Hello, It’s Me, Dotty.

 

I’m back! Back on my blog, back in my house, back in this world without TOO much damage to my bodily parts.

Where have I been? Well, there are two answers to that question. First answer – I’ve been with Branwell. Second answer – I’ve been in hospital. I don’t believe the second answer though because I KNOW I was with Branwell, I have the scurvy to prove it, and I REMEMBER being with Branwell but I don’t remember being in hospital where Lottie insists I was (not until I woke up on Ward 23 and that was only just over a week ago). It’s more TRICKERY from Lottie – I thought she’d given up trying to drive me mad but nope, here she goes again – she keeps telling me the bouncy period I was in ended with me bouncing out of my bedroom window right into Intensive Care, but she’s lying – when I ACCIDENTALLY FELL out of the window Branwell caught me and took me on a little holiday to the Victorian seaside where we spent the days walking the beaches looking for pretty shells, and eating lovely cakes in the tea shops.

I’m sorry I couldn’t come online to tell you where I was – the Victorian seaside tea shops aren’t wired up for the internet, in fact NOWHERE in Dead World is wired up for the internet. I tried sending a letter to my blog so you’d know where I was but the Victorian post is STUPIDLY slow and if my calculations are right (and they won’t be, I’m shite at Maths) the letter will have reached no further than 1871 (probably May or June) - and it’ll arrive here in 2154 when we’re ALL living in Dead World so you’ll know what it says before it gets here.

I don’t know how they got me out of Dead World and up onto Ward 23. Branwell doesn’t know either, but he says I put up a good fight to stop them taking me. The first thing I remember of Ward 23 is sitting in front of a NEW HEADSHRINKER (not the one in the blackmail shagging photos Scotty took) in a big room that had only two chairs (those we were sitting on) and a little table. She was about 8 years old and had her hair in PIGTAILED PLAITS and her mouth was going YAP, YAP, YAP, YAP, YAP, and then the yapping turned into words and she was saying, ‘You’ll have to do a lot of mindful work to get past this, Dotty,’ and my first thought was, ‘WHY IS THIS FUCKING EMBRYO TELLING ME WHAT TO DO?

They’d been AT me, full frontal lobotomy or something, because my head was wrapped in a big bandage and my arm was in plaster and other bits of me hurt like a bastard. The new headshrinker said she hadn’t done anything to me, the bandages and the plaster cast and the PAIN was from when I bounced out of the window. LIAR. I know what they did. Experiments. Nasty experiments on my brain. And my arm. And the other painful bits. I was so shocked I jumped up out of the chair (slowly – more of a hoik than a jump) and she jumped up too and she said, ‘Violence isn’t the answer, Dotty,’ and I said, ‘Don’t worry, love, I never punch anyone who’s wearing MOTHERCARE,’ and she pressed a button that was dangling from a strap round her neck and two whitecoats came in and took me to a room with a bed in it. That was sometime last week and I didn’t get home until the day before yesterday.  

I’ve got a lot of bloggy catching up to do, but after the experiments they did on me my brain isn’t functioning at its usual level of brilliance so I’ll do what I can and what I can’t do I won’t do. And thank you  very much for the emails (sorry I couldn’t let you know where I was).

 

 

P.S. What have I missed? Any good gossip?

 

 

 

Leave a comment

84 Comments

  1. welcome back Dotty I have missed seeing you around! hope your level of brilliance returns sooner rather than later

    Reply
  2. Nice to have you back Dotty – I was beginning to worry!

    Reply
  3. Dear Dotty,

    I was wondering where you’d been; faithhopechocolate and I missed you.

    Our modem fried itself this week and we just got a new one. I wrote a post about suddenly being thrown into Scary Real Life.

    Yesterday I had my Mirena coil switched out for a new one and spent the rest of the day tucked up in bed. I’ve decided I like Diazepam but my doctor won’t let me have any more as she just wanted me to be loopy for the removal/fitting. I am all hurty and can’t do any dressmaking, so I am faffing about on Gardens Of Time and Runescape while Mister Tribble brings me tea and bacon.

