I haven’t been able to come online much in the last few days because I’ve had Summer Double Pneumonia and I felt like SHITE. I lost my voice too so there wasn’t much point trying to write a post because you wouldn’t have been able to hear me, my voice was so FUCKED I thought I’d turned into THE CUMBERLAND SAUSAGE WHISPERER every time I tried to coax my Cumberland sausages to hop up onto the grill and cook themselves so I could have something to eat.
You don’t know what it took for me to do the Shitey Sunday Picture Post yesterday – the SHEER AND ABSOLUTE SUFFERING involved, the BRAVERY and the SELFLESS PUBLIC-SPIRITEDNESS (is that a word?? spiritness?? spiritidness?? – see how ill I am?). I crawled from my bed, crawled down the stairs, pulled myself up onto the chair and DID A POST, all while I was DYING. Now that’s what I call DEDICATION. Too fucking right it is.
Guess what? I’ve passed the 500 followers mark. 502 to be precise BUT NO FUCKING BADGE FROM WORDPRESS – AGAIN!! Also, since the week before last, they’re not putting my posts in the TOPICS or TAGS or CATEGORIES or whatever the fuck they call them. They don’t like me. They HATE me. They wish I had DIED OF DOUBLE PNEUMONIA so they could have their nicey-nicey Blog World back again without ME in it to spoil everything. It’s DISCRIMINATION AGAINST MENTALS. Actually, that’s true because I’ve just had a thought - HOW MANY MENTAL BLOGS HAVE BEEN FRESHLY PRESSED? None, that I know of (correct me if I’m wrong). I don’t mean ME, (that’ll never happen, I’m too much of a gobshite), I mean the GOOD mental blogs, the serious ones. Hmmm.
I’m going to lie down again. I’m still dizzy.
P.S. If you hear a croaky sound when you’re reading this don’t think it’s your computer that’s about to blow up, it’s only my voice starting to come back.
DISCLAIMER – If your computer DOES blow up after you ignored any odd sounds IT’S NOT MY FAULT so fuck off with your solicitors and your ‘I’ll sue Dotty,’ and your ‘I’ll be rich for the rest of my life,’ – IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, YOU FUCKING NUMPTY – the courts will end up giving ME all of YOUR money because you’re STUPID.
maddsuspicions
/ August 28, 2012Good to see you back and on form Dotty!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear madd,
Thank you.
Oh, I was ill. Very ill. I still am.
Love Dotty xxx
poetmcgonagall
/ August 28, 2012An artist suffers to produce greatness. Your Shitey Sunday Post was the best so far. Glad you’re recovering your voice.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear poet,
Thank you. No one has ever suffered as much as I did yesterday. I fell asleep on the kitchen floor halfway through finding the pictures. Then I nearly choked when I had a coughing fit during the second BOING. Oh, how I suffered.
Love Dotty xxx
WomanBitesDog
/ August 28, 2012Glad to hear youbare on the mend
WomanBitesDog
/ August 28, 2012sorry – that should be ‘you are’ – bloody fat fingers on the keyboard.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear wbd,
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
– Sorry, but I love it when people get annoyed with themselves if they make a mistake. 
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. Thank you.
the howler and me
/ August 28, 2012Dear Dotty,
I was starting to get worried… I don’t like it when you cannot speak.
Love,
the howler and me
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear the howler and me,
Thank you for starting to worry about me. It’s more than my own bloody sister feels, she wouldn’t even come round to make me a DRINK. Bitch.
Love Dotty xxx
the howler and me
/ August 28, 2012What a bitch… on your death bed and not even a drinkie poo… Unforgivable!!!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear the howler and me,
I know. She could have flown back and rebooked her holiday for when I was better, but NO, she wouldn’t.
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ August 28, 2012Dear Dotty,
I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling badly. Nothing sucks worse than summer colds — I’d better say ‘bye; I can feel the sniffles starting!
Get better soon, okay?
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear Judith,
Thank you. Hope you didn’t catch it – I sprayed a bit of Dettol Anti-Bacterial Kitchen spray (kills 99.9% of all known germs) over the post before I pressed publish, so you should be okay.
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ August 28, 2012Dear Dotty,
Yes, I think those were sympathetic sniffles, just to keep you company!
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear Judith,
Good. I’m glad (and grateful for the sympathy). I don’t want you to catch it – it’s HORRIBLE.
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ August 28, 2012They always are!
Mondrak
/ August 28, 2012I know why you didn’t get the badge. The 500 followers for the badge has to be WordPress followers, and you will have email followers and RSS followers. Unfortunately (and stupidly) these don’t count towards it. I had that for the 200 and I was so disappointed, then a few days later, I got the badge as it went over the 200 WP ones.
