Yorkshire 2012 Olympickles

I thought I’d make a nice picture for tonight’s

OPENING CEREMONY of the OLYMPICKLES.

I’ll be ignoring the rest of it.

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The World According To Dotty (An Illuminating View Of EVERYTHING)

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Shitey Sunday Picture Post – Slimey D. Scameron, The Sea Pig Prime Minister

Slimey D. Scameron is one of the most hated

Prime Ministers Britain has ever known.

This is the story of his life.

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BABY SLIMEY

Slimey D. Scameron was neglected from a very early age.

Left out in the cold in all weathers, not a bonnet to  keep his

tentacles warm, he knew that life would always be a

terrible struggle for him.

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SCHOOLBOY SCAMERON

Waiting for his dinner in the dining hall of his boarding school,

Slimey D. Scameron dreaded the bullying taunts of his classmates.

Every single miserable day, when his dinner arrived and he started

to tuck in to the lovely grub, the name-calling began —

‘Scameron sea-pig the soup-sucker!’

Fat Scameron the sausage snaffler!

‘Gluttony hoggy food-pig!

and every single miserable day he left the dining hall in tears .

Poor Slimey D. Scameron.

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SCAMERON THE STUDENT

Ignored and despised by scholars and professors,

Slimey D. Scameron spent his student years alone.

No wild, druggy parties for Slimey D. Scameron! No floozies!

No flights of fancy! No fun!

Just loneliness and misery and a longing for the day

when he could shoot them all.

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PRIME MINISTER SCAMERON

He didn’t shoot the college up! Slimey D. Scameron found a better

way to get his own back on EVERYONE.

He became the PRIME MINISTER.

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SLIMEY D. SCAMERON WITH THE QUEEN

 And this is Slimey D. Scameron today,

walking companion of The Queen,

SUCCESSFUL and UNTOUCHABLE.

But at night, in bed, he still cries and cries

and sobs and sobs because with all his status

and power PEOPLE STILL CALL HIM NAMES.

Poor, poor Slimey D. Scameron.

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Shitey Sunday Picture Post – A Photoshop Thing

 

I’ve been pissing around with Photoshop, trying to get to know it and I’ve made this picture. It’s bigger than this – click it if you want and it’ll take you to the big one.

 

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Shitey Sunday Picture Post – Opheliama (An Idyll)

Don’t worry, Kumblant didn’t drown.

And after I told him the baby llamas weren’t to be used to make a sandwich

for his Cumberland sausage, he was fine about them being there and he left

them alone until the photo had been taken.

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Venus Has A Little Trot Across The Sun

 

This is your last chance to see Venus dawdling across the Sun. We’ll all be dead the next time she comes by.

 

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Jubilee, Jubilee, Jubilee

 

For the Jubilee I’ve made a Photoshop picture, the second one I’ve ever made, and the first one I’ve done without any help. It’s crap but I like it and Kumblant loves it – he got to wear the diamonds. And he was allowed to eat the corgis when we’d finished.

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