Lottie had a copy of this SHITE in her bag. I nicked it when she went to the loo, not to READ it (you can all shoot me if I ever get THAT desperate), I wanted to take the piss out of it. But I can’t take the piss out of it, it’s too SHITEY. It’s TOO BAD TO MOCK. The horrendous writing makes me SHRIVEL IN DISMAY.
This is the first sentence —
“I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror.”
This is the last sentence —
“I curl up, desperately clutching the flat foil balloon and Taylor’s handkerchief, and surrender myself to my grief.”
This is the first paragraph I saw when I opened the book randomly —
“”I want to bite this lip,” he murmurs against my mouth, and carefully he tugs at it with his teeth. I moan, he smiles.”
How does he smile with her lip in his teeth? And how does she see him smile? Is she bog-eyed?
Oh go on then, heres another random sentence —
“I wake early to a gray Sunday morning after a surprisingly refreshing night’s sleep and lie awake staring at my crates.”
I’ve never heard them called that before.
That’s it, I’ve had enough.
Posted by Dotty Headbanger on July 30, 2012
WordPress, you’re a pile of shite. Where’s my 400 followers badge? I’m waiting for it, checking every morning, looking forward to seeing it BUT IT ISN’T THERE and now I’m up to 416 followers and it still hasn’t arrived in the little drop-down notification fuck-box at the top of the page. WHY CAN’T I HAVE IT? Why won’t you give it to me so I can do my 400 followers showing-off post? I can’t do my 400 followers showing-off post without it in case everyone thinks I’m telling fibs when I’m NOT.
Is it because you think that when a blog reaches 400 followers the blog writer doesn’t give a shite about getting a badge? Well we DO give a shite about getting a badge, just the same as when we reach 100 followers – a badge is a badge AND I WANT MINE.
You’re a set of tossers who don’t know how to do your jobs properly. How do you think BLUE PETER survived all these years? BY GIVING OUT THEIR BLUE PETER BADGE, that’s how. And what about the Queen? If a hero gets a badge for saving lives, and then he goes on to save MORE LIVES she doesn’t NOT give him a badge, does she, she gives him ANOTHER BADGE.
I’ve made my own fucking badge. Stick that up your WordPress and smoke it.
Posted by Dotty Headbanger on July 9, 2012
I’ll batter SCABS round the head with my placard if they try to write a post for my blog. DON’T DO IT.
I’m on strike.
These are my demands —
More pay (I’ve just bought a nice little Munch piece and it set me back a bit)
Better working conditions for when I write my posts which means I need someone to come and clean my house
More fag breaks
More coffee breaks
A longer Cumberland sausage dinner hour
A BIG BONUS if I get more than 20 Likes on a post
A FUCKING WHOPPING BONUS if I get more than 20 Comments on a post
I’ve been trying to remember the SCAB CHANT.
I think it goes like this —
SCAB SCAB SCAB SCAB SCAB
DIRTY FUCKING SCAB
FUCK OFF SCAB
(repeat many times)
Posted by Dotty Headbanger on May 3, 2012