… and I’m not going to start now even though I have nothing to say. Wordy block is back, big time, but it’s not MY fault, it’s little Emily’s fault and Kumblant’s fault and whatever they are plotting’s fault and the gasmen’s fault and Lottie’s fault and Photoshop’s fault and my Cumberland sausages’ fault and the egg that rolled out of the egg carton under the cabinet’s fault (I CAN’T FIND THE FUCKING EGG, WHERE IS IT? AN EGG CAN’T JUST DISAPPEAR, CAN IT?) and the grey day’s fault and something else’s fault that I can’t remember right now but whatever it is it’s to blame.
And why is there only ONE programme on telly for the whole of the week? Fucking FOOTBALL. Not just British football, but foreign EUROPEAN football. AND THEY’VE TAKEN THE SOAPS OFF TO SHOW IT. Even if you don’t like the soaps you have to agree with the fact that soaps are the bread and butter of the telly companies, they attract regular loyal viewers, but when it comes to showing SHITEY SPORT they treat their regular loyal viewers with disdain and contempt. And there’s no excuse for it now everything is on digital tellY, they could each get their own FREEVIEW SPORTS CHANNEL to show all the shitey sport they want to show. If you want to see how much fucking football is on telly this week go and look at my guide. FUCKING WANKING TELLY BASTARDS.
Will the egg hatch under my kitchen cabinet? I’m scared of chickens, they give me the creeps if I see them in any form other than just roasted.
And why is it so cold?
OY, WEATHER, WE’RE IN JUNE, YOU STUPID TWAT. GET WARM.
HERE, CHICKY-CHICKY-CHICKY, COME TO DOTTY!
Notes From A She-Hermit ©™® 
misfits' miscellany
/ June 11, 2012Maybe the egg’s on the TV.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 11, 2012Dear misfit,
No, I was saving it to throw at the fucking football when it comes on.
Love Dotty xxx
misfits' miscellany
/ June 12, 2012I’m with you on that.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Misfit,
I used another egg, a brown one.
Love Dotty xxx
catpenfold
/ June 11, 2012In about 7 days (sooner, in hot weather) you should be able to find the egg easily.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 11, 2012Dear cat,
Is it a weak egg?
Love Dotty xxx
paralaxvu
/ June 11, 2012Just leave the egg alone, turn up the heat and viola–roasted chicken! Sports come first because, contrary to that “behind every great man” rule, men rule the world. Face it, in ANY contest the dickheads win. (Not you, R, honey…)
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 11, 2012Dear paralaxvu,
Arsewipes, the lot of them.
Love Dotty xxx
Lady Marilyn Kay Dennis
/ June 14, 2012Speaking of the “behind every great man” rule, I’ve seen a variation: “Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.” (Hubert Humphrey, speech, 1964) It’s not relevant to anything but I just felt like throwing it in.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 14, 2012Dear Lady Dennis,
Very informative. Throw in whatever you like. 🙂
love Dotty xxx
Madame Weebles
/ June 11, 2012Dear Dotty,
I just found an egg here. I wonder if it’s the one you lost. Can you throw a brick at the football instead? Actually never mind, that’s a waste of a good brick.
xoxo Mme Weebles
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 11, 2012Dear Mme Weebles,
I don’t think so, unless the under-parts of my kitchen cabinet are the door to Weeble World which they could well be, I suppose.
Love Dotty xxx
Maggie O'C
/ June 11, 2012I like that idea. Then you could go to NYC whenever you choose, just roll under the counter!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Maggie,
Is it true? I’ll test it this afternoon when I’ve had my dinner.
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ June 11, 2012Dearest Dotty,
Violet and I were reading your post..and I have to say..it’s much funnier when read aloud. The…”Here chicky chicky…” had us rolling.
I agree about the football. It sucks.
Hang in there my friend!!
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Lis
xoxoxo
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Lisa,
I might come to yours and watch Bruce Springsteen all night. Do you have any Cumberland sausages in? And Diet Coke? 😉
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ June 12, 2012Dear Dotty,
I love it muchly. I would roll out the red carpet for you!!! And I’m so glad that I’m not the only one obsessed with Springsteen. Lawwwwd have mercy that man is hot. Or was.
Either way..I have gallons of diet coke..but you may have to bring the Cumberlands…as I am pretty sure they don’t make those in South Dakota.
We make cows. Lots and lots of cows. And corn.
