I love swearing and I love swear words and I love swear sentences – used sparingly, (which is what I do, as you know by now), swearing can get the point across with a speed and oomph that reams and reams of other more wordy words can’t match so I’ve decided to begin a new collection which will be called ‘DOTTY’S COLLECTED PROFANITIES AND INSULTS’.

This collection will include swear words and swear sentences and swear insults and swear anything and everything except nasty or obscene swearing, I won’t put up with that sort of thing. I want to build the BIGGEST EVER COLLECTION OF PROFANITIES AND INSULTS THAT EVER WAS so I need you to get your thinking caps on and give me your funniest and most inventive swearing and insults to add to my collection, the funnier and more inventive the better. And foreign, I’d like some foreign swear words for my collection.

I’ll start off with a little list of a few obvious ones.







shitey fuckbastard











I’ll come back and add to it later if I get some comments – I’m not giving you all MY swearing and insults just so you all (y’all) can steal them, plus I’m going to find a picture for the sidebar.


EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT – here’s some more


fuck arse

fuck face




divvy bumfuck

fuck ugly (or fugly)






cheeky pillock









gormless git


manky cow

poxy cow








bell end

stupid bleeder

silly bugger

jammy git





gob shite



piss head

rat arsed

shit faced

piss artist




dozy mare







Leave a comment


  1. clownonfire

     /  March 31, 2012

    Ostie d’chien sal de marde mon crisse de tabarnak de saint-cibole de fucking twit.

  2. Dear Dotty,
    You missed “Bollocks”.
    I also like the German “Schlampe”.
    Love HS
    P.S Brilliant idea🙂

  3. Wanker
    Pusti malaka (I’ve been told this is Greek for wanker)

  4. fuck stain

  5. I like twazerk. Although nothin’ beats plonker. Twazerk plonker’s pretty cool. Let’s try that out. Evil doll freaks me out, Dotty, can’t you replace her with an aardvark?

  6. Dotty!
    You are a Brit and you forgot “fuckwit”?

  7. Or were you just leaving the obvious ones for the ‘mericans?

    I love your collection!

  8. Grumpy

     /  March 31, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    You may be interested in a humourous linguistic analysis of the word ‘fuck’ at
    Another old Anglo-Saxon swear word, which is still regarded with opprobrium, is the infamous ‘C’ word.
    Grumpy x

  9. Dear Dotty,

    Context and delivery are everything when it comes to delightful and effective swearing.,14309/


  10. kzackuslheureux

     /  March 31, 2012

    Dear Dotty,
    I personally like to label everyone I meet on the road as “Pissworms.” It’s pretty mild, but said with a bit of wrath, I find people sulk from it.
    Love, Alphabet

  11. Hello, dear Dotty,

    You don’t have my favorite yet. “He’s a fucker. They are fuckers.” Also, as an American, I direct you to arse and remind you that we say ass, but it all means the same thing.
    I love your collection!



    • Wouldn’t ya like to be a “fucker” too? Be a fucker, a real fucker. (sorry I had to do it) The Dr. Pepper commercial song came to my head when I saw this and, well, I just couldn’t resist! Sorry!

    • Yeah – why is that, by the way? Why DO ‘Merkins say “ass” when they mean arse? Don’t they know an ass is a horsey thing? Whereas an arse is only an arse (unless it’s a person with arse-like tendencies).
      Also why do they also say “fanny” when they mean arse?
      Reminds me of an old joke about buying knickers at C&A…
      Lived in Canada for 11 years now. Thanks for reminding me of “gormless”. An old staple from my youth in Yorkshire.

      • Dear QE,

        Yorkshire! I’m in West Yorkshire. Which part are you from?
        I miss C&A. I liked the cardies.🙂

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Cobbydale (Silsden).
        BTW – check out the comments at for a book reference I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy!

      • Dear QE,

        HA HA HA HA — Misfit recommended it. I’m not surprised. 🙂

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        Ass is ass — either the donkey, or the gluteous maximus. I’m not sure why. And America is the land of the colloquial euphemism — fanny is presumed more acceptable than ass, just like Judas Priest is a euphemism for Jesus Christ. No one in the country says what they mean!



