Love Dotty xxx

      • The LDS Convert

         /  May 18, 2012

        Something that has straight lines and is made out of aluminum. This is what I normally do. Let me see what I can come up with.

      • Dear Convert,

        A Cumberland sausage container? A little brick-sized cover for my brick?

        Love Dotty xxx

      • The LDS Convert

         /  May 18, 2012

        I’ll try to work something up in the next few days.

      • Dear Convert,

        Thank you. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  27. Hey now, I’m your American Ice Cream Connection. ;-)

    Reply
  28. What’s the meaning of this!!! No categories for American Financial Executives??? I’ll have you know we make money the old fashioned way – WE STEAL IT. Wouldn’t you like to have a nice financial wonk doing that for you? Please??? C’mon now… I can’t be begging on my knees – it’ll ruin my hand tailored suit! Hmmph!

    Reply
    • Dear Phil,

      oooOOOOOOooooo. Yes!! I need you! You’re now my American Honking Great Thieving Financial Executive Wonk. Get to work, wonk.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  29. It figures that one of your only two Canadians is a bum-biter. Makes sense, law of averages and all. :)

    Reply
  30. Another Canuck here. Swingdancer and DJ. Do you need a DJ? Or to learn how to do the Lindy Hop?

    Reply
    • Dear SSG,

      Hello :-)

      Hmmm. I’m not a good dancer, I look like Robocop on the dance floor. I’d like to learn the Cha-Cha though. Would you like to be my Canadian Cha-Cha Teacher?

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • hmmmm I can follow Cha-Cha but I have never taught that one. I can teach you Lindy Hop, Charleston, Balboa, Collegiate Shag and Blues… Or I can DJ at your party.

        I’m also a medical doctor but since you already have a lot of those I didn’t think you’d be interested in having another one. I could take a blood sample and then show you a pretty picture of your chromosomes if you want. Or bored you to death talking about how your T-Cells protect you from disease

      • Dear SSG,

        But I haven’t got a Canadian Dancing Doctor! If you’re teaching me the Lindy Hop and I fall over and break both my thigh bones you can fix them for me! Yes! Will that do?

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        Yes, I can do that!
        SSG

      • Dear SSG,

        Fantastic! Maybe you could teach all the other doctors to dance and you can all do a show for me. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        i can certainly do that

        SSG

      • Dear SSG,

        Wonderful! Get to work then. No slacking around here. :-)

        Love Dotty xxx

  31. You’re a hoot! Looking forward to more, more, more! (Cumberland Sausages, good; bricks?)

    Reply
  32. Cumberland sausage is a form of sausage that originated in the ancient county of Cumberland, England, now part of Cumbria. They are traditionally very long (up to 50 cm), and sold rolled in a flat, circular coil but within western Cumbria they are more often served in long curved lengths……. they sound delcious….what do you use a brick for? To knock the pig over the head before you process the sausages…I don’t fit into any of the other American Categorys.. I am an American Dreamer who Forges on into the Abyss ..that s about the closest it comes to category for me

    Reply
    • Dear Philip,

      Hello. :-)

      Cumberland sausages ARE delicious, the most delicious food in the world.

      What do I use a brick for? Stress relief.

      Would you like to be my American Dreamer then, if you can’t do anything else? We could see if you’re able to dream up winning lottery numbers or something.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  33. Do you need native born Americans or would you accept naturalized/naturalised ones? I was born in England, but emigrated to New York 20 years ago. I feel that this makes me useful to you in so far as I can translate between British-English and American-English better than a Babel fish. Plus, I work for a Canadian company, therefore completing the Axis of Dotty.
    Official Translator?
    What say you?

    Reply
    • Dear catpenfold,

      Hello. :-)

      I’ll be more than happy to have an American Official Translator if you’ll also consider being my British Secret Spy In America.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  34. Don’t discount dreams my dear….they are powerful things…they will take you places you never thought possible….I have no Lottery numbers just yet…If I do I will forward them on to you…:) . Here’s a Laffy Taffy Joke in the meantine to get you by ..”What do you call a cow with a twitch?” – Beef Jerky -

    Reply
    • Dear Philip,

      Did I say you’re on trial? I realise I mustn’t pressure you but there’s a big Euromillions jackpot up for grabs tonight and I WANT IT.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • 6,13, 28, 32, 38, 47, – Lucky Stars 02, 10 There you go my dear…good luck…I do not guarantee these are winning numbers…I pulled them straight out of you know where…

      • Dear Philip,

        Oh no! Thank you, but I’m too late to get another ticket! I can’t ever, ever check these numbers because if they ARE the winning numbers I’LL DIE OF DISAPPOINTMENT.

        Love Dotty xxx

        P.S. Maybe next week you’ll dream them in time or pull them out of your lucky bag(?) I get my ticket on a Thursday morning.

  35. Dear Dotty,
    I’d be delighted to fulfill the roles of Official Translator and British Secret Spy. I’ll just need an outline of things you’d like spied on. I can infiltrate the UN quite easily (it’s on my way home) and they do have a nice gift shop. I am fairly expert on sausages and I have access to Croatian, Greek and Italian sausages within a block of my house. To compare these to Cumberland sausages, I’d need to take a trip to The Chip Shop in Brooklyn, which I will happily do in the name of Dotty.
    Please advise.
    Cat

    Reply
    • Dear Cat,

      Go to the chip shop. Buy a bag of chips (unwrapped), sprinkle them with a good amount of salt and vinegar. DO NOT LET THE CHIP SERVER SEE YOU SPRINKLE THE SALT. Go outside, eat the lovely chips (with your fingers) – when you’ve finished, screw up the paper into a ball, go back into the chip shop, say to the server, WHERE’S MY FUCKING SALT? and throw the balled up chip paper at her/him. Then run away. I’ll contact you soon with my next instructions.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  36. 2,17, 25, 30, 33, 48, – Lucky Stars 04, 09 …………I don’t know if anyone has won the Euromillions yet..but here are your winning numbers,,,now grant you these winnings are not guaranteed right away. (it could be years before they come up..so patience is a virtue…I hate people who say that!) .. from your one and only American Dreamer…cya Dotty

    Reply
    • Dear Philip,

      Thank you! I’m going to write them down and buy a ticket for Friday. If the numbers win multi-millions I’ll buy you a very nice present. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  37. Dear Dotty,

    In America I am a Executive Recruiting Assistant.. It doesn’t look like you have much in line as far as this is concerned so please tell me, how I fit my arse into all of this.

    Sincerely yours,
    Sara

    Reply
  38. I am an American librarian so I have books on all those categories.

    Reply
  39. I’m an American T-shirt Designer – it’s a super elite design position – do you need one of those? I think your blog could use a t-shirt.

    Reply
    • Dear arts,

      Hello. :-)

      Hmm, I wear a lot of t-shirts but they’re all boring and plain black – YES, having my own personal t-shirt designer will be great. Do you do swearing?

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  40. Dear DH,
    How about an American Indian Irish Texan? My qualifications include the ability to rowdily sing, not whilst intoxicated, “We fired our guns and the British kept a’comin.
    There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago.
    We fired once more and they began to runnin’
    down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.” Additional lyrical ability includes, “Wild Irish Rose” and “Deep In The Heart of Texas” with hand claps inserted appropriately. I am also part Cherokee Indian so I can dance whilst beating a drum. Overall, my life is pretty mundane, but my brain has forgotten more than most people will ever know. Does that count for something, anything???

    Reply
  41. Might as well include Mexico…………..

    Reply

Write a little note to Dotty.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 566 other followers

%d bloggers like this: