Branwell has saved me – AGAIN. He nicked some Holy Water from Papa Brontë’s drinking jug, brought it down to my house where he found me hovering over the kitchen table (not flying – floating!) singing Kylie’s ’I Can’t Get You Out Of My Head’, got my trusty trepanning kit out of the drawer it lives in, dipped the end of the drill in the Holy Water and TREPANNED MANGLEBRAIN OUT OF MY HEAD AND BACK UPSTAIRS TO THE LOFT.
I love Branwell. People can say what they like about him, he’s my BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD. Fuck little Emily, she’s a flaky, flighty bint, more concerned with her stupid WRITING than with saving her so-called friend (me!) from being possessed by a DEMON – when it comes to the crunch Branwell always rides in at the crucial crux to save me. He’s like a knight on a white charger except he’s not a knight and he doesn’t like riding old Bessie because he can’t stay upright on her back for long, and Bessie isn’t white, she’s dark brown with light brown patches and a dull creamy-coloured streak on her head. He’s reliable, trustworthy and honest, and he’s NEVER stingy with the laudanum or the opium or his special brew of Absinthe that he makes himself in an abandoned shepherd’s hut up on the moor.
I’m going to make him some Cumberlaudanum sausage sandwiches and a cake.
poetmcgonagall
/ September 5, 2012Woohoo! Thanks be to Branwell, who I always thought got a raw deal from the lit crit types.
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear poet,
He DID get a raw deal. Just because he was MENTAL.
Love Dotty xxx
Anne
/ September 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
Phew!!
Love from Anne banana xxx
PS I have some paracetamol if you need them? And a band-aid – slightly used, I found it in the shower this morning, and I’m not really sure where it came from, but you’re welcome to share!
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear Anne,
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. Thank you, but I have my laudanum for the pain and actually I didn’t need as much of it as I normally do after trepanning, Branwell was quite nifty with the drill. I’ll have the plaster though, thank you very much, I ran out a few days ago.
Anne
/ September 5, 2012You’re very welcome – it’s still a bit soggy, but I’ll pop it in the microwave to dry it off and bring it round later!
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear Anne banana (all this DEMON shite has affected me more than I thought, it’s made me RUDE – I forgot to address you by your full name),
Thank you. If it still has a bit of Germolene on it, leave it, I’ve run out of antiseptic cream too.
Love Dotty xxx
Anne
/ September 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
Oh no! You’re fine – I’d never dream of thinking you rude, you’re a star.
OK. One band-aid with extra germolene on the side coming up – enjoy!
Love from AB xxx
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear Anne banana,
Thank you.
Love Dotty xxx
maddsuspicions
/ September 5, 2012Good old Branwell!
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear madd,
He is!
Love Dotty xxx
the howler and me
/ September 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
MMMM…cake.
Love,
the howler and me
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear the howler and me,
Would you like your poppy seeds sprinkled on top or baked through?
Love Dotty xxx
the howler and me
/ September 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
Both would be excellent!
Love,
the howler and me
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear the howler and me,
Righty-O.
Love Dotty xxx
The Grim Reaper
/ September 5, 2012What the Hell did I just read?
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear Grim,
Words.
Love Dotty xxx
P.S. Hello.
lowerarchy
/ September 5, 2012I visited Bronte in Sicily recently when studying Cosa Nostra…
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear Dave,
How closely did you study them?
Love Dotty xxx
lowerarchy
/ September 5, 2012Good question. Too close probably for those of a nervous disposition – met family of victims, judges and journalists under 24 hour armed protection, saw bullet holes, bomb craters, graphic pictures in museums and shrines to the dead.
Had some nice olives and wine though…
Happily, I remain, madam, to tell the tale.
D xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 7, 2012Dear Dave,
Interesting. Were you nervous?
Love Dotty xxx
lowerarchy
/ September 7, 2012No, except on the plane
D xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 7, 2012Dear Dave,
You’re braver than me – I’ve never been on a plane.