      • Dear Judith,

        I didn’t know know the Judas Priest thing! I like it.🙂

        Love Dotty xxx

        P.S. It was Quieter Elephant who asked.

      • Dear Dotty,

        Oops — I realized that after I sent it.

        Around here, in New England, people say Jesum Crow instead of Jesus Christ, and I have also heard Oh my yah instead of oh my god. What a bunch of wimps!



      • Dear Judith,

        I like Jesum Crow too. I don’t know what it means but I like it.🙂

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        Well, there is no accounting for taste, is there? 😎 Actually, I caught myself say Jesum Crow the other day. I was so disgusted with myself that since then, my language has been peppered with enough profanity to embarrass a boatload of sailors!



      • Dear Judith,

        What does it mean?

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Jesus Christ — sorry — I thought I wrote that. Another colloquial euphemism…

      • Dear Judith,

        Ah. You did, I forgot.😎

        Love Dotty xxx

      • Dear Dotty,

        That’s okay — I wish I could forget that whole vocabulary!



      • Dear Judith,

        Love Dotty xxx

  12. I remember a French guy whose ultimate insult was calling someone un con integral. Lacks the good old Anglo Saxon sense of oomf, but when discretion is called for, it’s handy.

  13. Dick cheese… always makes me laugh… (when used as an insult, I mean, not the actual substance)..
    Fuck you and the horse you rode in on… has a good historical feel to it, but I have upgraded it to…
    Fuck you and your face I rode in on…
    If I wanted any lip from you I would scrape it off my zipper… is long, but come in handy.
    If I wanted any shit out of you I would punch you in the stomach… is more direct and to the point.
    I am baffled by the fact that American guys call other guys ‘pussies’ when they mean it as an insult. This makes no sense to me.
    Mother fucker… is equally nonsensical.
    If brains were dynamite you couldn’t blow your nose…
    I like to go original, so when I am angry I say, “Listen you life-sized phlegm statue,” or “Calm down you throbbing pustule,” or something.
    When I am very angry, and I try to never let this happen, but I tend to become very direct, and I just tell them that if they continue with their behavior that I am “going to climb them like a very angry gorilla on a very short tree.” (Do not try this unless you are 6 feet 4 inches tall and weigh 230 pounds, or you may actually have to end up doing it)…

  14. Ass hat.
    Dick munch.

  15. Dear Dotty,
    I find the Brits don’t seem to use the word DOUCHEBAG like we Yanks do. Perhaps you could spread that one “across the pond”. Just a thought.

  16. I’m old school and simple, people are just Dip Shits LOL

  17. G’day Dotty,

    I’d have to write an essay to list the insults that hit home or are profane.

    Fucktard or fuck-knuckle are my current thing however. An auto response to crap assed questions is “fucks me know why (where, how ,when, what, who)


    • Fuck-knuckle. I like that one. May I borrow it? Seems that we are far enough away that it won’t be to confusing if we were to both use it.

      • Go for it mate

      • I have, Mate. I wish we Yanks, said something cool like mate when we spoke to others. We just lack the cool I think to do so.

      • Your coolness in vocabulary affection surely does meet the stick of failure often… as does ours, mate is just an internationally recognised term we mob use down under, we can’t get away with much more unless we hit slang…

      • All we are known for in the linguistics department is the way we have managed to butcher a language so obviously used in every corner of the world. I did though have a friend who hailed from Mexico and we took a day trip to a piece of Florida known to be a haven for Cuban immigrants (I was trying out for Jeopardy) and SHE was appalled at how the Cubans butchered HER language. So I guess we are not the only ones who have taken linguistic liberties. Have a Good day, Mate!

  18. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiitchpig! Take it, it’s yours! As in Emily, you bitchpig, you ate the last sausage!

