Fashion & Hygiene Tips




Either wash your hair regularly or give yourself a crew cut.

Fingernails. Look at them. Really look at them.

Don’t ask me anything about feet. I hate them, they’re disgusting. Anyone who does a job that involves touching feet all day needs their head looking at. Nutters, the lot of them.

Do not lie on the floor for too long. Things will crawl on you.




A decent set of hairdressing scissors is essential for cutting your own hair. Be prepared to spend hours snipping to get an even finish. Be prepared to have it longer at the back than you might prefer. The mirror must not be avoided or you will look like a div. Do not attempt styles until you have had at least four years experience. Layers are for experts. (My hair is styled in a choppy, layered bob. With fringe).

Buy clothes online or you’ll look like a tramp. Remember to buy outdoor shoes. And a new coat every few years or when you do finally go out people WILL stare at you. (I’m okay, I still have my good shell suit jacket).

When you know someone is coming to visit you, stop panicking and start co-ordinating. If you answer the door wearing your pyjama top over your old ra-ra skirt, with a slipper on one foot and a stiletto on the other you’ll look like a divvy tramp with no dress sense.

Your brown paper bag with slits for eyeholes will NEVER become fashionable enough to wear outdoors.

Leave a comment


  1. Dearest Dotty,
    I’d love to hear more of your fashion tips for Hermits. Do you wear onesies or tracksuits? Do you colour coordinate or just live dangerously? What is your favourite fashion era, I am trying to build a mental picture of you not wanting to bother my bro Hermes into spying on you.
    much love Dottie!
    P x

    • Dear Persephone,
      I don’t know what a onesie is. What is it? I don’t like the sound of that word. No, I don’t wear tracksuits, I wear normal clothes. And my favourite fashion era is the Stone Age. And if you set your brother to spying on me, I’ll set MY brother onto you, and if you knew what his job is you’d know you should be TERRIFIED of him.
      Love Dotty xxx

  2. A onesie is that babies wear. It’s like a teddybear suit without the legs and it closes at the crotch. Love your fashion tips … who says fashion is just for “fashionistas” … I’m thinking that “hermitnistas” will become the next catch phrase.

  3. Dearest, Dotty,

    There was a time when I couldn’t get in the bath, weeks, maybe months at a time. Heather finally had someone install a proper tub. (Ssssshhh… I’m embarrassed to say that, even in the attic, I probably smelled of Cumberland Sausages.) And you know my struggles with staying in the latest fashions.


    • Dear Uncle,
      I take it you’re referring to OLD, out of date Cumberland sausages and not Cumberland sausages in general?
      Love Dotty xxx

  4. I practiced for many years. I’m good now, can perform any style, but my ear are not so pretty now, as they were before I began homecutting. Has your ears too suffered Dotty?

    • Dear Anette,
      My ears suffer all the time because I have hyperacusis and tinnitus, but I’ve never caught them with the scissors, it’s my fingers I always snip. I haven’t been able to cut my hair for a long time, the sound of the scissors is too LOUD.
      Love Dotty xxx

  5. Oh my goodness. I love this site. I’m always telling my friends that my life goal is to become an awesome, eccentric but wise, oft misunderstood, highly literate hermit! Your title page is amazing. AHHHHHHH I’m in love with you. In a non-stalker, please don’t report me kind of way.

    • Dear Ezra,

      Thank you very much for the nice compliments, but really, if your life goal is to become a hermit GET ANOTHER LIFE GOAL. Fast.

      Many people are in love with me, it no longer fazes me when people make their declarations.

      Love Dotty xxx

  6. What about my pj top and ug boots with the ra ra skirt? I think pjs as outside wear are coming IN.

    • Dear butimbeautiful,

      NO! People wear pyjamas to go to the supermarket. It’s WRONG and TRAMPY. Don’t wear them outside.

      Love Dotty xxx


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