🙂
Lis
xoxox
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Lisa,
I could eat a cow (not all at once, obviously). And I like sweetcorn. I’ve been known to survive on other foods for various periods of time in the past so I think I could manage for a day or so without my Cumberland sausages as long as the Diet Coke was flowing. 🙂
Love Dotty xxx
Carr Party of Five
/ June 12, 2012Dear Dotty,
I must warn you:
American Diet Coke is much better than European. Once you’ve had it…you may never be able to go back to your homeland.
Just sayin’…fair warning and all that.
😉
Now get over here! South Dakota needs Dotty.
For real.
Lis
xoxox
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Lisa,
I want to go to your house, I do. I want to do a year-long freebie tour of America, staying at everyone’s houses and letting them feed me and show me the sights and buy me nice things. And I want to try your American Diet Coke to see if you’re right. BUT I CAN’T GO OUT. 😦
Love Dotty xxx
Ink. [Anette]
/ June 11, 2012Dear Dotty,
I’ve lost egg many times. The tricky thing with egg is, that egg roll in unpredictable patterns. Watch your step 😉
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Anette,
Thank you. I shall watch my step with the utmost care and attention. 😉
Love Dotty xxx
Ripley Connor
/ June 12, 2012We aliens hatch from eggs, you know. Watch out for any slime under your fridge. And do not try to make friends with the facehugger. We usually don’t want to make friends when we first hatch. Kinda cranky.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Ripley,
I definitely WON’T make friends with the facehugger, I don’t like anything covering my face. Thank you for the tip.
Love Dotty xxx
Ripley Connor
/ June 12, 2012No problem! Hope it’s not one of our eggs. Then you’ll have to take care of one of us. We eat A LOT!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Ripley,
A lot of what?
Love Dotty xxx
Ripley Connor
/ June 13, 2012Whatever is around!!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 13, 2012Dear Ripley,
Not my Cumberland sausages.
Love Dotty xxx
thelastsongiheard
/ June 12, 2012Sorry about the shite TV… but honestly… surely anything is better than EastEnders???
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear tlsih,
Not football.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy @ LaughingAtEverydayLife
/ June 12, 2012I know EGGsactly how you feel. I bet you are EGGasperated, that you can’t find it. You can EGGspect the Yolk to be on you. EGGceptional post!……..(I can hear the groans now)…LOL
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Brick,
I groaned so much the neighbours have rung for an ambulance. I had to eggsplain it was all your fault.
Love Dotty xxx
Tammy @ LaughingAtEverydayLife
/ June 12, 2012I know it wasn’t what you were EGGspecting from me, but it was probably EGGactly what your neighbors needed. LOL
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Brick,
I thought I was going to eggspire. I’m eggshausted now.
Love Dotty xxx
Dorothy
/ June 12, 2012Dear Dotty,
I like the football…..actually I like watching the men run around in their shorts.
Sorry about your egg though. I keep a yardstick handy for things that roll under cabinets and the refrigerator so I can bat them out again. Have you got a long stick like that handy?
Love Dorothy
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 12, 2012Dear Dorothy,
I prefer rugby for shorts-watching.
Yes, I’ve got a long metal stick thing but when I used it the egg wasn’t there.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ June 13, 2012I know this has nothing to do with eggs, but have you thought of luring the traitors close to the new gas line after poking a hole in it, and then tossing a flaming ball of rags at them from a safe distance?
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 13, 2012Dear pmao,
There is no safe distance, it’s right outside my garden. With all the sand there I gave the traitors a bucket and spade each and told them it was a new beach the government had ordered for the middle of the country, go build sandcastles and make a flaming beacon on top, but they didn’t fall for it.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ June 13, 2012I will continue to help plot a diabolical demise, I assure you.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 13, 2012Dear pmao,
Thank you, kind sir.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ June 13, 2012I love to plan a nice murder. Keeps you sharp.
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 14, 2012Dear pmao,
I don’t really plan, I like to let the creative side of me take over.
Love Dotty xxx
pouringmyartout
/ June 14, 2012That is best, for murder…
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 14, 2012Dear pmao,
eek, eek, eek. (That’s Psycho, by the way – I just felt a sudden need to do it).
Love Dotty xxx
Lady Marilyn Kay Dennis
/ June 14, 2012Ah, yes! I know those days well!
Dotty Headbanger
/ June 14, 2012Dear Lady Dennis,
Oh dear.
Love Dotty xxx