  19. You’re obviously a Brit … try a little American……..ass clown. That’s my current favorite.

    • Dear emma,
      No thank you, I don’t want to try a little American.
      Love Dotty xxx

      • Hey We Yanks aren’t so bad, we are sorta a chip off your block. Don’t knock us till you have TRIED us. Thats not me hitting on you. I don’t play on the same field I am on. I am sure your “loverly” I have a hard enough time handling MEN!

      • I think you misunderstand the ‘Little’ – and the Brit humor to twist words…

      • Aww, come on, some little Americans are kinda cute.

      • Dear Dotty,
        Whew. Thank God you don’t want to try a little American. I’d be hiding under my bed. I already have enough to worry about with the mosquitos bitting me.
        Love PAZ

  20. My husband would like to add his favorite (as I’ve been reading aloud some of those already posted): Don’t make me knuckle fuck your cock sucker.

  21. Oh, and one more. My best friend (a girl) used to say this when we were in grade school: Shit Fuck Piss and Corruption! (I think that about covered everything.)

  22. Fuckwad! Or did somebody already say that one? Anyhow, good luck in compiling your list of expletives!

  23. Dotty, tell us what you really think!!!!!!! this blog is fucking wild love it.

  24. George Carlin is looking down at you from comic heaven (in where no effing God resides) and smiling.

    • Dear para,

      I had to ask Google who George Carlin was. I think meine Mami must have shagged away from home and he might be my secret daddy.🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

      • Dotty, Dotty, Dotty, you didn’t know who George Carlin was? That makes me feel even older than I already thought I was. But it’s okay…you make me feel young when I laugh at your writing;)

      • Dear para,

        No, don’t feel old – he’s American, I’m not. I don’t think we had him on the telly here, at least I can’t remember ever seeing him.

        Love Dotty xxx

      • OK, I’ll try not to feel old, but it’s difficult sometimes. BTW, being not American is probably a very good thing.

      • Dear para,
        I know.🙂
        Love Dotty xxx

  25. Hey there! So far I like what you’ve got…just got a few of my faves. If anyone is offended by any of them…that’s what you get! Muahahaha…etc.

    Fewmets, guano, scat, or cow patties. Just one, unless you’re really mad, then by all means use all three! (And if anyone’s got anymore, let me know, i’m collecting. The names, not the items…although if you find fewmets, I want!)
    Kiss the north end of a south bound jackass
    Take a long walk off a short pier
    Walk south till your hat/wig floats
    jeebus crispy

    And my favorite, from the movie “Hook” …
    “Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig!
    You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude!”.

    KC & Co.

    PS: Mia wants me to add butthead, stinky-face, booger-brain and smurf…😉

  26. Twatcicle, douchclown and dillmunch – those are a few gems that have escaped my lips. I’m sure I’ll think of more later as I am a notorious potty mouth.

    • White trash-
      Those are great words. As a hillbilly gal with the mouth of what must have been the coupling of a sailor and a truck driver I appreciate those words and I now must state that I may have to borrow them in future situations where I may deem their usage appropriate, I hope you don’t mind. When and if I use them I will credit you.

  27. My fave is ‘spunksplatteredbollockwagon’ as used by a character in a book I read instead of ‘motherfuckingcocksucker’ as he didn’t want to swear. Sadly that was the best bit of the book so it’s title is lost to medocrity

  28. Hi Dotty, FFS= For fucks sake, shitbag,buggershit, Prick, knobhead! Fucking hell.
    Enough of that I really came here to say thank you so much for dropping by and now following my blog you are most welcome!😉🙂😀 xx

  29. Hellfireshitbloodybuggerdamn. A portmanteau …possibly of Yorkshire origin as my first wife used it a lot.

  30. Missus Tribble

     /  April 23, 2012

    Puke face

  31. Missus Tribble

     /  April 23, 2012

    Also (and my favourite)

  32. fuck knuckle is a favorite of mine that an Aussie friend shared with me.

