Dismal Dotty

 

Sorry I didn’t do a post yesterday, I was counting my hair.

147245 – twenty three fewer hairs than last month.

I’m going bald.

And I’m scared of WIGS.

I have a WIG PHOBIA.

WIGS freak me out completely.

I don’t want to wear a WIG.

I don’t want to.

 

Who Invented Maths? And Why Did They Do It? And Why Has No One Hunted Them Down?

 

I don’t like maths. Adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing and whatever other shite you do to numbers sends my brain all SKEWE-WHIFF. If I ever have to do a sum I use my fingers which automatically shows me up for what I am – A MATHS DUNCE. How anyone could LIKE maths is beyond me, it’s difficult, it’s boring and it’s NEVER ENDING. It goes on and on FOREVER, beyond the infinite, on and on and on. 

Two and two make four – yes, I get that bit, but WHY does it make four?

And why does two minus four make minus two? You can’t have minus two, when you get to zero THAT’S IT, there’s nothing beyond NOTHING.

 

FRACTIONS – huh?

PERCENTAGES – eh?

ALGEBRA – biggleboggle-flummityfuck

GEOMETRY – I think my stomach’s rumbling

TRIGONOMETRY – Sorry, was I snoring?

 

People spend their WHOLE LIVES trying to solve one maths problem and then they die before they can find the answer, smothered by the tons of paper they’ve scribbled their mind-boggling shite onto. BUY A CALCULATOR, NUMPTY – not one of those solar powered ones though, get a good battery calculator, it’ll save you years of work.

And why is everyone who likes maths called GRAHAM?

And why can’t any of the Grahams SPELL PROPERLY? It’s GOOGLE not GOOGOL, you PLANCKS.

 

 

I’m going to count my Cumberland sausages. If I have twelve and I eat fourteen does that mean I’ll still have two left?

 

 

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