Manglebrain Rex, Criminatore Terribilium (The Demon In Dotty’s Attic)

 

I have his name. He gave it to me. He wrote it in the dust on the fourth bookcase in the line of bookcases that run across the back wall of my living room.

Wait a minute, I’ll tell you what happened from the beginning or I’ll get muddled up.

The other night I left him a note on the table in the hallway. Next to the note I placed my ammo which consisted of NONE of the ammo I ordered from online 24 hr Tesco - they wouldn’t accept the order because I didn’t have any money in my bank to pay for it. Stingy fuckers, they could have let me owe it to them, it’s not as if £27.94 would BANKRUPT them, is it? Anyway, this is all the ammo I had –

the picture of Good Linda & the Lamb that poet gave me

the Frankincense and Myrrh Mel told me to use

and the salt Benjamin told me to use

(GO AND SEE THEIR BLOGS)

and over these pieces of ammo I exuded the last remaining bit of GOODNESS I had in me.

 

 

This is the note I left. I wrote it with a purple pen because I couldn’t find a blue one. Or a black one. I don’t know where they’ve gone –

 

Dear DEMON,

I’ll keep this short and to the point –

FUCK OFF.

Love Dotty xxx

 

 

And then I went to bed.

 

 

When I got up yesterday morning I knew something was different. I could feel it. And I could SEE it because there was writing all over my walls and in the dust that coats everything and is NEVER disturbed. It took me ALL DAY to piece together what he had written into some sort of coherent thing and I’m still jiggling the sentences. But this is what I have so far –

 

GOOD LADY OF MEATLESS DEATH SAUSAGE, WORTCUNNING QUEEN OF SOIL AND SEED. I DIE. I DIE. 

NYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

OLD IS MANGLEBRAIN, OLDER THAN EARTH, OLDER THAN LIGHT, OLDER THAN DARK, OLDER THAN ALL BUT THE EVER-LOVED AND THE EVER-DREADED.

FLESH OF MOON AM I, BONE OF STARS. FOUL FIEND OF ASTAROTH, PRINCE OF SLOTH, CRIMINATORE OF THE CRIMINATOR, I AM THIS, THAT AND THE OTHER.

MANGLEBRAIN FLY THROUGH A FAR BLACK HOLE, DOOR FROM HELL. BANK THE FIRES, I FLY, DIABLO DIABLUS, MANGLEBRAIN REX, FLAGELLUM DAEMONUM, CLUB ME, LASH ME, BLEED ME.

DJINNEE AM I, BLACK BEING OF THE BLACK FIEND, EVER-DREADED, EVER-YEARNED. WISHES TO GIVE, WISHES TO GRANT, ONE WISH, TWO WISH, THREE.

COME, AID ME. PULL MANGLEBRAIN OUT FROM THE SIDEBOARD INTO THE WORLD, INTO THINE VAPOURS OF VIRTUE AND GOOD. IT CALCIFY MY HEART TO LIVE BY THE KISS-KILL, RED DEAD, THRUST-FORCE OF MY SHARP CLAW, RIP RIP RIP, AH THE LOOK IN THE EYES, CORPSE, CRUMPLE OF FLESH AND BONE, ALL GRACE, ALL DIGNITY GONE, THINE SOULS A BLISTERED SADNESS ON MY PLATE, TASTE LIKE LOVE OR CHICKEN, BWOK, BWOK, BWOK, BWOK, BWOK.

GOOD GOOD GOOD. PAIN TO MANGLEBRAIN. NYAAAAAAAAAAA! INFESTATION. BLIGHT OF GOOD INFECTUS ME, I CANNOT SEE, BLIND AM I, ONE EYE GONE, WORMS OF WOOD EAT MY BLACK PUPIL.

BLACK HELL, NO MORE MY HOME. SCRAT, SCRAT, SCRAT. GIFT TO YOU OF SIGIL AND NAME, MANGLEBRAIN REX.

MANGLEBRAIN YIELDS TO MALEFICIA VICTORIOUS.

COME, COME. RELEASE ME.

 

 

He’s written other words and sentences (on my fucking kitchen units, the vandal) but they don’t make any sense. So what do you think I should do, let him out or leave him there? I think he’s trying to trick me.

 

 

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62 Comments

  1. This gave me chills.

    Reply
  2. prewitt1970

     /  September 1, 2012

    da mihi sanctuarium

    Reply
  3. StephenBrassawe

     /  September 1, 2012

    Typical. These demon types are all such goddam drama queens.

    Reply
  4. prewitt1970

     /  September 1, 2012

    If you want to keep him you need coal/salt/oil(olive), but is say if the f’r dosent make breakfast or pay rent then let him go.

    Reply
  5. I think he’s trying to make friends, Dotty! How cool would it be to have a demon to smite your enemies! Maybe he could smite your enemies, Answer the door, do the shopping, etc.

    Reply
    • Dear Victor,

      Make friends? Really? And you think he’d do the shopping for me? I bet Asda would give him some great bargains. And Tesco. And the posh supermarkets, Sainsbury’s, Waitrose – oooh, I could have some posh Cumberland sausages. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  6. I think you should put mouse traps in the dust :-D Snap his fingers off

    Reply
  7. You are one sick puppy….. LOL……. I love it! :D

    Reply
  8. Dearest Dotty, I think this demon is trying to steal your cumberland sausages. Holy water should get rid of him, or at least incapacitate him enough to make him wish he were dead.

    Reply
    • Dear fhc,

      I think so too – but online 24 hr Tesco don’t sell holy water and the Harrogate Spring Water I bought doesn’t seem to be working. How can I make the Harrogate Spring Water holy?

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  9. Dorothy

     /  September 1, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    I’m not sure a half blind demon is in demand as a room mate but what ever floats your boat. Maybe invite Little Emily over and have the demon go home with her or leave him/her as a present for Kumblant….they should be good friends. It should be interesting.
    Love Dorothy

    Reply
    • Dear Dorothy,

      AHA! you’ve just answered the question I put to fhc about how to make my Harrogate Spring Water holy – I’ll ask Papa Bronte to do it!!

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  10. Dear Dotty,

    You cannot housebreak a demon
    Who has nothing to lose.
    For the first chance he gets,
    He will shit in your shoes.

    - Mel

    Reply
  11. If the demon buys your soul but can’t keep up the payments, do you get repossessed?

    Reply
    • Dear Seb,

      Hmm. I don’t know. Do I? I tried to think of a witty retort in response to your own witty retort but my head’s gone to shite this morning so I can’t. Hmmm.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  12. I think you should cut a deal and ghost-write his autobiography!

    Reply
  13. Morning Dotty, blimey!

    Reply
  14. I’m glad there is an actual demon, there I was thinking it was just bats in the belfry.

    Reply
  15. shivers… demons.. yikes.

    Reply
  16. I think I shared a flat once with Manglebrain Rex. Can you please ask him if he still has EllaDee’s Status Quo albums?

    Reply
  17. This was just plain awesome. Where can I get a demon to come and live in my house?

    Reply
  18. I say lock him away in your drinks cabinet, with all the other spirity things, and get him out once a year at Christmas!

    Reply

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