I need to FEEL something today so I’m going to have a BLUE DAY. It won’t take long for me to turn blue – I’ve switched off my heating and opened the kitchen window (here’s a tip, Hermits – only open the window of the ROOM YOU ARE IN to save weeks of worry over what might have SNEAKED INTO YOUR HOUSE). In a few minutes, when I’ve finished writing this, I’ll go and stand at the open back door and within ten minutes I’ll be BLUE. Most of you won’t be able to do this trick because most of you won’t have RAYNAUD’S DISEASE, a handy condition to have when you need a BLUE DAY.
The only downside is that for the rest of the day I won’t be able to come and talk to you all (y’all) because my fingers won’t work for a long time and when they do they’ll hurt too much to type. But don’t be concerned because that’s the bit I’m looking forward to, the BURNY FIRES OF HURT that come after the NUMB and the DEAD (oooh, that would make a good title for something) and I’m looking forward to it because it’s a FEELING and I haven’t had a proper one of my own for months (FAMILY FEELINGS DO NOT COUNT).
The temperature outside is — well, I don’t know what it is but it’s fucking cold, I know that. I’ve prepared everything – I’ve made my dinner for later on when I can’t do anything (the NUMB and the DEAD lasts for a long time, hours) because past experience with cooking things on a BLUE DAY has led to many cuts and burns that I didn’t notice until the FEELING came and I might be a lot of things but I’m not a MASOCHIST. I’ve made up a flask of coffee (in a flask with a good big thick handle that enables me to pour my coffee with my wrists). The heating is set on the timer to switch itself on roundabout tea-time but I’ve had a wash and cleaned my teeth and brushed my hair and I’m wearing clean clothes just in case something goes wrong and I can’t DEFROST MY BLOOD. If something DOES go wrong, you know where my will is (see My Head-Shaped Brick) but don’t let my FUCKING FAMILY anywhere near it.
See you later, alligators.
EDIT EDIT EDIT – I pressed publish and forgot to add my TAGS. Stupid cow.