    Love,

    Missus Tribble xxx

    Reply
    • Dear Missus Tribble,

      Thank you.

      Poor you – I like Diazepam too. I also like Morphine but they wouldn’t let me have any to take home. Meanies.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Missus Tribble

         /  October 12, 2012

        Dear Dotty,

        I was naughty last night and took another Diazepam to help me sleep. I was in a lot of pain, and that took the edge off. I was also a bit drunk, so I slept very well!

        I’m bored and want to get out of bed, but can’t. Waah.

        Love, Missus Tribble xxx

      • Dear Missus Tribble,

        Chop them in half and they’ll last longer. ;-)

        How long do you have to stay in bed?

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Missus Tribble

         /  October 12, 2012

        Dear Dotty,

        I have to take it easy for the next few days. I’m already fed up!

        Love,

        Missus Tribble xxx

      • Dear Missus Tribble,

        Aargh – not good. But you could write a long short story while you’re laid up – give you something to take your mind off being bored.

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Missus Tribble

         /  October 12, 2012

        Dear Dotty,

        I’ve just blogged about the fun experience of yesterday. Now starring Zombies.

        Love,

        Missus Tribble xxx

      • Dear Missus Tribble,

        I read it. Eeeek!

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Missus Tribble

         /  October 13, 2012

        Dear dotty,

        Yes. Fun fun fun :(

        Love,

        Missus Tribble xxx

  4. Glad you’re back in one piece (more or less) Was concerned about you.

    Reply
  5. You fell out of the window? This is interesting in that it proves you can only fly in your house.

    Welcome back Dotty :-)

    Reply
    • Dear joe,

      Thank you. :-)

      I forgot I could fly. I think. Or was I trying to fly and discovered just what you said, that I can only fly in my house? Does my house have a different atmosphere from the rest of Earth? Hmm. It might be all the dust that holds me up.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  6. Ouch. Hi Dotty, I wondered where you’d got to, nice to see you back!

    Reply
  7. prewitt1970

     /  October 12, 2012

    I am soooo happy to read your posts again, missed you tons. I hope you’re well. And welcome back!!! :-)

    Reply
  8. Dear Dotty-
    I’ve missed you so.
    Sincerely Unfettered

    Reply
  9. Le Clown

     /  October 12, 2012

    Dear Dotty.
    It’s good to have you back. It was kind of lonely on the blogosphere without you.
    Le Clown

    Reply
    • Dear clown,

      Thank you. :-)

      Lonely? Alphabet said you’ve been Freshly Pressed (CONGRATS) – you’ll have MILLIONS of new friends. ;-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Le Clown

         /  October 12, 2012

        Dotty,
        Seriously, welcome back. As for millions of new fans…. Only? How disappointing.
        Le Clown

      • Dear clown,

        Thanks.

        I thought the Freshly Pressed blogs got loads of new followers – doesn’t it work like that?

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Le Clown

         /  October 12, 2012

        Dotty,
        It is pretty insane. It was good. I am proud of my wife though, who was also Freshly Pressed this week on my serious blog, Black Box Warnings. I think you would enjoy her post, Dotty.
        Le Clown

      • Dear clown,

        When I find you both in my inbox I’ll have a read of the posts – there are so many post notifications it’s like swimming in treacle – I thought I’d managed to sift out all the proper emails today but then I found two I’d missed on page 3.

        Love Dotty xxx

  10. I’ve been looking for you everywhere! The last place I looked was Sea World. Welcome back.

    Reply
    • Dear Chris,

      Thank you. The last time anyone from Sea World came looking for me they’d had a report that I was their escaped whale. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  11. It’s good to have you back. Hope you have a speedy recovery.

