Branwell To The Rescue – Manglebrain Is Back In The Sideboard


Branwell has saved me – AGAIN. He nicked some Holy Water from Papa Brontë’s drinking jug, brought it down to my house where he found me hovering over the kitchen table (not flying – floating!) singing Kylie’s ‘I Can’t Get You Out Of My Head’, got my trusty trepanning kit out of the drawer it lives in, dipped the end of the drill in the Holy Water and TREPANNED MANGLEBRAIN OUT OF MY HEAD AND BACK UPSTAIRS TO THE LOFT.

I love Branwell. People can say what they like about him, he’s my BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD. Fuck little Emily, she’s a flaky, flighty bint, more concerned with her stupid WRITING than with saving her so-called friend (me!) from being possessed by a DEMON – when it comes to the crunch Branwell always rides in at the crucial crux to save me. He’s like a knight on a white charger except he’s not a knight and he doesn’t like riding old Bessie because he can’t stay upright on her back for long, and Bessie isn’t white, she’s dark brown with light brown patches and a dull creamy-coloured streak on her head. He’s reliable, trustworthy and honest, and he’s NEVER stingy with the laudanum or the opium or his special brew of Absinthe that he makes himself in an abandoned shepherd’s hut up on the moor.

I’m going to make him some Cumberlaudanum sausage sandwiches and a cake.




Leave a comment


  1. Woohoo! Thanks be to Branwell, who I always thought got a raw deal from the lit crit types.

  2. Dear Dotty,


    Love from Anne banana xxx

    PS I have some paracetamol if you need them? And a band-aid – slightly used, I found it in the shower this morning, and I’m not really sure where it came from, but you’re welcome to share! 🙂

    • Dear Anne,


      Love Dotty xxx

      P.S. Thank you, but I have my laudanum for the pain and actually I didn’t need as much of it as I normally do after trepanning, Branwell was quite nifty with the drill. I’ll have the plaster though, thank you very much, I ran out a few days ago.

      • You’re very welcome – it’s still a bit soggy, but I’ll pop it in the microwave to dry it off and bring it round later! 😉

      • Dear Anne banana (all this DEMON shite has affected me more than I thought, it’s made me RUDE – I forgot to address you by your full name),

        Thank you. If it still has a bit of Germolene on it, leave it, I’ve run out of antiseptic cream too.

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        Oh no! You’re fine – I’d never dream of thinking you rude, you’re a star.

        OK. One band-aid with extra germolene on the side coming up – enjoy!

        Love from AB xxx

      • Dear Anne banana,

        Thank you. 🙂

        Love Dotty xxx

  3. Good old Branwell!

  4. the howler and me

     /  September 5, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    the howler and me

  5. What the Hell did I just read?

  6. I visited Bronte in Sicily recently when studying Cosa Nostra…

  7. Woohoo! Hooray for Branwell 😀

    Looks like he knows just what to do when needed 🙂

  8. yay, Dotty is saved!

  9. Cake ‘n Cumberlaudanum Sausages — Branwell’s a lucky fella he is! And you are just as lucky to have a friend in Branwell 🙂

  10. Never underestimate the decency of a junky.

  11. Dear Dotty,
    So Branwell saved you. I’m so relieved (but not as much as you must be.) I sent some positive vibes along the wires to you as a way of escape. Branwell must’ve picked them up too. Let’s hope your demons have left you alone forever. Don’t suffer in silence next time. Let your friends know. I’ll try and help if it happens again. (That’s rubbish. I’m as useful as a chocolate tea-pot when it comes to scary things.)
    Love from Christine

    • Dear Christine,

      He did, he was SO brave. Thank you for sending the positive vibes, they’re working well – Manglebrain hasn’t surfaced since Branwell exorcised him back into the sideboard. 🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

  12. You almost lost me… I thought you were going to get him to drink the holy water, or splash him with it. Then I would know you were making this stuff up, because everyone knows that holy water is the devils mouthwash, and demons use it to wash their naughty bits.

  13. Dear Dotty,

    Well, what a relief that must be, both to have Manglebrain back where he belongs, and to have so good a friend as Branwell. Just knowing he’s there for you makes me feel a whole lot better.



  14. cooper

     /  September 6, 2012

    Cumberlaudanum sausage sandwiches – on rye hopefully…

  15. Of course Branwell was mad. His sisters were all men.

  16. I read this in Malcom McDowell’s clockwork orange voice.

  17. Dorothy

     /  September 7, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Yay Branwell!!! You should marry him!! But why buy a book when you have the whole lending library in town!! LOL…. 😉 😉 😉 Glad you are rid of the Manglebrain, Dotty, I really am. Enjoy that wonderful weather through the window!
    Love Dorothy

  18. Dear Dotty,

    Thank goodness. How were the sausages?

  19. kzackuslheureux

     /  September 19, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Ah well, maybe you SHOULD wed Branwell. ???
    ~Alphabet 🙂


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