Love Dotty xxx
lowerarchy
/ September 7, 2012Hi Dotty
I didn’t like flying at all and would much rather travel by train.
Dave xx
Mondrak
/ September 5, 2012Woohoo! Hooray for Branwell
Looks like he knows just what to do when needed
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear Mondrak,
He does. He’s not ENTIRELY useless.
Love Dotty xxx
Victor Tookes
/ September 5, 2012yay, Dotty is saved!
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear Victor,
Yay – for today!
Love Dotty xxx
Sword-chinned bitch
/ September 5, 2012Cake ‘n Cumberlaudanum Sausages — Branwell’s a lucky fella he is! And you are just as lucky to have a friend in Branwell
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear Swordy,
I am, I know it.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ September 5, 2012Never underestimate the decency of a junky.
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 5, 2012Dear misfit,
That’s very, very true. Just because he prefers to live life in a fugue doesn’t mean he isn’t a gentleman.
Love Dotty xxx
Chris.
/ September 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
So Branwell saved you. I’m so relieved (but not as much as you must be.) I sent some positive vibes along the wires to you as a way of escape. Branwell must’ve picked them up too. Let’s hope your demons have left you alone forever. Don’t suffer in silence next time. Let your friends know. I’ll try and help if it happens again. (That’s rubbish. I’m as useful as a chocolate tea-pot when it comes to scary things.)
Love from Christine
xx
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 7, 2012Dear Christine,
He did, he was SO brave. Thank you for sending the positive vibes, they’re working well – Manglebrain hasn’t surfaced since Branwell exorcised him back into the sideboard.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ September 5, 2012You almost lost me… I thought you were going to get him to drink the holy water, or splash him with it. Then I would know you were making this stuff up, because everyone knows that holy water is the devils mouthwash, and demons use it to wash their naughty bits.
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 7, 2012Dear pmao,
Making it up? I’m TONING IT DOWN – if I told you what was REALLY happening you’d all run away screaming.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ September 7, 2012Every time you blog about him, he loses a little of his power.
judithatwood
/ September 5, 2012Dear Dotty,
Well, what a relief that must be, both to have Manglebrain back where he belongs, and to have so good a friend as Branwell. Just knowing he’s there for you makes me feel a whole lot better.
Love,
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 7, 2012Dear Judith,
He’s a lovely friend, the best. And he can sing – not a lot of people know that about him.
Love Dotty xxx
judithatwood
/ September 7, 2012Dear Dotty
I am very happy that Branwell is part of your life! Please thank him for me!
Love
Judith
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 9, 2012Dear Judith,
Thank you, I shall.
Love Dotty xxx
cooper
/ September 6, 2012Cumberlaudanum sausage sandwiches – on rye hopefully…
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 7, 2012Dear cooper,
I’m in England, we don’t know what rye is.
Love Dotty xxx
Seb
/ September 6, 2012Of course Branwell was mad. His sisters were all men.
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 7, 2012Dear Seb,
And his father was a crow.
Love Dotty xxx
marcoselchiche
/ September 6, 2012I read this in Malcom McDowell’s clockwork orange voice.
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 7, 2012Dear marco,
I wrote it in Dotty Headbanger’s waxwork banana voice.
Love Dotty xxx
Dorothy
/ September 7, 2012Dear Dotty,
Glad you are rid of the Manglebrain, Dotty, I really am. Enjoy that wonderful weather through the window!
Yay Branwell!!! You should marry him!! But why buy a book when you have the whole lending library in town!! LOL….
Love Dorothy
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 9, 2012Dear Dorothy,
I love Branwell. I might marry him.
Love Dotty xxx
faithhopechocolate
/ September 11, 2012Dear Dotty,
Thank goodness. How were the sausages?
Dotty Headbanger
/ September 12, 2012Dear fhc,
Lovely!
Love Dotty xxx
kzackuslheureux
/ September 19, 2012Dear Dotty,
Ah well, maybe you SHOULD wed Branwell. ???
~Alphabet