Ariel Washing Machine Tablets, I Love You, You Are Beautiful

 

Have you ever been suddenly stricken and over-awed by a thing that is TOO beautiful? A flower, a picture of the Universe, a book, a painting – something so intricate with colour and detail you almost can’t bear to look at it but do you DO look at it, you stare and stare and stare at it, out of time, out of reality, you want to EAT it, gobble it up, stuff yourself with it but you can only take so much, it’s like trying to wolf down three bars of the richest, silkiest chocolate, it’s TOO rich, you want to eat it all, you NEED to eat it all, but you can’t.

I didn’t eat my Ariel Washing Machine Tablets, I was just trying to give you an idea of what happened when I took them out of the packet to put in the washing machine this morning – I’ve never seen them looking so lovely, so perfectly formed, so FINE, with the little blue bits SHINING OUT OF THE WHITE like sapphires in snow – the blue bits glistened when I held one up to the light, mesmerising, like all the love in the world packed into a little tablet-shaped glory, a tiny universe of soap. I don’t know how they made something so beautiful out of POWDERS. I didn’t put them in the washing machine drawer, I couldn’t destroy them, the thought of them breaking into millions of pieces made me cry so I thought ‘What to do, what to do, I don’t want to be a MINGER,‘ so I squirted a bit of Fairy Washing Up Liquid in the washing machine drawer instead and added extra Lenor Conditioner (with Febreeze) so my clothes won’t smell like plates.

 

 

A Dotty Analysis Of Hypomania 1:1

 

Nowadays the different ways depression can affect you are widely documented and anyone can easily find the information they need. But what about hypomania? It’s not as easy to find information about this – there are little lists of symptoms but anything of substance is buried in all the shite that no one can be arsed wading through. So here’s my own, more descriptive, little list of the different faces of hypomania and how it can manifest itself.

 

HYPOMANIA AND HOW IT CAN MANIFEST ITSELF

 

Typomania — when the words flow and flow and flow so fast that you make a SPELLING MISTAKE.

Wipe-omania — cleaning the whole house after months and months of not cleaning ANY of the house.

Tripe-omania — yatter yatter yatter yatter yatter yak yak yak yak blah blah blah blah blah – talking too much SHITE.

Snipe-omania — when irritating irritants make you irritable and you can’t help sniping at them.

Gripe-omania — constantly complaining to a non-irritating non-irritant about the irritating irritants who make you irritable.

Swipe-omania —  1.  OOOOO LOOK — IT’S BEAUTIFUL — I HAVE TO HAVE IT — IT’S ALL I’VE EVER DREAMED OF — NO, I DON’T WANT THE BLUE ONE, I WANT THAT RED ONE — I NEED IT — IT’S MINE — GIVE IT TO ME OR I’LL SWIPE IT AND RUN AWAY!  2. Credit cards – enough said.

Hyposprainia — your ankle when you trip over all the SHITE on the floor when you’ve emptied your kitchen cupboards and started cleaning eight of them at once.

Hyporainia — Dancing in the rain.

Hypobrainia — write write write write write write BANANA bake bake bake bake bake bake SCISSORS snip snip snip snip snip snip (oh shite, I cut a chunk!) snip snip snip snip WALLPAPER scrape scrape scrape scrape BLOG write write write write write write write write write FLOOR mop mop mop mop mop mop mop mop ZUMBA dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance SAUSAGES cook cook cook cook cook cook cook cook CARPETS hoover hoover hoover hoover hoover hoover hoover BLOG write write write write write write write write WINDOWS wash wash wash wash wash wash wash wash WONKY FRINGE snip snip snip snip snip snip snip – and so on and so on.

HypotrainiaCHOO CHOO!

Hypodrainia — absolutely fucking knackered.

 

 

If I’ve missed anything out, feel free to tell me and I’ll include it in A Dotty Analysis Of Hypomania 1:2

 

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