To prevent me from writing every single one of my new posts about baby Buster I need to find other things to write about, but before I went on my 8 month long absence I wrote about EVERY subject and now I have very little to write about that I haven’t written about before. One subject I don’t think I wrote about back then was the exploitation of old-age workers in third world countries, so this post is about EGGS.
SOME DOTTY THOUGHTS ABOUT EGGS
Eggs are little miracles of life and nature. Oval, ovoid, ovum. Eggy-eggy-egg. I wonder if anyone has ever seen Jesus in an egg? I once saw Jesus in my ice cream scoop but he disappeared with the sun when it passed the corner of my house.
Eggs are good for you. Eat an egg for breakfast and you’ll be all proteined up for the morning because eggs are full of white and yellow protein and other white and yellow things your body needs. Eggs taste nice. Fried eggs taste nicest but only if they’re cooked in old bacon-flavoured beef fat with bits of bacon still floating through it. Yum. Poached eggs – I’ve never eaten them. They’re slimey. Boiled eggs have very complicated cooking instructions - I don’t make them. I DO like them if someone else makes them for me though. I like scrambled eggs too. But I don’t like ANY eggs if they’re cooked with little slivers of shell. Fresh eggs, straight from the arse of the hen? NO NO. I like my eggs clean, who wants to eat feathers and hen shite for breakfast? Eggs with tiny globs of blood or tissue in them – YUK! Double yolks – YUM!
I’ve never seen an oddly shaped egg. All eggs are EGG shaped. They come in different colours too, all sorts of colours, so many colours you could make an egg rainbow out of all the different colours and still have enough egg colours left over to make a generous quilt for those cold winter nights.
Did you know that eggs can be eaten MONTHS after their sell-by date if they’ve been kept in the fridge and if you test to see if they’ve gone rotten before you open them? The best way of testing them is to use the FLOATING METHOD – put the eggs in a bowl full of water – if the eggs float, they’re fine to eat, if they sink they’re off. Or is it the other way round? I forget.
Eggs are excellent missiles for all occasions. Raw eggs can be thrown at people or objects (WINDOWS! CARS!) when there’s no urgent need to hurt or damage the target but you have a desperate urge to make a mess and cause a little upset. Throwing a raw egg at someone or something makes a statement. It says, ‘I like you. You deserve an EGG!’
Hard boiled eggs, although they could never replace my favourite missiles (BRICKS!) in my affections, can be quite handy during a siege when you find yourself without other, more traditional weapons (BRICKS!) and you need something hard to throw. Hard boiled eggs are small enough to fit in the hand and they’re hard enough to do a fairly adequate amount of damage if aimed correctly (even if they don’t have corners), but the best thing about using hard boiled eggs as weapons is that Dibble can’t arrest you afterwards if you tell them you’re a people-phobic she-hermit who can’t leave the house so the only way you can contribute to society is by feeding the hungry and the only way you’re able to feed the hungry is by dropping food to them gently from your bedroom window – it isn’t YOUR fault they can’t catch, (saying this DOES work – Mother Teresa never got banged up for assault with a deadly weapon, did she?)
I hope you found this egg post informative and interesting. Treasure it. It might be the last post I ever write on anything but THE BABY.