    Reply
    • Dear Mental Mama,

      Thank you. I do too – I like this pot because it’s like a built-in weapon, good for whacking people round the face, but I don’t like it because it’s awkward to type. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  12. Oh Dotty. You poor thing. I’d had this premonition type thing that something truly horrible had happened to you as a result of your vomiting on the shoes of Lottie’s boyfriend. At least it wasn’t that – but it is disturbing to find out that they’d managed to get you in a hospital. Ugh. Hope the injuries heal soon. Will laudanum help with the pain? I’ve only got paracetamol here which probably won’t even touch it.
    Love FCH

    Reply
    • Dear fhc,

      Thank you. I’ve been glugging the laudanum (and the opium, and the quinine, and the paracetamol, and the co-codamol, and the ibuprofen and the Haliborange) but it still hurts.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  13. Dotty!

    I’ve missed you more than a goat misses his favorite stump! So glad you’re back.

    The world isn’t fair I tell you. I mean, the Victorian seaside having no internet at all – now THAT is crazy. Unlike an accidental falling out of a window. Madness I tell you.

    Here’s hoping you are on the mend, and that you are now enjoying your beloved sausages once again.

    Reply
    • Dear Phil,

      Thank you. :-)

      I’ve had TWELVE Cumberland sausage sandwiches since I’ve been home – Lottie won’t make me any more, she says she and timothy are going to get me into HEALTHY EATING. I’d rather eat hospital food, at least it has lots of good, wholesome PRESERVATIVES in it.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  14. Fish Out of Water

     /  October 12, 2012

    Dotty! So glad to have you back. The blogging world is much better with you in it.

    Reply
  15. Dear Dotty,
    We love and missed you Dotty. I think I was bugging Sailor with my worrying. All doctors are teenagers now.
    Love, Maggie

    Reply
    • Dear Maggie,

      Thank you.
      I know!!! I don’t know how children can make life and death decisions and diagnoses when they can’t even do their own washing. And half of them are MORE MENTAL THAN I AM! :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  16. Missed you lots Dotty! So glad you’re back blogging.
    Grumpy x

    Reply
  17. kzackuslheureux

     /  October 12, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    Holy Honking Balls, I guess I can cancel my flight now. The search flight to England to find some poor Dotty, whom I’ve never seen an image of before, to comb the streets mourning, Dotty, Dotty, Where are you!? Nice to know you are back at home, sorry to hear of the pain and bandages.
    Love, Alphabet
    P.S. They Pressed the Clown into something Fresh!!!! You missed so much!

    Reply
    • Dear Alphabet,

      Thank you.

      You’d have fit right in. :-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      P.S. I’m going to look when I find it amongst all the emails. I daren’t look past Page 2 of my inbox.

      Reply
  18. Yay. You are back. I was going to email you today because I thought you were locked up for murder or mental health reasons. Or a prisoner of a mlignant spirit. I was trying to figure out how to call the English SWAT guys, who would show up with no guns and funny little dome-shaped helmets and most likely get shot themselves…by you…
    Tell that embryotic headsucker to shove off. You have thousands of people taking care of your strange little brain. Some of them are even real. We missed you.

    Reply
  19. You’re back!! I was quite worried about you! I know I didn’t email your or anything, but that’s because I have a problem with initiating contact . . . I can’t really do it without having a panic attack. I was thinking about you every day, though!

    Reply
    • Dear Angel,

      Thank you. :-)

      I get the email thing – I’m crap at emailing people with more than a few short lines – I get paranoid and think I’ve given too much away and then I don’t reply to the person and then I feel guilty because I haven’t replied and then I have a panic attack. People phobia is shite.

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  20. heysheila

     /  October 12, 2012

    Glad to hear you’re on the mend. Welcome back!

    Reply
  21. My dear friend Dotty,

    I thought you had disappeared from the face of the earth — I was worried that I would never know why you stopped writing. I am THRILLED that you are home and feeling better! I have really missed you!!