  33. That doll is a Sick Fuck!😀

  34. Missus Tribble

     /  April 25, 2012

    I completely forgot the very best of my collection:


  35. Well, let’s see……..Mother Fucker, Needle Dick the Bug-Fucker, Motherless Fuck, Piss Ass, Wuss Ass, Mama’s Boy, Ingrate, Panzy Ass – to name a few.

  36. ellyche

     /  May 3, 2012

    fuck is such a wonderful word!
    ‘fuckwit’ and ‘fucknuckle’ are fun adjectives to describe people

  37. What does it mean when a Brit screams “Muppet!” during a fit of road rage? This is my favorite, but only with the accent. It’s stupid when I say it.

    • Dear Anastasia,

      ‘MUPPET!’ means you’re a muppet and it’s normally preceded by the words ‘YOU FUCKING…’

      Love Dotty xxx

      • Missus Tribble

         /  May 10, 2012

        But I use Muppet as an endearment!🙂

  38. Dear Dotty,

    Lovely list. I think the word ‘blackguard’ was used wonderfully in the magical irish film board movie “Intermission” – really a must see if you haven’t.

    Also, calling someone a colostomy bag really confuses them.


    • colostomy bag…brilliant….when i was at school someone called a guy a sphincter; it was only when in a fit of giggles did somebody point out it was part of the anal passage that fists started flying

  39. These are my favorites and why…tame I know but I’m not much of a swearer.
    I also like the Steve Coogan bit, “Everyone’s a Bit of a Cun* Sometimes.” Wasn’t sure if I should spell it out or not.

  40. One from Australia – eat my hairy onions!

  41. Dear Dotty,
    Been thinking. Would you consider collecting expressions- my favorite is “You are inches away from a bad experience (Nora Batty) and/or acronyms – my favorite is FUBAR? Doc.

    • Dear Doc,

      Yes, that’s a great idea! I’ll get on to making a page when I’m more focused. Thank you!!🙂

      Love Dotty xxx

  42. Gob Shite! Very Irish but doesn’t come across as I’d like in London I prefer Wank Stain… I say it slowly – You total, utter Wank stain!

  43. What, no mention of “dickweed”?

    Other words for slut: hussy, slattern, wench

    schiesse–German for “shit”

    merde–French for “shit”

  44. Pee Po Belly Bum DRAWERS.

    This is such fun! Fuck you, fuck you very much! And a flying fuck to your mother, a nice warm brown fuck to your father, and warm fucks to all those you love. XXXOOOXXX (hugs and kisses) >>>>> (FUCKS!!)

  45. Anonymous

     /  July 7, 2012

    Shit bugger bum bitch piss cock fart…
    Somebody stole my horse and cart…
    But i couldn’t give a bugger
    I can always find another
    Shit bugger bum bitch piss cock fart…

  46. Dear Dotty,

    I like to combine swears, for example:

    Anarse (pr. ay-narss) the hideous combination of an anus and an arse.
    Penarse (pr. pee-narss) a penis with an arse on the end.
    Conker – the combination of ‘cock’ and ‘wander’.
    Custard – the combination of ‘bastard’ and the worst word in the world.

  47. I love these swears. Most of them are foreign to us North Americans, so they give the illusions of a compliment. I could give people a right tongue-lashing and they won’t even know. Knackersack gormless git. I don’t even know what I just said, but only I know it’s bad.

  48. I have nominated you for the Reader’s Appreciation Award.🙂

  49. I’ve come to you by way of SaneSamantha… and even reading your list of posts is entertaining! I look forward to joining the fun! :>

  50. Smartass, grotty wanker, boob, cum-guzzling gutter slut (one of my personal favorites), and dildo baggins.

  51. Lush

     /  October 22, 2013

    Needed some kinda outrageous profanities for a story I’m penning and ended up with Dotty… Thanks. Bollocks still my all time fave followed by fucktard but I sure learnt some new ones today! Many thanks for the help, AND for the hysterical laughter…!!!😀

  52. Puta

  53. Pendejo

  54. Cabrón

  55. Shithead

  56. Anonymous

     /  April 27, 2014

    dont forget crap and bitch

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