Dotty Had A Visitor This Morning


Guess who my visitor was? LITTLE EMILY! She’s back, she’s recovered from her illness, she’s writing again, she’s going for her morning walks again, she’s cooking again (she brought me some sort of porridgey slop that looked like wallpaper paste and tasted like mouldy bread). She still looks a bit peaky and thin but I’ll soon fatten her up – she ate four Cumberland sausage sandwiches this morning, not bad but nowhere near the amount she usually scoffs. It won’t take long to train her up again though, I told her to imagine she’s entered a trencherman’s competition and she has to beat a line-up of big fat farmers who can eat for England and probably the rest of the world except when I mention the rest of the world and the countries in it she doesn’t know half the names because they’ve changed since her day, for instance Ceylon is now Sri Lanka, Siam is now Thailand, Persia is now Iran and none of the new names sound half as romantic as the old ones did so she doesn’t like them.

She didn’t have much news to tell me seeing as she’s been laid up, but she did tell me Branwell’s in trouble again with debt collectors – the other day one came to the house, a big ugly arm-snapper who kicked Branwell round the garden and told him he’d better pay up or he’ll come back and kill him. Poor Branwell, I wondered why he hadn’t called in for a natter since his last delivery of laudanum. I told little Emily to tell him he can stay here for a few days if he needs somewhere to hide but she said he’s paid the debt, he stole Papa Brontë’s spare pocket watch (he hasn’t noticed it’s gone yet) and pawned it.

I started to tell her about my day out with Branwell but he’d already told her all about it so I told her about my trip to the hospital with Lottie instead. She said she wishes she’d known about it, she’d have come with me, so next time I have to go she’s going to come too! She wants to see the machines – they have such a great fascination for machines, these Victorians, I wish they’d left well alone and maybe we’d be living in a different, quieter world today – ah, but then I might not be writing my little blog, or be able to cook my Cumberland sausages so nicely, or watch my lovely Ian Somerhalder on telly (Tuesday is the last episode of this series — what am I going to do???) so I suppose there are some good sides.

I told her all about meeting Kumblant. She got a bit stroppy when I said I was allowing him to tell his story on my blog, she stamped her foot and said SHE was promised her own post and why had I let someone else go first? I got round her moodiness by reminding her of how ill she’d been and how long it is since she’s visited, and then I told her some of the hardships Kumblant has had to face and when I’d finished she said she pitied him and he sounds nice and she’s okay about him going first with the posts if it’ll help him slay more monsters.

So that’s it really, we had a little catch-up, we had some breakfast, we’ve made plans for her to come back again tomorrow, and now I’m going to cook some more Cumberland sausages for my tea tonight.

And I’ve just noticed something — there isn’t ONE swear word in this post. I wonder why? There’s something not quite right about a post without a swear word. Should I do one now?


No, I won’t. I’ll leave it swearless even though when I hover the mouse over Publish it feels like I’m going out without my skirt on.




Leave a comment


  1. I was reading along nicely, and normally….until I got to Ian.
    As much as I tried to focus after that…
    I must admit…I went to my pretend land, where Ian is really Christian Grey..and then I can’t tell you the other places I went with that.
    he he he

    • Dear Lisa,

      La la la la la la – I’m blocking my ears and screwing up my eyes – don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. 🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

      • heeheehee!!!!!
        Love lis
        xxx (as in x-rated)

      • Dear Lisa,

        No, you’ll have to unxrate yourself by one x – this blog is rated for 17 years old and up which doesn’t meet the triple x criteria. If WordPress can read your thoughts, they’ll ban us.

        Love Dotty xxx

  2. “So do put fucking mustard on those cunting sausages, then?” he asked, pulling up his shitty trousers.

  3. You sound like you are back to your old self 🙂 Glad your pal is feeling better too. Loved the last line of your post, that made me laugh out loud.

    • Dear Krista,

      Thank you, I’m glad little Emily is better too and the world didn’t dissolve because she took antibiotics. 🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

  4. Dear Dotty,

    Hooray! Little Emily is back, and feeling better! I’m happy for the both of you, since you each enjoy the other’s company so well. I’m sure Little Emily would love the machines at the hospital, but let’s not make that too soon, okay? I am designing a brick oven in which to cook scads of Cumberland Sausages, so if I ever finish, I’ll send you the plans.

    Lots of love,


    • Dear Judith,

      She’s much better, though I was surprised to see her this morning. 🙂

      A brick oven – that would be IDEAL for me, it would mean one less item of machinery in my house, I could put it in the corner of the kitchen where my cooker stands now. 🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

  5. Dear Dotty,

    I was wondering what happened to Little Emily, you hadn’t mentioned her in quite a while. You still have to tell us the rest of the story about your day with Branwell, by the way.

    xoxo Mme Weebles

    • Dear Mme Weebles,

      Yes, she’s been ill – but she’s back now. 🙂
      I forgot I hadn’t finished telling you about going out with Branwell – I’ll have to see if I can remember the details and I’ll jot them down.

      Love Dotty xxx

  6. I am happy that she is back on Cumberland Sausages. I am sure that they will help in her recovery.

  7. Ceylon, sailor!
    Emily needs to get over her control issues.

  8. No swearing huh? What if we stubbed your toe? Would you swear then?

  9. Aww, perhaps, you could tell Emily to get a cumberland sausage app for her smartphone?


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