Ghosty Spirity Spooky Spectrey FOLLOWERS

 

Okay, so today I came online and discovered I had passed 500 followers – 502 (thank you!) and today another two people have clicked follow (thank you!). So just now I thought okay, I’ll go to my widget thingy and click ‘Show Followers’ on the Join thingy on my sidebar and I did that and it says I have 536 followers!!! That’s THIRTY TWO GHOST FOLLOWERS WHO DON’T APPEAR IN MY STATS. Look —

This is on my stats page —

 

Site Stats » My Followers (504)

  • WordPress.com Followers (496) |
  • Email Followers (8)

 

and this is on my email sign up thing where you can show how many followers you have —

 

THE CULT OF DOTTY WELCOMES YOU INTO THE FOLD. LEAVE ALL YOUR CASH IN THE BOX ON THE WALL. I NEED IT TO FEED YOU AND TO BUY THINGS FOR ME.

Join 536 other followers

 

 

 

WHO ARE THE 32?

HAVE THEY COME THROUGH MY OUIJA BOARD?

WILL THEY EAT ME?

I’M SCARED. 

 

 

 

 

EDIT EDIT EDIT — I know who THE 32 are – they’re from FACEBOOK! They’re counted in the WIDGET but they’re not counted in the STATS! Fucking stupid.

I found out because I had a look on the support forum and this is what it says —

 

Show total number of followers – When checked, the widget will display the total number of followers, which is the sum of:

  • WordPress.com users following your blog
  • Any followers from connected Publicize services (Facebook and Twitter)

Note: This doesn’t include blog post (comment) followers.

 

 

I’m still scared.

I rarely go on Facebook, I don’t like it.

What does it WANT?

 

 

 

 

 

Victory Is Mine

 

I won the Easter egg eating competition. I said I would.

Lottie didn’t give in, she went home and took THE BERSERKERS with her just because they started projectile vomiting their Easter eggs all over my kitchen walls. I made her clean up before she left.

Scotty has gone, ten minutes ago. I waved to him from my bedroom window. He said he’ll be in touch when he can, but I know what those Middle Eastern lines of communication are like, smack a dry camel three times on its hump and wait for the echo.

So I’m all alone again —

BUT I’M NOT all alone again

because I’ve got YOU – WordPress just gave me a badge for 200 followers except they’re a bit late, I’ve got 206 now.

 

THANK YOU, MY LOVELY ACOLYTES. I LOVE YOU ALL.

Come Back Runaways And All Will Be Forgiven

WHERE THE FUCK HAVE MY TWO ABSCONDING FOLLOWERS GONE?

I got one new one today which should have taken the total to 81 (or 80 if you don’t include me) but TWO OTHERS RAN AWAY FROM ME. Why would they do that? I’m not horrible to you all, am I? I don’t hit you with big sticks, do I? I don’t make you do dances for me (though I have thought of asking), nor do I make you wash the dishes or make my bed or cook my Cumberland sausages. So WHY would TWO OF YOU run away?

Have they eloped? Good luck to them if they have, but COULDN’T THEY HAVE LEFT ME A NOTE? What have I done to make them reject me so publically and so cruelly? Don’t they have hearts? Don’t they know what rejection DOES to a SHE-HERMIT? 

I’ll give them till tonight to come back and BEG FORGIVENESS. If they haven’t returned by 10.oopm that’s it, they’re on their own, I don’t care what trouble they get themselves into – they’ll have made their choice, they’ll have to live with it. And I’ll disinherit them. I’ll cut them out of my will and out of my LIFE. And I’ll give all their clothes to the charity shop. And I’ll write all over their shoes with a BLACK MARKER PEN. And I’ll sell their computers on Ebay and KEEP THE MONEY.

10.pm. That’s your deadline, traitors.

 

 

EDIT EDIT EDIT — A KIND WORD FROM ME TO YOU

You are all like my children, innocent and needy, and I AM AFRAID FOR YOU when you venture out into the big wide WordPress alone. Come back, Child, and other Child, and I’ll make you a nice cup of HOT CHOCOLATE and give you a HOBNOB to dunk in it.

 

ANOTHER EDIT —

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE COME BACK. I NEED YOU. I MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU. I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

 

 

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