Dotty Days



Sat on my saturnine arse reading The Rings Of Saturn.

Sat-nav — why the fuck have I got one? O, TomTom, Lord of the Wrong Turn, guide me out of this fucking house.



Sun? There is no sun. It’s trapped behind the big, brown melancholy clouds. O, TomTom, Lord of the Turn Right In 300 Yards, guide the sun from behind the big, brown melancholy clouds.



Moon day.

Moan day.

I Don’t Like Mondays. BOOM. Shoot the moon. Fuck off, TomTom, you’re doing my skull in.



Chew chew chew a Cumberland sausage in a sugary Mars Bar sandwich.

Choo-choo! Do trains have sat-navs? O, TomTom, Lord of the Straight Ahead, guide the trains along their tracks, up the coast roads and back – please don’t make them fall off again.



Woe day? Wedding day? No, I got married on a Friday. I got married at Halloween and I married in silken black (this is a TRUE FACT), but I couldn’t help looking back. Ring o’ ring 0′ rosies, a pocket full of posies. O, TomTom, Lord of At The Roundabout Take The First Exit, guide dead ex-Simon to a nice place of cleanliness and peace and an abundance of stamps for his collection.



I LOVE THOR, HEAR ME ROOOOOAAAAAARRRRR. (Months ago I roared in a post. It made me feel better at the time so now I have a little roar every Thursday morning before I make my Cumberland sausage sandwiches for my breakfast). O, TomTom, Lord of Leave The Motorway, guide the big Cumberland sausage lorries safely to my Tesco.



Friday is now the only day I fry (burn) my Cumberland sausages.

Empty-headed no brain, fried brain, sizzle-pop. Skullduggery?

Freya, Freya, lend me your cloak so I can fly above the bald sea to see what I can see. O, TomTom, Lord of You Have Reached Your Destination, guide us not into temptation, or negation, or consternation. Forever and ever, amen.


Albrecht Dürer, self-portrait, 1500

look at the eyes




Leave a comment


  1. Oh dear, rhyming and clang associations- think there might be a bit of hypomania there!

  2. Lead junk in the trunk then?

  3. Inspiring words. Not sure what they will inspire me to do, but that’s irrelephant.

  4. More than anything, I’m disturbed for (briefly) mistaking Albrect Durer for Ted Nugent. Cat Scratch Fever, Mr. Renaissance Man!

    • Dear 1point,


      I had to google him but I saw what you meant straight away when I saw the pic. Poor Albrecht. 🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

  5. kzackuslheureux

     /  July 11, 2012

    Dearest Dotty, Sorry to say so, but… Yikes! Albrecht looks so much like one of my brothers I’m posting your Dotty Days on Facebook so the rest of our family can laugh and laugh. ooo, if you like, I’ll send you a picture of him some time. ooo, Perhaps I’ll copy the link to this post, and write my own post about how funny and creepy it is with a comparison photo! Oh Dotty, how much I love you!
    Love, Alphabet

    • Dear Alphabet,

      Albrecht is your brother!!! wOw!! Will you ask him if he’ll paint me a picture? A good one, not just any old daub.

      Love Dotty xxx

      • kzackuslheureux

         /  July 13, 2012

        Dear Dotty, He’s quite a good artist, do you have a big rack? He’d do it for free if you can distract him with your boobies! Let me know.
        Love Alphabet

      • Dear Alphabet,

        He’ll do it for free whether I have big boobies or not or I’ll come back and sneak photos of him in situations he wouldn’t want me to take photos of him in (that sentence was clunky but sod it, I’m too lazy to think of how to reword it).

        Love Dotty xxx

  6. Dear Dotty,

    I can feel your Dotty days — I’ve had some lately myself! Getting better, though — today I put down the M and Ms long enough to comment on this post! Back to chocolate heaven/hell! 😎


    Judith 😎

    • Dear Judith,

      I need some chocolate today. A big box of Thorntons Continental. Not that I’ll get any, but I want some. 😎

      Love Dotty xxx

  7. This is free-form babbling at its very best.

  1. The Sneaky English Are Spying On Us!!!! « Just Words

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