Bish Bash Bosh – I’ve Run Out Of Dosh


Guess what I’ve been doing?

SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOPPING. Proper shopping, not online shopping. Lottie took me to 24 hr Tesco on Thursday morning, not my usual 24 hr Tesco, we drove a bit further and went to 24 hr MEGA TESCO and I bought LOADS OF GOOD STUFF, too much to list but my cupboards and my fridge and my freezer are overflowing and I’ve got some new clothes and eight pairs of FUCKING BEAUTIFUL shoes and boots, and three new ladles, and a new set of pans with COPPER BOTTOMS so I can’t easily burn the arse off them, and BOOKS – loads and loads of new books, and a little hand blender, and a tin with a picture of cakes on it, and flowers, I bought some flowers, and some silver pins for my noticeboard, and a SPINNING CAKE PLATE, I’ve never seen them before – you put your cake on it and SPIN THE PLATE so people can cut their own slice or you can cut it easily without having to pick up the plate, and a banana holder, and six MULTI-COLOURED MOOD CANDLES that give off different coloured lights – how do they DO THAT? And a new little telly, not a dear one, I don’t see the point in paying a load of money for a TELLY or buying those big fuck-off tellies that show Christian Bale’s wrinkles, I want to see him WITHOUT WRINKLES but nowadays with the pictures being so clear you can only see him without wrinkles on a little telly so that’s waht I bought. And NOTEBOOKS. I had a stock-up on notebooks, black A5 spiral bound notebooks, and I bought some pens and folders and a new red hole-punch because I don’t know where my old blue one is, the last time I saw it it was on my desk but some fucker must have nicked it because it hasn’t been there since the last time I saw it.

And on Thursday night I had a little tea-party with Lottie and THE BERSERKERS and they stayed over and on Friday we had a BALLOON PARTY to use up all the balloons I bought, and they stayed over again last night and this morning they went home.

Now I’m skint and I owe Lottie four hundred quid so I can’t do any more live shopping and I promised Lottie I wouldn’t buy anything else, but hey-ho I’M ON THE INTERNET and so is AMAZON




Leave a comment


  1. unfetteredbs

     /  September 15, 2012

    awesome shopping expedition…lucky duck

  2. Brilliant Dottie 😀

  3. Anne

     /  September 15, 2012

    Wow, Dotty,

    I thought you’d been quiet. No wonder.Yay to this! … shopping and parrr-tays, huh?

    I like the sound of the banana holder – as long as it doesn’t squeeze too hard!

    Love Banana Anne xxx

  4. Dear Dotty,

    Is “Yee–Haa” a British term? I thought it was American Cowboy all this time, but you know us Yanks, always thinking we invented stuff like this… I might have to type it into Google Translate just to hear how it sounds. 🙂

  5. Dearest Dotty,

    Ah, 24 hour supermarkets. The saviour of all people-phobics and insomniacs everywhere!

    And congratulations on suriving the beserkers too – last time you posted about them, if I remember rightly, they were being horrible little beserkers, but this time they seem to have behaved themselves!


  6. Sounds like you’re having a great time right now! Enjoy your weekend, all the best.

  7. Dorothy

     /  September 15, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Hooray…sounds like a great day for you!! So many nice things you got, I like days like that ! I also like to shop online on Amazon, actually, anything to keep me away from the other shoppers sounds good.
    Love Dorothy

    • Dear Dorothy,

      I love Amazon, not only for the books but because my parcels always arrive earlier than they say they will. That’s the way to keep your customers happy – tell them they’ll receive their goods in 5 days but make sure they’re delivered in 3. Success!

      Love Dotty xxx

  8. kzackuslheureux

     /  September 15, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Please tell me there is a telly out there so small that I don’t need to look at Christian Bale at all! Why must he be an actor, I can’t stand the look of him! Can’t stand it! Give me a Depp (younger, before he went feminine) and Paul Newman at any age, and a Mark Walburg (Never mind my hubby looks enough like him). Then give me one of those Big Honking Flatscreens which I’d have to build a new wall for!!! Yes, yes! But not until Christain Bale is off the big screen forever!
    Love, Alphabet

  9. Dear Dotty,
    Sounds like you had a whale of a time, and think of all those club card points…I assume you have a club card? If not, post your receipt to me and I’ll gladly take those points off your hands.

  10. I would have thought a Tesco, or Mega Super Tesco, was like a Walmart until you mentioned buying books there. Walmart don’t sell books as they do not generally appeal to Walmart’s demographic.

    • Dear Seb,

      No, no, not Tesco – Walmart bought ASDA, another of our big supermarket chains – and they’ve FUCKED IT UP with cheap, nasty food and cashiers that say ‘HAVE A NICE DAY’ – even when I tell them to fuck off, they say it again next time. I HATE WALMART.

      Love Dotty xxx

  11. I so want to go on a shopping binge with you! Just one question–what is a “Tescos?” And why do you need three ladles? Do you run a soup kitchen?
    Kudos on all the new footwear! Gotta have happy feet.
    And I so want to have a balloon party! I think I’ll do that at my next book club. But no one will be allowed to pop them. Balloons should be allowed to slowly shrivel up and die with dignity.
    Great post!! You really are a hoot! (I think “hoot” goes well with “yee haa.”)


    • Dear flafp,

      Tesco is one of the big supermarket chains here – in America they’re called ‘Fresh & Easy’.

      I need three ladles because they’re DIFFERENT SHAPES.

      Balloon popping – I wanted to do it but I couldn’t, it hurt my ears.

      Thank you. Hoot-hoot! 🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

  12. You went out… and you got a spining cake plate? You are going off the deep end.

  13. I’m a fan of on-line shopping – I’m lazy, hate crowds, shopping centres and car parks, and I love getting stuff in the mail or delivered. BUT there is something about strolling & amassing an armful of carry bags or a trolley load of goodies than e-shopping can never replace… then going home, washing your hands, having a cup of tea and a lie down, then sorting through all the shiny new things…

  14. Dear Dotty,

    What a lovely couple of days, and it must feel like Christmas around your house! I am so glad you bought yourself flowers — I feel so nice when I do that for myself. 😎



    • Dear Judith,

      Christmas – oops, I forgot it’s round the corner. Oh well, I’ll make everyone’s present, they’ll have to whistle for anything else.

      The flowers are pretty. 🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

      • So glad you have flowers in your house — they have a certain natural magic!

      • Dear Judith,

        I have some fake ones for when I don’t have fresh – which is most of the time. I used to like cutting them from the garden. Maybe next year. 🙂

        Love Dotty xxx

  15. Dear dear dear dearest dear Dotty
    I’m very worried. Since I clicked to follow you by email I’ve never had any messages saying you’ve posted any of your unique articles. I could bore you with reasons why I haven’t checked manually but it boils down to expecting to hear from you and then not hearing.(can digital things be done manually? I’m not sure but hope you understand anyway)
    So you may have been posting zillions of articles or none – either way I’ve missed you. I was a little worried that after outing you as an Open University lecturer you’d decided not to converse any more as it may reflect badly on your academic career, or that with universities going back you were just too busy.
    I’m still blogging and missing your mentoring. I use the words ‘shit’ ‘shite’ and ‘shitty’ as often as possible like you showed me and hope you are not too disappointed at my progress.

    So dear Doctor Dotty I look forward to hearing from you soon.
    Until then, madam, I remain your faithful servant and blog-protege.

    D xx

    PS sorry if it’s Professor rather than Doctor…

  1. A morning ramble « MADD Suspicions

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