I was up all night again last night (that’s two nights in a row – how many more before I DIE?) worrying about my missing followers and trying to fill the gaping, glaring gaps in my house left by THE BINNING OF SOME PRECIOUS COLLECTIONS when I had a thought — what if my missing followers were stolen away by JESUS because I have more followers than he did at the start of his career? He could have kidnapped them due to overwhelming jealousy, or he could have tempted them away with a bit of BREAD and a FISH (if they prefer bread and fish to Cumberland sausages then I leave them to their fate, they are UNSAVEABLE).
Or Jesus might not have pinched them, they might have just been VERY TOUCHY about me mentioning the huge difference in followers. Some people do get VERY TOUCHY about Jesus, like the VERY UNNEIGHBOURLY JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES I lived next door to many years ago who tried to steal my garden the first summer I lived there (they didn’t get it – I went to my local council and REPORTED THEM). During the garden battle I happened to be going through a DECORATING MY WINDOWS phase and I put some decorative signs in one of my kitchen windows, (I had TWO kitchen windows in that house), the window that just happened to face their door. I can’t remember all the signs I put in the window, but I remember that one was a big recruiting advertisement for BLOOD DONORS (very pretty, if I recall rightly), another was a very fancy bumper sticker that said JESUS IS O NEGATIVE and across the top of the window I strung some sparkly fairy lights and a foil MERRY CHRISTMAS decoration that glimmered in the summer sun and twinkled softly at night when the fairy lights were on.
I can’t be certain if it was the garden battle or the Jesus thing but they didn’t speak to me again. I suspect it was the Jesus thing. And the amount of EVIL LOOKS they threw at me forever afterwards – all I have to say to that is professing to be GODLY and GOOD and LOVE THY NEIGHBOURISH doesn’t actually get you people to heaven UNLESS YOU PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH.
So if my missing followers DID leave because they were VERY TOUCHY about me having more followers than Jesus in his early days, well I’m sorry but I CAN’T HELP THAT – a fact is a fact and you’ll just have to get over it.
Notes From A She-Hermit ©™® 
judithatwood
/ February 16, 2012😎 😎 😎
Thanks for the laugh!
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 16, 2012Dear Judith,
Oh, but it’s not funny, Judith. It could happen to ANY ONE OF US.
Love Dotty xxx
Rena Nichole
/ February 17, 2012I’m up too! Damn day/night reversal…
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 17, 2012Dear Rena,
You poor thing, you seem more sleep-deprived than me – you’re in the wrong post.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. Do you want a drink of milk and a chunk of shortbread?
Rena Nichole
/ February 17, 2012You mentioned being up all night in the beginning. LOL!
However, milk and shortbread sounds great.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 18, 2012Dear Rena,
Ooops. Sorry. That’s what no sleep does, makes me more stupid than usual.
Love Dotty xxx
Rena Nichole
/ February 18, 2012Hahahaha. No problem 😀 At least it wasn’t me this time!
The Uncle In The Attic
/ February 17, 2012Jesus WOULD be a universal donor… Highlarious.
Dotty Headbanger
/ February 17, 2012Dear Uncle,
HIGH FIVE!!!
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. Yes I am a bit too old for doing high fives but it’s all the fault of the American people who visit my blog – y’all are corrupting me.
pouringmyartout
/ March 22, 2012In defense of Jesus, he does, it would seem, have a few more followers than both of us combined, at least now. And most of them, though perhaps delusional, are indeed real people…sort of.
Dotty Headbanger
/ March 23, 2012Dear pmao,
But I have one advantage over Jesus – I exist, he never has.
Love Dotty xxx