I’ve been up all night honing and perfecting the plans and diagrams for my new inventions. I can’t show you them because —
#1 – I can’t get pictures on my blog
#2 – YOU MIGHT STEAL THEM
I’ll give you SOME information though, a taster so you’ll all know what to buy when they come on the market.
DOTTY HEADBANGER’S Wii BRICK ©™®
The Wii BRICK ©™® is a genuine, authentic brick. It looks like a brick, it feels like a brick, it hurts like a brick. But the Wii BRICK ©™® is fitted with a sensor, just like a Wii remote, in fact you won’t need a Wii remote when you buy your Wii BRICK ©™® because everything that is possible with a Wii remote will be possible with a Wii BRICK ©™® with the added advantage of being able to play Wii BRICK ©™®.
Within the Wii BRICK ©™® game there will be lots of options and features, such as My Wii BRICK, an area that allows you to keep track of your headbanging, brick-shaping progress, to look back on your failures, and to plan a routine that suits your level of ability with the Wii BRICK ©™®. Your current little Mii thing will represent the real you on the screen and warnings will be slapped all over the game for people who are reality-disadvantaged and can’t seperate themselves from the Mii (the last thing I want is the whole world ringing for ambulances because they think their head is bleeding – it won’t be your REAL HEAD BLEEDING it will be the big head on your Mii, which is NOT REAL).
You’ll also be able to play interactively BUT IF YOUR Mii EVER TOUCHES MY BRICK I WILL KILL IT.
DOTTY HEADBANGER’S Wii BRICK PLUS ©™®
Wii BRICK PLUS ©™® will be the same as Wii BRICK ©™® but with EXTRA BONUS FEATURES AND ALL THINGS BRILLIANT THAT WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE WONDERFUL AND WORTH LIVING.
Wii BRICK PLUS ©™® will be fitted with Motion Plus sensors that register even the slightest bang of the head (which can’t really be called a BANG now, can it, you wussies, it’s really a tickle – but don’t worry, you’ll soon progress). The Motion Plus sensors will be able to detect EXCESSIVELY SHAKEY ACTIVITY which tells them you are having a panic attack and will switch the machine to standby mode as Wii BRICK PLUS ©™® has been designed with energy saving cost-effectiveness in mind.
A FLUFFY RED TOWEL for mopping your bloody, sweaty brow will be one of the new features and it will have the Wii BRICK PLUS ©™® logo embroidered round the edge. The concept of including a FLUFFY TOWEL is innovative and ground-breaking, and the idea of making it RED is sheer genius.
The next step will be Wii BRICK PLUS ISLAND ©™® – a whole other world for you to explore. You’ll be able to build your own house (with bricks) and live there forever if you want. There will be shops and builder’s merchants and Cumberland sausage factories and HEADBANGING COMPETITIONS which are not compulsory for hermits and it will be like heaven except it will be Wii BRICK PLUS ISLAND ©™®.