GET IN THE BATH
Either wash your hair regularly or give yourself a crew cut.
Fingernails. Look at them. Really look at them.
Don’t ask me anything about feet. I hate them, they’re disgusting. Anyone who does a job that involves touching feet all day needs their head looking at. Nutters, the lot of them.
Do not lie on the floor for too long. Things will crawl on you.
A decent set of hairdressing scissors is essential for cutting your own hair. Be prepared to spend hours snipping to get an even finish. Be prepared to have it longer at the back than you might prefer. The mirror must not be avoided or you will look like a div. Do not attempt styles until you have had at least four years experience. Layers are for experts. (My hair is styled in a choppy, layered bob. With fringe).
Buy clothes online or you’ll look like a tramp. Remember to buy outdoor shoes. And a new coat every few years or when you do finally go out people WILL stare at you. (I’m okay, I still have my good shell suit jacket).
When you know someone is coming to visit you, stop panicking and start co-ordinating. If you answer the door wearing your pyjama top over your old ra-ra skirt, with a slipper on one foot and a stiletto on the other you’ll look like a divvy tramp with no dress sense.
Your brown paper bag with slits for eyeholes will NEVER become fashionable enough to wear outdoors.