I hope you are feeling better today Dotty
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear Mondrak,
It happened at the 400, they didn’t give me a badge AT ALL. It’s not fair. They hate me.
Love Dotty xxx
Mondrak
/ August 28, 2012Grumpy
/ August 28, 2012Dear Dotty,
Get well soon! Remember you’re British. Stiff upper lip and all that shite.
Grumpy x
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear Grumpy,
Ta very muchly, m’dear.
Love Dotty xxx
Veggiewitch
/ August 28, 2012Dearest Dotty,
I’m so glad that you are on the mend.
Hugs and comfort to you, my friend.
Veggiewitch ♥
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear veggiewitch,
Thank you. That’s the first hug I’ve had for ages and it’s LOVELY.
Love Dotty xxx
Sterling Silva
/ August 28, 2012Dear Ms. Headbanger,
Should you find your illness to be the result of respudite demons or other dread assailants, I am ever at your service.
-S
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear Mr Silva,
Thank you. I’ll bear that in mind and I might call on you soon because it’s quite possible the tramp in my attic is in fact a runaway demon who INFECTED me with this DISEASE in order to do something bad. There have been signs that this is true.
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ August 28, 2012Dear Dotty,
O NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Feel better, luv!
Love, Lis
xoxox
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear Lisa,
Thank you. I’ll try to. It might take weeks or months or years — that’s if I survive at all.
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ August 28, 2012OH!!!
And CONGRATS on your followers!!
I’ll try to find you a badge.
This is getting ridiculous!!!!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear Lisa,
It’s not fair. They never give me a badge now.
Love Dotty xxx
Maggie O'C
/ August 28, 2012Dear Dotty,
I’m sorry you almost died.
Love, Maggie
PS you are correct. I follow a lot of mental blogs and not one has been FPd WordPress is stoopid.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear Maggie,
Thank you for being sorry.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. More than stoopid – they’re LILY-LIVERED BIGOTS. Some of the best blogs (and the most truthful, and helpful to others) are mental blogs.
faithhopechocolate
/ August 28, 2012It is a sad state of affairs when even the damn internet is censoring mental health issues.
Sending you love, hugs and a virtual cumberland sausage (best I can do via the interwebz). Xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear fhc,
They probably think mental blogs would cause upset to their recipes and turn the butter rancid or make the eggs go bad or something.
Thank you for the love, hugs and virtual Cumberland sausage. They’re lovely and very gratefully received even though you’ve been a bit stingy with the Cumberland sausages.
Love Dotty xxx
Summer Moon
/ August 28, 2012Oh my goodness! I’m so glad that you’re feeling better, Dotty. How awful that must have been to be so sick. I wish you a fast and full recovery! Take care of yourself. Hugs!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear SM,
Thank you very much. It was TERRIBLE. It still is. The laudanum helps though.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ August 28, 2012Feel better, my little crazy person.
That is a lot of followers.
I used to get on the humor wall almost every time, then I didn’t. then I did, now I ain’t. WordPress is even crazier than you.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 28, 2012Dear pmao,
See my next post, I’ve got GHOST FOLLOWERS too.
I used to, then they stopped. The Big Blog gets put up there but not this one. You’re right – WordPress needs a HEADSHRINKER.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ August 28, 2012I am catching up on my reading.
thelastsongiheard
/ August 29, 2012Well, I for one, appreciate your willingness to kill yourself for a shitey photo. Bravo!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear tlsih,
Thank you. At last, some appreciation.
Love Dotty xxx
thelastsongiheard
/ August 30, 2012I always appreciate you, Dotty
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 30, 2012Dear tlsih,
And so you should.
Love Dotty xxx
thelastsongiheard
/ August 31, 2012I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 1, 2012Dear tlsih,
Try to be. Maybe one day…
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy
/ August 29, 2012If I was you I’d have that tramp in your attic checked. Bet she caused it! Glad you are on the mend…
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear Brick,
I’ve been laying traps today.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy
/ August 29, 2012Good, the bitch must pay for what she did to you!
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear Brick,
Too right. I’m going to go up there in the morning and have it out with it.
Love Dotty xxx
Seb
/ August 29, 2012When I was young, we were so poor we couldn’t afford to have pneumonia. We could only afford second-hand monia.
Dotty Headbanger
/ August 29, 2012Dear Seb,
When I was young we were so rich we bought the old Monia Lisa to use as a tea tray for those of us who were bedridden with quadruple brand spanking pneumonia. Ah, those were the days.
Love Dotty xxx