Blah Blah Blah – Boring Shite In The Boring Mental Mind Of A BORED MENTAL In Her Boring Kitchen


How does a She-Hermit run away from home when she CAN’T GET OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE? How? HOW?

Big men in small cars. What’s that all about?



I wish, I wish I

was a fish, a fishy-fish

in a fishy dish.



Who invented madness? Does it go with chips?

Jack LaLanne’s Power Juicer.

How much is too much?



Yorkshire Gravy, A rich savoury gravy inspired by a taste of the region.

That’s what it says on my tub of Yorkshire Gravy.


What is the meaning of BLEEP?



Should the green mung beans in my green mung bean jar be brown?


Why hasn’t someone invented a SILENT FRIDGE?



My tablecloth is dark blue with pale blue and white flowers. It’s nice. I remember getting it. It was discontinued from BHS and I got it for ONE OF OUR ENGLISH POUNDS when it should have been a lot more, I can’t remember how much more but it was A LOT more. Fifteen times more. Or twenty. I’ll have to give it a wash.



Why have I started having panic attacks if I’m in the same room as LETTUCE?




FUCK – A LAWNMOWER. Why? A bit of sunshine and out comes all the FUCKING NOISY GARDEN ELECTRICAL SHITE.




NIGELLA LAWSON – How To Eat (well DUH Nigella!!!) – Nigella Bites (perv) – How To Be A Domestic Goddess (LIES, ALL LIES – IT DOESN’T WORK).




Leave a comment


  1. Ah. County eaters. I know them well. They’re clever enough to make and market gravy, but fortunately their taste for clever schemes ends at umami. Invariably they’ll eat themselves into a corner and the problem will resolve itself.

  2. the howler and me

     /  June 30, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Seriously, couldn’t everyone just NOT mow their lawns when the sun comes out? It would be much more peaceful.
    -the howler and me

    • Dear the howler and me,

      And music! Why do they have to play music that THEY CAN’T HEAR BECAUSE THEY’RE MOWING?

      Love Dotty xxx

  3. Back to your usual self, I see. You could imagine that your home is somewhere else, and that where you live is not it, then you have no need to run anywhere.

    As for the silent fridge, you can’t be cool unless your presence is felt.

  4. After reading this, I feel like I’ve been hit with a brick.

  5. Big men in small cars…hmmmm…perhaps if you’re a big man in many ways but one very important (to them) one, a small car makes ALL your parts feel bigger. Now a big woman in a small car, say, me in a Mini, that’s just wrong.

    • Dear paralaxvu,

      It’s strange though because you always see small men in big cars with long bonnets. Hmm. 🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

  6. Lettuce is an inherently frightening vegetable… You are right to be nervous. That is why I made Dick Cheney into a carrot. Because as a head of lettuce, he would have ruled the world… for real… not just in his imagination..

  7. Have I told you lately you are crazy? In a good kind of way . . .

  8. Dear Dotty,
    Dig deep and discover the origin of your fear of lettuce and then share it with us in a post!
    Love, Magic

  9. Nigella Lawson…. *phwoarrr* Is she still hot??

  10. Dorothy

     /  July 1, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Now I know I do like my pills because all of the things you mentioned minus the Yorkshire gravy and the tablecloth and nothing bothers me. I do understand the people and their lawn mowers and the trimmers and other stupid crap, even I ran my mower today but I use a rake and a broom. I can’t stand the power blowers and stuff. It’s the only time I could do it without watching my Dad and the heat is terrible today.
    The summer time is a hard time to be indoors I think. Do you have your herbs at the door side at all? Make the area at your door your oasis when the people finally shut up. Claim your spot to eat your sausages, it’s your right and your left . Do what makes you happy.
    I will shut up now.
    Love Dorothy

    • Dear Dorothy,

      No, my herbs have run wild in the garden. I have a few Rosemary bushes that seem to have taken over, and I had some Mint, some Thyme, some Oregano, Basil, Chives etc etc – but I don’t know what’s there now, it’s been a long time since I’ve been in the garden to have a proper look. 😦

      Love Dotty xxx

  11. The thoughts of you Dotty in a Cath Kidson pinny making cumberland cupcakes then licking your fingers seductively is just wrong…… BUT I quite like it!


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