Okay, you’ve had long enough with this Independence shite to realise it’s time to come home to Mummy. We’ll have you back under our rule on one condition – you never, ever, ever allow
SIMON FUCK-FACE COWELL
or GORDON PLASTIC-FACE RAMSAY
to come back to Britain. You can do what you want with them.
In return, we’ll allow you to give us all your money, land, property and apple pie recipes.
(you know you want to).