Being reared in a multi-cultural, multi-lingual, multi-accented home, I am EXCELLENT at doing accents – I had to be because when I started school at the age of 5 I got my head kicked in by a boy named Geoffrey for ‘talking funny’ so I speedily picked up the Yorkshire accent to use when speaking to Yorkshire people and that’s the main accent I still use except when I speak to my Scottish relatives, then I speak in the accent I THINK IN which is Scottish because German sounds like coughing up flem and this flummoxes Yorkshire people because they think I’m from Yorkshire. Which I’m not, I’m from Lancashire but I only lived there until I was one year old so I didn’t have chance to speak fluent Lancastrian.
So here’s me speaking in INTERNATIONAL ACCENTS that are so good I’d be able to pass myself off as a local if I could ever GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOUSE.
Fucking ‘ell- Northern England and Scotland (we’re the only ones who pronounce it correctly)
Fackinell- Southern England
Faarking Hell or Ferking Hell – posh Southern England
Feckin ‘ell – Ireland
Fooockeeen ‘el’ – France, Italy
FOCKUN HELL – Germany, Poland, most of the rest of Europe
Fuucking Hell – North America
Fuuuurkin Hell – the other bit of America
F*cking Hell – Canada
Fooorkeen Hell- Pakistan, India and other Asian countries that are not China or Japan
Fakeenell – China, Japan and the little countries around them
FORKUN HELLSKI – Russia and other ex-USSR countries
feeekin hell – Smurfland
The rest of the world doesn’t swear.
If I’ve missed you out, or if you come from somewhere on the list and I’m saying it wrong, let me know and I’ll teach you how to say it properly in your accent.
Cumberland sausage time. MMMmmmm.