    Love and hugs and kisses,

    Your buddy, Judith XOXOXOXOXO

    Reply
    • Dear Judith,

      Thank you. I started to get withdrawal symptoms from blogging last week before they let me home, but I think I’m going to ease off a little on the daily posts for a while, just do one every second or third day or something (don’t know how long THAT will last!).

      Love to you, and big hugs. 8-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • judithatwood

         /  October 13, 2012

        Dear Dotty,

        I’ve reduced frequency again too. Overload. I’m glad you escaped the hospital, and I hope your brains didn’t get too rattled by the fall. And you don’t have to answer my posts unless you want to, so that’s one off your list! I’m so happy to hear from you — I’ll wait to read how mental you are now!

        Love,

        Judith

      • Dear Judith,

        I can’t seem to get back into it at all. It’s weird, I used to be online every day but I don’t even want to switch on the laptop since I’ve been back – just noticed it’s been six days since I did this post. Oh well – if it’s gone, it’s gone. How are you?

        Love Dotty xxx

  22. She’s Baaaaaaaaackkkkkkk…. Yeaaaaaa!!

    I was begining to think that the creature / thing in your attic had gotten you!

    We missed ya!

    Stop scaring us all like that !! :D

    Reply
    • Dear Brick,

      Thank you. :-)

      I’ll try not to do it again – but if I DO disappear, you can ring Ward 23 and Nurse Fuckface will give you an update. ;-)

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
  23. Good to see you back, Dotty. I was getting quite worried about you and missed your posts.

    Reply
  24. Hi Dotty,

    I was wondering where you were, and I was relieved to see your post in my in-box. So much so, that I am putting you on my blogroll so that you will not go away again because you will be trapped on my blogroll right next to Le Clown who needs some help managing his popularity and keeping his feet on the ground. That’s why I keep him there.

    xo Misslisted

    Reply
  25. Dotty Dotty Dotty! I’m so glad you’re back. But I would have slugged the woman who told you that violence wasn’t the answer.

    xoxo Mme Weebles

    Reply
  26. Dear Dotty!
    I’m glad you’re alright. Are you alright? I hope youre alright.
    Love PAZ, Mouse, PLDs, Bouncer Bear and Monkey Bee

    Reply
    • Dear PAZ,

      Thank you. Yes, I’m all right, thanks. Just seem to have lost all interest in writing or reading anything at the moment. How about you? You okay?

      Love Dotty xxx

      Reply
      • Dear Dotty,
        I’m okay. Doing loads better, except for my bones. They’ve been hurting a lot lately.
        Love xoxoxxx

  27. I’m very pleased you’re back… I missed you and had a look at your blogs to see if I’d missed something… but no Dotty. I’m glad you checked in. Your blogging absence explanation is far more entertaining than my explanation for my sporadic appearances of late. Bloody work. It’s interfering with my work blog life balance. Needing a pay cheque sucks. Anyway… relax, wade through your emails, we know you’re safe & well :)

    Reply
    • Dear Ella,

      Thank you. And I’m sorry you can’t spend all the time you want on blogging – we all need a bunch of RICH RICH RICH RICH impotent 99 year olds to keep us in the style we’re unnaccustomed to but would sell our grannies to attain – and if any female acts outraged at this statement or tells you she wants different – she’s a LIAR! ;-)

      Love Dotty xx

      Reply
  28. Welcome back Dotty. I’ve missed you and your brilliance. I had me some Diazepam a few months ago for something or other. Those were lovely pills. Doctor says I don’t need them any more. Meanie

    Reply
  29. Hi, dear Dotty,

    I recently experienced just what you are going through — I went a couple of days without opening the computer. My freeing moment was when I realized that the world would not end if I erased a couple of days’ worth of emailed posts. I did — about 75 of them. All of a sudden, no more feeling guilty for not posting daily. I post when I feel like it. I bet something like that might help you, too.

    I hope so! Good to know you’re okay!

    Love,

    Judith

    Reply

Write a little note to Dotty.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 573 other followers

%d bloggers like this: